Since the day I first met her, she's plagued my mind.
No one has ever touched me the way she did- with so much love and passion in her embrace. I couldn't help but be dumb-stuck by the emotions that burst through my thoughts when she ran up from behind and held me tight. I never wanted it to end. I heard her say someone's name I felt pangs of jealousy mix with my elation- she held me, but her love was for another. I could do nothing but stand there and simply stare from the corner of my eye as she realized I was not him- this "Sonic". When she asked for my help, how could I not promise her the world? Her touch, her thoughts, her actions- they were so much like Maria, my only friend, and the closest thing I've ever had to a family.
When I was alone, I found myself thinking of her. I tried to resist, but thoughts of her would run through my mind all the same. I dwelled on the feeling of her touch- so soft and loving. It comforted me to think of her kindness. In this day and age, there aren't many like her, so innocent, bordering naiveness. Her tenderness was exemplary. Overall I found her to be unbearably enthralling. I thought of how I wanted to be with her, to let go of my past, and to be like the others; to be happy. I'd dream of her and what she could give me and what I wanted to give her. I wanted to have her the way she wanted the "faker". He always ran and I couldn't understand what would compel him to leave that touch, that warmth that she gives so readily to him.
But I could never let anyone know what I felt.
I had no need for these feelings.
I would try to forget them, but when I would see her smile at me, I couldn't help but feel the rush of it all flood back into my mind. I didn't understand how she could affect me this way. Yes, she was bewilderingly stunning and somehow was the only one that could lower my guard, but why would this be? I didn't want to know. I wanted to be alone. It was safe that way. I couldn't lose anymore if I didn't have it. If she wasn't mine, then I could never lose her.
But I had no choice.
I was struck by her all the same.
When she got herself into trouble, I found myself protecting her. When she was upset and saw me as a source of comfort, I did what I could for her. I wanted to console her and embrace her- but alas my haughty behavior would, as always, carry over. I would only listen, speaking only when I thought what I had to offer would be of some assistance. I was conflicted by my desire for her and my desire for isolation. She was wearing at me. I didn't know whether to run and leave this place where she always crossed my path or to act on the fury of my emotions and at least try to make her mine. I had only expressed indifference, anger, and rage, never compassion or any form of love- not since Maria- and though stronger, these feelings where still locked away all the same.
I had finally faced my conundrum: The dilemma of whether to choose allowing myself the possibility of acceptance and love, or to continue to protect myself from everything around me. I was lost. These emotions were getting stronger each time she crossed my path, making me work desperately to keep myself from simply acting on my impulses. I knew not why. I wanted to understand my minds' problem thus making the decision clear. Why could I be thrown off by everything she did when she came my way? Why should I act on these impulses she brought to the surface of my mind? Why would I feel anything when I was treated by others as though I shouldn't?
Then, one day, as I dwelled on my dilemma the source of her affection came by. The "faker", as always, felt my business was his. Usually I am more than satisfied to become a recluse at his appearance to avoid his grating interventions, but today something in me was more compelled to yield to his social ravings than to continue in my evasive decision making. He goes on talking, acting as though I found interest in the others' daily occurrences, as if I even cared to know. Until he said her name-
"- has been leaving me alone for awhile now. It's great! I actually saw her continue walking after she saw me across the street! I tell ya Shadow, you are lucky to not have that chasing you."
'That- chasing me.' I thought to myself. I remembered that day. I remembered her asking me to come over for a home cooked meal. She talked of much, but the one thing that stood out in my mind was how she had told me she had seen Sonic that day, but she was in such a hurry to come home and prepare our meal that she didn't even care to give chase as she always had before. She had put herself first. She had maybe even put me first.
It was time.
I needed to find my answer.
"Faker, if one has a reaction to someone else's presence, where said person wants to be in the others' company, what would you advise they do?" I had definitely caught his attention by calling him faker.
He stared at me as though I had just struck him completely off guard. With a tone of bewilderment he stated "well... I guess that they care about the other one and most people act on it," and with a chuckle added "but with you- we both know that would never happen!"
My eyes slightly shifted quickly mulling over this newfound information.
I cared for her.
I knew my mind reacted to her, but I had never let myself actually realize that I cared for her. "And what if this same person thought of the other often, where they wanted to seek out their companionship, and..." I was actually choking on my words.
I didn't want anyone to know.
I didn't want this feeling.
I didn't want it- yet I yearned for it.
"And????" he said shortly, as though he demanded to know.
"and... they felt they needed this other person to be... with them." I stated. I had let down my guard, hoping that in the process of ending my curiosity of my emotions, I hadn't betrayed myself. He just stared at me with that idiotic look he always had. Sonic was never that intelligent, but his social prowess was far beyond mine.
He finally closed his gaping mouth to swallow and give me his answer adding his usual intrusive, undesired commentate. "Well then, I guess you love this person, but I don't think Knuckles would like you confessing your undying love for his girlfriend."
I hate him.
He always gets a rise out of me.
He always makes me react.
And then I damned myself.
"It's not Rouge!" I blurted out and proceeded to mentally kick myself for my reaction.
His expression showed his intrusiveness. "It's not Rouge huh? Then who else could it possibly be?" He looked at me as though he demanded his answer. Then as some realization hit him, his face soured.
"You aren't saying all this because it's... gulp... me?!" he stammered, anxiety written on his face.
"NO YOU IDIOT! It's-" Something clicked in my mind before I could finish my statement.
He did not need to know.
No one did.
I wasn't even sure she should.
He looked at me puzzled and slowly some revelation passed through his mind. I thought a trace of some answer appeared in his expression, seeing as I couldn't help but analyze his every action so that I was prepared to react in response.
"Oh... Hey Shad, I almost forgot! I have this thing I need to do... GOTTA GO!" he sputtered as he tore off.
I felt like I had just shot myself in the foot.
I made my way to a nearby bluff that I often visited. The view was relaxing, and I found my thoughts would tend to clear when I was here. It shown down on a valley filled with trees and other natural foliage, leaving no evidence of any human presence on his world. The sun was setting, leaving shades of oranges and reds strewn upon everything before me. I sat down to try and process all of what had just happened.
I had damned myself. He knew enough to see it was me that felt something for someone. He would eventually figure out whom if he hadn't already. He would tell everyone- including her. I couldn't let him tell her before I did. I wasn't even sure I could tell her. I wanted to leave. Leave this place of torture and exile to truly be alone and by myself. Nothing could scar me anymore if I just left.
But I can't.
He is right about one thing.
And I too now know.
I love her.
My ears picked up when I heard footsteps, but I conceded no reaction. I knew who it was. How fitting that it had come to this so soon. And at the same time as the sun was leaving the sky, my defenses were leaving me raw to the encroaching finalization...
I turned to gaze upon her. She was exceedingly stunning. She always was, but knowing what I felt for her, brought all the more beauty to the surface that I had hidden from my sight. She had adorned herself with a soft pink jacket to protect herself from the fall air. The shade was lighter than her beautiful pink fur, and the gloss of the coat made her stand out all the more in contrast. She wore her simple dress and boots underneath as always, but everything she wore, every step she took, stood out as it never had before. What really caught my eyes were the pair of roses she carried in her hands- one red and the other black.
"Someone gave me these and told me that whomever they resemble has something very important to say." she spoke softly, with that sweet tone of understanding that she always carries to my ears.
I could only stare at her, longing to embrace her, longing to cry out my true feelings for her.
That idiot was trying to help me.
The "faker" was trying to help both of us.
I continued to keep my crimson ruby eyes fixed upon her enchanting emerald green ones. She could always read me so well with those mesmerizing eyes. I could never comprehend how she understood me so well and seem to know what it was I wanted. She walked to me and gracefully smoothed her hands down underneath her bottom and thighs to cover her exposed self from the cold ground as she sat in close proximity to me. If I had turned to look at her, I would be almost touching her nose to my own. If I just turned my head it would be a simple lean to place my lips against hers. If I could only turn my head I could rest my muzzle upon hers.
Her hand touched my opposite cheek and turned my head to look at her. She smiled at me with a deep understanding tenderness about her.
"I have something important to say."
I finally gained use of my unresponsive mouth. "Yes?" I whispered. I was amazed at the lack of strength in my voice. I sounded weak. I was acting dismayed. I felt fear. I was afraid of my feelings... afraid of the world around me... afraid of love.
"I am in love with someone. Someone- "she paused to raise the roses back into view "someone who reminds me of these roses." She looked at me with those beautiful eyes waiting for her answer. She knew what I felt. She knew I understood her statement. She wanted me to know her answer.
I wasn't afraid anymore.
I could finally let down my walls.
I could finally let someone in.
I could finally love- her.
"I believe that same someone is in love with you." My voice was empowered again. I did not act dismayed anymore. I did not feel fear anymore. I was not afraid. Not anymore.
My eyes continued their lock with hers and I found my eyes closing as I leaned toward her. She met me in a kiss and we shared an embrace that I knew neither of us would break any time soon.
She embraced me- and this time her touch, her passion, her love was all for me.
It was only for me.
She was finally mine.
I separated my lips from hers to tell her what I had fumbled with saying since the moment I had realized. "I love you Amy Rose. For my whole life I will love you."
She smiled at me as she brought her lips once more to mine and pleasantly stated. "I love you too Shadow the Hedgehog. And I too will only love you, Shadow."
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IT'S MY FIRST FICT! I'm so nervous about posting this! I've never been a strong writer (i can think up the ideas great but i really suck at actually getting the words down right) so i'm proud of the fact i finally got one down and completed! And using a crappy old laptop too (since it works at -5 MPH and cant add picts right now...)
THIS IS A SHADAMY!- with that said i just want to note that i respect everyone's pairing decisions so please do the same for me u' nervous
I tried to keep Shadow in character... i've always seen him as a logical, intelligent guy who really is a loner because of all his suffering... so that's what i'm going for here
Okay, i'll stop my nervous typing and post now- please no flames. Feel free to critique- just remember i am so not a good writer... so you might be asking for much. :S
MOST IMPORTANTLY! Shadow, Amy Rose, and Sonic (and anyone else i left out) belong to SEGA