A/N 1 - This was written in response to the recent Hurt/Comfort Fic Challenge on the LiveJournal OhSam Community and is to fill the prompt from Emmram
A/N 2 - Although this was originally posted in three parts on LiveJournal, I'm gonna post it as a whole on here. This site has messed up my formatting, so I've altered it slightly for one here.
A/N 3 - If you managed to read through all of the notes above, and are still here then I salute you! All that's left to say is I hope you enjoy!
Original Prompt: Ever since Sam joined Stanford, Azazel's minions have found ways to feed Sam increasing quantities of demon blood without Sam ever finding out. Sam's feeling great - college is working out better than he'd ever hoped, and he feels the best he has in a long, long time.
Then - Dean shows up claiming their father is missing, and two nights later, Jessica burns on the ceiling of their apartment and Sam leaves Stanford and his old life forever.
It doesn't take long for withdrawal to kick in - at first Dean thinks it's the stress and exhaustion, then the worst of the symptoms kick in and both of them are terrified. Dean has no idea how to deal with the situation, while all Sam wants - and he wants so very, very badly - is relief, and he will do whatever his instincts tell him to get it.
September 2002 - Stanford University, Palo Alto, California
"Yes sir, I'll keep an eye on him." The man stops to take a breath, switching his cell phone from one ear to the other while trying to look like he fits in amongst the students who are obviously a few years younger than the host he has chosen for this task, while keeping an eye on the 18 year old boy who was currently in the process of registering himself at the university. The man continued with his conversation "Yes, no I understand. Of course. I'll make sure of it. No-one else is to share a room with him, I get it. Yes. I'll call if anything comes up." He closed his phone and followed as the boy walked in his direction to find his dorm, struggling with his various papers and leaflets as well as his duffle bag draped over his shoulder. Perfect he thought as he moved quickly towards the boy, making sure to bump into him, sending the papers flying out of his hands and onto the ground.
"Oh my... I am so sorry! I was too busy trying to take everything in here to look where I was going" the man apologised as he crouched down to help the boy pick up the papers.
"Nah don't worry about it. I guess everyone's the same just now" the boy smiled as they both stood up. "Are you looking for registration? If you are then it's just over there" he continued, pointing the man in the direction of the registration tables.
"Oh, that's great buddy thanks! It's all so new to me." The man said as he tried to wear a bewildered expression on his face, before saying "I'm James by the way" as he held out his hand.
"Nice to meet you James, I'm Sam" the boy said he shook James's hand.
James smiled while thinking Gotcha as he said "Good to meet you Sam. I'd better go get myself registered. Hopefully I'll see you around ... maybe grab a drink later or something at the welcome party?"
"Yeah that'd be great. Hey, at least we'll have someone who I've already met there" Sam said as they both went their separate ways.
March 2003 - Stanford University, Palo Alto, California
James smiled as Sam went into the bathroom, and waited until the door was firmly closed and he could hear the shower running before he moved. He opened the bottle of coke on the table and pricked his finger with the needle that he'd lifted from his pocket, squeezing it over the coke bottle, watching the droplets of blood as they fell into the coke. The shower switched off and he hurriedly put the coke back and put the needle back in his pocket.
As Sam came out of the bathroom he noticed James holding his thumb to his index finger, nodding in his friends direction as he said "Checking your blood again?".
"Yeah, can never be too careful you know" James replied as he stood up.
"So how's it been since the doctor upped your insulin?"
"Much better, glad you persuaded me to go to the doctor" James smiled as he walked to the door. As walked out of the room he turned back and said "Oh, and Sam ... don't let it get you down, I hear first year is one of the toughest years. Just stick it out!" before leaving the room.
Sam smiled and called after his friend "Yeah yeah so you keep saying!". He sat down on his bed, opening one of his study books and took a drink of the coke that had been beside his bed since yesterday. As he drunk it he thought it tasted a little off but he disregarded it and put it down to the fact that it had been lying there since yesterday. As he studied, his thoughts drifted to his dad and his brother, he wondered what they were doing now and where they would be. He picked up his phone and thought about calling them, but remembering his fathers warning of never come back, if you walk out that door Sam then this is it, you don't have a family anymore he threw the phone down on the bed. He missed his family, badly. In all of his 18 years he'd never been apart from his father or brother for longer than the time he was at school. This is why you can't focus, you keep thinking about them he thought as he pushed the thoughts of his family away, and feeling a sense of focus wash over him he picked up the book and began to read the chapter.
May 2004 - Stanford University, Palo Alto, California
Sam sat at the bar with James as he watched Jess sitting at a table with her friends laughing and joking. It wasn't the first time that he'd admired her. Since he had started second year at Stanford they'd been in a few of the same classes and she'd caught his eye almost instantly, although he'd never had the courage to ask her out. Due to the way he'd grown up he'd never really had the chance to have a girlfriend, although he'd watched his brother use his charms with girls all too often. As he watched Jess he thought back to how much he'd grown as a person since coming to Stanford. After his rocky first year he'd passed all of his exams with flying colours and had even been accused of cheating on a recent test since he'd scored well above the class average. His thoughts were interrupted by his friend.
"Dude, just talk to her already" James commented to Sam as he nudged him playfully.
"Nah I wouldn't even know where to begin" Sam replied, not taking his gaze off of the table of girls. Just after he'd said that Jess she stood up and walked towards the bar and Sam turned back around in his seat so that he was facing the bar instead of the crowd. Jess came to stand beside him and smiled.
"Hi" she said as she looked him up and down.
"Oh, hey" he replied, trying to act as casual as he could. "Nice to meet you... I'm Sam"
"Yeah I know who you are. Aren't you the guy they thought cheated on the test?"
He huffed out a laugh as he replied "Yeah. But I bet you didn't hear that I scored 100% on the re-sit that I took in front of the professor did you?" Her mouth fell open as she looked at him in shock. He smiled and then said "So if you'd like to catch a drink sometime you know where to find me" and he finished his drink and walked away.
July 2005 - Stanford University, Palo Alto, California
Sam smiled as he looked around the apartment that Jess had moved into la few months ago. He still couldn't believe that he was really here, living a normal life - the life that he's always secretly dreamed of. He also couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that when the university started back he would be in his senior year and that this time next year he'd be graduated. Jess had gone home to spend some time with her family, and he truly envied her for that. He hadn't heard from his brother since not long after he'd joined Stanford and although he loved his life here dearly, he still missed his family. He thought about how much he'd changed, how much more confident he'd become and how much more focused he was on practically everything. The California lifestyle agreed with him it seemed.
James and Paul came out of the kitchen with the bowls of chips and glasses of beer. He'd agreed to let James's brother Paul stay on the couch for a few days while he was in town and they were all having a boys night tonight as a farewell as Paul was leaving tomorrow.
"Okay, lets get this night started then" Sam said as he joined the brothers at the table for a game of poker. As they played Sam could have sworn he'd seen Pauls eyes change to black for a split second, but he shook it off, blaming it on thinking about his family and how he missed them.
30 October 2005 - Palo Alto, California
Sam sat sideways in the passenger seat of the impala, his legs hanging out the side of the car, with a standard medical issue blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He heard the voices around him but they sounded distorted, like he was hearing them through water. One voice pierced through the distortion "Sammy ... hey, c'mon look at me man". He looked up from the stone on the ground that he had made himself find interesting to find Dean crouching down in front of him and looking at him with a worried gaze. He saw the blue and red lights reflected on the side of his brothers face and he looked up to the building behind Dean to see the black holes where the windows used to be, and the water still being hosed into them from the firetruck. He felt the bile rise, and as if from nowhere Dean produced a sick bowl for him and put a hand on his back as he leaned forward over the bowl. After he had emptied his stomach he looked to his brother again, who only said "Oh Sammy..."
"No, Dean. I can't ... this wasn't supposed to..." Sam paused to take in a shaky breath, finding that he didn't have it in him to say what he so badly needed to say, before releasing it and finally settling for asking "...why?" He asked as the tears began gathering in his eyes.
Dean took a deep breath before standing up and saying "I don't know Sam..." before stopping and looking around, taking everything in and getting a flashback to the night their mom died in a fire exactly like this one while thinking to himself it was never meant to get to you Sammy before carrying on "...one things for sure, I'll get the bastard for this. I swear to God I won't rest until I kill him".
Sam stood up suddenly, almost knocking Dean over as he stands up with his brother, looking around again as a look of determination slowly replaces the lost and haunted expression that he'd been wearing since Dean dragged him from the apartment. He says "No, I'll be the one to kill him for this Dean" as he nods and looks his brother.
Dean nods both in encouragement and response. He gestures at the small crowd of people in their nightwear standing and alternating between looking the burnt out apartment windows and Sam, some of the girls are hugging each other as they cry and the guys look like they don't know what to do. "What...uh...do you want to do about them?" he asks and Sam looks at him with a questioning face before he notices the small group. Sam merely shakes his head in an I don't know what I should do response that Dean seems to understand. Dean answers him with an "I'll go talk to them, you sit tight" and as he walks over to the group Sam sits back in the cars passenger seat. He sees Dean gesturing between the apartment block and Sam, and he becomes slightly more animated as one of the guys says something and looks at Sam. Sam recognises the death glare that Dean throws at the guy and the small group slowly starts to break up as they all go in their own directions.
Dean returns to Sam and says "Okay, lets find a motel and get you the hell away from here"...
31 October 2005
Sam woke up feeling like he had been hit by a truck, his body ached from head to toe and his head was throbbing so badly he could have sworn you could physically see it throb up and down. He noticed Dean still sleeping the bed across from him and that was when the events of last night hit him. Must have been hit with something falling in the fire he thought to himself as he groggily looked around the room. He moved to get out of the bed, his hand automatically moving to his head, and that was when he knew that moving was a bad idea for now, letting out a small whimper he lay back down. Dean sat up upon hearing the noise, immediately looking at Sam and asking "You okay Sammy?" as he got out of bed and moved to his brother.
Sam nodded and said "It's Sam" as he settles back down into the bed. Dean grins and nods, as he moves over to the small sink and fills a glass with water before sitting it on the bedside table to Sams bed. "Stay put, I'm gonna go get the first aid kit and get you some painkillers" he says as he leaves the motel room to go to the car. As he comes back in he closes the door as quietly as he can and looks through the medical kit. Finding what he's looking for, he says "Okay Sam, what one do you want? We got Tylenol or Advil, or some more heavy duty stuff? Maybe Morphine? Codeine?"
"Tylenol will be fine Dean" is the muffled response from where Sam has pulled the blanket over his eyes to shut out the light.
Dean smiles to himself Same old Sammy, always with light stuff before asking "Is the light bothering you? Want me to close the curtains?" as he pops two of the pills out of packet. He notices Sam nodding under the blanket and he takes the pills over to Sam. Clearing his throat he says "Ok, take two of these and then try to sleep it off, maybe it'll help" as he pulls the cover from his brothers face "I'll close the curtains after you take these." Sam props himself up on his elbow and as he accepts the pills and the water from Dean and he almost plops back down onto the bed. Dean fixes the covers over his brother and trying to keep things light for Sam, he jokes "I'll let you away with this chick flick moment Sammy, but don't expect it all time" with a grin on his face as he stands up and moves to close the curtains.
Dean sits reading through his dads journal, pouring over the contents about the demon and focusing in on the entry about the night of the fire - the first fire - Dean corrected the entry in his mind, reading about how John had found Mary pinned to the ceiling, all the while picturing Jess in the same position, and Sams face as he had found his brother and pulled him from the apartment, away from his burning girlfriend. As he feels his eyes water and begin to blur, Dean quickly wipes his eyes while telling himself Man up Winchester, your brother needs you. Dean reaches for his phone again, redialing dads number and getting connected to voicemail once more. He checks the clock, suddenly realising that he's been reading and thinking for going on two hours and he begins to wonder what they'll do for food and supplies, and as though on cue his stomach starts to rumble. He quickly scribbles a note for Sam to let him know where he's going to be should his brother choose to wake up while he's gone. Dean also thinks that getting out of the room for a while will be the perfect time to call dad and leave him a message, filling him in on what had happened.
A few hours later...
A few hours later and the brothers are sitting at the table in the motel room over a pizza that Dean had ordered in as Sams condition hadn't improved, if anything it's gotten worse as Sam is now sweating and sniffing as though he has a flu. Looking at his brother, Dean notices that Sam is staring at the far corner of the room with his eyes wide and his mouth is open slightly as though he's thinking about saying something. Clicking his fingers at him Dean says "Hey Sam, pizzas on the table man, not in the corner."
Sam shakes his head as if only noticing that Dean is there in the room with him and turns to look at his brother before looking back to the corner out of the side of his eyes. He looks back at Dean as he says "uh, oh yeah..." and he picks up a slice of the pizza, only managing a few bites before he puts it down and goes back to staring at the corner of the room again. Dean clears his throat and raises his eyebrows in a manner that means what the hell? as Sam looks at him again. Sam asks "Don't you see her?".
Dean looks to where Sam is staring again and asks "See who Sam? All I see is a corner of the room dude" and when Sams eyebrows furrow in confusion he quickly adds "Maybe that fever that your having is messing with your head?"
Turning back to look at his brother, and wiping away the tears that are staring to form in his eyes, Sam answers "Jess. I, uh... I saw Jess". He looks again to the corner of the room but she's gone now. He thinks that maybe Dean is right, he hadn't been feeling too great before Dean dropped him off at Stanford and maybe he's getting a flu or something. "Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I'm getting a flu or something. I'm feeling pretty crappy, maybe I should go back to bed". Dean nods as Sam stands up and moves back to his bed.
About an hour later...
"Nhhgghh, no, Jess, nnnhhgghhh, no!" Sam calls out in his sleep as he tosses and turns in the bed. Dean stands up from the chair he's been occupying for the last few hours, watching his brother sleep and wondering where they would go from here, and walks over to the bed, shaking his brother and trying to wake him up. Sam punches at Dean in his sleep but the punch is easily blocked. "No! Leave me alone you son a bitch! Jess. Mom! Nnnnnhhhhgggghhhh!" Sam calls out again.
Dean shakes his brother harder and practically yells "Sam! Sammy wake up, it's just a dream! You're ok!" At the sound of Deans voice Sams eyes fly open and he sits up taking in a deep breath, while looking around the room and blinking his eyes as though to clear them. "Sammy, hey, I'm right here. It was just a dream."
"Y-y-yeah. Just a dream" Sam mutters as he visibly tries to control his breathing and to clam himself down. Feeling the bile rising from his stomach, Sam stands up and runs into the bathroom, with Dean arriving in the doorway just as Sam empties the meagre contents of his stomach. Turning to look at Dean, Sam mumbles "You don't need to see this Dean." As Dean huffs and walks into the bathroom anyway, running the washcloth under the cold tap before sitting on the back on Sams neck, who is still leaning over the toilet. "Thanks" Sam offers his brother.
"No worries little bother, that's what awesome big brothers are for right?" Dean smiles as he pictured the eye roll that Sam is probably giving him right now. "So ... uh... you wanna talk about the dream that you were having? Seemed like some serious shit".
"Just gimme a minute to settle down" Sam asks, knowing that he won't be able to avoid talking about it, although all he wants to do is to curl up in bed and sleep for a week.
"Sure thing" Dean answers as he turns and walks to sit at the table waiting for his brother.
1 November 2005
Dean sits at the table watching his sweating brother toss and turn under the blankets, making the occasional pain filled gasp as he moves and screwing his face up every now and again. He's thought about waking Sam up, but if his brother is coming down with a bug from the stress then it would best to let him sleep it off. He'll wake him in an hour or so for breakfast if he hasn't gotten up by himself by then. As if on cue Sam sits upright in bed gasping for breath and holding his hand over his heart, eyes wide and searching for his brother. Dean jumps out of the seat and crosses the short distance between the Sams bed and the table and grabs his brother into a hug while trying to reassure him "It's ok, I'm right here Sam. It was just another nightmare". Sam shrugs himself out of Deans embrace and shook his head, holding his hands to his chest while again visibly trying to control his breathing. Sensing the difficulty that Sam is having, Dean moves to sit beside him and begins rubbing his back while saying "Just breathe Sam, in and out, that's it. Come on your can do it little brother..." and as Sams breathing gradually returned to normal he changes to "there you go, that's it you're doing great Sammy."
Sam looks at the table where Dean had been sitting, and sees Jess sitting there smiling at him, her smiling face turning to one of anger and hatred as she screams It's your fault Sam! It's your fault I'm dead. I hate you. You did this to me!. Sam stands up from the bed and walks over to the table, holding out his arms as though to grab a hold of Jess as he says "No, Jess, I never meant for you to..." but is stopped as Dean steps in front of him, blocking his view of Jess and his attempt to hold her one last time. "What the hell Dean?" he asks as he tried to shove his brother out of his way, but Dean pushes back and Sam stumbles backwards and lands on the bed.
"You're asking me what the hell? Sam? What the hell?" Dean says as he looks from Sam to the table and back again. "You're starting to freak me out man"
Looking at the table, Sam notices that Jess has vanished again. "Dean, I swear she was sitting right there man" he says, pointing to the table and trying to push past Dean to stand back up at the same time. Dean keeps a hold of Sams shoulders, pinning him to the bed as he turns his head to look at the spot Sam pointed to. He looks at Sam with an expression of panic overridden by concern as the two flash across his face. Sam starts again "She was... I swear... I saw her..." as he tries to find the words he starts crying, letting the tears flow this time "She wasn't there was she?" he asks as he shakes his head. He feels Deans arms circle around him and rub his back.
"Jesus Sammy..." Dean says as he moves his arms back and takes a look at his brother. Sams eyes are glassy, his skin is pale and covered in a thin layer of sweat although he appears to be shaking, and he's still having trouble controlling his breathing. He wonders if there is something more at play here than Sam being stressed from what had just happened and having the cold. He's shaken from his thoughts as Sam lets out an agonised groan and falls forward from the bed onto the floor. "Sam!"
"Dean!" Sam calls for his brother as he fell to the floor gripping his stomach, which felt like he had just been stabbed, the sharp pain eating into his very core. He tries curling in on himself to make the pain go away.
"Sam! What's wrong? What the hell happened?" Dean asks as he crouches down beside Sam, who only groans and folds further into himself.
"It hurts! Dean what's happening to me?" Sam cries out as the pain dulls to a bearable level and he pushes himself up - with Deans help - to sit against the base of the bed. He looks at Dean, hoping that he will be able to provide some answers. Dean only shrugs his shoulders and puts his hand on Sams shoulder.
"I don't know Sammy, do you want to go to a hospital?" Dean asks, knowing what the answer would be before he's even asked.
Sam shakes his head as he feels the stabbing pain return, he folds in on himself as he made a keening sound before calling "Dean!" and his world fades to black.
A few hours later...
Sam wakes up to find himself back in bed with a cold cloth on his forehead. He props himself up and finds his brother sleeping at the table, head resting on his arms. What the fuck is happening to me? This never happened to dad after mom. He looks back to Dean and thinks about waking him but he decides to let him sleep. Looking at the clock he sees that it's 18:05 Must have been out for a while, he lifts his hands to run them through his hair to get it out of his face and he notices that his hands are shaking. He thinks about looking up his symptoms online to see if theres anything about this group of symptoms, normal or supernatural, but everything hurts too damn much and he doesn't think he can force himself to focus on it for too long anyway.
He hears the voice in his head but he doesn't recognise it Sssaaammm he looks around but doesn't see anyone, thinks he's probably imagining it, just like when he thought he saw Jess this morning. Sam! It's all your fault. Sam shakes his head in an attempt to clear it but the voice keeps talking Do you hear me? It started when you were a baby and now it's happened again!'. He sees a woman he only recognises from the photos he's been shown, and here she is standing beside his bed, blaming him for her dying and for Jess. He gasps and says "Mom". Jess appears next to her, and beside her dad appears, and Sam looks from one to the other and back again, unable to believe that the three of them are here, together. Jess speaks to him I'm sorry Sam. Sorry I ever met you. John nods and agrees with Jess So she should be Sam. I told you not to leave us, but you did anyway. You see what happens when you do your own thing? Then the three of them start of whispering It's all your fault. You should have died at birth, before it gets gradually louder until they are screaming it while leaning in towards Sam. He can't take it anymore and pulls his fists up to the side of his head, drawing his knees up to his chest and he screams "Nnnnooooo!" to drown them out and make them stop. Sam feels someone touching his shoulder and he violently flinches away from the touch, he jumps up from the bed and he's running for the door, needing to be away from his accusers before they kill him with their screams and touches. He gets his hand on the door handle, still hearing their screams as they taunt him from the bedside, and he almost pulls the door from it's hinges in his haste to get away. Just as he is about to run through the door he feels and hand grabbing his arm and a voice breaking through the screams.
"Sam! Sammy! Hey, it's just me. Stop it Sam, it's Dean. C'mon buddy". Sam turns to look at Dean, and he looks back at the bed to see that Mary, John and Jess have all disappeared and looks back at Dean, who is slowly and gently guiding him back to the bed. "Sit down before you fall down Sam" Dean says carefully as Sam gets back into bed and focuses on the bedcovers. Dean sits on the bed in front of Sam and moves his hand to Sams chin, moving his brothers face up from looking at the bed covers to look at him. When he sees that Sam is focusing on him he pats his shoulder and asks "You okay?" To which Sam nods, while his eyes are darting around the room frantically. "Another nightmare?" Dean risks asking.
Sam shakes his head "No, it felt so real Dean. I don't understand? They were blaming me for what happened to mom, and Jess".
"What? Who? Sam, there's no-one here" Dean says, heart racing in fear for his brother who he's definitely now sure is hallucinating.
"Mom, Dad, Jess. They were all here Dean. They were screaming at me that it was all my fault. Dad said I should have listened to him about going my own way". Sam says as he takes a deep breath.
"No, Sam, never. It's not your fault, it's that son of a bitch demon, and when we find him we'll make the bastard pay" Dean responds, not willing to let his brother walk down this same road of blaming himself that their father did when it happened to mom. He sees Sams eyes fill with tears as he shakes his head, and his shoulders begin to hunch up and down as though he's trying his best to hold in his grief. Dean abandons his no chick-flick moments rule and pulls his brother into a hug, rubbing his hand up and down Sams back and says "let it out Sam, just let it all out". As he's hugging his brother he worries again that there may be something more a play here than the stress of recent events, especially if Sam is saying he's seeing people who clearly aren't there. "Sam?" he asks his brother, the unspoken What's going on here? carried in that one word as he pulls out of the hug to look at his brother.
"Dean. I'm starting to get scared here." Sam responds, with What the fuck is happening to me written clearly on his face.
Dean slightly grimaces before stopping himself just in time, instead he rubs his hands over his face and settles for saying "I don't know Sammy, but we'll get you through this. Whatever this is" as he props the pillows up against the headboard and helping Sam to move back against them. He notices the slight trembling in Sams body as he's helping him and he asks "When did this start?"
Sam looks at him as though trying to work out what Dean is talking about and finally he catches on when he Dean lifts his hand and Sam sees that it's still shaking. "Um, I guess it was happening when I woke up..." Sam is cut off but the sharp pain in his stomach as folds in on himself and grabs his stomach. He cries out in pain as the sharp pain intensifies to feeling like he has an electric shock coursing through his stomach. He feels Dean grabbing onto his shoulders and hears his brothers voice calling to him, but he can't make out the words and can't find it him to focus on what Dean is saying. The pain begins to subside after what feels like an eternity and he hears Dean frantically calling his name. Sam tries to sit back up but he feels too weak to even try. "Uuhhnnngghhhh" He mutters as he tries to form a coherent word. He feels Dean pull him up to sit against the headboard again.
"Jesus Sammy. I think we need help here" Dean says as he stands up from the bed and reaches for his phone.
"No!" Sam says, reaching out to grab a weak hold of Deans arm, and pulling his brother to sit back on the bed. "If it's what we're both thinking it is then a doctor won't be able to help Dean".
Dean looks at Sam as it dawns on him that Sam had been thinking along the same lines about him about what was going on, but neither had spoken about their worries. "And... what do we both think it is then?" he risks asking.
"Dean..." Sam begins but trails off as the pain in his stomach spiked up again, but this time it isn't quite so bad. Dean moves to help but Sam holds up his arm to stop him, needing the space. After the pain dies down Sam continues "...I know you've been thinking the same as me. That there's something more to this than a cold or the stress of what happened. You'd be stupid not to think it has to do with something supernatural."
"Why didn't you tell me you were thinking this way?" Dean asks.
"Why didn't you say anything to me?" Sam snaps back at Dean. Instantly feeling bad for snapping at his brother who was just trying to help, Sam sighs and says "I'm sorry Dean, it's just... I don't know what's happening to me. Maybe you should call dad?"
"I tried calling him to tell him what happened with Jess, it kept going to voicemail so I ended up having to leave him a message." Dean tells him, pausing to think about what to do. "Ok, you rest up and watch some TV or something little brother, I'll keep reading dads journal and see if I can find anything that might help us out."
One hour later...
Around an hour later, Dean sits reading over his fathers journal for what feels like the hundredth time, hoping that this time will be the time that he finds the thing that he's been missing the last times he's read it. He looks over to Sam who is now curled up on his bed in what looks like the fetal position, or as close as Sam can get to that position given his height. He's muttering things as he's lying on the bed, and making grunting noises as his his legs twitch of their own accord and he looks like he's holding his stomach so that it doesn't leap out of his skin. During the last hour Dean's asked Sam if he needs help, if he wants a drink, if he wants a doctor or a hospital, all of which have been met by the same answer, a determined "No". If Dean didn't know any better, he'd swear that Sam was kicking some kind of drug, but he knows that's not the case. Sam Winchester never so much as drank alcohol before he was of legal age, he didn't lose his virginity until he was of age for that too. One thing Dean was sure about though, was that he'd help Sam through whatever was going on. He's more sure than ever now that it's probably some kind of supernatural illness that the demon has inflicted on Sam. He gets up and runs the facecloth under the cold water and takes it over to his brother and begins to wipe the sheen of sweat that's covering Sams face. "D'n?" Sam weakly asks.
Dean smiles and says "Yeah Sammy it's me" as he wipes the bangs from Sams face. "How you feeling?"
"Like I've..." Sam breaks off mid sentence to grunt in pain and holds his stomach a little bit tights before continuing "...been hit by a train"
"I still think we should get you check out Sam" Dean says, now unable to mask his worry for Sam.
"No. I don't want a hospital, it'll pass in a few days" Sam answers Dean, and although it's been less than a day since Sam got really sick, Dean is already sick and tired of hearing those words.
"OK. Well I'm gonna order take-out. Do you want anything?" Dean asks Sam, already aware of what the answer will be. Sam merely shakes his head in response and Dean answers "Sam, you need to have something in your stomach".
Sam snaps back at Dean, practically shouting "What's the point? I'm just gonna bring it back up again!"
"You're luck you're sick right now, that's the only reason I'm letting you talk to me like that. I know that your ill, but your body needs food Sam. Please, just try something light?" Dean feels bad for trying to coax Sam into eating in the state he is in, but he knows that if Sam doesn't at least attempt to eat they'll both regret it if Sam gets any worse.
"O-ok. Get me some soup" Sams tone is one of an apology and Dean doesn't comment on it.
"Alright. I'm just gonna step outside for some air and order the food then. Be right back Sam" Dean says as he stands up and rubs his brothers leg as he passes to the door.
As he watches Dean pass through the doorway and close the door behind him, Sam starts to sob. He can't take this anymore. First Jess and the fire and now this, it feels like his world is coming to an end and he thinks not for the first time since this started that he might be dying. Jess appears in front of him and smiles, she has that knowing smile like she has something to tell him, and before he can ask her what it is her face changes again into a look of disgust I can't believe I was ever attracted to you "No Jess, d-don't say that". He feels the sharp pain in his stomach, but this time it moves outward and spreads through his body. He closes his eyes and curls in on himself again until the pain dulls. When he opens his eyes he sees his mom standing over him, and he flinches away from her as he expects similar words to what she said earlier on. Instead she smiles at him and says They're not real Sam. as she reaches out touch his head and Sam feels a cold breeze where her hand should be. You're strong, have faith and you'll get through this just fine. Trust Dean, he'll help you. He's too mesmerised by what's happening to even think about speaking. He feels the pain spike again and closes his eyes against it, when he opens them Mary is gone and so is Jess. He knows that he should be freaked out by what just happened, but he feels strangely comforted by it. He feels bad about it, but he's decided that he's going to keep what happened to himself.
"Hey you alright?" Dean asks as he comes back through the door. Sam only nods, not trusting himself to speak right now. "Food shouldn't be too long, they said they weren't too busy."
Sam nods and says "O-okay".
Dean moves to sit back on the bed in front of Sam, who has now pushed himself up to sit against the headboard. "Hey, we'll get you through this Sam. I know you were saying earlier about it being something supernatural, and I'm leaning more towards that idea now. We just gotta find out what they did to you and we'll get you fixed up." Sam only nods in response. "I'm thinking if your no better by tomorrow that we call Bobby if we still can't get a hold of dad."
"Yeah that sounds good to me" Sam quietly answers, as he sees Jess appear behind Dean, and Mom beside her. They both look like they want to kill him, and while he knows they're not real he's still taken aback by the hatred in their eyes. They disappear just as quickly as the appear.
Dean nods and stand up to go to the table when the door is knocked. Dean smiles, rubbing his stomach and says to Sam "Jeez, they weren't wrong when they said it wouldn't be long" as he crosses over to open the door. As he pulls it open he says "Hey buddy that was quick".
The petite womens voice is cheerful when she says "Really? It took me ages to find you both, I've been searching since Sunday night!" with a smirk of her face.
Sam pushes himself to sit up with his arms as Dean look as at her and says "What the fuck?".
"Dean?" Sam asks moving his head forward so that he can try to see who is at the door.
She smiles again as her eyes turn black every so briefly and then turn back to hazel. "That's what the fuck Dean". She moves to the side slightly so that she can see Sam, nods at him and looks back at Dean before saying "Not doing too well is he?"
"Stay out of this bitch! He'll be just fine" Dean says, taking a breath and beginning the exorcism "Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus..."
The demon grunted before shaking her head and interrupting the chant "You sure about that Deano? I'm here to offer him something".
"Oh yeah, and what's that then bitch? Whatever you're offering we certainly ain't interested" Dean replies as looks her up and down with a look of disgust. Sam sits watching the exchange while thinking I knew it was something supernatural. She knows what's wrong with me.
"Oh?" the demon asks as she arches her eyebrow. "You may to ask little Sammy over there about that" smiling, she pulls a knife from her pocket and drags it across the palm of her hand without flinching. Dean opens his mouth to begin the exorcism again as Sam gasps and she looks at Dean and winked "Just wait". She lifted her hand and squeezed it, allowing the blood to pool in her hand, and opening it she held it up, and looking at Sam she says "How about some of this Sammy? It'll make you feel aaallll better" as she brings her hand to her mouth and licks the blood before looking back at Sam, smiling with her bloodstained lips.
Sam couldn't explain it, but seeing the blood made him feel queasy and alert, almost awakened. He wanted it, he wanted to drink this demon bitches blood and he wanted to drain her host body dry. He felt attracted to it and felt the pull of it. He licked his lips as he looked from her hand to Dean, and saw his brothers horrified face as a look of realisation spread across Deans face. Sam stands up as quickly as he could and shakily walked over to the door, holding onto it to make sure he didn't fall. "W-what did you do me?" he asked the demon.
"Nah it wasn't me Sammy boy, can't say I'm not disappointed though. You want some of this?" she asks him as she holds her hand up again so that Sam can see the blood seep out of the wound. Deans eyes are wide and he looks at Sam in shock. "This is what you've been craving Sam" she grins.
"N-no" Sam whispers as he takes a step back.
"Don't listen to her Sam! She's talking bullshit, she's just here to taunt you about what the bastards did." Dean practically shouts before looking at the demon and saying "See you bitch" and beginning the exorcism again "Exorcizamus te..."
"...No, no I'm not" she interrupts again. "I'm not. Think about it, think about your friends at college. We found ways of slipping it you." She smiles before again offering her hand to Sam and saying "Without this, you'll stay like this for another few days, sometimes it'll get worse, sometimes it'll be better". Sam only shakes his head as he sits down at the bottom corner of the Deans bed, hugging his arms to his chest, doubling over in two at the pain in his stomach."
"That's it, enough of this shit bitch! We will hunt that son a bitch down and kill him you hear me?" Dean says pointedly to the demon before picking up some of the salt that he'd spread across the doorway and throwing it at her. As she recoiled in pain he began reciting the exorcism once more "Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica..." The demon screamed in pain and turned on her heels, running away quickly before Dean could finish the chant.
Turning back to Sam who was holding his head in his hands, Dean asks "Do you think what she was saying is true?"
Sam looks up at Dean through red rimmed tear filled eyes, stands up and takes two steps forward before collapsing to the floor. Dean maneuvered Sam into his bed and pulled up the covers, letting his brother sleep off the assault which had been done to his body and the toll that it had taken on him.
2 November 2005
Dean called his dad again during the night, but again was connected to voicemail straight away "Dad, it's me. Again. Call back, we need you". Sam was still asleep from the previous night, after Dean had injected him with morphine after being unable to handle watching him writhe in his sleep with the pains and chills coursing through his body. Dean spent most of last night thinking about what the demon had said to them, what she had said about the blood to Sam and about his friends and how they'd been slipping it to him. Bastards. They couldn't leave him alone to live his life could they? Dean thought to himself. Sam stirring on the bed caught Deans attention. "Hey Sammy how you feeling this morning?"
"I'm not sure. Did I dream about the demon coming to the door?" Sam asked his brother as he sits up and wipes his eyes.
"Sorry, 'fraid not" Dean replied as he stood up and walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge of it facing Sam.
"Then in that case I feel like shit. And I don't think I can take much more of this" Sam shook his head as he spoke, and took a deep breath as the pain in his legs became sharp and a dull cramp all at the same time. After the pain let up a little he said "I mean, was my whole life at Stanford a lie? My life with Jess, was that..."
"...No Sam. No! Not ever, don't even think it, not for a second, I'm not listening to that crap. You know you had a life at Stanford. You can still walk back into that life if you want". At an angry look from Sam, Dean carries on "What I mean is that I know it will be difficult, but you have friends there who've known you for about three years now. You built a life for yourself there from scratch Sammy, and I couldn't be more proud of you for that."
Sam sighs before saying "But she said..." and as the realisation of what the demon had actually said about what he was going through, Sam sits up quickly as he holds his hand to his mouth and says "Oh God. I think I'm gonna sick."
Dean holds the trashcan up for Sam who empties the bile from his stomach and then dry heaves for what feels like an eternity. After Sam finishes he puts the trashcan back on the floor and looks at his brother, as he says "We'll get you through this Sam. It's gonna be ok. You'll come out the other side of it, and I promise that you'll be fine."
"How can you say that? You don't know what we're even up against" Sam felt himself getting more angry as he spoke.
"I know we don't. I've never heard of anything like this before, but from what that bitch was saying it's like a normal addiction, and if we're working on withdrawal timescales here then you're already well into the worst of it, and you should be coming out of it in a day or two. And so long as you avoid temptation, then you won't relapse." Dean said, for the first time seeing that there was light at the end of the tunnel, and finding himself feeling strangely glad that this was what was wrong with his brother and not something slightly more sinister. He could deal with withdrawal symptoms, he couldn't deal with some kind of supernatural cancer.
Sam rolled eyes and pulls what Dean had referred to as his bitch face as he says "Pfft, yeah. Just avoid demons forever. Yeah, sure Dean. No problem.
"Actually, I was think more like avoid demonic blood. Which shouldn't be too difficult since we don't usually stab them, we just exorcise them". Sam looks at Dean like that thought hadn't crossed his mind and Dean smiles and says "See, am I an awesome big brother or what?". Standing up and walking over the small kitchen area of the room, Dean turns to Sam and asks "So I'm gonna reheat the soup that you didn't manage last night, do you wanna eat it at the table or in bed?"
"I really don't think I can hold anything down, there's no point in trying" Sam says dejectedly as he shakes his head an looks down at the bed covers.
"I know you were just sick, but you really need to keep your strength up, and the best way to do that is through food. Trust me. We can take it easy for a few days and just have soup and light things until you're feeling up to trying solids. Now, table or bed?"
"Table" Sam says, deciding that while he's feeling good he might as well make the most of it.
A few hours later...
Later that night, Dean was sitting on the edge of Sams bed, rubbing his brothers back as he lay curled up in the fetal position again, shivers moving through his body and letting out a series of grunts and groans as the pain overtook him. Dean kept up his stream of "You're gonna be fine Sammy ... I'm here ... it's ok little brother ... just breathe through it"
Sam had seen Jess, mom, dad and now he's started seeing Dean standing in front of him, but he knew that his actual Dean was sitting behind him rubbing his back. This knowledge didn't stop the words that the hallucination Dean spoke from hurting You're such a waste of space. All my life its been Dean look out for Sammy. Look after your little brother Dean. Well I'm sick of it. They should have given you an overdose of the stuff. Jesus fucking Christ. Only Sam Winchester could become addicted to demon blood and not know that he was goddamn addict. Sam buries his head in the pillow as hallucination Deans words eat away at him, when he looks up he knows that it was another hallucination.
Sam was sure that he would pass out from the pain, and when he said as much Dean sprang up from the bed offering "Do you want some more Morphine? It might take you out again and let you get some rest".
Shanking his head, Sam said "No, I don't want any more drugs Dean."
"Sam, dude ... demon blood is not a drug! If you need something to take the edge off, please take the Morphine" Dean practically cried. He couldn't stand seeing Sam go through this anymore than Sam could stand going through it.
"Yeah, um, ok. I think I could use it to be honest".
5 November 2005
Sam sits at the table watching Dean as he packs up their belongings and takes them out to the car. He's lost count of the amount of times that he's offered to help, only to be turned down by his brother time and time again, as Dean says time and time again "No. Jesus... Sam, you're coming down off a pretty shitty few days. And that's putting it mildly. No, take it easy, you're awesome big brother Dean has this covered."
As Dean comes back in from taking out the last of their bags, Sam stands up at says "Thanks Dean."
Dean smiles and asks "What for?"
"Don't be an ass. You know what for Dean! I honestly couldn't have gotten through these last few days without you. I mean that." Sam sounds as genuine and honest as any person can be when offering their sincere thanks.
"Don't worry about it little brother. That's what I'm here for. To help when you need me. We got each others back right?" Dean asks.
"Yeah we do. I, um... I have a favour to ask you Dean." Sam says as looks to the floor and back up to Dean, unsure of how to broach this subject with his brother. Dean raises an eyebrow in a question of Well what is it then? and Sam asks "Can we not tell Dad about this? I'm embarrassed enough about it happening at all, never mind dad finding out."
Dean understands where Sam is coming from and he knows how Sam feels about their father, so he's more than willing to honour his brothers request. Nodding he says "Yeah. No problem Sammy. If thats what you want we can keep it between the two of us". Looking his brother up and down he asks "You sure you're ready to leave and get on the road?"
"Yeah, I meant I'm not saying I'm up to any serious hunts or anything but I need to be back on the road and away from here Dean." Sam says.
"No worries little brother, now lets get out of here" Dean says as they walk out of the motel, putting Pal Alto in their past for good and ready to start the hunt for their mother and Jess' killer.
END
A/N - hope you enjoyed reading this, and I hope it flows ok as a one-shot. Please let me know your thoughts/comments, whether good or bad!