House just wasn't in the mood. Cuddy brought him a mildly interesting case that he may have been prevailed upon to take, if he weren't feeling so goddamn bad. Cuddy noticed and asked what was wrong. House mumbled some excuse and then limped off, heading for the only place he had any hope of finding relief.
Wilson looked up as House pushed the door open and let it bang shut.
"Nice day isn't it?" he said, "lovely weather, not a cloud in the sky…"
House snapped at him, "I don't care about the fucking weather; it can suck my ten inch cock. Fill me out a prescription for some Vicodin, I lost my last bottle and my leg is killing me."
Wilson looked amused at this turn of events. "Hmm…interesting position you're in here. You desperately need your Vicodin, and I am the only person who might be willing to prescribe you some. Well, well, well." He muttered, walking around House and peering at him as though he were a specimen on display. "How badly do you need this medication?" He asked innocently.
House snarled, "Quit your games, you know how painful this is. If you won't give me the meds, I'll get them from somewhere else."
Wilson laughed derisively. "Get them from someone else?! Who are you going to ask? Cuddy? Oh yes, I'm sure she'll supply you with more drugs. No, my good friend. The fact is, I am your only hope. And in order to score the goods from me, you'll have to do a little something in return."
House eyed him suspiciously, but knew that Wilson really was his only chance. He finally acquiesced.
"Good, I knew you'd see reason soon enough. Alright I want you to strip down completely in here." Wilson savored House's expression; the agape jaw was a particularly enjoyable touch. House's eyes followed Wilson as he went to close the office's doors.
"Wait, you're not serious about this are you?" House said, nervous for the first time in his memory.
"Oh yes, I'm perfectly serious." Wilson replied, drawing closer and closer to his friend. House began breaking out into a sweat. Sure, he found Wilson attractive as Hell, and had had his share of naughty fantasies about him, but he never thought that shy, awkward Wilson would be the one to initiate. House tried to think of something to say, anything to stop Wilson until he could think properly, but his mind was blank. It was like when you get assfucked by a trucker in Colorado and he uses too much lube. Exactly like that. But then Wilson stopped and laughed.
"You…you really thought I was going to make you do that?!" He gasped, like a pregnant woman before she delivers quintuplets. House was furious and leapt at Wilson, his leg magically cured. They rolled on the ground, tearing at eachothers hair, clawing at their faces, etc. It was a real cat fight. Then, all of a sudden, the full moon appeared, and with that, Wilson began growing fangs and turned into a wolf. This infuriated House even more, because he wanted to be the intimidating one, and Wilson was always his little bitch. "Hell if I'm going to be that bitch's bitch." He thought, and immediately turned into the Hulk. He grabbed Wilson wolfman and they smashed into the glass window, shattering it. After falling for two hours, House Hulk landed on his feet (like a cat) with Wilson in his arms, cradling him like he was his long lost child. He attempted to breast feed, but gave up when Wilson ate one of his pectoral muscles. Instead he threw Wilson into the nearby Bayou and attempted to crush him. Wilson, however, was too agile, and darted away, licking his chops and howling for more meat. Man meat. House ran to him and they had a battle of epic proportions, after which they licked each other's wounds and spooned. Cuddy found them the next morning in the decimated office, cuddling in each other's arms. She said, "What the fuck you guys."