Warning: Contains domestic abuse, a bit of self-harm, incredibly bad language, and a slightly angsty lemon. Read at your own risk.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. I DO own my OC, Adena.
A Bigger Fire
"Let go of me now," the raven haired girl hisses, glaring down at the hand gripped tightly around her upper arm.
"Why don't you fucking make me?" a raspy male voice responds. Immediately, she brings her free hand up to strike him, but he catches it effortlessly and slams her against a nearby wall. He emits a low chuckle.
"Fuck! Axel, I am not in the mood to deal with your bullshit today!" she yells as pain explodes in the back of her head. She brings her chocolate colored eyes up to glare into his bright green ones and scowls. His mocking grin doesn't leave his lips.
"Well too bad, Adena," he says, snarling her name before throwing her across the room. Shocked, she stumbles and crumbles onto the hardwood floor. Quickly regaining herself, she leaps to her feet with a growl and throws herself towards the red-haired man standing in front of her. Her fist collides with his jaw right as his makes contact with her gut. She doubles over coughing, but is yanked back to standing straight by his hand in her medium length hair. She lets out a sound between a growl and a shriek and brings her knee up to his groin.
"Shit," he hisses, releasing her to bring both hands to his injured genitalia. She takes a few quick steps back, readying herself for his counter attack. After a few shaky breaths and swears, Axel rushes forward to strike Adena across the face. After the blow is delivered, she releases a bit of a war cry and tackles Axel. Her entire body weight is enough, barely, to knock him onto the floor. His head bounces slightly against the wood. Adena quickly straddles his chest, pinning his arms down with her legs. She starts madly striking out at him with open palms, hitting every bit of his face as she can and yanking on his vivid red hair.
Soon enough, though, he manages to free his arms. He grabs onto her waist and shoves her off of him. The sudden movement brings her face to collide with the edge of their coffee table, and she feels the skin split. Axel hisses at the sound of the collision, all anger leaving him immediately, and kneels in front of her. He pulls her hand away from the cut and grabs her chin with his other hand to inspect the injury. Without speaking, he helps her up to her feet and ushers her into their bathroom. Already familiar with the routine, Adena sits on the closed toilet as he rifles through the cabinet to get out the first aid kit. He leans down and swipes an alcohol pad across the cut, and Adena takes in a sharp breath of pain.
"I know," Axel mumbles soothingly as he wipes it across again. The worst is over quickly, and he puts a small pad of gauze against the wound, securing it with medical tape. His long fingers linger against her face, ghosting over her pale skin. He brings his lips down in a tender kiss, and she reciprocates. It's their one rule. It's unspoken, but it's a rule none-the-less: once blood gets spilled, all fighting ceases.
Neither of them could tell you when it started or even who started it anymore. Their memories have fogged up the details. Was it Axel who first started the abuse, or did Adena throw the first punch? Lately, it doesn't seem to matter. In fact, neither of them could even tell you why the fight that day started. It just did. That's how it is most days now; neither of them have a reason for arguing and hitting each other. That's just what they do.
It hasn't always been this way, though. There was a time where Axel and Adena were happy with each other. They laughed all the time, smiled all the time, made love instead of having violent sex, snuggled up to each other on the couch, everything a normal couple is supposed to do. Things didn't start getting sour until about a year into their relationship. There wasn't even some big event that caused it; it just happened. Then it kept happening. Now, to them, it's normal.
"I'm sorry, babe," he whispers after pulling back from the kiss.
"Me too," she says.
They'll both tell you they mean it.
They'll tell you they don't mean to hurt each other. They'll say each strike, each outburst of anger, is an accident. They'll insist it doesn't happen all that often. They'll tell their friends to stop being so protective and not to worry.
They'll tell you they love each other, and who knows? Maybe they do.
They just hate themselves more.
"Adena," a young man named Zexion sighs. "What happened to your face?" She brings her hand up to the gauze covered cut.
"Oh, I hit my face against the coffee table," she says airily. It's the truth after all…mostly.
"You hit your face against the coffee table?" the slate haired youth repeats, disbelief evident in his tone.
"Mhm. You know how clumsy I am, Zex," she says, and you'd almost think she actually believes what she's saying. Zexion, having seen this sort of thing for who knows how long now, just sighs again and lets it drop.
"Axel," the blond boy sighs. "What happened to your face?" Axel's long fingers trace his bruised jawline.
"Ah, nothing, Roxas. Wasn't paying attention and hit myself while opening a door," he replies nonchalantly. Roxas quirks an eyebrow at his friend.
"Axel, come on," he says exasperatedly. He's seen bruises and black eyes and split lips on his best friend too many times for his liking, and is ready to convince him to make it stop. A violent glare from the redhead makes him shut his mouth, though.
"Just drop it, Roxas. It's nothing."
The blond sighs again, breaking their eye contact.
Adena writhes under Axel's overly heated body in ecstasy as he pounds into her again and again. She moans with each thrust, throwing her head back and trying to yank her wrists from the handcuffs keeping her hands restricted to the bedpost. She had adamantly protested against their usage, but Axel ignored her. The cold metal bites into her already bruised flesh, but she's in too much pleasure now to really care.
"Axel," she whines breathily while wrapping her long legs around his hips, forcing him into her deeper.
"Hmm?" he hums against her neck teasingly.
"Please," she breathes out.
"Please what, babe?" He bites into the skin where her neck and shoulder meet, pulling another moan from the girl.
"Please!" She's almost shouting.
"I don't know what you're asking for," he teases, tracing his tongue along the newly formed bite mark.
"Please let me touch you," she begs, wrenching her wrists against their confines again. He pauses all movements and looks up to the ceiling as though considering her request. Finally, he looks down at her, grins maliciously yet charmingly, and grips his fingertips harshly into her hips.
"Nope. Besides, you deserve this" he says simply before thrusting into her even faster and harder than before. She screams out from the pleasure and sexual frustration, and in moments, they're both crashing down in a flurry of moans and swears and trembling limbs.
When they both recover from their orgasms, Axel holds himself above her on his elbows, letting his eyes take in the welts and bruises forming on her wrists, the hickies along her neck, the fingertip marks on her wide hips, and the bright red hand mark still adorning her beautiful face. He knows his lip is swollen and split open, and his face and body are littered with deep red scratch marks, thus his reason for restraining her during sex. He knows he should feel sorry for their most recent fight. He should feel terrible for marking her body up like he has. He should feel like a worthless piece of shit.
But he doesn't.
He feels great.
"What excuse do you have for the marks around your wrists?" Zexion asks almost lazily. Adena pulls her long sleeve down to cover the marks, her face turning slightly pink.
"Zex, I don't think talking about my sex life with you is entirely appropriate," she says, her voice cracking just slightly, betraying her confident tone.
"There's a difference between kinky sex and sexual abuse, Adena," Zexion replies, just the slightest edge of annoyance in his tone.
"Zexion! Axel doesn't-" she starts, but doesn't get to finish.
"Abuse you, Adena?" Zexion interrupts, his typical calm nature snapping slightly. "Were you really about to tell me he doesn't abuse you in any way? Not emotionally? Not physically? Not sexually? Do you take me for an idiot? Do you really think I believe you're a clumsy person when I've known you since we were children? Do you really think him leaving bruises and scrapes and marks on your skin isn't abuse?" he asks, his voice dripping with acid. Adena's eyes widen at her friend's outburst, and she quickly has to break eye contact with him. She drops her gaze to the floor and shuffles her feet awkwardly.
"It's not abuse if we both do it," she mumbles. She's not sure if she actually believes herself, though.
"You look like you got attacked by a cat," Roxas dead-pans, his blue eyes raking over the angry looking red marks on Axel's face, neck, and arms.
"What can I say, Rox? Adena gets a little violent during foreplay," he says with a cocky grin. Roxas rolls his eyes.
"During foreplay. I'm sure," he says sarcastically. Axel narrows his eyes at the blond.
"What's that supposed to mean, Roxas?" he asks. Roxas snorts derisively.
"Seriously, Axel? You're really asking me what that's supposed to fucking mean? Every time we hang out, there's some new mark or bruise on you. You really want me to think foreplay is the only time Adena gets violent? I've never known someone to punch their lover in the face during foreplay, Axel," he hisses.
"Roxas, it's none of your-"
"Business, Ax? It's none of my business? You're my best friend, and I personally have an issue with my best friend being physically abused by some bitch," Roxas spats angrily. Axel laughs loudly, but it sounds just slightly hollow.
"Abused? You can't be serious? Adena can't be more than 120 pounds soaking wet. You really think she can abuse me?" he asks, tears of mirth in his green eyes. Roxas isn't laughing, though, and fixes his friend with a stony glare.
"Well, judging by the bruises and scratches on you, I'd say she's actually doing a bang up job at is," he replies evenly. Axel's laughing expression drops, and for the first time in their friendship, he breaks their eye contact first.
"I fucking hate you, you stupid asshole!" Adena screams before slamming the door to their bedroom. She hears his angry footsteps hurrying down the hallway, and the door bangs open moments later. He pushes her down onto their bed and straddles her waist. Grabbing her wrists roughly and leaning down into her face, he glares evilly at her.
"What the hell did you just say, you bitch?" he hisses.
"Did I fucking stutter? I said I hate you, you stupid asshole," she shouts, enunciating each word. Axel leans back, releases one of her wrists, and backhands her across the face. She growls from the pain, but brings the heel of her free hand up to strike the bottom of his jaw. The sound of his teeth slamming together gives her a warm sense of satisfaction in her stomach. He brings his hand up to rub his jaw before glaring back down at her.
"You're lucky my tongue wasn't between my teeth," he says, malice in his voice.
"I wish it had been," she whispers lowly but clearly. He snarls at her before getting to his feet. He reaches forward and yanks her up by her arm and throws her violently across the bedroom. She crashes into the dresser, effectively breaking a lamp and scattering various items onto the floor. She yelps in pain from her thighs and hipbones crashing into the solid wood and brings her hands up from the smashed lamp to find blood on her palms.
She turns to find Axel stalking towards her menacingly, and for the first time since the violence started, panic seeps into her. She realizes it's because she's bleeding, but he's not stopping. Freaking out, she grabs the largest remain of the shattered lamp and hurls it at him. It crashes into his shoulder and due to him being shirtless, cuts into his creamy skin like butter. He groans in pain and clutches the wound, his hand quickly getting coated in blood. He looks over to her lividly.
"The fuck was that?!" he shouts, but he doesn't step closer.
"Go to Hell," she hisses lowly before stalking out of the room to dress her own wounds.
She knows she shouldn't feel good for making him bleed. She knows she shouldn't have felt such an overwhelming satisfaction from hurting him. She knows she shouldn't feel like a self-important, justified bitch.
But she does, and it makes her feel wonderful.
"Why are you still with him?" Zexion asks after inspecting her healing palms. She shrugs.
"I love him," she says softly. Zexion raises his eyebrows at her.
"This isn't love," he replies while rubbing an antibacterial ointment into her cuts.
"Well…it used to be, and…and we still have some good times," she says lamely.
"Do you have more good times or bad?" he asks. "Be honest," he adds as an afterthought.
"…Bad," she mumbles.
"Then I repeat, why are you still with him?"
"I…I don't know," Adena responds while shaking her head. "I guess I just want to make sure to put him through as much shit as he puts me through. And who knows? Maybe I deserve it or something," Zexion's steel blue eyes lock with her soft brown ones.
"No one, especially you and not even him, deserves this."
"Shit, Ax," Roxas hisses upon checking out the redhead's mangled shoulder. "Why the fuck do you put yourself through this?"
"I don't know, Rox. Adena and me…we used to be happy, y'know? I guess I'm holding out for us to be happy again. Maybe things will change and this is just a phase or something," Axel says back, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice. Roxas shakes his head.
"This isn't some fairytale, Axel. This is real life, and I hate to tell you, but most toxic relationships don't magically just get fixed."
"Toxic?" Axel asks, his voice sounding surprised. "You think our relationship is toxic?"
"Axel…c'mon, man. Even a blind person could tell your relationship is extremely toxic. You and Adena just…don't need to be together. It's not good for either of you, mentally or physically. Neither of you should be putting yourselves through this. You both deserve better."
"I guess, but…I don't really know how to end it. We've been together for so long. I don't know if I can just throw it away," Axel says slowly, mulling over Roxas's words.
"Ax…there's nothing even left there to throw away."
Axel and Adena are sitting across from each other in their living room. Adena looks up and gives him a small half-smile.
"Axel…this…us…we're not working anymore, are we?" she asks softly, but she knows it's not really a question.
"I don't think we've worked for a while," he mumbles back while running a hand down his face.
"I think it'd be best if we didn't see each other anymore. And you don't have to worry about moving out or anything. The apartment was yours first, and I've already packed up my stuff."
"Where are you gonna go?" he asks.
"I'll probably stay with Zexion for a while so I can find my own place," she explains. Axel nods, looking down at the scuffed up floor.
"You don't…you don't think there's a way for us to fix this?" he asks, a slight bit of hope in his tone. Tears spring to Adena's eyes, but she knows crying isn't an option. She knows she has to do this for the both of them.
"Who knows? Maybe we could've salvaged something, but I doubt it. We've been fighting fire with fire, and I don't think either of us could stop even if we wanted to."
"You're probably right. I guess we've made a pretty big fire, huh?" he asks with a slight chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. She smiles sadly.
"Yeah, but at least parting ways will put it out. I'd better be going. This is already hard enough," she says awkwardly while standing. He stands, too and extends his arms towards her.
"Good-bye hug?" he asks. His eyes are swimming with desperation, which makes Adena sniffle and one of her tears fall. She steps into his embrace and wraps her own arms around his familiar frame.
"I'm sorry for all I've done to you, and I hope you find someone better," she mumbles, inhaling his warm, cinnamon scent for the last time.
"You too," he whispers back, memorizing the softness of her apple scented hair. She pulls back, wipes her eyes on her sleeve, and offers him a small smile.
"Well…good-bye, Axel," she says while picking up her suitcase and heading towards the door.
"Bye, Adena," he whispers when the door closes.
Moments later, he throws a candy dish against the wall, cursing himself for letting everything get so bad and never fixing it, cursing her for what she did, cursing himself again for fighting fire with fire. He doesn't even know why he did it.
Adena hears the breaking of glass as she walks down the complex's hallway. She finally lets her tears fall. She rolls up a sleeve and pinches herself hard enough to leave a bruise, knowing she deserves it for letting things between them get so out of hand and never working to make things right. She hates herself for fighting fire with fire. She should've known it would just make a bigger fire. She doesn't even know why she did it.
They would've told you they loved each other, and who knows? Maybe they did.
They just hated themselves more.
A/N: Hey, guys! I decided to break my fluffy streak and go for something a bit...not fluffy. I've been on a bit of a roll for the past two days, and I can still feel all the cogs in my head just a cranking away.
Anyway, reviews are appreciated per usual!