The 18 Laws Of Gregory House
A Poem and Memorandum
As told to Jackyblu
Never apologize.
No matter the Cuddy cries.
Never use your own money.
When your best friend has plenty
If I substitute pills for pain.
I'll end up detoxing again.
Not charging your cell phone
will make your best friend moan
And since he treats you like a brother
he'll go buy you another.
Sleeping with your ex-lover
is a delight to rediscover.
She'll remember what you like
and provide it all night.
It's the enigma of the illness that matters most.
Because solving the thing let's this doctor boast.
Into a patient's home you must sometimes break.
It's part of the process you do for their sake.
I believe that the cane is mightier than the sword.
But not as lethal as the tongue or as filled with reward.
The clinic is for getting suckers from,
candy, not patients who are always so dumb.
Morons are people that you can poke fun at.
Also good are the pompous, the religious and the fat.
Boredom kills!
That's why I took pills.
He with the most Ipod always wins the day.
Better with a hiding placethat's Cuddy free to stay.
The only good parents I can't hear or see.
That holds true for all of us and I include me.
Hookers on our health plan, I've tried to make Cuddy see,
they give you quite a workout I hope she will agree.
A department head's office should have big plasma TV.
Diagnosis would improve with a tool like that for me.
Lab coats should be banned they cover those bits
of the best parts of Cuddy like her tush and her t__s.
Why do diagnosticians need authorizations?
I'm usually right in all situations.
House's word is LAW I'm sure you'll agree.
Until Cuddy feels superior then I refer to law three.
These are my 18 laws upon which I write.
I'd add to this list but I'd be here all night.
And there is a guest I've invited to stay
with me in my room, so please go away.