This was my Fic This Gif Anon Contest entry back in June, 2012! I know, another oldie... but hopefully goodie? I hope so. If you've read "Love You Like a Love Song," which I posted yesterday, you'll know I'm posting all my old contest entries that I hadn't shared on my profile yet. If you didn't know, well, now you do. I was going to say that I didn't edit this a bit before posting it, but that would be a lie. I tinkered with the end, so I may have some new mistakes.

Anywho, let's get to the good stuff! This story is all Edward, and it's told mostly in flashbacks, so if you're into that stuff, I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer once wrote a saga, and then another lady ripped her off and became a millionaire. I promise not to do that, because these are her characters, but I can't promise I won't bruise your heart with a little angst. After all, you know you want to get hurt.

I enter my room and look around, sighing as my gaze falls upon my desk.

My sanctuary.

Scattered books, a desk lamp and stacked notebooks take residence there, along with my confined secrets. Tossing my backpack on my bed, I walk over to my desk and pull out my chair to sit.

I take a minute to gain composure, closing my eyes to initiate my count to ten which helps calm my fast-beating heart.

One…

Two…

Three…

I stop and take a deep breath; in through my mouth, out through my nose.

Four…

Five…

Six…

As I open my eyes, my hands reach for a black notebook -my personal journal- along with my red pencil case. Opening it, I take out a black pen, a yellow highlighter and an additional red pen.

Seven…

Eight…

I flip the pages in my journal and find the latest entry I wrote. It was three days ago; September 10th, 2010.

Nine…

I remember Friday so clearly. It was also a difficult day, but not as much as today.

My anxiety builds up and I don't even finish my countdown, jotting down the date and my thoughts on the sky-blue lines of my notebook.

September 13th, 2010

Mondays are usually hard for anyone, especially for a student as myself. Sleeping in during the weekend causes one not to want to get up in the morning, yet I dreaded it much more because today brings back so many memories.

Bella's birthday… Our anniversary.

And as soon as I saw her this morning, after arriving at school, my heart broke even more while these two important dates swirled on repeat in my head.

Bella was with Jacob. She was with him and she was laughing. And she looked so happy- happier than she ever looked with me.

Fisting my hair in my hands, I stop. My tear-filled eyes blur everything in front of me, impeding me to continue. Writing these words tears me apart, but not writing them would hurt me more, so after a minute has passed, I resume my entry.

She was wearing a yellow sundress- which is sort of ironic considering that we live in the Pacific Northwest and it is always overcast- but she was wearing it nonetheless. She looked so beautiful… I think it was her smile.

Bella looks lovely when she smiles.

Her hair was up and she wore light make-up, which is something regular nowadays. I remember when she only wore lip-gloss and that didn't last long on her because I was always kissing it off her lips.

Bella's so different from when we were together, and even though it shouldn't surprise me given that she changed so much since then, it still makes me feels as if I really didn't know her at all.

And that's what haunts and taunts me, sometimes even in my sleep.

I close my eyes as I take another deep breath, trying to cease the vivid flashes of past nightmares from engraining themselves behind my eyes and mind once again. Instead, I inflict myself a different kind of pain, reminiscing about the last time I saw her wearing a dress…

"Alice is going to kill you," I told Bella. "She is going to be furious that you're wearing your black chucks with the dress she gave you."

"No, she won't," she chuckled, raising her brow in defiance. "I already agreed to wear this dreadful, green dress and I'm going to the dreadful birthday party that she's forcing me to attend, so she can't give me shit for wearing my favorite shoes."

It was my turn to chuckle. "She's a fashionista, Bella; of course she'll give you shit for wearing them."

"Fuck, you're right," Bella grumbled, walking toward me and wrapping her arms around my waist. She leaned her chin on my chest and looked up at me as I wrapped my arms around her. "But you're gonna protect me from her wrath, right, baby?"

Placing a small kiss on her forehead, I whispered against her skin, "I will try to do my best, but don't forget that she's my sister and we do live under the same roof, so…"

"Traitor!" she accused. "I'm your girlfriend, so don't you forget that."

"I'll never forget it, baby. My sister could never kiss me like this," I said, before parting her lips with my tongue and kissing her languidly. Bella threaded her fingers in the hair at the base of my neck, moaning gently into my mouth. My grip around her waist tightened, pressing her closer to me as we continued kissing. At that precise moment, Alice and her boyfriend, Jasper, approached us.

Alice gasped and then exclaimed, "Bella, how dare you wear those shoes with that dress?! You have butchered all the hard work I put into that outfit."

Pulling away from her lips, I smiled. "Told you," I murmured, taunting her.

Bella turned in my arms, facing my sister. "It's my birthday, Alice, so I get to do what I want, okay?" she retorted, leaning back against me.

"But you're supposed to look nice for your birthday party, Bella!" Alice whined.

"A birthday party that you organized without my consent, and to which I already agreed to go, so why not let me be happy with my favorite shoes?"

Jasper smirked, holding my sister's hand and pulling her to him. "Bella's right, Ali. Just let her wear the shoes." He leaned down and whispered in her ear. "Besides, she's wearing the cardigan you suggested and she combed her hair."

"I heard that, Jasper," Bella countered. "And what do you mean 'I combed my hair'? I always comb my hair."

"I think what he means, baby," I said, holding her tighter, "is that you styled it."

"Oh," Bella muttered, blushing. I assumed it was from embarrassment, in view of the fact that she had actually put some effort into looking presentable for the evening.

"Yes," Jasper agreed. "That's what I meant, B." He looked at me. "Thanks for the translation, Paul Mitchell."

"Whatever, dude," I grumbled. "I live with Alice, so that shit rubs off on me, y'know?"

"Yeah, a lot, I'd say," he added. "If I didn't know you were so in love with Bella, I'd actually be convinced that you like men."

"Well, he definitely doesn't," Bella scoffed. "I know that for a fact."

"Ew," Alice said, grimacing. "No talking about my little brother's sex life, guys. That's just wrong." She turned and pulled Jasper along with her. "Let's get going; everyone's waiting for us at the restaurant."

Bella nodded, silently walking ahead of me as we headed to my car. I opened her door and then walked over to the driver's side, sliding into my seat afterward. Looking over at Bella, I noticed that she was fiddling with her hands in her lap.

I turned in my seat to face her, lifting her chin with my thumb and forefinger. "What's the matter, baby?" I asked, concerned.

She looked into my eyes as she bit down on her bottom lip before quickly diverting her gaze. "I'm just really nervous," she sighed. "I mean, Alice organized a dinner party for me, and although it's just family and friends, Emmett is bringing his girlfriend Rosalie, and she's like the most beautiful girl ever, so even if I wear these clothes and fix my hair - which makes me really uncomfortable- I will never compare to her."

"That's nonsense," I said, cupping her cheek and gazing into her eyes. "You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." Softly, I kissed her, and then whispered, "I love you, Isabella Swan."

Bella grinned shyly. "And I love you, Edward Cullen."