Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me. Derping is universal.
A.N.: Please note that picking on certain character traits and using them for funniez doesn't mean I'm trying to bash any of them - it's all, literally, 'for the lolz'.
"You're stupid," drawls the young Uchiha, scowling at his blond teammate. Not very convincing, since he's covered in bandages from head to toe.
"Yes, but you're a bastard!" Naruto snarls at him and then stick outs his tongue. Offended by such childish demeanor, Sasuke opts for scrunching his nose (like he smelled something really nasty) and turning away.
"Guys... please..." mutters Sakura, with a pile of tissues beside her, and still growing. Inside her, Inner-Sakura is smacking the mental images of her teammates. Repeteadly. While screaming a lot of obscenities.
"You are annoying too," grumbles Sasuke, lifting an eyelid and looking at her in disappointment. "All of you," he adds, looking at Kakashi with a glare that means 'I haven't forgotten about you, my butt still hurts from your last act of... underhanded strategies!' Yeah, that'll teach him!
Kakashi doesn't even bother to cast a glance at him, though he is listening to the bickering of his students with the greatest amusement.
"Hey, leave Sakura-chan out of this!" growls Naruto, attempting (and failing) to jump at the Uchiha. His bed shakes, but refuses to help him in his task. Dammit... they just had to tie him after the third time Sasuke decided to be an ass!
The aforementioned girl lets out a tired sob, sniffling into her tissue. Naruto tries to frantically cheer her up, while still shooting deathstares at Sasuke, but he is failing miserably at both. When she hears "You're not annoying... not all the time!" Sob. "You're very pretty, and smart, and..."
Sasuke snorts, a bit more vocal than usual. Immediately, he draws Naruto's whole attention towards himself, though instead of telling him that he's "a pretty girl" (that would just be awkward!), the fox boy makes comments about how his teammate's brain is prodigally retarded.
When it looks like Naruto's bed is about to topple over the bags of IV liquids connected to his and Sasuke's arms, Kakashi quietly puts away his book. Which is a Big Deal, because he only puts away his book when something serious is going on.
He gives off such an aura of seriousness, that the three genin in the room notice it immediately, stopping their bickering and, in Sakura's case, hopeless sobbing, to look at him. Even though he made no sound and he still looks so tired of everyone's crap.
He could be a Nara for how good he is at that - on that, all three of his students can agree.
"Kids," he mutters, somehow managing to look at all of them at the same time, with one single eye.
The idea of Kakashi having chameleon eyes crosses Sakura's mind for a second, and she almost snickers.
"You two just broke many of each other's bones. And almost did the same to our dear Sakura," he continues, placing a hand on her head, for the sake of pure, unadultered guilt-tripping.
A good shinobi attacks crucial weak spots!
"Either you learn to rest, or I teach you. Painfully," he adds, smiling under his mask cordially, casually poking the air with his fingers, almost unnoticeably.
Immediately, Naruto shuts his mouth and Sasuke scowls a bit more, both of them flinching at the memory of their rears being assaulted by such a terrible jutsu... again. Sakura gives her sensei a big, happy thumbs-up, just to make sure he won't try it on her. That'd be just wrong.
A.N.: yep, this is the polar opposite of my other story. I plan on updating randomly, between 500 and 600 words each time - an alternative universe where things are a lot simpler (pretty much, a 'what if' the style of Part 1 had been kept for the rest of the series?), with some derp, humor, friendship and parody. There's some plot... if you squint. Maybe. Just snippets of 'what could have been' while I don't have anything else to offer!