Disclaimers: This is a SailorMoon fan fiction. SailorMoon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi, Toei, Bandai, Kodansha and anyone else who has rights.
Author's Notes:
This is my first completed fanfic. I doubt I'd be writing anymore. I'm horrible at thinking up plots. I took a few ideas from some other fanfics. I got the idea for picking up the note on stage from Give Me The Passion by Asynca and the counting part from Pretty Good Year by Heles MacAnemy. Hope they don't mind.
Also, I first posted this on A Sailor Moon Romance a really long time ago (I forgot the date) under the alias Stephan Prince which I have long since ditched, so don't say that I'm infringing fan fiction copyright laws. I still have and regularly check the email account stated in the version at ASMR, but I prefer to use the facilities here. This is a revised version. It's quite different, in my opinion.
This was set about half a year after Galaxia's defeat, though I didn't mention anything about it. I basically wanted to bring out the themes about human relations. Not so much the plot or action, but more the feelings, Haruka, mainly, experiences. If you think it sounds stereotypical, I think so too, but feel free to feedback suggestions on how to correct that, if any. Anyway, here goes…
Let Her Die by =Schweigen=Roshan=
All she could think of for the past few days was Michiru. She was madly in love with her. The thought of Michiru overwhelmed her now, and her heart had that aching feeling she usually had when she got nervous or excited. It was jumping within her, dying to be let out. It was indescribable and she felt sure that few people could ever understand her.
She'd only been away from Michiru for less than an hour to get her car serviced, as it was a Saturday and she was scheduled to bring it in, yet she already missed her. Fortunately for her, she was on her way home and it wasn't long before Michiru would be in her arms again.
When she stepped into their mansion, all was quiet. She found Michiru in their bedroom, sleeping soundly with the sheets neatly covering her body. She looked so peaceful that Haruka couldn't bear waking her up. Instead, she took her time to study Michiru's sharp, yet delicate features. Her long, wavy hair that framed her fragile face slightly was a thick aquamarine, and it went perfectly well with her smooth sharp nose and her deep blue eyes. Her creamy skin was soft and her figure was perfection itself. Yet, she didn't look like the average proud woman commonly found in movies, for despite her sharpness, she somehow looked soft and dainty. But Haruka knew that she was far from frail – Michiru could run, almost as fast as she could, and she was an athlete training in the national team.
Drawing her eyes away from Michiru, Haruka glanced at her watch and decided to make a simple tea ready for Michiru when she awoke. And Haruka knew she wouldn't take long to find that she had returned.
Strolling to the kitchen, she couldn't help but notice the architecture and furnishing of their home. It had been Michiru's doing, and it was rather commendable. Michiru favoured simple elegance and it gave their mansion a classic theme, consisting mainly of the colours black, white and gold.
She finally managed to get down to making two cups of tea, but couldn't find anything worth munching or that seemed appealing.
"Afternoon, Haruka," chimed the voice of her love, and she stopped what she was doing to gaze at Michiru and greeted her. She stood at the doorway of the kitchen, smiling softly. She had a silky aquamarine robe on. She loved that colour, for it was the colour of the sea, and she had had uncannily strong connections with the sea. It was as if she was the sea incarnate.
"So how was your sleep?"
"Well, not as wonderful as it would've been with you around," she smiled playfully and moved to the table where the two cups of tea were waiting.
"So… When are you leaving for your violin concert?" Michiru was a world-renowned violinist and she had quite a number of concerts on her schedule for this month alone. Haruka thought her success came from her passion for playing the violin. She'd seen her practicing before, and she seemed totally immersed in the music, like she was creating a world of her own. It reminded Haruka very much of her own passion for motor racing. She too, was a world famous motor-racer and she owned quite a number of sports cars. To Haruka, racing used to be a way of breaking free from her world of problems. It felt good… the thrill of speed… the danger… being on the edge. She had a lust for speed, not just in motor racing, but in athletics as well. And it took her mind off all her troubles… that was before Michiru. Well, she'd raced for Michiru ever since she'd met her. Michiru once said that Haruka was the wind incarnate, just as she herself was the sea's. Funny how they seemed to match each other so perfectly well. And Haruka knew that she wouldn't die of an accident while motor racing, because she didn't want to, after just having settling down in life with Michiru. But she'd do anything for her… perhaps even die for her, if it came to it.
"Haruka? Day-dreaming again?" Michiru interrupted her thoughts.
"Huh? Oh, I was just thinking of you… and how much I love you…" Haruka smiled at that last comment.
"O well… and you had to with me sitting right in front of you. And just in case you weren't listening, I'll be leaving in an hour's time… which means I'll have to start getting ready now. You'll be taking me there, ne?"
"Need you ask?" Michiru gave her a peck on her cheek and a little laugh – that sweet laughter of hers – and headed for their bedroom, leaving Haruka alone with her thoughts temporarily.
Then she felt it. She didn't know what it was… a feeling of fear… of loss. Something was going to happen tonight. She wasn't supernatural, nor did she have any regular sixth sense, but sometimes, one does get certain notions about the future, and if it is strong enough, it comes true. It may be that the person is too certain about it and unconsciously wills it to happen. Anyway, that was what Haruka felt then. She felt herself at the verge of panic for a moment, then forced herself to calm down, assuring herself that she was just being paranoid, and pushed the thought to the back of her mind.
Then she went back to thinking about Michiru… she was to die for, both literally and figuratively. Death… it suddenly occurred to her that with death, inevitable sorrow would follow, sorrow for those who loved the person who once was, but is no longer. But the dead person himself does not feel the sorrow, the pain, for he will not know. Perhaps it'd be easier for one to die... He gets an easy way out of life. Perhaps if she had to, she'd let Michiru die first and offer to suffer the pain and torment that would no doubt haunt her later. She'd let her get away from life easily. Even if she'd let Michiru live and died in her place, they'd still be apart, and Michiru'd be getting the worst of it, having to cope with life alone, and perhaps insanity.
Haruka was startled when she realised exactly what she'd been thinking about. Why was she thinking about death so much? It wasn't just today, but it had happened only once before. Not that Haruka was superstitious – she just didn't want to think of such things regarding Michiru. No, it couldn't happen. She just wouldn't let it. This always happens, then the time of doubt passes, and I find myself foolish all over again. She huffed a sigh. I guess we'll find out after it's all over. In any case, she decided to stay close to Michiru for the rest of the evening, just in case anything unfortunate threatened to happen.
Haruka left the two teacups in the sink and climbed the stairs to their bedroom, where Michiru was brushing her hair. She had adorned a turquoise gown, simple yet elegant… that was Michiru. Even her makeup wasn't elaborate, just a little lipstick and some blush. But she was beyond gorgeous.
"Michiru… I was just thinking…" Haruka's voice trailed off as she wrapped her arms around her love. Michiru paused her brushing and turned to look into her lover's eyes.
"About what?" Giving her a light lip kiss, she leaned back a little into Haruka's embrace.
She paused for a brief moment. "Well… not much. Just wanted the concert to be over sooner so we can spend some time together later," Haruka replied thoughtfully.
"Hmm…" Michiru mused thoughtfully. Had she caught her hesitation? Haruka decided to leave it at that. Then she suddenly felt peaceful… Maybe it's because I already know what to do, if anything happens, she decided.
Haruka slowly pulled back and let Michiru get on with tidying her hair, then went to get changed.
They had a slow, relaxed cruise to the concert hall, spent mainly in silence, enjoying each other's presence and company. When Haruka finally pulled up at the driveway, it was already quite late, but Michiru did not need much time to get ready for the concert. Concerts never worried her. She was an experienced violinist, and was probably better at playing a violin than walking. All she needed was time to get her bags to her private dressing room and settle down before going on stage.
Haruka joined Michiru shortly after she had entered her room. She had always insisted on parking her own car, as she did not trust anyone with it. Besides, she did enjoy driving. They embraced and kissed each other on the lip before parting – Michiru headed backstage and Haruka to her seat in the front row.
Michiru played flawlessly, as she always did. She never failed to impress Haruka. It wasn't that Haruka wanted her to feel special – she was truly fascinated, as were all of Michiru's die-hard fans. Each time she played, the piece was different, for she didn't just play famous pieces composed by famous personalities; she played without a script. She much preferred it that way, for by doing so, she felt truly free. She played life, love and peace. She played knowledge and sad understanding. And tonight, like she always did, she closed her eyes and played herself out.
It was over all too soon. Michiru opened her eyes and studied her spellbound audience. All was still for a frozen moment. Then the fans exploded into a warm applause and started throwing all sorts of appreciation gifts to her – letters and flowers, mainly. Haruka had tossed a yellow rose on stage, and this Michiru sought before bowing and retiring backstage. Then Haruka, trying to suppress her eagerness to meet Michiru again, almost sprang up from her seat to meet her in the dressing room, hoping to get there before Michiru did, but she controlled herself and made it a point to stroll there.
They ran into each other just outside the room and Michiru naturally fitted into Haruka's arms, after many months of experience. Then they went in. After a while, Haruka decided to go picking through the scattered little gifts Michiru's fans had left on the stage. Michiru was having a bath, so Haruka decided not to disturb her, but to leave and return before she could finish her bath. Michiru had been the last performer, so the flowers, confetti and cards were still on stage. She picked up the flowers first. Red roses were the most common. Then she collected the cards and read through some of them in a random order. Suddenly, she caught sight of a red card. On it was a black, hand-drawn skull of a human skeleton, with two large bones forming a cross just below it, like a poison sign. In it was scrawled:
Kaioh Michiru,
You won't know who
I am, but I'm just dying
to see you...
Oh, just in case
you didn't know,
the security here
is rather lousy…
-Phanatos
Haruka dropped the card immediately and made a dash back to the dressing room. She knew her whole life depended on what she found in the room. She also knew she'd closed the door and locked it – Michiru had been bathing – but now, the door stood ajar. Please, let it just be that Michiru decided to go out, she cried silently.
She burst through the door… blood was splattered everywhere, on the walls, mirror and floor… no sign of Michiru… in the bathroom? She resisted the urge to charge in, for if Michiru's attacker were in there, he'd already known that Haruka had come to look for her. Cautiously, she put her trembling hand to the door, palm flat against it, and slowly, but steadily pushed.
She heard a constant digital ticking… then she heard Michiru… she was making helpless, fearful noises. Thank goodness she's alive! Haruka saw her lying on the floor and rushed to her side, carefully caressing her face and pushing her hair away from her face. What was left of Michiru's shredded clothing was soaked in her blood, barely clinging to her skin. She was pale, under her blood, and cold. Haruka took off the jacket she had been wearing and used it to try to staunch the blood flow. She also noticed that her left hand and ankle were tied to two firm and thick pipes that ran into the ground quite securely. The tips of her fingers were turning a sickening blue.
She wasn't gagged, though, and she was still conscious. Coughing and choking, as she was too weak to speak or move, she seemed to be gesturing towards something. Haruka followed her eyes to a black box with a digital timer on it. A time bomb… the thought drifted to her, as if in a dream. Then it all made perfect, beautiful sense. Michiru was stuck in a room, near death, because of her attacker. And to top it off nicely, this Phanatos guy leaves a time bomb behind. What a normal thing in a story… Haruka thought. It would be of no use trying to get her free, and Haruka knew that. The she had forty-three seconds left, time was ticking and she had absolutely no experience in disabling a bomb… all attempts to save her would be futile, and Haruka wanted nothing more than to just die with her.
Then what Haruka had been thinking of earlier that afternoon hit her, like a light shining through the mist of her mind, all within the tiniest fraction of a second. It would, indeed, be much easier for her to just die. She knew she couldn't, but she could force herself to let Michiru go, as she knew it would be selfish of her to die for Michiru. You can't do that! If you saved her, she'd go crazy after you die… Face it, Haruka! She gave in to her logic. But why couldn't she just die with her? Because she wanted to try to avenge her death… because she didn't want Phanatos to have them both. No, because if Michiru's gonna die, she'll die happy. I can always choose later. If I die now, that's it.
She gazed longingly at Michiru for a little while more.
(Thirty-two.)
Her eyes met Michiru's.
(Thirty-one.)
She leant forward…
(Thirty.)
…and kissed her,
(Twenty-nine.)
full on the lips…
(Twenty-eight.)
…and felt her
(Twenty-seven.)
for that lingering moment.
(Twenty-six.)
She pulled back,
(Twenty-five.)
leant forward again,
(Twenty-four.)
kissed her
(Twenty-three.)
on her cheek.
(Twenty-two)
Then she pulled back again.
(Twenty-one.)
Whispered, "I'll love you…Forever…"
(Twenty.)
And she closed her eyes.
(Nineteen.)
Opened them.
(Eighteen.)
Rose to her feet.
(Seventeen.)
Calculations running through her head… This size of the explosion… Her fastest running speed… Obstructions in her way…
(Sixteen.)
And she tore herself away…
(Fifteen.)
And ran…
(Fourteen.)
5 meters.
(Thirteen.)
11 meters.
(Twelve.)
18 meters.
(Eleven.)
(Ten.)
(Nine.)
(Eight.)
(Seven.)
(Six.)
(Five.)
(Four.)
(Three.)
(Two.)
She felt silent…
(One.)
Within herself….
(Zero…)
A blinding flash, from where she was. She hadn't run far enough. Phanatos was watching… Haruka knew. A powerful blast from behind, and she suddenly knew flight… flight she had always dreamt of touching… as the wind… killing speed… but no… this was flight was wild and twisted. She fell almost face flat on the pavement, just outside the building (crematorium!). Turning around in her position on the ground, she scanned the burnt area. Maybe this was what he wanted. Maybe he really wants me to live… so he can know I'm suffering… a voyeur intent on molding our futures for his own satisfaction. But I don't know what he wants. He's already won…
She didn't care.
(Negative one.)
And then this… thing within her
(Negative two.)
Not peace…
(Negative three.)
just nothing.
(Negative four.)
Sometimes, you get this feeling…
(Negative five.)
of nothing.
(Negative six.)
Neither hot nor cold.
(Negative seven.)
Neither wet nor dry.
(Negative eight.)
Neither happy nor sad.
(Negative nine.)
You don't hear your breath
(Negative ten.)
But you're still there…
(Negative eleven.)
alive.
(Negative twelve.)
You don't know how…
(Negative thirteen.)
or why.
(Negative fourteen.)
And the world is like a movie
(Negative fifteen.)
with the sounds cut out.
(Negative sixteen.)
She picked herself up.
(Negative seventeen.)
And strolled along…
(Negative eighteen.)
with no destination in mind.
(Negative nineteen.)
Then flashing again…
(Negative twenty.)
but it's red lights this time…
(Negative twenty-one.)
And then there's this pleasant siren
(Negative twenty-two.)
These numbers…
(Negative twenty-four.)
Won't they stop?
(Negative twenty-five.)
Then she decided that
(Negative twenty-six.)
she wanted to go to that cliff…
(Negative twenty-seven.)
Someone she… knew… used to
(Negative twenty-eight.)
love that place
(Negative twenty-nine.)
because it overlooked the sea.
(Negative thirty.)
And who was that?
(Negative thirty-one.)
Anyway, it wasn't far from where she was.
(Negative thirty-two.)
She sprinted off.
(Negative thirty-three.)
Wind whizzing pass her ears…
(Negative thirty-four.)
Faster and faster… Flight…
(Negative thirty-five.)
Never come back…
(Negative thirty-six.)
Why?
(Negative thirty-seven.)
No reason.
(Negative thirty-eight.)
Oh shit. STTTTOOOOOOOPPPPP!
(Negative thirty-nine.)
You're almost there
(Negative forty.)
You'll fall off the edge.
(Negative forty-one.)
Then what? (I don't care)
(Negative forty-two.)
But she couldn't carry on. She had to stop…
(Negative forty-three.)
Right at the edge…
(Negative forty-four.)
She felt happily exhausted, watching the loose rocks as they fell down,
(Negative forty-five.)
and fell to her knees.
(Negative forty-six.)
She lay down
(Negative forty-seven.)
and drifted into a mercifully dreamless slumber.
(Negative… forty…)
Haruka jolted up, startled. She looked around her. It was bright, probably early morning, as the birds were busy and the sky was dreamy. She immediately recognised where she was. Huh? Did fall asleep with Michiru out here? Where's she anyway? Probably went home, Haruka chuckled. Or perhaps she's playing a trick on me, Haruka raised her eyebrow thoughtfully, I'd better get going, if I'm going to find out whether she's at home.
She got up on her feet and started walking home, to their mansion. She hadn't walked more than a few steps when she… remembered. At last.
And Haruka just stood there, staring off into the air. Then she turned around and faced the sea. She turned back again and tried to take a step more toward home. And where's that s'posed to be anyway? She looked at the sea again. There.
She smiled sadly and took a few steps backwards first. Then with her whole being, everything that she was, she ran towards the sea… towards the waves clashing into the rocks… towards home, where she would be waiting, for sure. She flew for the second time in her life, and she knew perfectly well where she was going. She felt the wind welcoming her back.
She'd be one with it, soon. The end.
Thank you very much for reading, as well as for reviewing if you did. Your comments are VERY much appreciated! ^.^
Answers to questions in reviews:
I thought the whole purpose of Haruka not staying to die with Michiru was so that she could avenge her death and then die, but Haruka had to go throw herself off a cliff after the explosion? -Translucence
If you read the part which addresses this carefully, it should have been clear enough:
"Because she wanted to try to avenge her death… because she didn't want Phanatos to have them both. No, because if Michiru's gonna die, she'll die happy. I can always choose later. If I die now, that's it."
The parts that went "Because..." were possible reasons, but Haruka decided that the main and probably the only reason she cared about was that Michiru died happy. If there are any suggestions you have for me to make this clearer, please post a review and tell me how. Thank you very much.