Hey -

Just a quick author's note before we move on to the story. Alright, for those of you who are looking at this and thinking 'haven't I read this before?' - yes, I am reposting the entire story. This is for three reasons - one, I have not updated in a while, and want to go back through my chapters anyway; two, I think my writing has improved a bit, so I want to spruce things up; and three, I now have the most amazing beta ever, in my humble opinion, to look through stuff for me and make sure I continue to update like I should (thank you Sparkling Mist!).

So, to old readers, welcome back. And to new readers, I hope you enjoy! Brand new chapters will be up soon, don't worry!

Note: this story is a crossover with the book Impulse by Ellen Hopkins. Even if you haven't read the book, you will still understand the story. I will put all needed information on the book's characters in my story. However, I do suggest reading it - it is a great quick read!

Oh, and, sadly, I don't own anything... yet.

IT ALL HAPPENED...

... on a fairly normal day for me and him. We did what we would always seem to do; family, school, practice, missions. Yet, somehow, that day was different. He was different. I just would not really understand that until later.

At breakfast, I bounded down the stairs, two at a time, anxious to eat my cereal and get to school, get to him. But he was already in the kitchen, helping my mom cook waffles and eggs for my family. He always did nice stuff like that for my parents, for my brothers... for me.

I walked over to say hello, to give my best friend a huge hug for being so considerate, and fully expecting to receive an amazing smile. His smiles were the ones that I lived for. Instead, the first view I had of his face was of self-loathing and pain. This look only lasted a moment, and then he noticed I was staring. Immediately, a smile that would have melted the hardest of hearts lit up his beautiful face, and I was pulled into a hasty embrace.

SINCE WE WERE IN FRONT...

... of my family, I decided to have a talk with him at school. He had always been honest with me in the past, so why should now be any different?

But it was. He wouldn't look me in the eye as we quickly walked to school, speeding up the pace whenever I would try to come close to the truth behind his new sorrow. Once we had entered school, he disappeared within the crowd. He avoided me at lunch, skipped practice, all to stay away from me.

I felt completely alone, dejected, and ignorant of his problems. I wanted to help him so much, but he just wouldn't give me the chance.

After practice, I heard a familiar beeping. I smiled, knowing he would have to come with me now. I had him tracked down by a computer, sprinting to his location. I couldn't wait to talk with him.

WHEN I FOUND HIM,

... he panicked, like he wanted to make a break for it. Quickly, I yelled that it was a mission, and that we both had to go. Slowly, he turned back, acting as if everything was perfectly fine.

He walked like normal when we went to board the jet. He spoke like normal about his classes and pet. He even smiled that wonderful smile like normal when he saw me glance his way. But when he missed my gaze, I saw that he was not normal.

WE PARACHUTED...

... from the speeding plane, landed safely on the metallic rooftop, and snuck inside. We took out the brawny henchmen, endured the evil genius's plan and horribly loud laughter, and smoothly escaped. We fought our usual opponents, won, and stopped the machine. We let the bad guys get away. This was our usual pattern of what happened, and we were used to it by then.

As we waited for our ride, he started to move toward the broken down equipment. He vacantly stared at the mangled steel, circling around and around the room, never looking away from the center. Then, he stopped. And he spoke to me.

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA...

... the amount of pain I go through every single time we go on a mission. The nightmares I have afterward... You are always in danger, and I am just plain not good enough to protect you. You have to save yourself. All I have are my mistakes. Ones that put you in even more danger. No matter how hard I try, I never save you. I never help. This is all I have going in my life, these missions... and you. And I would rather you remember me as you do now than have me screw up. Then, you would just remember that, and hate me. And I could never deal with you hating me."

AFTER HIS SPEECH,

... he picked up one of the fragments from the machine, a jagged piece with sharp enough points to pierce skin deeply. He locked eyes with me, and said, "Good-bye." In a matter of seconds, he shoved it into his chest.

I screamed. I ran to him, desperate to pull it out, to save him, but he wouldn't let me. I wanted to tell him he was wrong, but he stopped me. His glazed eyes searched for me, and found my hand. He kissed the tips of my fingers, and whispered, "I love you."

Once life left his eyes, I lost all control. I shrieked. I cried. I whimpered to his dead form about how wrong he was. I so wanted for him to understand that he was so important in my life. He held me together after all of the horrible things we had seen. None of the missions would have been a success if he had not come. He saved me with his charm, his laughter... his smile. That amazing smile that I would never see again.

FEELING LEFT ME.

I pulled the fragment from him with a piercing scream. Choice was not an option. He had always been in my life. He was my constant, my all, and none of him meant none of anything else. I touched his face, kissed his lifeless lips, and stuck the metal into my heart.

The pain I felt was intense, but I had dealt with worse over the years. This time, though, he wasn't going to save me. He was gone. And he was never coming back. This was the only thought that stopped me from pulling out the fragment. It represented the hole he had made in my heart by leaving me, a hole he never had known he could create.

I HELD HIM CLOSE,

... wrapping my arms around him in death as I hadn't had the courage to do in life. I could feel his blood on my hands, and my blood seeping into his chest. I thought this was fitting, as if we were becoming one at last, once it was too late. I put my mouth to his ear, believing he could somehow hear my words through to the afterlife. I said, "I love you."

That was when I heard our ride show up, screaming at the top of her lungs for someone to get a doctor, that we were hurt badly. Then, everything went black.

"YOU KNOW THE REST...

... of the story."

"Yes, I do. Thank you for sharing this with me. I believe that I will allow you to start group sessions tomorrow, as part of Level Two. I know you can do this, Kim."

"I'm glad you believe in me, Dr. Starr."

END KIM'S POINT OF VIEW

And that concludes chapter one. The next chapter should be up within a few days.

Even if you have read this before, please review. I like to know how people feel about my writing.

And new people, REVIEW! I am not ashamed to beg. Not on FF, anyway.

Until next time,

GypsyGrl77