A/N: So, I don't have any children, but writing this story felt like giving birth. Holy cow. It took waaaay longer than I thought and every time I thought I was done I went back and changed something MAJOR which took a zillion hours to work in. It was frustrating and annoying and I am SUPER pleased with how it turned out. It kind of went to a different place than I anticipated and I think it worked out for the best. ANYWHO, this is a post "Payback" fic and I hope you enjoy!
Get to her.
The words had been burning inside him all day but now they roared in his ears so loudly he couldn't hear anything else. Nothing, until she screamed his name.
He burst through the door and his eyes found her face, saw the blade pressed against her throat. He was barely aware of his finger hitting the trigger and then he was on his knees, ripping away her bindings and all he could focus on was if she was okay. Was she okay?
Yes. She was. She was all right. She had bitten her tongue, literally, not figuratively. Ferris, or as Deeks would refer to him from now on, 'that asshole', had definitely gotten an earful from her at some point during her captivity, of that he was certain.
He heard Callen come through the doorway, saw the uncertainty, the vulnerability in his partner's eyes. She didn't want them to see her like this, strapped to a wheelchair, at the mercy of someone else. It was not the 'first day back' impression she wanted to leave the team with. It wasn't the comeback she deserved.
So he rescued her for the second time that day, in the best way he knew how, with his glib tongue. He didn't even wait to see if Callen and Sam heeded his instructions to leave them alone, he just pulled her into his arms and it was like the world came crashing back into focus.
He breathed. She breathed. They were all right.
"You're sure he didn't hurt you?" Deeks finally asked when he managed to pull himself away, his eyes traveling her frame, looking for any sign of trauma.
"A few bumps and bruises. I had him on the ropes an hour ago but then his friends showed up," she told him, rubbing at the red marks on her wrist where she'd been tied to the chair.
"Those damn spooks multiply like rabbits," he muttered, finally looking at Ferris' crumpled form. "What'd you get him with?"
"Box cutter."
He shook his head. "That's my girl."
"It was a lot less than he deserved for threatening to cut my leg off."
She said them casually but the words were nearly his undoing. His eyes slid shut and the breath left his lungs. After all she'd been through, to have that be Ferris' parting shot…"I'm sorry," he said hoarsely. "I should have been here."
"I'm okay," she told him. "Deeks, look at me. I'm all right. He didn't do it. We didn't let him. We made it. We're all right."
He inhaled. She was so much braver than he was. "Come on. Let's get you out of here."
He helped her to her feet and then frowned.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"Not close enough." He lifted her off the floor, cradling her into his chest.
"Deeks!" she laughed as he maneuvered them through the house around dead bodies and debris. "I can walk! I'm fine."
"I know. But I like having you this close."
She continued to protest as they walked out the door, but he could tell from the way her fingers toyed with the curls at the nape of his neck that she was perfectly happy and comfortable with her position in his arms.
He settled her into the passenger seat and grabbed a handful of napkins, dousing them with water from a half filled bottle before he got behind the wheel. "Here," he leaned over and gently wiped away the blood that covered his partner's chin. "You want some ice for your tongue?"
"When we get home." She frowned and reached for his hand. "Babe, what happened?"
He hadn't noticed the bruising on his knuckles, hadn't even felt it until now. "Oh, I uh, I may have hit Sabatino."
"May have?"
"You were missing. What was I supposed to do? Wine and dine him until he gave it up?"
"Sounds like you all had fun while I was gone. What else happened?"
"I threw a chair," he said guiltily. As his mind flicked through the events of the hours she'd been missing it barely felt real, almost like he'd been someone else. The rest of the world had ceased to exist in a way he'd only experienced once before, when she'd been missing halfway across the globe. He'd been completely absorbed in finding her and now that he looked back on his actions he could see they'd been erratic and uncontrolled. But he couldn't honestly say he regretted any of them.
"Baby!"
"Actually it was two chairs. And I told Hetty if anything happened to you it would be on her."
He watched his partner's jaw drop. "Let's be honest, she's had that one coming since she sent you to Afghanistan."
He didn't feel bad about it. Not after all the ways Hetty had screwed them over the years. They'd all looked the other way one too many times and he was done. The cost was too high.
"I'm so sorry," Kensi said.
"You're sorry? I'm sorry. I'm the one who let that asshole kidnap you. If I had been there—"
"No," Kensi told him firmly, "you are not blaming yourself for this. We have to stop doing that and put the blame where it really belongs."
Deeks raised his eyebrows. "Kens…"
"It'll be good for us. I'll start," Kensi thought for a moment, "I personally would like to blame the Syrian insurgents who dropped a helicopter on my leg. Because if they hadn't done that I wouldn't have met Ferris in rehab. See? Easy."
"I can blame anyone I want?" Deeks asked.
"As long as it's not you or me."
"Okay, then I would like to blame Hetty for sending you to Afghanistan in the first place. Because if she hadn't done that, then you wouldn't have been kidnapped the first time or the second time."
"Wow, you really do have some pent up anger about that huh?"
His eyes narrowed. "You have no idea."
"Fine, helicopters and Hetty. That works for me."
"Helicopters and Hetty," he echoed quietly. It sat well with him. Finding a place to send the blame shifted some of the weight on his shoulders.
"So," she looked up at him coyly, the mood in the car going to a lighter, happier place. "I bet you were pretty sexy throwing those chairs."
"Maybe a little sexy. You would have to ask Callen and Sam. Ooh," he winced. "Actually I wouldn't ask Callen anything right now."
"What's wrong with Callen?"
"Joelle."
"Joelle?"
"She's CIA. Hetty knew."
"Damn it!" Kensi cried. "I finally get back in the game and I still miss out on everything!"
"You didn't miss out. You got to take a box cutter to Ferris, which I imagine was pretty therapeutic since beating up bad guys is a hobby for you. You slipped me that earwig while I was in jail, which by the way was very, very hot and slightly disgusting and which we will talk about later."
"But I was unconscious half the time. Why did you let Ferris kidnap me?" she whined.
"I thought you said it wasn't my fault!"
"It's not!" she huffed. "I'm just mad I missed all the fun. God, poor Callen."
"Yeah, worst break-up ever."
"Comfortable?" Deeks asked.
"Mmhmmm…."
Her legs lay across his lap, her fingers entwined with his, her back pressed against him. They'd been sitting one the couch for an hour and she kept finding new ways to mold her body even closer to his. It didn't matter that he could barely breathe or that his arm had fallen asleep ten minutes ago. After a day like today there was no such thing as being too close.
"So, I think we need some new rules," he told her.
"Okay."
"No more helicopters."
"Reasonable."
"No more new friends. We're good with the ones we have."
One eye cracked open. "Really?"
"No more Hetty. Just a blanket ban on anything related to tea or classic Hollywood movies or withholding information vital to the safety and sanity of everyone on the team."
"Deeks," she chuckled.
"You're laughing, but I'm serious," he persisted. "Let's get you a bubble to live in or, better yet, let's just go. Let's go lie on a deserted island beach somewhere and leave all this behind."
It wasn't the first time he'd suggested it and every time the thought came to him he wanted it more. It didn't even have to be a beach. A mountain or a cave would work, just as long as he had the assurance that she was safe, that they were together, and the world was okay.
"Deeks…we can't do that."
"Why not?" he said, some of his anxiety slipping in through the levity.
"Because you would hate it. I would hate it. We would drive each other crazy. And the team needs us. I know today sucked, that the last eight months have sucked, but we can't just leave."
He went silent. She turned to look at him, concern in her eyes. "Deeks?"
"I went crazy without you today. Ever since Syria, it's like I can never really rest. I'm scared of losing you every second. I thought it would be better now that you're home and things are better, but it's not. And then Ferris took you because I wasn't there. You were abducted because of my choices. If I hadn't done what I did to Boyle, or if I'd come clean to Whiting months ago, I wouldn't have been in that cell when you were taken."
The words bubbled out before he could stop them. He'd kept his pain private for so long, but the day had worn down his defenses. He felt raw and exposed and guilty that he'd let his feelings escape.
"I didn't know," Kensi looked stunned. "Why didn't you tell me you'd been so afraid?"
"You had enough going on. I didn't want to add one more thing." He took a shaky breath, trying to steady himself. He wanted to be a rock for her and tonight he was failing. Just like he'd failed to protect her from Ferris. Just liked he'd failed to protect her from a crashing helicopter.
"Baby," her face was so full of love and worry, "tell me now."
It came pouring out. The ache that had lived inside him for months, the terror that gripped him every day. That it was agony to be away from her even as he tried to give her the space she needed to heal. He'd been shouldering his own burden along with hers and the weight was slowly crushing him to death. "I'm so sorry," he finally told her, his eyes wet with tears. "I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry that I didn't stop this from happening to you."
"Deeks, this wasn't your fault. None of it. Everything that happened was because of Hetty's master plan. She would have found some way to take you out of the picture. Helicopters and Hetty remember?"
"Okay, fine, maybe that's true, but it doesn't change the fact that I wasn't there today. The thought of you with that psychopath, alone and scared…"
"I wasn't scared."
He met her eyes, surprised at the strength and calm he found there. "What?"
"I wasn't scared of Ferris. I mean, I was a little freaked out when he started trying to take a saw to my leg. But, I wasn't scared. All this time in rehab, I've been afraid I wouldn't be able to come back, that I wouldn't be good enough anymore. But as soon as Ferris put me in that chair…I knew I was going to be strong enough. Honestly, you guys showed up too early. Another fifteen minutes and I would have had him."
"Really?" he asked incredulously.
She smiled at him and suddenly there she was. His Kensi, looking at him for the first time in months. "Really. I'm back, Deeks."
He kissed her, his fingers tangling in her hair, even as he felt tears stinging his eyes. He hadn't known if he would ever see her again, the Kensi he'd fallen in love with, but here she was, as if she'd never been gone. It was as if the sun had finally emerged after months of darkness.
"Okay," she pulled away and reached for his hands, gripping them firmly. "Enough. We're done with this. Done with keeping things from each other so nobody gets hurt, done with struggling, done with being afraid. I can't do it anymore and neither can you."
She'd surprised him again. "What uh, what do you want to do?" he asked in confusion.
"Let's just…be all right. Let's move on and leave all the helicopters and hospitals and double agents behind us. No matter what else is happening with the team or with Hetty, let's just decide that we're all right."
The relief that swept over him was staggering. He felt free, like he could truly breathe for the first time in months. She was back. He was back. They were back. As awful as today had been, it had become the final push they needed to put their lives back in motion.
"We're all right," he spoke the words, believed them, a grin spreading across his face as she smiled back at him.
The nightmare was finally over.
A/N: Okay but like, can we get a proposal now?! Please?! I'm so ready for it! Leave your love in the reviews!