A/N This is my first story and I just want to say thanks for clicking on it, if you notice any spelling or grammar mistakes then please leave a review or PM me about them. All reviews are welcome even if you just want to flame about it.
C0unting Zer0s
Chapter 1: Episode 1
Among the huge skyscrapers and wide paved streets of Opportunity one man would now decide the future of the Hyperion corporation. As Mr. Blake the former PR manager and CEO was sitting down at his old desk to compile his paperwork, he began to contemplate the past few months. He was amazed how far eight mercenaries, no, eight vault hunters had taken a vendetta against Handsome Jack. They had crossed continents, killed entire bandit clans, practically slew a god, and most importantly had cost Hyperion billions of dollars. The last item on Blake's list was the most important because unlike Jack he didn't view Hyperion as his plaything, he viewed it as the future. For example if Blake had been in charge then 1.2 billion dollars wouldn't have been spent on a moon base. Nevermind a moon base that could never hit anything! Blake was a realist and he realized that Pandora was no longer profitable, he would find no peace on Pandora to search for more vaults, only war with the Crimson Raiders and the Slabs. Blake was also no pessimist, he understood that every hero is a villain to someone and while most of the savages living on Pandora viewed them as the metaphorical antichrist the more civilized planets loved Hyperion. They supplied cheap, reliable guns to sensible people like the ones from Eden-5 or the human home world of Earth. They didn't use wood like those idiots at Jakobs or aluminum like the hipsters at Maliwan. While the poor obviously preferred Tediore,and the rich liked Dahl the average man didn't need a machine gun that spews a thousand rounds a second and farts goddamn lightning and many others couldn't afford one like that. They preferred a fast powerful and accurate Hyperion pistol.
"Dang..."said Blake to himself "I'm even starting to think in commercials. If Jack did one thing right as CEO it was to not work at a desk".
He was already taking numerous arthritis medications and missed many of his sons first milestones due to Jack's oppressive working hours or the times when his back pain was almost crippling, and he was sometimes awake the entire night because of his 25 years hunched over his desk trying to not get skewered or pulverized by Handsome Jack when he was in one of his rages.
"Or on his time of the month"snickered Blake quietly
"Now Mr. Blake, for a man of your age that is a bit of an immature joke"said an unseen voice "And as a man of distinguished social aptitude I find that display of crude humor very disappointing.""
"Who's there!" Blake yelled his hands shaking " Show your face you coward"
"As you wish"said the voice as sleek masked head materialized in front of the Blake. Blake opened his mouth dumbfounded and fumbled for his pistol.
"Do not be alarmed Mr. Blake" said the masked man as he rose from his knee and began to tower over Mr. Blake " I am here to help you with your vault hunter problem"
"You and every other schmuck with a grudge" accused Mr. Blake "I am done on Pandora and I'm shipping all Hyperion persona ell off as fast as I can!"
"But Mr. Blake" said the masked man in his icy monotone "I have a way to make the vault hunters kill each other"
An with that it dawned on Mr. Blake that he had seen this mask and armor before, on the most terrifying vault hunter of the group, but the infamous zero on the right shoulder was replaced by a ten. That night Mr. Blake made no phone calls, he listened to a dastardly plan that would unravel what it means to be a vault hunter.
Meanwhile in Sanctuary...
"Holy shit" Axton yelled covered in bits of slag "That was intense. I mean I've been in firefights before but those bandits... They had guns like I have never seen before."
"Umm Axton" said Maya "Despite how interesting I find your nerdgasm over the enemies new hand cannons I think you should be more concerned with our dying friends!"
"Dying?"Axton announced apprehensively "Have you ever listened to Zer0 Maya? "Assassins never die!" he said using his best Zer0 impression "I think he'll be OK."
"In case you haven't noticed pal" Maya said with venom in her voice "He took a bullet for you, so the least you could do was show some concern."
Axton looked down upon the tired broken bodies of Zer0 and Salvador, they both had suffered from a huge blast of eriduim and were just now taking on different symptoms. Salvador was having massive spasms as he tried to walk out of the fast travel station and towards Dr. Zeds Infirmary, his left arm was still slightly smoking after the encounter and on the rest of his body his veins were starting to glow purple. Zer0 on the other accepted that he was injured and was leaning on Maya for support, his armor was torn in places leaking a glowing blue fluid there was also a large crack running up his left side that ended right before the zero on his chest. His mask was heavily damaged and had a large bullet whole in it, unfortunately this had happened before he was splashed with eridium and a copious amount had leaked in through these cracks, there was now a purple glow emanating from it and every now and then a drop of eriduim would fall from his mask and make Zer0 draw a sharp breath, as if he was in pain.
With a slight lift of his head Zer0 began to say"I thank you Maya, I would have horribly died, If not for your help."
"Dammit Zer0" Maya berated "An inch away from death and still confusing us with you haiku speech"Zer0 slowly turned is head towards her as a :) emoticon appeared from his visor and began to fizzle out "Lets get you to Zed, Zer0 we don't want you dying on us.
"LILITH"Axton yelled "WE ARE BACK"
"Jesus Axton"Lilith said rubbing her eyes as she walked onto the balcony of the Raiders HQ "A simple "Hello" would have sufficed, there was no need to wake up the entire neighborhood."
"Well someone isn't happy to see me" said Axton with a sly smile as he walked into the Raiders HQ
Lilith rolled her eyes"Where are the others Axton?"
"Well I'm Here, Maya and Zer0 are at Zed's and Salvador is..."
"Right Damn Here"Salvador announced
"Salvador!"Axton yelled "What are you doing here! You should be at Zeds getting patched up!" Axton and Salvador stared at each other expectantly for a few seconds and then began burst out laughing.
"Phew! Mi Amigo! Axton you really had me going there for a second:" Laughed Salvador
"I Know" Said Axton "you'd have to be really F''ed up to wanna go to Zed for help"
Meanwhile in Dr. Zed's Office...
"And Zed I swear if you attach any other animals body parts to him I will rip out your liver and strangle you with it!" Maya yelled
"Now little Lady..."reassured Dr. Zed trying to calm Maya Down" I may not have the best track record but-"
"Best track record! You mixed Skags with Rakks! How the hell am I supposed to trust you after that! And the incident with Ellie!"Maya screamed, foaming at the mouth.
"Now Maya"Zed said accusingly "We both agreed that that would never be spoken of again in this life or the next and that any who spoke of is would have their tongues ripped out and be fed to Terramourphus."
"I'm sorry Dr. Zed" muttered Maya "I just want you to make sure Zer0 Pulls through OK. It's not that I don't trust you its just... Well I don't trust you"
"Maya, with a being as mysterious, deadly, powerful, and quite frankly plot specific as Zer0, well I'm sure I'll be careful." reassured Zed.
"Plot specific?" questioned Maya
" Why yes, he is one of the four playable main characters in... you know I think I'll let you figure this one out. Have a nice day!" Beamed Zed as he closed the door leaving Maya feeling alone and confused. She listened at the door to the clinic and began to hear wet thumping sounds, almost like the ones you hear from a butcher, and Dr. Zed muttering "Shit" over and over again under his breath. Maya began the short walk back to the raiders HQ and began to recap what had happened after the past few days. Obviously they had killed Handsome Jack, and his warrior, they celebrated and danced and drank, well everybody except for Zer0. Maya didn't get it, she considered herself to be an averagely attractive female and she was pretty young, but every time she flirted with, did a mission,shared a meal or even tried to talk to Zer0 she was met with cold stares and haiku's. Whenever she walked into a room she knew that Salvador and Axton went wide eyed but Zer0 was only ever focused on their current mission or that frigging sword of his. Whenever a normal person would be doing normal things like reading, drinking, hanging out with friends, or playing a video game Zer0 was sharpening that sword. It didn't even make sense! It was a digistuct blade and was never supposed to dull! The only thing she could relate to Zer0's sword sharpening obsession was that Brick was always doing one armed push ups on the balcony of Raiders HQ... Always. In fact the most human Zer0 Ever seemed was this afternoon when they fought the few remnants of the Sawtooth Bandits.
Maya was lost deep in her thoughts as a booming voice came over the loudspeakers around Sanctuary .
"Good Afternoon Sanctuary!" The the deep smooth voice said with a slight Truxican accent "Man have I always wanted to say that! So yeah um, uh, hello..." the voice said transitioning to a higher faster tone with a slightly more pronounced accent " My name is Kain and I was uh... Hired to murder you all. Now normally I wouldn't be the person to attack eight vault hunters inside a giant floating fortress... city... thing... What exactly is this place called? Jenkins!" Kain yelled "What is this place defined as? You don't know? Vault hunters do you have any ideas? You know what! I don't think it matters because you'll all be dead in a few minutes and this city... fortress... Dammit! Will all be smoking rubble. Anyways, I would personally like to thank Scooter for making this brutal massacre possible, By inadvertently, See Jenkins I know big goddamn words too! Sorry about that just trying to prove a point. Where was I again? Inadvertently right! By Inadvertently leaving around so many digistuct modules for me to hack into. Thank you for listening to Air Kain and goooooodnight." Kain announced as static filled the loudspeakers around Sanctuary. Everybody in all of Sanctuary stood still in an erie silence as the static from the loud speakers continued their menacing buzz. Suddenly a high shrill yelling noise started to come from Scooters garage as the awkward mechanic himself began sprinted down the street right before a huge explosion rocked the city and Scooters garage went up in flames. A Robot that looked a bit like an EXP Loader mixed with a Goliath emerged from the rubble an two others soon followed.
Maya scoffed "Three robots? Seriously? This will be no problem
Several Crimson raiders began to advance on it firing round after round into its metallic hide as it slowly turned to face them. It released a red beam from a lens implanted in its chest and all 7 of the Crimson Raiders who were firing at it began to twist and contort with small metal plates emerging from their body's until the all became something that had a resemblance to the architects that Hyperion used to use to fight the vault hunters. The former Crimson Raiders began to advance on the rest of Sanctuary Opening fire on all the other raiders and innocent civilians in front of them. Maya Drew her SMG as Axton and Salvador ran down the road each holding an assault rifle. Salvador had still apparently not recovered from the Eriduim blast as his left arm was still smoking. Salvador of course bring Salvador, gave not a single fuck and started screaming on rapid Spanish as he pulled out two rapid fore Tourge LMG's and opened fire on the robots. The gun in his right hand functioned as any high caliber Tourge machine gun does, spewing hundreds of rounds a minute and causing general death and mayhem. The gun in his left hand however acted a bit different than it was supposed to. Instead of launching explosive bullets his machine gun was firing explosive lasers. Yes, you read it right. EXPLOSIVE FREAKING LASERS! Salvador's eyes widened and he began laughing manically screaming "Die putas die!" As he mowed through a group of 5 of the corrupted Crimson Raiders, jumped on top of the Corrupter's shoulders and emptied both of his buns point blank into his face. Salvador's guns soon ran empty and when the smoke from all the explosions cleared a large crater was were the Corrupter's head used to be.
The other two Corrupter's analyzed what had happened to the now headless victim of Salvador and digistructed protective helmets to stop Salvador's explosives. Axton yelled " Sal! Get rid of those last few corrupted, we got these idiot robots over here." Salvador barely heard him as he was already int the midst of his gunzerking. "Maya!" Axton yelled " You get the on doing towards Zeds and I ll get the on heading towards Moxxi's."
"Sounds like a plan!" Maya yelled back as she ran towards the hulking robot.
Axton slid behind a low stone wall as the Corrupter began its slow walk down the wide avenue in front of Moxxi's bar. "For as deadly as these things are they are pretty friggen slow" Axton muttered to himself. He threw his two saber turrets on the sides of buildings located on either side of the road and they pumped round after round into the Corrupter but they showed no sign of slowing. "Damn" Said Axton popping up and down behind cover to fire shot at the Corrupter "How the hell am I supposed to kill this thing?" As the Corrupter neared his cover he began start sweating and got ready to make a run for it when Claptrap ran screaming across the Corrupter's path and one of its massive hands grabbed Claptrap and brought it up to to the red lens on its chest. A red beam moved slowly up and down Claptrap's chassis and a deep metallic voice said "CL4P-TP unit, obsolete Hyperion tech. Assimilate."
"I have no objection" Axton announced "Just leave me alone"
Claptrap yelled "Minion, nooooooooo! Save me!" In his perpetually cheerful voice. The red beam that had already corrupted numerous Crimson Raiders now zapped claptrap but some thing different happened this time. The robot shivered, stood up straight, dropped Claptrap and its lens turnned blue.
"Whoa" Claptrap said almost as if he was high " This is awesome. I wonder if-" he said as two huge speakers materialized and began playing a dub step at such a high volume that Axton fell to the ground in the fetal position. All of a sudden something flew out of the sky and smashed the Corrupter into a robot pancake. Brick arose out of the rubble covered in robot innards with fire in his eyes and and said with a cold venom "I hate dub step."
Maya on the other hand did not have such an easy time with her robot. It slowly waltzed down the road toward Dr. Zed's office while Maya peppered it with SMG's of various elements that all seemed to do the same Jack Squat to the robot. When the robot was about thirty yards from the office Maya said " I wish I didn't have to do this" obviously lying, she relished whenever she could use her siren powers and knew the others were already astonished at what she could do. She lifted her left hand up and Phaselocked the Corrupter suspending it in the air. Maya smiled, pulled out her handy Conference Call, and blasted away at the now immobile robot. The Corrupter turned its threatening red lens toward a nearby group of Crimson raiders and let loose turning them all into his minions. In unison they looked at Maya yelled and charged with enough ferocity to send shivers up even Bricks spine. Maya cringed and knew she would have to spend another couple thousand dollars at the New-U machine when Deathtrap flew in from behind her and began to lay waste to the corrupted with his claws and laser beam. Gaige jogged up next to Maya and said " Hey girl! Hows it going?"
"I'm a little busy Gaige." Maya said sounding strained
" I'm sorry Maya, that was rude of me, Do you mind if I help out a bit she said gesturing towards the still Phaselocked Corrupter.
" Be my guest" Maya said, Gaige nodded, emitted a scream that would but a Banshee to shame and started blasting away with her treasured Tediore Bunny rocket launcher. The Corrupter sensing it was in danger immediately digistructed an odd looking cannon on the side of its fat head. The cannon rotated in circles for a few seconds and then shot and electrified net at its two assailants trapping them and then knocking them unconscious. Maya awoke a few seconds later with Gaige using a combat knife to cut open the net. "Maya hurry up and wake up would you!" Gaige yelled " The robot got into Zed's office we need to hurry"
Maya immediately became very aware and jumped to her feet "Zer0 is still in there we need to go now" She yelled running to the door and kicking it down "Zer0!" She yelled as she did it. The scene Maya stumbled upon was a bit odd. Maya saw Dr. Zed on the far side of an operating table covered in a glowing blue fluid, Zer0 on the near side with his hand outstretched and in between Maya and Zer0 a pile of molten metal and a threatening red lens.
A/N There it is ladies and gentlemen the first chapter of my story. If you read it: Thanks you soooooo much, if you didn't: why are you reading the Authors note at the end... Wierdo. Anyway I would love it if you could R&R because the more it gets the quicker I'll get chapter two out. Also if you have any character/ pairing you want just leave it in the review or PM me.
Adios Mustachios!