"John, It Was The Victim!" – Sherlock – The Mystery of the Cluedo Board

Ace Attorney Parody

"Sherlock!" John yelled. "Look, I know you haven't had a case in three days, but there is no need to take it out on the wall!"

Once more, Sherlock had started to get "Bored!" and thought it was apt to steal John's revolver again. "Bored!" By this point, the wall had seemed to have sustained about 25 bullet holes.

"It's a wonder the flat is still standing!" John ran over and pulled the revolver out of his grip. "Oh come on, there is no need to look at me like a five year old!" Sherlock looked kind of upset about having his favourite toy taken away.

"John, give… me … a… CASE! Murder someone if you- no, don't do that." John sighed again. It was strange though. After Christmas, the force seemed to be able to handle themselves.

"Look, I'm going to fetch a cuppa. Just- don't hurt yourself… or the flat."

Just as he was doing so, Mrs Hudson turned up. Whispering she said, "I heard the shooting… maybe we should TRY to do something…" 10 minutes later, she came back up from downstairs. "I got this for Christmas… I don't know why, but maybe…"

"Mrs Hudson that might actually work…"

And so it came to be, that Mrs Hudson, John, and Sherlock were gathered around a table to discuss the most grave of incidents- a murder most foul, most crooked… Ok, they were playing… Cluedo.

"What is the… point, of this, John? I don't see how this is supposed to…"

"Sherlock… just try to figure out who killed Dr. Black, will you!" Mrs Hudson was Colonel Mustard, John was Professor Plum, and Sherlock had decided to be Reverend Green. Sherlock immediately examined his hand- he knew it wasn't Miss Scarlet, wasn't done with…" A candlestick? Improbable. What did they do, burn themselves?!"

Sherlock whispered quietly to himself, so no others can hear. And finally, it wasn't in the kitchen (They decided to use 4 of everything… for the first play – after all, Sherlock DIDN'T read the rules, despite many arguments). He was to roll first… "It's… a one? Well, that's useful!"

Duly, he made his move- If you could call it that.

Then, Sherlock realised something- they didn't know the murder weapon, so they can't have seen the victim, meaning they were in a locked room…

"John, I know the murderer."

"What." To be honest, the whole world would echo the same thought. Minutes passed, before Mrs Hudson was ready to roll-

"What?! Don't you want to hear my thoughts?"

"Sherlock, you will be wrong. Ok then. Enlighten me."

"John, IT WAS THE VICTIM!"

John sighed. "Oh my god, this actually WASN'T a good idea. Sherlock, how could the victim have done it?"

"It's quite simple actually. The victim was murdered by, what I understand, one of vastly different weapons. However, we cannot distinguish which by looking at the victim. As such, we are not able to see the victim." He was talking at 1000 words per minute… again.

John piped up. "OBJECTION!" he yelled. "We could see the victim because we could see he is Dr. Black!"

Now it was Sherlock's turn to sigh. "Fine, I'll play along."

"Good."

"OBJECTION!" Evidently, Sherlock wasn't on about Cluedo. "We could have identified the victim from his absence!" He paused.

"Wait a minute… I object to myself! He has been murdered, so we must have seen the body! Therefore this game is not right!"

"OBJECTION!" Then how can we tell that it is not the weapon card we have!"

"OBJEC-"

A hammering noise started. Out of nowhere, Mrs Hudson had produced a gavel. "Order! Order in the living room!"

John released a long breath of air. "Yes… Your Honour."

"You have both been playing that game far too much."

Now, Sherlock decided to give his opinion. "So? Besides, I think Miles Edgeworth is one of the… more intelligent characters I have seen in one of these "Games"."

"And he loses to Phoenix all the time."

"That is not intelligence. That's luck. And poker."

"Anyway, back to Cluedo. The victim killing himself is not in the (closed) instruction book!"

The rant continued for hours with OBJECTION!'S and HOLD IT!'S.

Then, Mrs Hudson had apparently had enough. "Mr Sherlock Homes, for the crime of keeping the neighbours awake, you are found GUILTY! "At this point John ceremonially stuck a knife into the wall… through the Cluedo board. We know what happens from there.

"John, fetch me my revolver."

"MY revolver."

And only one question left standing… If Sherlock is Miles, and John Phoenix…

Does that make Mycroft Franziska?