Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. BBC does.
Also, NEVER take this fic seriously. Any plot holes, details, facts or stuff gotten wrong was purposefully done so.
I don't really know what exactly they say after an episode on BBC.
No offense to you Moffat, it's nothing personal. Just saying ahead of time.
Please report any spelling or grammar mistakes in the reviews and I will fix it as soon as possible.
Enjoy!
"Doctor, I hear something!" yelled Rose. "It's coming from the Vortex!"
"But there's no sound in the Vortex," protested the Doctor.
"But the sound's there," replied Rose. "Can't you hear it?"
So they listened.
"It sounds.. like..." the Doctor raised an eyebrow. "Music... Aaaand someone's singing..." he continued incredulously.
"Dooweedoo..." they finished together.
"But what does it mean?" said Rose.
"Eh, probably nothing," said the Doctor, waving off her concern. "Probably just Time playing a trick on both our brains."
Rose didn't really believe it.
"Doctor, look!" shrieked Rose. "There's something in the Time Vortex!"
"Of course there's something in the Time Vortex," said the Doctor without looking. "There's us. And there's always Time itself."
"No, really! There're great big floating… letters!"
"What?"
Apparently this caught the Doctor's attention as he fled towards the window that Rose was also standing by.
(Had there always been a window in the TARDIS, or had the time machine only just opened one up because she too was surprised and wanted everyone to witness this anomaly?)
They gaped wordlessly as the gigantic shining silver alphabets, and in bold font too, spelled out DAVID TENNANT.
"Who's David Tennant?" Rose whispered.
"Wait…" the Doctor whispered.
As DAVID TENNANT flew by the TARDIS, another set of words replaced it: BILLIE PIPER.
"Billie Piper…" Rose frowned in confusion. "Never heard of that name, but it's oddly familiar..."
"Oddly familiar… I like that; in fact," the Doctor spoke up, "it is exactly how I am feeling towards the name David Tennant,"
"But why?" questioned Rose. "I don't remember meeting anyone called Billie Piper OR David Tennant."
"Neither do… I," the Doctor finished the statement in such a way that signified an idea had popped into his head.
An idea that, for a change, Rose never got to hear.
"Well, there's nothing wrong with those names! Must be Time doing some little meddling with our brains!" he announced as he sprung to action and danced around the TARDIS, pulling levers and pushing buttons.
"Doctor, you know you're bad at lying," scoffed Rose as she held onto a beam for stability, "what about those names?"
But fortunately the Doctor did not have to answer her, for both their attentions were turned off the subject when the TARDIS jumped out of hyperspace - I mean, the Time Vortex - gave a mighty lurch that threw them off their feet.
"We're here!" announced the Doctor gleefully.
"We're where?"
"We're, well, somewhere!"
The Doctor didn't appear the least bit concerned that they had absolutely no idea where they were.
"Let's go and take a look because it would be boring if we did an environment check like we should!"
"What?" said Rose. Did he mention an environment check before?
"I said, let's be cautious and look outside!"
"No, you said something else."
"I said the exact same thiiiiiiiiing" the Doctor's voice got farther away as he waltzed away from the TARDIS and Rose followed, sighing.
"Doctor, I feel like there's someone watching us," said Rose.
"Naaaah that's rubbish. You know what? Let's go this way."
"Doctor, seriously, I feel like someone is watching us and that someone is currently yelling 'Don't go in the dark alleyway, it's dangerous!'"
"But there's no one watching us Rose," replied the Doctor, gesturing around for emphasis.
With that, he grabbed Rose's hand and dragged her down the alley.
"I've got a bad feeling about this..." she muttered, and the invisible watcher seemed to yell 'Don't say that! Every time someone says that something bad always happens!'
"Doctor, do you hear that music?" asked Rose again, travelling down the dark alleyway.
"What music?"
"The creepy music, like the stuff you hear in a horror movie before a jumpscare."
"Yes I hear it too... But that's nonsense. We are definitely not in for a jumpscare!"
Just then, an alien jumped up and screamed in their face!
"Aaaaagh!" the Doctor screamed.
"Aaaaaah!" Rose screamed.
Half an hour later, the Doctor and the alien was having a nice conversation, with tea, Rose, and much Britishness.
Don't ask how that happened.
"So, where are you from?"
The alien made indecipherable gurgling noises which were, of course, NOT indecipherable for the Time Lord.
"Some random planet? No, buddy, I mean seriously, where are you from?"
More gurgling.
"The planet... is called Some random planet?"
"Doctor?" Rose piped up.
"Hmm, that's a strange planet name, even for me..."
"Doctor?"
"Let's see, when did I hear of that planet?"
"Doctor!"
"Yes, Rose?"
"I'm not sure what it means or if you noticed, but there's 'DISGUISED EVIL ALIEN' written on your friend's face..."
"OH BUGGER, MY COVER'S BEEN BLOWN!" screeched the alien who then turned into a Dalek.
"Get behind me Rose!" the Doctor yelled as he took a defensive posture against the now Dalek-looking Dalek.
"You killed my family and my entire planet! I hate you!" he yelled to the pepper pot alien.
"EXTERMINATE!" it yelled and fired a laser in his direction, and, unfortunately, hit his left arm.
"Ack!"
He fell to the ground in a bout of agony.
"Doctor, no!"
Even as Rose screamed, she swore she heard the invisible watcher - was it watchers? - again, this time yelling 'Noooo!'
Just then, a strange man appeared.
"MUHAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed evilly, "I am the evil Moffat and now I'll kill you!"
"No... No, I won't let that happen!" gasped the Doctor.
He gave his screwdriver to Rose.
"Rose, this is setting 213864654, use... it..."
"What does it do?"Rose asked fearfully.
"No time, just do it!"
So Rose pressed the button on the sonic screwdriver.
Vworp
Vworp
The TARDIS began materializing around them!
"Now I'm in my ship and I can recover!" yelled the Doctor as he leapt to his feet. Rose squealed happily.
"As for you, Moffat..."
He peeked out of the TARDIS door and aimed his sonic screwdriver at the infamous man.
"Bye bye!"
"NOOOOOOOO!" Moffat screamed angrily as he began to dematerialize out of that dimension of that universe.
"That was quite a day wasn't it Rose?" asked the Doctor.
Then, without giving her time to answer, he started babbling.
"But there's something off! You saw the weird letters today. In the Time Vortex. They weren't supposed to be in there! No one's supposed to be in the Time Vortex! Well, except, us, and, maybe, Time Lords in TARDISes but that's a whole another story BUT THE POINT IS that the letters weren't supposed to be there. No they weren't. And who is this Moffat? I've never seen him bebfore but I feel like I've seen him before, same way with the letters, and a constant feeling of being watched... By the way, weird name, Moffat. Moffat, Moffat, Moffaaat, kind of rolls off my tongue but not in the way i'd like it to..."
Rose slightly zoned out as the Doctor kept talking at 90mph for another ten minutes or so, but then, he seemed to have hit a conclusion.
And it looked bad.
Was it all connected or something?
"It just can't be..." the Doctor was saying.
Rose was slightly concerned.
"Can't be... No..." the Doctor grabbed fistfuls of hair and made the everything-screwed-up-real-bad face. "Impossible..."
"What is it?" Rose was really worried now.
"No no no no no..."
"Why?!"
"WE ARE CHARACTERS IN A TV SHOW!"
And then the universe exploded.
Somewhere, a voice was narrating...
"And now, a look at our brillaint actors, aliens and writers behind the scenes in Doctor Who Confidential, on BBC 3..."