He was finally home and for once it didn't feel good, it felt awful. For the first time Denise wasn't there to meet him, he'd asked her not to be. He was hurt, he was angry, and he didn't want everyone staring at them. The house was dark but her car was there, maybe she was waiting for him in the back of the house, or maybe she was out with a friend, maybe...anything was possible. She had changed so much; there were a lot of maybes. He opened the door to silence, still, heavy silence.
He put his bag down and went to the bed room, there she was lying on their bed, and she looked like she was sleeping. He was later than he said he would be, a lot later; he went to her and poked her leg, "Denise!"
She was ice cold to the touch and her skin was ghostly white, and she didn't even move when he poked her and she had always hated him messing with her legs.
He turned on the lamp and leaned over her, "Denise," he said again shaking her. "Denise!"
She exhaled then he caught it, the overwhelming odor of vodka. His heart sped up; he went for the phone when he saw the bottle. It was a prescription bottle, empty, for sedatives, Roland Burton was the prescribing physician. She'd taken these pills, the script was three days old, and the bottle of 30 was empty.
He dialed 911 then went back to her and tried to wake her, but nothing he did or tried got through to her, nothing. He sat there holding her, begging her, but she didn't move except for a shallow breath now and again.
When the ambulance arrived, he rode with her to the hospital refusing to let go of her hand. By the time they pulled into the ambulance bay she'd stopped breathing, he was terrified. What happened? How did this happen?
He decided he needed to call her friends, he called Claudia Joy first.
"Hello," she said quickly thinking it odd to be getting an anonymous call.
"Hello Claudia Joy. It's Frank, listen, I need you to come to the hospital, Denise is very sick," he said.
"Is she?" she asked.
"Yeah," he replied.
"Okay, I'll be there in a little while," she said. "We're having dessert."
"Okay," he said a little taken aback by her disinterest in his wife and her condition.
He tried Pamela next, same chilly response, finally, he tried Roxy, and she did seem to care and said her husband was on his way because she was stuck at work. Finally he tried Michael but before he answered a doctor came to update him.
"Major?" he said.
Frank rose immediately, "Let's have a talk in my office," he said to his fellow officer. "Give you some privacy."
Frank nodded and followed him, "How is my wife?" He asked.
They sat, "Well, when she decides to do something she really does it. We tried charcoal; we're doing all we can, but doesn't look like she'll make it through the night."
Frank was fighting back tears. "Can I see her?" he asked.
"Before you do you might want to call any relatives or family, if you have children..." he replied. "I'm very sorry."
He nodded and got out his phone to call everyone.
He called Michael first, "I need you to get Jeremy home tonight," he said immediately without preamble or formality, Frank was formal when asking to borrow a hammer, so this lapse was a tip as to the urgency of the situation.
"Why?" he asked. "What's wrong?"
"It's Denise, she...I don't know but they said to call friends and family," he said. "I called friends and it seems no one cares, but her son deserves a chance to say goodbye to his mother."
"Frank, slow down, nothing you've said has made any sense. Was she in an accident?" he asked.
"No, she took a bunch of pills, I think she tried to kill herself," Frank admitted. "They said she won't make it through the night, but I hope if I tell her our boy is coming…"
"I'll get him there and talk to Claudia Joy, she knows better than to act this way," he said, Denise was her best friend and no matter what Denise had done, he knew she would never forgive herself if she wasn't there if something happened to Denise.
"I'll be sitting with her, taking to her and junk," Frank said. "Maybe she'll wake up; maybe if she knows I'm here she'll fight I know it."
"Okay, hang in there," he said and hung up to begin the task of locating the young soldier.
Frank went to Denise's side. She was hooked up to monitors, wires, even a respirator, she looked so small, so weak, and her heart was barely beating. He sat next to her and took her hand.
"I'm here, baby," he whispered. "I'm here now and it's going to be okay as long as you wake up. Just wake up for me, baby. Open your eyes, please."
She didn't, she didn't move or open her eyes; she just lay perfectly still.
He sat and held her hand, touched her cheek, begged her, pleaded with her...soon Michael appeared to be with his closest friend.
"Any change?" he asked. He could already see the grief in his friend's eyes. The usually straight back and sturdy shoulders were slumped as he leaned over the bed getting as close to Denise as he could without crawling into bed with her. If he thought it would help, he might even do that.
"No," he sighed. "Nothing, she's just lying here. If I didn't find her when I did...Any luck on Jeremy?"
"Yeah, he's coming home," he replied. "Took a bit of doing but he's on a transport to Kuwait, then Germany, and then here."
"You hear that Denise," Frank said. "Jeremy's coming home so you have to hang on for him okay? Don't let him down, keep fighting."
He knew she heard him even though she didn't react. He could feel it, she was still in there, and he just had to get through.
The next unfortunate person walk into the room was Roland Burton. Frank was on him like flies on crap, "You did this!" he accused.
"Frank, calm down. All I did was write her a script," he said.
"And she took all of it! At once!" he accused. "You're a doctor! You are supposed to be the best! You had to have known she wanted to try this!"
"No, I didn't, Frank. She came to me said she was having trouble sleeping and asked if I could give her something," he sighed. "This wasn't the first time I've had to do that for her when you were in a tight spot."
"And there was no clue?" he asked. "Nothing to tell you she was going to do that?" He pointed to her.
"No, she seemed fine," he said.
He went back to her side and took her hand again, "Come baby, I need you."
And again there was no reaction.
He sat there all day and all night, he fell asleep at her side and woke up when he felt a touch on his hand.
"Hey dad," Jeremy said, he had tear tracks on his cheeks.
Frank stood up and took his son into his arms, "It's going to be all right son. I promise."
"Has there been any change?" he asked.
"I don't know, I fell asleep," Frank sighed. "Let me go find her doctor. Considering she should have...gone by now, I'd say it's looking up." He sighed. "Hold her hand, she likes that."
He nodded and took his mother's hand and Frank went to find her doctor.
Soon the doctor came in and began to examine her, "No change, I'm sorry. Her barbiturate level has dropped which is encouraging but still, it was a fatal dose. It's just a matter of time."
Frank sighed as the doctor left the room.
"What happened?" Jeremy asked. "Who did this to her?"
"She did," he replied.
"You did!" Jeremy accused. "You said we didn't know if it was true, that we had to wait but you hurt her, didn't you! You made her feel like she wasn't good enough, just like did me!"
"No, Jeremy I had nothing to do with this," he snapped.
"Yes you did!" he fired. "You did, you made her feel..." There was a loud bleeping that came from Denise's monitors.
Both men stopped dead in their tracks and moved out of the way for the doctors and nurses that ran inside the room and forced them both out to the hallway. Jeremy, in spite of his anger he clung to his father like he did when he was a little boy.
Frank did the same and held his son tight "She will make it Jeremy," he promised.
"I need her Dad," he told him. "I need her."
"I know son, so do I," he said.
The doctor came out a minute later, "She's awake," he told them. "For the most part. She either can't or won't speak, she doesn't obey anything, her eyes are opened and she's breathing on her own now, but what you see is probably what you get," he told them. "You should go get some rest."
"Can we see her for a while?" Frank asked.
"Sure," the doctor replied. "Her eyes are open and she's breathing but I don't think there's much left of her brain." He dropped that bomb, and then walked away.
Frank sighed and he and Jeremy walked into the room.
She was still motionless, now staring with eyes that seemed to be unseeing at the wall. Frank went to her side and took her hand, she didn't seem to notice that either.
"Our boy is here, Dee," Frank said. "You see him, baby." He knew if she wouldn't or couldn't react to their son, it was likely she really wasn't still in there.
She moved her head but didn't speak.
Jeremy beamed, "You see that Dad?" he asked. "You see what she did, she heard you."
"Yeah, I saw it son," he said smiling at his wife.
Jeremy went to her other side, "You see Dad, Mom?" he asked her. "Look at him."
She turned her head and looked at him, she wanted to say something but she couldn't.
Jeremy smiled, "She heard me. I'm getting the doctor, if she can hear and understand, then she can make it."
Frank nodded and Jeremy rushed to get the doctor.
The doctor came in and examined her, "This is a good sign but it's not a guarantee."
"Well at least there's hope," Frank said smiling at his wife, she was trying her best to talk but it only came out as a small whimper.
"You have something to say, Dee?" he asked. "Come on baby," he pushed. "Tell me."
She tried again but couldn't she was starting to get upset.
"That's okay," he said gently. "Go on to sleep angel. I'm going to be right here, so is Jeremy. Okay? Answer me, just nod your head."
She slowly nodded her head and closed her eyes.
Frank sat back, "I need a minute, son."
"Want me to go, or want me to watch her?" he asked.
"Go," he choked out close to tears.
He nodded and left to give his father some privacy
Frank took Denise's hand and held it and when he thought his son was gone, he started to cry out the pain and fear of the past 36 hours.
Jeremy couldn't leave him like this so he went back and sat next to his father. "Dad," he said and placed his hand on his shoulder.
He was embarrassed crying in front of his son. He tried to stop it.
"Dad, don't, it's okay to cry," he said.
"If I just let her come and get me," he said. "I told you to wait but I didn't, and no one cares about her, Jeremy. Not one of her "friends" even came."
"I know but we're here, her family," he said.
"No wonder she tried this, she must have felt so alone," he wiped his eyes. "I have something I have to do. Stay with her, keep talking to her and call me if there's a change."
He nodded. "You got it," he said and Frank left the room. Jeremy could tell by the stance and the tone that whoever he was going after better watch their step.
He got into his truck and drove to the Holden's. He wanted an explanation.
He got there and knocked on the door Claudia Joy answered. "Frank?" she said in disbelief.
"Good, you're still alive," Frank replied. "I wanted to check because Denise has been in the hospital in a coma for two days and her best friend didn't even come and see her!"
"Frank, I cannot come over there and look at her right now," she said.
"Why?" he asked. "Guilt?"
"Yes, I just can't watch her suffer," she said. "I cannot watch my best friend suffer like that knowing I didn't do a damn thing to stop this."
"How do you think I feel? I'm the one who drove her to it! Or what about Roland? He wrote the prescription but he's been there!" Frank shot. "She's awake."
"She is?" she asked shocked but smiled.
"She's awake but can't or won't speak," Frank sighed. "I don't know if she's got brain damage or organ damage and I broke down and cried in front of my son."
"Frank, there's nothing wrong with crying," she said. "Especially now and to your son."
"There's a lot wrong with a father crying in front of his child, up until now, Denise is the only one that's ever seen that," Frank admitted. "Denise and..."
"And who?" she asked.
"Someone in Iraq," he replied.
"Oh," she said and let it go.
"Anyway, you are welcome to see her if you want," he said changing the subject off of his near indiscretion.
"I'll talk to the others and come later," she told him. "Tell her...tell her we all love her okay."
"I will," he said and left to go back to the hospital just when his phone rang, it was Jeremy.
"Jeremy?" he asked. "How is she?"
"She's fine, get back here as fast as she can. We think she is trying to say your name," he said. Frank could tell he was smiling.
"I'm on my way," he said and headed for the hospital at a dead run.
He arrived ten minutes later and rushed to her room; she was looking around the room and trying to talk.
"I'm here, Dee," he said going to her. "I'm right here, Sweetie."
"Fra...Frank," she finally said, it was very weak, her voice was hoarse.
"Yeah," he smiled. "Yeah, baby, it's me. I'm right here with you Dee."
She moved her hand but got tangled up in the IV's and glared at them.
He moved it for her, "Who's that?" Frank asked pointing to their son. "Who's that?"
"Jer...Jeremy," she said.
Jeremy smiled at his mother, "Yeah, mom,"
She gave him a small smile
"How you feeling Dee?" he asked. "You okay?"
She nodded her head slightly but got teary eyed
"Jeremy, leave us a few minutes, okay?" Frank asked.
He nodded and left the room
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" he asked. "You have pain?"
She shook her head; she was trying to fight her tears but couldn't stop them. He let them come and held her hand and let her set the pace. Before he knew what was going on, she started to sob. He held her hand and kissed her cheeks and let her cry.
She cried like that for 2 hours before she finally calmed down, she was emotionally spent and she couldn't tell Frank what she needed and it frustrated her.
"What?" he asked. "Denise, try to tell me, let me help. Is it a feeling?"
She nodded "I...I…"she couldn't say it and she was getting angry.
"Just nod your head," he told her. "Is it a feeling?"
She nodded.
"Physical or emotional? If it is physical squeeze my hand, and if it's emotional nod your head," he told her being so patient and gentle it made her a little angry at him.
She nodded her head.
"Okay," he told her. "I'm going to list some feelings, squeeze when I get to the one it is okay?"
Again she nodded her head
He started with "A". "Annoyed, anxious, angry?"
She squeezed his hand
"Angry? You're angry?" he confirmed.
She nodded.
"With who honey?" he asked.
"Everyone," she said and it shocked him, her voice was starting to sound normal.
"Everyone," he sighed. "That's okay. That's normal."
"No, I don't want to be, but...I am," she said.
"Don't talk too much, okay?" he told her, kissing her hand.
She nodded her head "I want to be alone now," she said.
He shook his, "Dee, don't make me leave you, please. Please."
"You already did," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Denise, I've been at your bedside since the moment I found you," Frank said. "I've sat here for days with you."
"I don't mean when this happened, I mean before," she said.
"Okay, I don't understand," he sighed.
"I mean, you left me, you told me not to come to pick you up, and yes I get it, I made a mistake, and I'm sorry," she said.
"So it is true?" he asked. "You did...with someone else."
"Yeah," she said quietly.
He looked hurt, "Why?" he asked tears in his eyes.
"I don't know" she said and had tears in her eyes as well.
"It doesn't matter, if this taught me anything, it's that I love you so much," Frank said. "I'm going to fight for us Dee."
"Y...you are," she said and smiled through her tears.
"I am if...you can forgive me," he said looking off to the side.
"You didn't do anything," she said.
"I almost did," he confessed.
"What?"she asked confused.
"I got close to someone too,' he told her."I kissed her, I held her close, I let her touch me, but I stopped it before it got too far," he told her. "It meant nothing. I was just hurt."
"Okay," she said, she didn't seem at all upset.
"I'm home now, you...I'm...I love you," he told her. "Let me get your doctor to check you and see when I can bring you home."
"Okay," she said.
A few days passed and Denise had been home for about two days, she seemed to be doing okay but Frank was noticing thing, little things that seemed off.
They were getting ready to go for a walk, just a little stroll; she was putting on her shoes and was sitting with them both untied looking at her feet.
He waited for a moment then realized she was trying to figured out how to tie them
"You need to tie them, Dee," he told her. "Or you'll trip."
"I know," she said ad tried but couldn't, she tried for nearly ten minutes before she gave up took them off and put flip flops on
"You can't walk in those," he told her. "Put your sneakers back on, I'll help you with the laces."
"Its fine Frank, I can walk in them," she said, he could hear the shame in her voice, she didn't ask for help because she was ashamed.
"No, you can't and I won't have you falling and getting hurt," Frank said. "Put your sneakers on and I will help you. It's okay. You've had to help me a lot of times."
She sighed and gave up and put her sneakers back on. He took her foot and showed her. "Make a cross, fold under and pull. Then make a loop, take the straight piece and wrap it around, pull the loop through the hole," he told her showing her slowly. "You try."
She looked at him strangely but tried anyway.
After being reminded, she did it and they went to have a nice day at the lake.
Denise barely said anything for nearly an hour, Frank was worried about her.
All she seemed to want to do was stay curled up to him, she didn't' seek or give affection, she just stayed cuddled close.
He didn't mind it, he kept her in his arms, and she seemed to be a million miles away.
"What is it?" he finally asked.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"You are so quiet, so down," he sighed. "I know things are hard but you always told me everything."
"I'm just confused Frank," she said.
"That's okay, me too,' he admitted."Tell me what is confusing you. Maybe I can help."
"Everything, I can't do anything on my own anymore, I don't know how and I'm ashamed," she said.
"You don't know how to do what?" he asked. "Is this about the shoes?"
"Yes, that was so ridiculous, I couldn't do it Frank, I couldn't even tie my shoes," she said.
"Is that the only thing?" he asked. "What else haven't I seen?"
"The other night, the night when I first came home, I was getting myself something to drink and I forgot where we kept everything," she admitted.
"I do that too," he admitted. "You've had a rough time, it's okay."
"No it isn't!" she said, she had tears in her eyes. "I'm not myself and I hate who I am," with that she got up and walked away.
He had to follow her; he was too concerned for her. "Denise, baby, don't. Come back."
"Just please, leave me alone," she said and kept walking, she was sobbing.
"I can't," he told her and caught her arms refusing to let go.
She fought against him still sobbing.
He fought harder, holding her and rocking her. "Tell me, tell me."
"I hate who I am Frank, I want my life back," she cried then finally gave up fighting and leaned against him sobbing
He held fast to her and rocked. "I know you do, let's go back home, okay?" He lifted her and carried her to the car.
When they got home, she went straight to bed too off her shoes and laid down and cried
He left her alone for a bit hoping she'd cry it out, calm down and come to him.
And to his relief she did, he was sitting on the couch, she came in, her face was puffy and red from crying, she stood in front of him for a moment then crawled into his lap and laid her head on his shoulder
He turned off the television and held her close. "You need to talk to someone about this baby. So do I."
"I know, but I'm embarrassed," she said
"So am I," Frank replied. "But I could have lost you, they told me you were going to die, they told me to get our family here, I made Michael move heaven and earth to get our boy here so he could say goodbye to his Mom. That hurt!"
"I know Frank, and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you," she said.
"I didn't mean to hurt you either," he confessed. "I didn't and I tried so hard to keep you the dame I never realized that I love this woman ten times as much as the woman I married. You are smart, and vibrant and vivacious and everything that I'm not." he looked at their hand, clasped together.
"Not anymore I'm not," she said quietly.
"Yes you are,' he told her."Yes, you are, this will go away, with time and rest, it will get back to normal, and I'm not leaving you until it does. I fixed it with Michael, I'm going to stay stateside for awhile, and I owe him huge."
"They never came, they still haven't," she said.
"Claudia Joy did," Frank said. "You were sleeping but she did come. So did Roland but...I banned him."
"Why?" she asked.
"It's his fault," he told her. "I felt it was because he should have known you'd try to hurt yourself."
"No, it was mine, I knew better than to do that but I was hurt and I felt alone so I acted stupid,"she said.
"You acted in pain," he soothed her. "Ssh, no more regrets. Let's just start moving on and if they can't come see you when you're sick, they aren't worth bothering about. My mom always said the measure of a true friend was to look and see who was coming in the door when everyone else was going out of it."
"Yeah," she said smiling at him.
"And when you're on the other side of the door, Dee, I'll always be coming in to get you, hold you, no matter what," Frank said. "I love you. I love you so much."
"I love you more," she said."You know the last time I remember you holding me like this was when we first got married and I was ill, don't remember what I had but it was bad."
"It was actually appendicitis but we didn't know it at first," Frank said. "You were in so much pain."
"Yeah, I remember you were working and I called you crying," she said.
"Sherwood," his CO told him. "Urgent from your wife."
flashback...
Frank picked up the phone immediately and could hear his young wife crying on the other end
"Frank, Frank, it hurts and I don't know why," she sniffled.
"Dee, what hurts baby," he asked already getting his jacket.
"MY stomach, I can't keep anything down, I tried to get up but I can't..." She was not the time to cry in pain, she'd broken her wrist on their honeymoon and hadn't made a peep.
"Okay, I'm on my way honey," he said and hung up the phone and rushed home.
He didn't hear her crying when he got home, that's what scared him.
But as he got closer to the bath room he could hear her sobbing and throwing up
He held her hair, wiped her face, then carried her to the sofa and held her on his lap. "You're burning up with fever, baby."
"It hurts Frank," she cried.
"I know," he soothed. "I know, but I'm here. I'm here, my love."
"I can't stop throwing up," she said, her voice was getting weaker
"It's okay my love," he said again. "Try to sleep, it'll pass."
She nodded and tried to stand to get to the bed but was too weak
"Just stay right like this," he told her. "Let me hold you."
"Okay," she said still sniffling and lay in his arms and closed her eyes.
He held her throughout the night just like that, around 3 AM she woke in more pain and shaking from fever.
"Frank, I can't take this pain," she sobbed, she was drenched
"Where does it hurt, baby?" he asked. "All over?"
"No, just my right side," she replied.
"We better get you to the hospital, you've fever is way too high," he soothed.
She nodded and now he knew it was bad, any other time she would fight him.
He carried her to his truck and rushed her to the hospital where they rushed her to emergency surgery.
Denise laughed "I was so drugged when I came out of that damn thing I didn't even know my name," she said.
"But you knew mine," Frank said. "You kept saying it over and over again. I love you so much."
"I love you way more," she said and for the first time in a while she genuinely looked happy.