My name is Alice Lawrence. Translation? The mother-fucking goddess of all things awesome.

Yeah. That's just how awesome I am.

Pretty fucking awesome, in case you failed to notice.

So, being the perverted loser that you are, you'll be wanting the details of my (awesome) life. I'm brunette, short, with annoying pores that won't stop raging war with my hormones. Oh, yeah, and I live on Lorien.

Yeah, you little piece of shit, I'm an alien.

But a relatively normal alien, at that. If only the same could be said for my friends..

My besties are the GIRLS-ONLY CLUB (don't look at me like that, we were 12), consisting of me, Marina and Six.

Marina is shy, bookish, but when you get to know her, she's a little devil. Don't tell her I said that, she'd hit me on the head with her textbook. Again. And she's dating a guy called Richard. I don't want to talk about him now, he makes me feel sick.

Six is absolutely badass and completely insane, but we love her anyway. Six is also, really not good for an ego boost, being the sexy piece of ass that she is. Unfortunately, being the sexy piece of ass that she is, she's has a string of boyfriends who just snog her face of, then ditch her two days later. So then it's up to me and the boys to beat them up.

Which is always fun.

So that brings me to the boys themselves.

Our other best friends are THE BAD-ASS BOYZ. (I wish I could say they were only 12 too...)

John, is the most normal member of our group, yet still manages to be a unstable mental case.

Eight, is the most random, crazy, downright stupid person ever, with a huge weakness for jelly beans. But, hey, we love him.

Nine.. Well, I'm am Nine's Benefitted Friend. (Yes people, caps every time.) Which basically means we snog, no feelings attached. Not that I have any problem with that. Shh, don't tell Jacob. My boyfriend. Awkward. But, as I have said many times before, THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON WITH ME AND NINE!

Yeah, it really pisses me off when people ask that.

Well that is my crazy friendship group, with is made even crazier by the fact we all go to a boarding school far out of the Capital. And, before you ask, no it's not Hogwarts. And by the fact that most of my friends are going to grow up to rule the planet, (that too) and I'm going to have to put up with Nine calling me his lowly subject.

Yeah he did that once. Result? Two black eyes and a broken wrist.

Eight yanks me out if my daydreams by lobbing a chunk of chicken at me.

Lovely. Really.

"Aliiccceeeeee!" I roll my eyes. "Nine wants to talk to you!" I turn to Nine.

"Help with Math homework?" He pouts. I shake my head, but he widens his eyes, and I know I'm fighting a losing battle.

"Not the puppy dog eyes!" I plead. He ignores me, and turns on the charm. Well, how could I say no to that?

I pulled out my homework and shove it at him.

"Copy that." I grumble.

"Meet me in the spare physic class at 10:30." He winks and I grin.

Nine goes back to his food. Boys.

"Did not need to know that." Eights mumbles, with a mouthful of roast potatoes, therefore spraying me with the contents of his mouth.

Charming.

"Eight, it's not like you don't have a line of whores just queuing up to kiss your ass. Well not literally. I hope. That would be gross. Ewwww, disturbing mental imagery. But metaphorically speaking. Anyways, there a load of bimbos out there that you snog on a daily basis. I mean really, have they started a fan club yet? And come to think of it-"

"Eiiggghhhtttyyyy!" A blonde bint approaches us, wrapping her arms around Eights neck. Did I mention that Eight already has his arm around another girl?

Honestly, these people have no pride.

"Honestly, these people have no pride." What, you think I was going to think of an insult and not say it?

I'm weird. My friends have a really bad influence on poor innocent me. Me. Innocence. Snort. I do make myself laugh.

Eight just winked at me, and went back to sucking face with the airhead, who I know for a fact would not be there if he wasn't a future Elder.

Come to think, if that's the future of our planet, I might as well just shoot myself now.

I hate the stupid wall. Don't ask me why, I just do. Bloody wall. Everything shit thing that happens in my life, I'm blaming it on the wall.

I give it a kick. That makes me feel better.

You know you've hit rock bottom when you are sitting by yourself having conversation with yourself about committing wall abuse.

So I'm sitting here glaring at it while Mar and that man whore Richard make out.

In OUR dorm. Not his dorm, OUR dorm. Take that, Ricky.

I guess the time has come for me to tell you about him. But your going to be the one holding my hair back if I start vomiting.

Where do I start? He's hot, even I can't deny that. He's also Mar undeserving boyfriend, who cheats on her countless times, and has even tried to cop a feel off Six.

Then he begged her not to spilt the beans to Mar. One broken arm later, he gave up, and resigned to have to listen to one of Mars screaming fits.

But when Six told her, she simple refused to believe her. Her best friend. She had said Six was just jealous.

I mean, this is why I refuse to fall in love, it screws with your feelings more than hormones and puberty, and makes you to blind to see your own hand in front of your face.

So why do you have a boyfriend? I hear you cry. Because I'm to much of a softie to shatter his fucking heart, and render him useless to do anything but live with a load of Chimera in cat form, and then I would have to jump of a building in grief for-

I've been hanging around Eight too much, haven't I?

A/N: Okay, well that was a really short chapter, but I didn't have time to do much. So do you like this? Because I thought that LL fanfiction doesn't have enough humor and randomness. Anyway, I'm taking a break from writing for a bit, writers block. So please review and tell me what you think. :)