Change the voices, in your head.

Make them like you instead.

Pink - Fucking Perfect

As i walked through the busy school corridor i started thinking about how everything had changed in such a small space of time.

Once upon a time school was something i actually enjoyed.

Yes, i enjoyed school.

Work wasn't my favorite thing to do in the world but i would still do it to my best ability and it knew it is only stepping stones to getting to where i want to be.

Broadway...my name in lights. "Kurt hummel"

Yes. That was what i wanted...i want the glamorous life of a Broadway performer. i want the press, the interviews, the photoshoots, the late night performances. EVERYTHING.

And i am still determined to make it happen...

i was also able to talk to my friend's in between classes where we would talk about my outfit's for the up coming seasons and start planning our weekends.

you know? Having a bit of a girly chat...

and i'd feel perfectly comfortable...

And there was Glee.

This was positively my favorite part about school.

Glee made me feel like i really fitted in and there i learnt to love who i really was. People in the Glee club excepted me

and i love them for that..

When i came out they were all so supportive.

it was a place that i felt i shined the most...

maybe that was because i was and still am the most talented member in that choir...

The point is that I loved performing and The Glee club member and Mr Schue gave me that opportunity.

And i felt safe.

But now every thing has seemed to have changed so much...

I don't feel safe anymore.

Things have changed...

I feel that everyone has...Well...Forgotten about me.

I feel i have to scream for attention these day's...

And now there's the bullying...

I'v been bullied before but, now it seems different.

Every time i walk round a corner i prepare myself for full blow to the lockers or a cold slushie in my face that would ruin my outfits.

Really?

Why are people so obnoxious?

I put a lot of work into everyone of my individual outfits…

I must of been to carried away imagining the stained colouring on my outfits then, because i don't remember seeing any of those largely built boy's come my way and grab me. Pushing me chest first into the lockers.

I moaned as my head slammed against the hard metal and fell straight down onto the floor...

i looked up in shock and horror..

i wasn't expecting that at all...

The boys just laughed and walked off, shouting out word's like..

*sorry little girl*

And threatening me with

*Better watch out next time, cause you may just walkin to my fist*

I just sat there afraid to move while they were still in site...

i didn't want them to come back and - and...Hurt me.

i was scared.

Yes. Kurt Elizabeth Hummel was afraid.

When they were no longer in my site, I looked around hoping someone had noticed and would come rushing over to help me find my feet again.

But nobody,not one person looked my way.

I lifted myself up and placed my bag on my shoulders.

I could feel the tears in my eyes begin to swell...

How could nobody care? People must have seen something?..

then i get angry.. i couldn't believe how thoughtless people could be...

I needed to move from this spot.

I looked around and I saw the entrance to the boy's bathroom and made my way past the small group of people into the room...

As soon as i entered the room, Straight away i turned to look at myself in the mirror.

*Fabulous*...i whispered sarcastically whipping off the dirt on my new corn blue colored jacket.

No one was in there, which was a good thing. I really needed some space to think...

I stood there for about 5 minutes, staring right into my reflection. Analyzing every inch of myself.

That was when i heard..

*What's wrong with you Kurt?

*Your pathetic… Just look at you..Your an ugly,pathetic little fag*

i was shocked by the thing's i was hearing myself say to my self in my head… This was not me at all… I'm usually so good to my self… but with every thing going on... i can't say i disagree with my mind.

I didn't move from that spot for another 10 minutes.

I couldn't.

All I could do was listen to the voices in my head…

*Your too skinny*

*No one will ever love you… you're PATHETIC*

The words stung, but I couldn't help it…

They just kept coming…

*You might aswell just disappear*

It was as if I had had enough… that being pushed around had finally got to me…

*No one would miss you?*

I needed to do something…

The voices in my head wanted me to?

As I stared at myself in the mirror I saw something…

*do it kurt*

It was a broach…

*go on*

Attached to a VERY sharp pin.

It was a small bronze lady bird that I had bought not long a go from a shopping mall in lima. I had absolutely fallen in love with it when I saw it in the glass window of the shop.

It was beautiful and it would shine in the light. It reminded me of my mum.

Beautiful.

I turned my head to look at it as I felt around the broach, releasing it from my collar on my jacket.

*people will want you to do this Kurt…*

I looked at the pin. Wasn't extremely large… but, i could try it.

Right?

*This is only a starter Kurt*

I placed it by the taps and moved my righth and up to my left arm. Pulling up my sleeves, revealing my very pale soft skin.

*do it*

I couldn't stop but listen to the voices…

This was what I wanted. Right? They were my own word's any way…

I curled over the end of my sleeve and picked up the broach.

*go on kurt*

I turned the broach over… and placed the pin against my skin.

It felt good.

I pressed harder and scraped it across my skin. Leaving a new red mark…

small patches of blood began to show.

*your pathetic kurt! Do it more! Harder!*

At that moment I couldn't stop. I just let myself add more red marks to my arm. Each time adding more force. Leaving a deeper mark.

Letting all my emotions out on to my arm.

And

The pain felt good.

Real good.

If everyone was treating me like that, making me go through pain. Then surely I should help the process right?..

And it felt good.

It felt good to help.

After a minute of continuous scrapes and stabs to my arm I finally stopped.

I stared at my arm for a large amount of time.

For a small pin it did cause a lot of damage to my skin.

I stroked the cuts lightly with my finger tips.

Small puddles of Blood were covering my arm.

I didn't care to wash it all off… i wanted it to be visible.

As a reminder.

I pulled my sleeve down over my cut's and placed the pin in my pocket.

I gave my self a dark smile in the mirror and turned to walk out of the bathroom and back in to the corridor.

For some reason i didn't care.

Why would I?

I was pleased with my work…

For now any way…

*Next time kurt. You can use something better, no one will care kurt…*

"No one cares about me" I whispered and walked through the corridor.

As if nothing had happened.

Hope you liked it! it's my first one! so review please! tell me what you think! give me advice! i don't mind :)