Pointless humor
By Kali Gargoyle
Disclaimer: I don't own the gargoyles, or any character seen, or mentioned in this fic, except me, and I'm owned by higher powers. Disney owns them, and I'm not making money off this. Have fun.
***
I pace over the stone tiles of Wyvern castle. "I have no idea what to do. How am I going to pull this off? I can do this! I've written humor stories before."
I briefly glance up as Brooklyn walks into the room. "Yeah, but not about us. And I don't think it's mentally healthy to talk to yourself."
"I never said it was. But I can do this. I have the talent and creativity!"
Lexington jumps up on the table. "Yeah, but how are you going to keep us in character! We're not those amphibians."
I smack Lex over the head with a rolled up issue of Tattoo. "They're turtles. Reptiles! I forgot that Michael Reeves wrote for this show too."
"Who gave you authorization for this room?"
All three of us jump. Owen Burnett is standing behind us.
"Dang it, don't do that!" I pause. "Dang it? What the heck? Heck?"
Owen gives me a half-smile. "Y7, remember?"
Brooklyn snickers. "There goes half your vocabulary."
"Oh, shut up, bat boy!"
Brooklyn mimes fear. "Oh, I'm terrified. What're you gonna do?"
"This!" I snap my fingers and Brooklyn is now hot pink with bright green hair and a yellow loincloth.
"Ack! No! Change me back! I'm sorry!"
"No," I say. "You must stay that way for the rest of the story. And you!" I turn and point at Owen. "You will do just what I say. Let the Puck come out and play!"
A flash of light and the trickster appears. He yawns and stretches. "Hmmmm, it feels so good to be out of that stiff suit. And how's my favorite witch?"
"I'm fine, thank you."
Lex scratches behind his ear, clearly confused. "Can you do that?"
I cross my arms over my chest. "I turned Brooklyn into a neon gargoyle, I can summon Puck." I narrow my eyes and ask playfully, "Do you have a problem with that?"
Lex shakes his head. "No ma'am."
I smile. "Besides, he's protecting Alex."
"From what?" Puck asks, genuinely concerned.
"Me!" I shout.
Puck smiles and nods. "You are an evil, sadistic woman. Who hates children."
Just then, Goliath, Hudson, and Elisa walk in. They all stare for a moment. Goliath covers his eyes. "Oh, no. Not again."
Hudson rests his hand on the hilt of his sword. "I hope we won't be runnin' for our lives this time, lass."
"No." I hold up my hands in defense. "I come in peace. I'm here to write a comedy."
"About a drama series?" Elisa asks in disbelief.
"Of course!" Puck says. "You people need to lighten up. Just look at Brooklyn."
Elisa snickers. "I would, but I think I'd go blind."
Brooklyn growls in response. I clap my hands together. "Okay, almost everyone is here."
"Broadway and Angela are at the movies," Lex says.
"Mr. and Mrs. Xanatos are out of town," Puck says, although it's in Owen's voice.
I frown. "Davie-boy and Fox? But I like them!"
"What about Broadway and Angela?" Goliath asks.
"Too clean cut," I reply, waving my hand in the air. "Besides, if they get anymore lovey-dovey, I'd need a barf bag."
Brooklyn raises a hot pink eyeridge. "And people wonder why you don't date."
"At least I'm single by choice," I snap back.
Puck creates a scoreboard with a wiggle of his fingers. "That's one for the woman with blue fingernails, zero for the glow-in-the-dark gargoyle." An applause track is heard.
Brook lunges for the banished fae but Puck floats up to the ceiling and shoots him a raspberry.
I look around. Everyone's gone except for Brooklyn, Puck, and me. They notice this too. Puck disappears from the ceiling and appears next to me. He throws his arms around my waist.
"Get off!" I scream.
"But I love you," he says. "We belong together!"
"No! Let go!" I bap him several times on the head with my magazine. I finally get him dislodged and throw him across the room.
:"I want you to marry me! Have my babies!"
"No! No! NO! I have to go now!" I am so gone.
Puck sits cross-legged in mid-air. "I knew that would work."
Brooklyn stares at him. "You weren't serious though, were you? About being in love with her?"
Puck smiles puckishly. "Why? Jealous?"
Brooklyn snorts. "Of you? Hardly. You haven't got a chance." He pauses as if he just realized something.
"I'm still pink!"
***
Ha! Ha! Yeah, I know, very stupid. I did this with the Turtles, but this one was a bit harder since the personalities are so set in stone. (OOOH! Bad pun!!!) Okay, I'm done now. My system has been purged of pointless humor. Tell me what you think. If you don't, I may write more of these, unless you convince me otherwise. (Insert evil grin.)