Blaine was a terrible person. He was pretty sure of that.
Sitting at a cafe with his boyfriend, Blaine wasn't paying attention to Jared at all. He was pretty sure he was talking about the latest episode of that show that he always watches. With the 2 brothers who hunt demons, or something like that.
All Blaine could think of was Kurt's face. His happiness and nervousness that quickly turned to sadness, then to guilt, sad realisation and rejection before finally setting a cold, very fake smile upon his face, cheeks flushed, and eyes glassy.
If he was being honest with himself, Blaine saw this coming. And if he were being honest with himself, that is exactly what he set out to do. Not break the beautiful countertenors heart. But to make him truly confident in his true self, and to go out and get what it is he truly wanted.
He also felt guilty. He was guilty.
He is, after all, a natural charmer. He knows this, because he plays it up to the max. Dapper Blaine. Supreme Blaine. Flirty, youre the only person in this world right now Blaine.
This is what Blaine thought sitting at the diner table with his boyfriend.
"What's wrong babe?" Jared asked him from across the table, "Do you not like it?".
"Huh? Like what?" Blaine asked, plastering on his nonchalant smile.
Jared giggled and pointed down to the very melted ice-cream sundae on the table.
"Oh. No, I'm just so full. I think we should get going" he replied, looking at his watch.
Blaine watched as Jared's blue eyes lit up, no doubt thinking that they were going back to his house.
"Mmmm, yes, lets" Jared announced, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.
Blaine felt a sharp pain in his heart. He simply pushed that feeling aside and stood up, holding his hand out for his boyfriend to hold. Jared clasped Blaine's hand tight and leaned in for a kiss, which Blaine returned.
This is wrong, so wrong he thought to himself. He had never felt unconditional love toward Jared, who he had known for a year, and dated for the past 7 months.
Jared attended Carmel High School, and was in his schools glee club, Vocal Adrenalin. He, however, couldn't sing to save his life. He was a dancer, and danced fiercely. That's where all his talent seemed to reside though. He wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.
He was, though, gorgeous.
Tall, about 6"1. He was 17, a well built body, with firm muscles from dancing. He had ocean blue eyes that were complemented by his strawberry blond hair. It was long, almost shoulder length that Blaine loved to run his hands through.
That was pretty much where the interest stopped though. Blaine knew it was wrong to get involved with someone based purely on looks and access. Call it shallow, or idiocy.
He was Blaine. Dapper Blaine. Supreme Blaine. Flirty, youre the only person in this world right now Blaine. And when he met Jared, thats who he put out. In turn, Jared had done then, what Kurt had done earlier that day and asked Blaine out.
Blaine, not wanting to date someone from his own school, due to the publicity it would garner, and not having a pine, he accepted.
Blaine lost his virginity to Jared. His physical virginity anyway.
Before he knew it, Blaine was outside, in the parking lot, heading to Jared's car.
"My place?" Jared asked hopefully.
"Actually, I think you better take me back to Dalton tonight. I'm not really too well".
Jared's face fell, but he simply nodded and got into the drivers seat and buckled up. Blaine saw the disappointment on Jared's face but shrugged it off.
He realised, though, that Jared's disappointment was completely different to Kurt's disappointment earlier that day. Jared looked almost disgusted at Blaine. Almost angry. Kurt however, understood Blaine's declination. Blaine also noticed the self blame and defeated look in Kurt's disappointment. True disappointment.
"Were here" Jared announced monotone.
Blaine looked up and saw his schools building in front of the car. He glanced a look at Jared, who looked pissed.
"What's wrong?" Blaine asked. Because, that's what Blaine does.
"Well I wanted some ass tonight. I don't want to spend tonight alone" he answered honestly, catching Blaine off guard.
"I'm sorry babe" Blaine apologised, rubbing Jared's knee gently, causing him to smile a little.
"It's ok. See you tomorrow?" he asked politely, leaning over to kiss Blaine.
Blaine responded with a soft kiss, nodding a yes and exiting the car. He waved off Jared, and turned to enter the building.
After signing in, Blaine made his way to the common room for a coffee. Busying himself with the espresso machine, he didn't realise he was making so much noise. Apparently he was though.
"What did the machine ever do to you?" an amused voice asked behind him.
Blaine turned around, a genuine smile gracing his face upon seeing Kurt's angelic face.
"Hey, you want one?" he asked, motioning to the cup in his hand. Kurt nodded with a smile.
"Of course" he exclaimed, lifting up a box of Oreos from behind his back.
Blaine laughed and made the coffees while Kurt went to sit on the leather couch where he proceeded to pull out his books, looking like he was about to start studying.
Blaine strutted over with the coffees in his hand, handing Kurt over his cup. Kurt accepted and sat it on the table with a thank you nod.
"What are you studying for?" Blaine asked, nodding to the papers, ripping open the box of Kurt's Oreos.
"Excuse you, who said you could have some" Kurt faked, looking at the Oreos, "And Im doing my calculus."
Blaine smiled and dipped his Oreo into his coffee and eating it. Sitting here with Kurt felt like the two had known each other forever. They had, in fact, only known each other for all of 2 months. They were always relaxed around each other and Blaine loved that.
Dalton was a great school. Zero-tolerance harassment policy, a great academic standard, and wonderful teachers and mentors. But Dalton was a school. And Blaine didn't feel like himself on school grounds.
He blended in with everyone, because that's what you do at school. Or, at least, that's what he thought everyone thought he should do at school. It wasn't until Kurt came here, that he realised that Dalton cherishes individuality, not frown upon it. The Warblers were a different story completely, and rightfully so too.
Blending in with the melody and harmonies was key to their performances. The only one who needed to stand out was the lead, and/or the solo verse singers. But being an a-capella group, you had to learn to stand out. In blending in as Warblers, all members struggled to find the compromise when not warbling, if you will.
Blend in during performances, blend in when not doing performances.
Kurt flipped that mentality on its head, then kicked its ass and sent it running for the hills. He refused to fit in. And in turn, showed that being different in school, during school hours didn't bother anyone, and least of all did not interfere with his performance value during Warblers performances. There he did try to fit in, because he was professional, and that's what was key to the performance.
Blaine smiled at his friend, before he remember what had happened earlier that day. His face fell.
"Hey Kurt, about earlier" he ventured cautiously.
Kurt visibily tensed, before shaking his head and sitting up straight, plastering a smile on his face that almost looked real.
"I'm so sorry. I feel so stupid. I just thought you know, no, nevermind" he shook his head again, laughing forcibly.
"No Kurt, don't feel stupid. Theres nothing wrong asking someone you like out" Blaine felt like such a tool.
"I just read things wrong. I do that alot apparently. I'm sorry if it made things awkward for you".
For me? Blaine asked himself. Why would Kurt be worrying if it made things awkward for him?
"What do you mean?" Blaine asked.
"Oh, you know, to be around me. I was worried you'd feel awkward to be around me again. I hoped that wasn't the case, but you have to be prepared for every outcome" Kurt answered matter-of-factly.
What is he talking about? Blaine thought. He didn't voice it though. He simply nodded and kept quiet. Kurt meanwhile, resumed his studying. After a few moments in silence, Blaine watched Kurt carefully.
He really was beautiful. He was taller than Blaine. Blaine didn't mind, he was shorter than most people. Kurt's hair was always immaculate. Blaine watched Kurt do his hair one morning. It took fancy bottles of styling stuff, serum creamy thingy and a whole bottle of hair spray. It was coiffed perfectly, looking all cute and stiff on top of his head.
Blaine loved Kurt's nose. Small and angular, with a lightly upturned tip. At the bottom sat pouty pink lips Blaine was sure were very talented. Just like the voice box in Kurt's slender, long porcelain neck. Come to think of it, every single millimetre of Kurt's skin looked like the finest china dolls. Blemish free, creamy white, like silk. Blaine was eager to get him into direct sunlight, just to make sure his skin didn't glistened like diamonds sparkling.
Kurt's slim, yet clearly well-built figure was always hidden behind loose fitting sweaters or highly complicated jackets. His lower body, however, was almost gratuitous. He gave a new meaning to skin tight jeans. They were basically painted on, showing every tight muscle in his legs, the strong definition in his thighs, his well curved behind, and his deliciously pear-like hips.
But Kurt wasn't just beauty exterior. He had soul. He had heart. And Blaine loved just how much Kurt showed both when he was passionate about something. He was intelligent beyond compare, was down to earth and likable, but still knew when to diva-out on your ass in 0.3 seconds flat.
And strong. Unbelievably so.
Blaine had run, he recalled, as soon as hardship hit him. Given that absolutely no one should ever have to put up with any form of harassment ever, and should never be ashamed of taking themselves out of such situations to keep themselves safe, he always felt like a coward.
Cowards run, he always mused to himself. But he never let that stop him from being proud though. He was proud of who he was. He was outwardly confident. He was easy-going and respectful of everyone. If that made him a coward, he'd spell it with a capital C proudly.
Kurt was different. Kurt fought back silently. By being himself all day, every day, no matter what. Telling Kurt not do to something was a sure fire way to get him to do it, and do it damn perfectly. He was the true meaning behind the song Defying Gravity.
Blaine thought over everything Kurt Hummel, and sighed heavily. How could he have been so stupid? He liked Kurt, and he liked him alot.
Every unconscious touch, every unconscious sweet word said to him, every unconscious flirtatious gesture, look or action, Blaine realised with a start, were absolutely, and very very conscious.
He wanted Kurt to like him. He wanted Kurt to like him alot. He wanted this all, without figuring out what would happen if Kurt were to act on that. He had reacted to that, and Blaine shot him down stating simply that he had no idea, and that he had a boyfriend.
Blaine did have an idea. Because he planted the seed, and watered it, and manicured it to perfection. Then stomped on it with an apologetic look as he walked out to greet his boyfriend.
"Finished!" Kurt announced proudly, setting his pen down on top of his now closed calculus book.
Blaine smiled at him and got up to take his and Kurt's cup to the dishwasher. Walking over toward the kitchen area, Blaine thought to himself that maybe he would give Kurt a shot.
Looking over his shoulder at Kurt, he smiled wide as he rinsed out the cups and placed them into the dishwasher, and starting it since it was now full. Yes, he would take Kurt up on his offer to go out on a date this weekend.
He liked Kurt, very much. No two ways about it. And Kurt obviously liked him, enough to pluck up the courage to ask him out. Blaine smiled all the way back to the couch where Kurt was sitting contently.
"So Kurt, about what you said earlier. I was wondering-" he began, but was cut off.
Kurt smiled shyly, but genuinely, turning pink in blush.
"It's fine Blaine. I realise you don't like me like that, and I'm fine with it, honestly" Kurt said, placing a hand on Blaine's thigh, "I just hope it wont change us, you know? I like what we have now. I don't want that to change"
Blaine smiled and shook his head.
"I know, and it won't change a thing. Were friends first before anything" Blaine said happily, trying to work up the nerve to ask Kurt out. Or rather accept Kurt's invitation to go out.
However, Blaine was not to get that chance as Kurt looked at him longingly and stated simply,
"And I'm more than happy just being friends" he said, standing up and holding out his hand for Blaine.
Blaine felt the sharp pain to his heart again, but accepted Kurt's hand as the taller teen pulled him into a soft, love-filled friendly hug. Kurt released Blaine and bent down to gather his things and packed them away.
"Goodnight Blaine" Kurt said sweetly, walking away and waving to Blaine before exiting the room.
Blaine sat down on the empty couch, in the empty common room, feeling empty himself. He missed his chance, and he may not get another one ever, he thought bitterly.
Bowing his head, Blaine clutched at his chest that was now almost heart-attack inducing and willed himself not to cry. He brought this on himself. Not only for turning Kurt down in the first place. But for actually thinking Kurt's offer still stood, as if he were just going to wait for Blaine forever.
"Goodnight Kurt" Blaine mumbled under his breath sadly, "I think I love you."