This story takes us right back to the beginning. Each chapter will cover part of an episode of the show and the dialogue will be from the episodes, pretty much word for word. I will build in moments between Daryl and Carol, or explore their thoughts where I can, and where it makes sense. Really I just want to explore their character development from Season One right through to Season Three, in the most realistic manner possible.
Chapter One- Tell it to the Frogs Part I
Somehow, Carol thought that the camp would be relatively safe. She thought that once they were in such close proximity to other people, stuck in tents with no four walls and doors to hide behind, she would be less frightened of Ed. In her mind, she had been convinced that when the world ended, Ed wouldn't hurt her anymore. She had even thought that he might stop looking at Sophia when the whole world up and went to shit. But it hadn't worked out that way.
To her endless shame, Carol still showed up every morning with new bruises or cuts and falsified excuses as to how she came by them overnight. Everyone knew she was lying, and she was aware of it, but old habits die hard. She wasn't going to have a conversation about it.
Every night, when the others would gather around their fire and try to work out this terrifying new world, Carol was left with Sophia and Ed with a fire of their own. Isolated, separated from the group. It meant that she was entirely unable to get her head around what had happened; the outbreak, the walkers, the end of the world. During the day, she could talk to the other women under Ed's constant watch, but at night she had no escape at all. Worse, at night she knew she wouldn't ever escape; she was constantly glancing at Ed, seeing him watching Sophia with menace in his eyes. Night time was the worst time. It was where the others found companionship and made their friendships. She didn't have that.
Lori's husband had returned that day. It seemed like something from a dream when Carl had run to hug his father. Carol had been left standing nearby, knowing that had Ed been given up for dead, her heart would pinch with relief and not sadness. She knew that she would never run to him and thank God for his safe return. It made her feel ill and her stomach squirmed watching it; she hadn't even been able to smile for Lori and Carl.
Even with the good news that Rick was alive and well, that night she found herself, again, alone by the fire with Ed and Sophia. None of them spoke, and Carol could feel the tension right down in her bones. Sophia was looking at the ground and nowhere else. The other group was listening to Rick, giving him the chance to discuss his experiences and the absolute disorientation of waking up to a shattered world. Carol had never had that conversation with anyone properly. They didn't really talk about the big concepts during the day, it was more about the basics; food and clothes. And Ed was always listening, her constant companion, her constant threat.
She glanced up in time to see him tossing a heavy log onto the fire. It caught Shane's attention immediately. "Hey Ed, you wanna re-think that log?," he asked from across the camp.
Carol's stomach sank.
"It's cold, man," Ed called back, grimacing.
"Cold don't change the rules, does it? Keep our fires low, just embers, so we can't be seen from a distance, right?" Shane reminded him. Lori curled closer to Rick as Carol watched. She knew how uncomfortable Ed made each and every one of them.
"I said it's cold. Mind your own business for once," Ed spat. Shane got up quickly, agitated, and came close to their fire. The others pretended not to watch, but the tension built regardless. Carol cursed Ed and then Shane. She needed Ed calm, not aggressive and angry. Pissed off Ed was the worst Ed.
"You sure you wanna have this conversation, man?" Shane asked quietly as he approached the fire and stood in front of Ed, looking menacing.
"Go on, pull the damn thing out. Go on," Ed gave in, pretending that he didn't give a shit. Carol knew that she might very well pay for this later, and Sophia refused to raise her eyes from the ground.
To his credit, Shane didn't like how isolated Sophia and Carol were. He tried to make conversation with them as often as he could about innocuous things like food or the weather, just to let them know that he was there. After he took the log from the fire, he crouched in front of them and lowered his voice again. He could smell the burning and through the smoke he easily saw the redness in Carol's cheeks and her anxious glance up to him.
"Hey Carol, Sophia. How you all this evening?" he asked gently.
"Fine. We're just fine," Carol replied. She would have sounded reassuring if she hadn't spoken slighter louder than she'd intended- and if she hadn't looked so terrified. "Sorry about the fire," she added, almost in a whisper, apologising for Ed.
"No, no apology needed. You all have a good night, okay?" Shane stood back up again, and spoke once more to Ed as he walked away, "Appreciate the cooperation." He knew that having the last word wouldn't help, and Ed looked absolutely furious, but he didn't have time to think about it because when Shane got back to the warmth of his own group around his own fire, he arrived to a very tricky conversation.
"Have you given any thought to Daryl Dixon? He won't be happy to hear his brother's been left behind," Dale intoned. It was the elephant in the room; Daryl and Merle were rude, ungracious and downright hard to cope with at times. But thr world was gone to shit enough, and just because Merle was an arrogant son of a bitch didn't mean his abandonment was justified. Daryl wasn't going to take it well at all. Merle was all he had, and the brothers were close.
T Dog claimed the responsibility immediately. "I'll tell him, I dropped the key. It's on me," he said softly.
"I cuffed him. Makes it mine," Rick said, try to make T Dog feel better, and lapsing into thought about the guns he had left on the street in Atlanta.
"Guys, it's not a competition," Glenn said. "I don't mean to bring race into this, but it might sound better coming from a white guy." Merle had displayed his racist tendencies on the roof in Atlanta, and Rick hadn't met Daryl, but he assumed that Glenn knew was he was talking about. This didn't sound like it was going to go well at all. He felt safe with Lori beside him and Carl lying in his lap, but he felt he'd left a mess that he needed to clean up.
"I did what I did, hell if I'm gonna hide from it," T Dog said, conscious of the part he'd played in leaving Merle. He felt like there was no heat from the fire and he could barely focus. He just kept thinking about Merle lying on the roof, waiting for the geeks to come knowing that there was no way out. It gave him the shivers to think about it for too long.
"We could lie," Amy suggested tentatively.
"Or tell the truth!" Andrea added forcefully. "Merle was out of line. Something had to be done or he'd have gotten us killed," she pointed out, before turning to Lori. "Your husband did what was necessary, and if Merle got left behind, it was nobody's fault but Merle's." She finished her speech and said nothing else, but she knew that Daryl definitely wouldn't take that well.
"And that's what we tell Daryl?" Dale asked, incredulous, turning to her. "I don't see a rational discussion to be had from that, do you? Word to the wise, we're gonna have our hands full when he gets back from his hunt," he finished.
"I was scared, and I ran. I'm not ashamed of it," T Dog said quiely, but Andrea pushed the thought back at him."We were all scared, we all ran. What's your point?"
"I stopped long enough to chain that door," T Dog shared. "Staircase is narrow. Maybe half a dozen geeks can squeeze against it at any one time. It's not enough to break through there, not that chain. Not that padlock," he said, and then he stopped for a second because his real thought came out. "My point, Dixon's alive. He's still up there, handcuffed on that roof. That's on us." He stood up and walked away from the fire, knowing that tomorrow he'd be facing a raging and unbalanced Daryl Dixon.
When Rick finally woke up and left his tent, he found Carol with an ironing board and his clothes. "Morning," she said. "Still a little damp. Sun will have them dry in no time."
"You washed my clothes?" he asked. It hadn't even occurred to him.
"Well, best we could. Scrubbing on a washboard ain't half as good as my old Maytag back home," she smiled.
"That's very kind. Than you," he replied. Carol smiled at him slightly and went back to work. In her whole life, nobody had ever thanked her for anything. She was used to Ed thinking that washing and drying and cooking and cleaning was all she was good for. He had never once acknowledged the work she did constantly to make him comfortable. She didn't really know what to do with Rick's thanks, but she decided right then that he was a good man. Again, her stomach burned because she knew Rick would never hit Lori, call her names or bully her. It just didn't seem to be in his character.
She got to thinking about the conversation she had overheard by the fire last night. She was nervous about Daryl's return. He and Merle made a good team, but they were too much like Ed for her liking. Before she could think too much about it, the screaming from Carl and Sophia alerted her.
Most of the camp alighted and ran right into the woods to find out what the screaming was about. Carl and Sophia had stumbled across a walker, quiet and ominous, eating a fallen deer. Shane, Rick Dale and Jim took care of the walker for the most part, managing to disconnect its head from its body. The smell was foul, a mixture of rot and the coppery tang of blood hung in the air, decay filling everyone's nose and mouth. The rustling in the trees kept them on edge and they all faced the woods.
Nobody looked happy when Daryl emerged from the trees, crossbow in hand.
"Son of a bitch!" he yelled. "That's my deer! Aw look at it, all gnawed on by this filthy, disease bag, motherless poxy bastard!" he yelled, kicking the walker on the ground.
'Calm down son, that's not helpin'," Dale interjected, knowing that Daryl was going to have more bad news before too long.
"What do you know about it, old man?!" Daryl spat out. "I've been tracking this deer for miles, thought I'd drag it back to camp, cook us up some venison!" He calmed down for a second while he assessed the deer. Food wasn't exactly thick on the ground. "What d'you think, think we could cut around this chewed up part right here?"
"Man, I would not risk that," Shane said.
"That's a damn shame. I got some squirrel, about a dozen or so. That'll have to do," Daryl finished thoughtfully, tapping the walker's head with his boot. The walker's head moved, still trying to reach for new prey. Amy, watching from the trees, looked ill and swore before leaving quickly. Daryl was completely unfazed.
"Come on people, what the hell?" Shoots it square in the eye. It's gotta be the brain. Don't y'all know nothin'?" he asked, moving off toward the camp. As he made it through the trees around the perimeter, he started calling.
'Merle? Merle! Get your ass out here. Got us some squirrel! Let's do 'em up!"
"Daryl? Slow up a bit, I need to talk to you," Shane started. Daryl turned to him, bothered. "About what?"
"About Merle. There was a problem in Atlanta." Shane stopped. Daryl looked at him again, bracing himself.
"He dead?" he asked quietly.
"Not sure," Shane said.
"He either is or he ain't!" Daryl yelled, anger coursing in his blood. Why had they waited to tell him? Did they have to do it here, when everyone was gathering around to watch, like it was some kind of sideshow? How could Merle be maybe dead and maybe not?!
"There ain't no easy way to say this, so I'll just say it," Rick started. Daryl whipped around to face him and realised he had no idea who Rick was.
'Who're you?" he demanded.
"Rick Grimes." The fact that Rick said nothing but a name angered Daryl even more. He just wanted to know about Merle, he didn't want a damn relationship with Rick Grimes.
"Rick Grimes? You got something you wanna tell me?" he asked, pushing right into Rick's space. He cut a menacing figure and he knew it, but he didn't care.
"Your brother was a danger to us all, so I handcuffed him on a roof, hooked him to a piece of metal. He's still there," Rick finished. Daryl was taken aback, confounded by the absolute stupidity of this.
"Let me process this," he said softly, lifting his fingers to his temple and becoming agitated again. "You're saying you handcuffed my brother to a roof?!" His voice grew into an angry roar. "And you left him there?!"
"Yeah."
Rage poured through Daryl, right into his heart and soul. His only brother, the one thing he had left. White hot anger burst through his head and his eyes, and he launched himself at Rick, screaming. He never made it because Shane caught him around the waist and took him down. He couldn't stop the rage boiling over and he pulled his hunting knife from his belt.
"Watch the knife!" Shane said, stepping back. Daryl was back on his feet in seconds, blood rushing through him, adrenaline pumping. He slashed, but Rick easily stepped back. Daryl pushed forward and he connected with Rick for just a second before Shane again interceded and pulled him back, forcing him into a chokehold.
Carol watched from the safe zone near the RV, with everyone else. Ed was looking right over her shoulder, enjoying the violence. Carol felt bad for Daryl. She tried to imagine what it would be like if Sophia were gone, or if Dale went missing. She thought about how Lori and Carl had suffered thinking that Rick was dead. She could see plainly that Daryl was in an awful lot of pain. She wasn't sure that treating him like a caged animal was going to help. She could feel Ed's breath on her shoulder as he craned for a closer look, and she forced down a shudder.
"You best let me go!" Daryl yelled, red faced, trying to get free of Shane but starting to accept that he wasn't going to win this one.
"Nah, I think it's better if I don't," Shane said casually, making Daryl mad all over again.
"Chokeholding's illegal!" he yelled childishly.
"File a complaint. Come on man, we can keep this up all day," Shane fired back. Rick approached the two of them as Daryl stopped struggling and squinted up at him. Rick got down on one knee and came too close for comfort.
"I'd like to have a calm discussion around this topic. You think we can manage that?" Rick asked softly because repeating his question. "You think we can manage that?!"
Daryl was still furious, but he'd stopped fighting, so he wasn't surprised when Shane pushed him free and he hit the ground with a dull thud. His outburst starting to subside a bit, he decided to hear Rick out. In his heart, he knew that Merle was no fairy godmother.
"What I did was not on a whim. Your brother does not work and play well with others," Rick started. Daryl said nothing to that. He wasn't going to defend Merle's behaviour and make a liar out of himself along the way.
T Dog had stood watching things unfold and he decided to be honest. "It's not Rick's fault. I had the key. I dropped it."
"You couldn't pick it up?!" Daryl shouted to him.
"I dropped it in a drain," T Dog said heavily.
Daryl started breathing heavily, trying to keep himself in check. He stumbled to his feet, trying to work it all out in his head. "If that's supposed to make me feel better, it don't," he said, feeling completely exhausted and utterly defeated.
"Maybe this will." T Dog said, sensing that Daryl was as calm as he was going to be. "I chained the door to the roof so the geeks couldn't get at him, with a padlock. "
"It's gotta count for something," Rick added. Suddenly aware of everyone watching, aware of the theatre he was partaking in, Daryl finally bottomed out. Tears formed in his eyes and he couldn't stop them falling despite his best efforts.
"Hell with all of y'all! Just tell me where he is so's I can go get him," he choked, a mixture of upset, fear, anger and hurt.
"He'll show you. Isn't that right?" Lori said bitterly, looking right at Rick. Daryl knew that her bitterness had nothing to do with him, and he didn't give a shit about that either. He looked back at Rick, who confirmed it. "I'm going back."
Embarrassed by his outburst, and not just because he got beat in a fight,Daryl stormed past Rick to get ready. He didn't notice Carol watching him leave, biting on her lip, feeling sorry for him. Had he seen her, he would have cut right through her pity and told her to mind her own damn business.
He couldn't abandon his own kin, not without a fight. It was easier for the others, and he knew they only kept him around because he and Merle were useful. He knew that they tolerated Merle's obscene remarks and racist comments, and he knew that Merle was a nasty son of a bitch when he was high or drunk, which was often. He remembered all the times Merle had hit him as a kid, trying to force Daryl to become a real man. It had worked to some extent; Daryl was closed off, cold and hard, exactly what Merle had wanted for him. But no matter what Merle did to him, no matter how shitty Merle could be, he was still family. It just wasn't in Daryl's nature to abandon his family, no matter how often his family had abandoned him.