Shepard sat at the head of the table in the mess hall as everyone sat on either sides ready for dinner.
"What ancestor do i have to pray to for some grub around here!" Wrex shouted slamming his fists on the table causing it to tremble.
"Clam yourself Wrex," Shepard half laughed as she took a sip of whiskey (yes, it was one of those days).
"Dinner will be right up," The chef said walking by with a large bucket of tonight's dinner. He walked by and slopped down a pile of a mushy gruel on everyone's plate.
"What the- What the fuck is this?" Wrex shouted.
"Keelah! what is this? Is this edible?" Tali proclaimed poking at the lump on her plate.
Garrus lifted a fork full and examined it carefully, "Shepard you can't be serious?"
"It's all we have left after i technically stole the Normandy," She took another sip of whiskey.
"It really isn't that bad," Liara said stuffing her face, "Quite delicious actually."
"Of course the Asari would think so, but i am a Korgan i need meat! This isn't even fit to satisfy a Hanar!" Wrex shouted again.
"Well you could use a diet," Kaidan snickered.
"Shut it human," Wrex growled turning to Kaidan. Then something flew across the table and slammed onto the side of his face. "Who threw that?" Wrex shouted.
"Wasn't me," Tali quickly proclaimed.
"It was the turrian," Liara whispered.
"What? You are so willing to blame it on the turrian." Garrus said with his head held high.
The Wrex grabbed a handful of his gruel and threw it at Garrus splattering it all over him. Garrus sat there for a little while while everyone laughed and he wiped it off his face, then threw it at Tali.
She gasped and even thought her protective mask, Shepard could see her angry blossom, "I can not believe you just did that," And she grabbed her gruel and threw it at Garrus who ducked and it landed on Liara.
"Okay enough enough everyone, lets just simmer down and eat," Shepard laughed as she began to eat the bland meal. Everyone soon relaxed and began to chat. Wrex talked about how he planned to rule over his own tribe one day, and Liara spoke about she studies. Garrus regaled them about his tales in the Academy and Tali talked about her father. Shepard stayed silent for most of the time, unless someone made a joke she made sure to laugh when necessary. Then she looked up and saw a empty chair at the end of the table, over by Kaidan. It was Ashley's chair and it had been empty for sometime. Shepard felt her eyes gloss when remembering the last conversation she had with her.
"I'm sorry Ash..."
"It's alright Commander, I understand,"
That was the worst part for Shepard, that she understood. She understood that she was left to die while everyone else fled, she understood that she had to be blown to bits in the name of the greater good, she understood why Shepard didn't picker her. It was because, because... she didn't let herself think any further. She felt her eyes water and a single tear trailed down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away with out anyone noticing. She stood up quickly and all eyes were on her.
"I'm going to retire for the night." Shepard said nodding her head to everyone.
"Oh so soon?" Liara pouted.
"The night is still young Commander," Garrus said lifting his glass.
"It's technically always night time in space," Tali pointed out.
"That's not that point," Garrus began, "You could use a break anyways,"
"That's what sleeping if for," Shepard replied with a cocky smile, "I will see you all in 0600 hours okay?"
"0600?" Wrex asked astonished.
"Yeah, 0600, on the dot, got it?" Shepard dictated.
Wrex folded his arms across his chest and agreed reluctantly.
"That's what i like to see," She smile but once she turned around she quickly frowned. She walked casually over to her cabin as a few people walked by a saluted her and she dismissed them casually. She soon reached the door to her cabin and it slid open she she was two steps away and she walking in casually. Once the door behind her slid shut she felt her knees go weak, she grabbed the desk close by for support and kept replaying what Ash told her.
"It's alright Commander, i understand,"
She could see every way Ash could have died, she shot herself, Geth shot her to death, she bled to death, she was obliterated by the nuclear bomb, and it kept going. She may have had tried to find cover, she may have fought till the end, could have just cried, she could have damned Shepard to hell or she just sat there quietly waiting for her untimely death. Shepard felt her knees completely gave out and she fell to the ground sobbing.
"God fucking damn it!" She screamed as she biotics started to flare. The little blue sparks filled the room and he hand began to glow. In a fit of rage she jumped up and punches the closest wall and left a noticeable dent. Then the door behind her swooshed open, she had forgotten to lock the door.
"Shepard?" Some one asked behind her.
"You refer to me as Commander, Lieutenant" Shepard hissed walking over to her desk.
"Wait, what? Why?" Kaidan asked as he walked over to her desk. She could tell he was hurt by her words with out even looking at him, she could hear it in his voice. Just with his tone she could tell that his brows were now knitted together and the stress lines appeared on his forehead,
"Because I am your commanding officer, and you do as I command and you will address me the way I tell you to address me."
He grabbed her arm just before she sat down, "Are you okay Shepard, I know you were crying at dinner, I saw you."
"Let go of me Lieutenant," Shepard said trying to jerk away from him.
"No, tell me what's wrong, what happened at dinner?"
"I don't have to explain myself to you," She spat out at him.
They looked at each other for a long time, deep into each other eyes, his whiskey colored eyes that shimmered with something she couldn't understand.
"Lieutenant I am no going to ask you again, let, me, go." Shepard warned one last time.
She could feel her biotics begin to flare then the room sparked with flashing blue lights. With her free hand she concentrated all her biotics and threw it at him. He knew it was coming but he let it happened, he let the biotic burst collide with him and launched him across the room.
"Is this about Ash?" He asked ad he spat blood.
"No," Shepard quickly replied.
"It's alright Commander, I understand."
"Then why did you start crying when you looked over to her chair?" Kaidan said stumbling to his feet.
"Quite Lieutenant, and that's an order,"
"It's okay Shepard…" Kaidan said limping toward her.
"Don't call me that," She said backing up with every step he took toward her.
"Shepard,"
"Fine!" She shouted, "You know why I feel like complete shit? Because I picked you over Ash, not because you were the better solider or because I needed you for the bomb, no I picked you because I loved you!"
Kaidan stayed silent.
"That's right, I was emotionally compromised and picked you because I love you, and Ash died because of it."
"Shepard," Kaidan said reaching out to her.
"Don't touch me Kaidan, or I swear to the creator I will…" Shepard said not finishing her warning.
He walked up to her and placed him hand up behind her neck sweeping back her bobbed red locks away from her face. He pulled her close locking her in a warm embrace. She tried to fight it; she began to punch his chest to get enough room between them so she could break free.
"I love you too," He whispered into her hair.
Her punches started to weaken and she placed her hands on his chest and began to cry. He could feel her tears dampen his jump suit and he began to rub her back. Once her tears slowly stopped he looked up at him, green eyes now more vibrant because of the red that surrounded them. She placed one hand against one side of his face as his five o clock shadow scratched her skin. He could see her lips slowly parting and she warm breathe brush against his lips.
"Ophelia," He whispered he name, her first name. It sounded odd coming out of his mouth like an unknown alien language.
"I hate it when people call me that, you know that," She smiled. He knew she never liked that she was named after a woman who became crazed with love, but he thought it was a beautiful name.
"It might be the last chance i ever get to call you that," He replied, then there was a long silence between the two.
"It's been a pleasure serving under you Commander," He whispered moving his lips closer to hers.
"You haven't technically, severed under me Kaidan," She whispered slowly pressing her lips to his.