Disclaimers: Pan Am, the rights to the show and its characters do not belong to me.
Spoilers: Au from 1x10 Secrets and Lies
Pairing: Colette Valois/Dean Lowrey
Summary: After ending things with him so Dean could be free to return to Bridget, Colette makes another drastic decision.
He knows he made a mistake as soon as he opens his eyes the next morning. But there is no undoing the past and he can't seem to make Bridget understand that the only reason he slept with her was because he was lonely and reeling from everything; her sudden appearance and Colette's dumping him both.
In the end, he tries his best to ignore her, to give her the cold shoulder, to make her leave him alone. But whenever she touches him and he looks away, it seems like his eyes just find Colette's and she has seen it, and he can see the knife twist inside her.
—
She asks Kate to take Bridget off her hands for the flight. And she doesn't know what is worse, that the others suddenly perk up and want to know the reason for it or the sympathy in Kate's eyes when she nods and gives her arm a soft squeeze.
Colette spends the flight back to the States smiling at the VIPs and handing out drinks and pillows and shaking out blankets. But her eyes always drift to the door of the cockpit and she can't help but wonder if Dean is smiling as he tells Ted and Sanjeev that he and Bridget are back together.
—
The next flight is to Paris and Dean wants to hit his head against the wall repeatedly when he sees the destination.
He finally managed to shake of Bridget and drive it home that they are not back together, that this was one horrible, horrible mistake and that he is in love with Colette. And maybe, Paris isn't that bad, he thinks as he goes over the various romantic ways that he could make it up to her, that he could apologize and beg her forgiveness. Paris is where they danced together and he thinks that it might be the perfect place for them to fix their relationship, after all.
—
She doesn't know that the flight is to Paris when she phones the base to call in sick. In her head, she is writing two letters, one is her resignation, the other is merely asking for a transfer. Because she doesn't know if she could work with another crew. In the last few months, she has come to associate flying with Kate and Maggie and Laura and Ted. And Dean. Most of all Dean.
It is ridiculous, really, because she has worked with other crews, other pilots. But that was before Dean showed her what is was like to fly, to truly fly. And she isn't sure if she can be up in the air with the knowledge that he isn't the one keeping her safe up above the clouds, preventing her from crashing.
—
He decides to give her the time of the first flight after London to catch her breath. Doesn't call her, even though every fiber of his being itches to do just that. He buys a postcard for her, though, but then he figures that she already has one and he's never been good with words, anyway.
He tries not to worry about where they might stand the whole time he is in Paris but fails miserably at it.
It's when he is back stateside and he catches a short glimpse of her in the lobby that he is utterly confused, and then the girls are talking with each other and he can feel Kate's eyes burn off his shoulder patches with the intensity of her stare. He asks what's going on and Maggie gives an melodramatic sigh before informing him and Ted that Colette has been moved to a different crew. And as she starts the game of guessing who might be their new crew member, Dean feels his heart drop from 35,000 straight into the Atlantic.
—
The first flight with the new crew takes her to Rio. She knows she should be out with her new team mates and make friends with them, but after the flight Colette barely has enough energy left to undress before she crawls into bed and falls asleep to blissful nothingness. She doesn't dream of Dean, at least not that she remembers, and when she is asleep, she can't feel the pain that is her heart beating.
—
They have a close call while approaching Heraklion airport. The wind suddenly picks up speed and Dean barely manages to pull the plane back up before they touch the ground. He hears Ted breathe heavily and Sanjeev is strangely quiet before giving him the new readings after contacting the tower.
In the end, they circle in the air for ten minutes until there is another drop in the wind speed and they can try another approach. And all Dean can think about as the plane doesn't slow down fast enough for his liking and he sees the end of the runway with the maintenance buildings come closer and closer is that he never told Colette that he has never felt as lost as when he flies without her.
—
Colette tries to remain smiling and calm when the child manages to throw up over her uniform. One of the other members of the crew quickly helps her take off the soiled jacket so the other passengers may not see the blood as she concentrates on trying to utter words of reassurance to the parents of the boy, telling them that they will get him help as soon as possible, thankful that at least French does not fail her like English sometimes does.
Still, when the plane touches down and there is no hint of the trouble they had getting it to land in Haiti, she feels slightly disappointed. Or maybe that is because she knows that she will not be kissing Dean at the end of this ordeal, but merely squeeze the other pilots shoulder and turn down an invitation to celebrate the saving of a life.
—
A fight with Ted's replacement when his friend calls in sick one day earns him three weeks of being grounded. He's back for his paperwork when she walks up to the desk and stands next to him, giving him a nod and for the briefest of moments, he sees the corners of her lips tug upwards before she tells the woman how she would like her cheque to be cashed.
He stares at her, trying to figure out what to say, but in the end, he can't find the words to express how lonely he is without her, how lost, and how much he misses her presence.
—
She feels his fingers close around her elbow when she stashes away her money and makes to leave. The contact makes her freeze and the breath hitches in her throat before she turns to look at him.
He looks smaller than she remembers him. His hair is slightly longer, the perfect length to run her fingers through it over and over again and feel the softness without getting tangled in it. And his eyes plead with her, beg her to stay, to do something, anything.
But his lips remained silent, open yes, but his tongue doesn't move. So she just shakes her head, tears burning in her eyes as she starts
In the end, he offers to pay Maggie what she makes on one flight to get her to call in sick at the last minute. He already has the money out when the small woman hits him with a Life magazine, telling him what a stupid jerk he is before stalking off. She comes back not ten seconds later and tells him that there is plenty more where that came from, should she find out that he screwed it up again.
—
It feels good to be back with her friends. No matter how long she flew with them (has is really been seven months?) the other crew just never felt like home to her.
Conveniently everyone is otherwise busy when Ted asks for the coffee to be brought, and just as she enters the cockpit, he suddenly has to use the head and Sanjeev remembers he has something he needs to discuss with Kate.
It's tense and awkward and they aren't looking at each other at all, until she is about to leave again and Dean calls over his shoulder, telling her that he missed her and their eyes meet and she can't help but give a little smile at that. Because she missed him, too; she missed him so much.
—
They dance again, in the snow this time. It's Reykjavik and they are grounded due to the bad weather. It's the 24th December and everyone else is mad because they had plans for Christmas and wanted to be home. Everyone, except for them.
Because with the snow swirling around them outside the terminal and Christmas songs coming from the radio and Dean holding her close and Colette smiling at him, they both know that they already have everything they could have asked Santa for right in that moment.
fin.
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