Disclaimer: I do not receive any monetary gain from ripping off Masashi Kishimoto's characters and putting them in my own weird little situations. So please do not sue me, as the only things I have of value are a laptop and a strawberry mooncake.
"Sasuke!" An exuberant blonde screamed across the lecture hall of a Psychology 101 class. The object of the blonde's rather attention-grabbing salutation was attempting to burn a hole through the projector screen at the front while trying to ignore the over-zealous man.
Said man was having none of it.
"OI! SASUKE!" Naruto bellowed louder, then started to make his way in between a row of seats to reach the stubbornly pissy entity that was the current Sasuke. Ignoring student protests and general scrambling to ensure the safety of their laptops from the legendary destructive force that was scuffling through the row, Naruto reached his target in record time.
"Sasuke," he started, this time in a voice more suited to indoors, "You'll never guess what Ero-sennin just promised me!"
Sasuke, giving up the long-lasting but ever-failing fantasy that Naruto would leave him alone if he ignored him long enough, let out a deep, long-suffering sigh. Then, escaping from his lips as if a demand:
"What."
The bubbling blonde shuffled intimately closer, and stared seriously at Sasuke for a few seconds. Then, a pounce, and Sasuke was being shaken violently from his shoulders by the grinning idiot.
"He promised we could use his boat over spring break!" Naruto let out, once again at a volume that promised internal ear bleeding.
Sasuke flung himself backwards and locked himself into his seat in a bid to get Naruto to stop trying to shake him into a concussion. Naruto conceded, and plopped himself in the neighboring seat.
"The registered sex offender, Jiraiya," Sasuke commented coolly on Naruto's news, "has promised to lend you the very boat he got arrested on."
Naruto took his turn to sigh. "Sauke, you make it sound so bad. It was a statutory rape charge from having sex with a groupie who had a week until she turned eighteen! It wasn't that bad!" Naruto voiced raised slightly from defending the man he thought of as a father-figure, while several students heads snapped around at the word 'rape.' The teacher passing by who had only just arrived, let his attention be drawn by the words 'sex' and 'groupie,' and strolled over to the boys.
"Care to share?" he asked, face hidden by a turtleneck and hair flopped over one eye, but displaying his obvious curious smile by the curving of his visible eye.
"Well, you see, Professor Hatake, my uncle was once part of this band, The Sannins, who had this one-hit wonder, Densetsu no Sannin," Naruto began to ramble. "You may have heard of them. They broke up pretty quickly after they had their single though, and my uncle Ero-sennin bought this motor yacht/fishing boat and lived on it with a bunch of his groupies, except-"
"Ok, he gets the picture," Sasuke cut in, getting impatient. "Now, Mr. Hatake, will you please start class? It was supposed to have started five minutes ago."
Kakashi's one showing eye managed to look dejected as he trudged to the front of the lecture hall, leaving the boys to argue about the merits of sharing Jiraiya's rather dubious sexual history to a man who was reputed to walk around reading porn books and on occasion put pictures from Hustler and Playboy onto his lecture slides.
After class, as Naruto began to complain about an upcoming test and they started heading to the dorms, Sasuke brought up the boat again.
"So why would Jiraiya agree to lend you his boat for a week?" Sasuke asked suspiciously. It seemed a bit too generous to be catch-free.
"Well," Naruto began, "He's on some sort of writing kick now and is holed up in his apartment scribbling all day…" Naruto trailed off and became fascinated with the walkway, staring at it intently. Seeing Naruto failing miserably at acting innocent, Sasuke prodded him further.
"And?"
"And-I-may-or-may-not-have-promised-to-get-him-a-date-with-the-old-hag-Tsunade." The blonde blurted out, talking so fast the sentence almost became gibberish. Sasuke smirked smugly. He knew there had to be something. And he was greatly amused at the impossible situation Naruto had managed to place himself in.
"You plan to convince Tsunade to go on a date with the one man she finds the most exhausting to deal with?" Sasuke snorted lightly in laughter. "Good luck with that."
"Ah-ha, you think I can't!" Naruto accused, pointing his finger at Sasuke defiantly, "But I already have a plan! All I have to do is convince her to take a bet against me, and voila! I'll win and she'll have to go on the date!"
Now it was Naruto's turn to smirk smugly, but he only managed to grin cheekily. Beaming, he slung an arm around Sasuke's shoulder.
"Since we're done with class today, I'm gonna go look for her now. Wanna come with and watch the magnificent Uzumaki at work?"
"I'll pass," Sasuke replied nonchalantly. "I know you don't know what it is, but I'm going to actually study for the test."
Sasuke gingerly removed the arm from his shoulder like a person trying to move a dead bug, and walked off in the direction of their dorm room.
A dark, haggard figure stumbled though a shadowed hallway, gripping the wall desperately for support. Coming upon a door the man stabbed wildly until a key slipped into the lock. Turning the handle and collapsing in through the doorway, the man landed on all fours and began crawling agonizingly forward.
"Stop being melodramatic, Naruto."
A lounging Sasuke had admonished the man acting like a B-movie actor. Said B-movie star dragged himself over to the remaining bed dramatically and flung himself onto it like it was the last motion he would ever make.
"But Sasuke," he breathed out, "You have no idea what I've just been through."
"No, and I don't particularly care, either," Sasuke retorted, focusing his haphazard attention back to the textbook he had been flipping through. Naruto dropped the act and rolled to his side to get a better look at his roommate.
"So cold, Sasuke, so cold," Naruto pouted. "Don't you even want to know if we're going to be able to use the boat?"
Sasuke, continuing to flip through the textbook, gave a non-committal grunt. His response was met with a sigh and the other man flopping back down onto the bed.
"Well, I did it. The old hag is going on a date with Ero-sennin, and we're gonna be in the Bahamas for spring break."
A quick flash of a book being thrown across the room was seen before it smacked into Naruto's arm. Naruto sat up with a protest to find a very peeved looking Sasuke.
"First of all, when did it become the Bahamas? And secondly, when did I even agree to go?" he spit out.
"Eh? But Saaaasuke," Naruto whined, putting up his best puppy dog face, "We always spend spring break together!"
Sasuke's eyes closed in exasperation. He hadn't been able to resist against that puppy dog face since they grudgingly became friends when they were twelve years old. And considering that face was the reason they had spent every spring break together for the last seven years, it wasn't looking to good for him. He opened his eyes to find that the blonde man had snuck infinitely closer and had his chin resting on the edge of Sasuke's bed. His impossibly bright blue eyes were gazing upwards and glistening in the soft dorm light. With Naruto's lower lip slightly puckered and quivering, Sasuke was defeated.
"Fine. We'll go," he conceded, with a long-suffering sigh. "Just stop making that face."
Naruto lept up and jumped on top of the man. He quickly hugged him tight before Sasuke had a chance to knock him off, and leapt backwards exclaiming,
"YES! Sasuke, this is gonna be so awesome!"
While Naruto did a victory dance around their dorm room, Sasuke pondered on what exactly he had gotten himself into.