Being in the scouting legion was very hard.
It was especially hard for Armin Arlert, who had seen so many people die, and there was so much blood all the time.
Especially from his huge gaping asshole.
But why was it so gaping and wide?
Why did it whistle in the wind like wwssswswsssssshooshsswwssooo?
It was because of love.
Love for Shrek.
In fact, Armin loved Shrek so much that he would die for Shrek.
Armin thought back to the day he made his promise with Shrek, his lover.
Armin lay in Shrek's arms, full on NAKED. Shrek was naked, too. Shrek kissed Armin's cheek and whispered in his ear very very sensually.
"Armin, what are ye doin' in my swamp. The swamp of me heart."
"Oh Shrek," Armin cried, hugging Shrek tight. "I'll stay in your heart swamp forever."
"Ye promise me, Armin?"
Armin looked into Shrek's beautiful eyes. They were always his favorite thing about Shrek.
"Shrek, I promise to protect you from the titans. I swear on my dead uncle or whatever's hat. It's super important to me and shit. So obviously this is a forreal promise. For real."
"Armin…" Shrek caressed Armin's cheek and smiled. "You're the best kinda onion."
"I know. And so are you."
Armin and Shrek then made sweet sweet oniony passionate love. But then a titan came and crashed into the building. It grabbed Shrek with its muscley yaoi hands and started to squeeze Shrek like a girl giving a bad handjob. Armin screamed and cried for Shrek, but Shrek just smiled and looked at Armin. He said goodbye with his eyes and Armin knew.
Armin knew he could not fulfill his promise to Shrek. The only thing Armin had to remember of his lover was his now gaping airy asshole. Armin farted and it came out like someone trying to blow an eyelash off of their finger.
He looked towards the sunrise, where there were titans running towards him. Soon, he would be with Shrek.
Shrek is love. Shrek is life. Shrek is all Armin needs.
A/N: holy shit hey wow thanks for all the popularity ahahaha this has definitely sparked a revolution or smth... aha aha h a uhh hmu on my tumblr if you want? here [gayvines . tumblr .com]