"A Different Kind of Day"
BY: Kristie
A/N: I'm not really sure where this fan fic is going; I'm sort of just typing whatever comes into mind. I really don't want to make it with too much angst. I will tell you now; there will be some major carby in this fic. ;) I also only started watching ER last season, so any of the medical stuff that isn't right, I apologize. This is written in Abby's POV, I'm not sure if that's how the series is going to be the whole time.
Disclaimer: I don't any of the ER characters unfourtunatly
As the early morning sun began to rise, I knew the alarm clock would go off soon. How much I would give just for 10 more minutes in John Carter's strong arms. The feeling of being secure and not having any worries, it almost scared me how safe I could feel. It took so much effort usually to have this wonderful feeling, but with Carter, it's just different.
I didn't know how long this would last though. This wonderful feeling, for soon, I knew that he would want to leave me. Leave my life, not want to be a part of it. Or rather, not be a part of this child's life.
Some how I knew in the back of my head that he would never do that, but there was always that little lingering feeling inside of me that wondered what he would actually do. John was a loving person, and I knew that he would love this child no matter what, but maybe not love me.
I'm so confused inside now. I'm already 4 weeks along, and no one knows. But I know that soon I'm going to show signs that I'm with child. I don't know how much longer I can handle doing this on my own either.
I hear the loud beeping sounds and Carter's moan. I have to stop thinking so hard, he'll see it, he'll know something's wrong with me. He'll pull it out of me, and I don't think I'm ready for that yet.
"Abby," I hear his gentle voice say, "what are you thinking about so hard at 5:30 in the morning?"
Damn it, I knew he would see something.
"Nothing, just was trying to get to sleep before the alarm went off."
We stop along the way to the hospital to get a cup of coffee. While walking on the streets to the El, he protectively puts his arm around me. It's getting warmer in Chicago as the rainy spring season begins to end, and you begin to see signs of summer everywhere.
All the gardens are so full of color, and yet, this has nothing to do with my happiness. All it takes is John Carter.
As we approach the El, and walk on, I notice the sun is completely out. While we sit down, I notice all the people on the train this morning for some reason. Usually I'm to preoccupied with John Carter, but today, today is different.
There is a couple sitting across from us giggling and fooling around. A businessman who is busily talking on his cell phone and yelling at someone to sell. Then, there's an old man sitting in the corner sleeping, his face looks dirty with soot and his skin wrinkled. I can't help but feel sorry for people like that, I realize now, that I would never know what I would do without love of any sort.
I can tell Carter is studying me because I'm thinking so hard. I knew I shouldn't be, but I can't help it today, I think I feel ashamed to look him in the eye because I'm keeping a secret from him.
"Abby, what's with you today?" he asked in that concerned voice, that wonderful voice that I can't help but melt when I here. It has the power to force me to look him straight in the eyes. I feel so much worse when I do that because he really does care. I can't tell him yet, I'm not ready, so with all my will power I manage to say, "Nothing, I'm just not my self today."
I give him a somewhat reassuring kiss to tell him to drop it for now and then settle in his arms for the rest of the ride to work.
"Abby, ETA 5 minutes." I heard Jerry say.
"Okay. I'll be right there." I say. I quickly rush into the bathroom and throw up in one of the stalls. This is only the second time this is happened to me, but I'm afraid that it will begin to occur more and more.
I'm in the stall for a few minutes when I hear Susan come in. "Abby?" I know that she's going to find out eventually. I trust Susan. In a barely audible voice I manage to get out, "Yes?"
Susan comes over to the stall, and I unlock the door. "Abby, what's wrong?" she asks with much concern in her voice.
"I'm pregnant, and well." I say as I drift off.
"Oh my god! Does Carter know?" she asks.
"No! You're the first person that I've told, so I plan to keep it that way, at least for a little while. You understand right?" I ask.
"Of course. I can find someone else to take this."
I cut her off quickly. "No, if I want to keep this a secret for awhile, I don't need gossip going on every time I throw up."
I walk out of the bathroom with Susan and walk into the Trauma. Haleh and Carter had already begun. Carter whispers into my ear, "Are you okay?"
"Yes," I say for the first time confidently in awhile, "Like I said, today is a different day."
As I walked into the dark lounge, I was more then overjoyed that my shift was over. I had not had this difficult of a shift since my pregnancy had begun. Every day though, it had started to get tougher, not just with work but emotionally too.
Guilt was beginning to take over my head. I felt guilty that I had gotten pregnant. I felt that it was completely my fault and Carter had nothing to do with it, when in fact he had played a huge part in it. I was guilty that I hadn't told him yet, that I was keeping this all to myself and I had told Susan before I had told him.
I was still debating about how or when I would tell him. How would he react and would he be angry? The farther I got into my pregnancy, the guiltier I had begun feel.
As I put on jacket and packed up my stuff to go home, I debated whether I should wait for him, or go home by myself so I could think. I decided to wait and stay, I knew that he would suspect something if I didn't wait for him. I always waited.
The door began to creak open and I was almost positive it was him but Luka's faced appeared. He looked tired out and confused. Not from work but from his life. I knew that he was doing things that he would have never done if we were still together, but I could worry about him too. That was the last thing I needed.
"You look hell." I commented. I couldn't help it, I figured that maybe he would say something to me, tell me why, but all he said was, "I know." He took the cup of coffee he had poured for himself and walked out of lounge.
Something told me that he was preoccupied with something else. I knew that he would tell me if it was serious, even if it wasn't. A gut feeling told me that he was hiding from everyone, not just me. I really do care about, just not romantically. I do care if hurt, I do care if he needs help, but I care like a sister, not a lover.
John walked in and interrupted my thoughts, "So, you waited up for me?" he asked with a smile.
"Always do." I replied. I looked and knew I couldn't lie to him anymore. I had to tell him. Just, not at the hospital. "Want to get a cup of coffee?"
I hope you liked the first chapter. Please R/R if you can, it would mean a lot to me! ~Kristie
A/N: I'm not really sure where this fan fic is going; I'm sort of just typing whatever comes into mind. I really don't want to make it with too much angst. I will tell you now; there will be some major carby in this fic. ;) I also only started watching ER last season, so any of the medical stuff that isn't right, I apologize. This is written in Abby's POV, I'm not sure if that's how the series is going to be the whole time.
Disclaimer: I don't any of the ER characters unfourtunatly
As the early morning sun began to rise, I knew the alarm clock would go off soon. How much I would give just for 10 more minutes in John Carter's strong arms. The feeling of being secure and not having any worries, it almost scared me how safe I could feel. It took so much effort usually to have this wonderful feeling, but with Carter, it's just different.
I didn't know how long this would last though. This wonderful feeling, for soon, I knew that he would want to leave me. Leave my life, not want to be a part of it. Or rather, not be a part of this child's life.
Some how I knew in the back of my head that he would never do that, but there was always that little lingering feeling inside of me that wondered what he would actually do. John was a loving person, and I knew that he would love this child no matter what, but maybe not love me.
I'm so confused inside now. I'm already 4 weeks along, and no one knows. But I know that soon I'm going to show signs that I'm with child. I don't know how much longer I can handle doing this on my own either.
I hear the loud beeping sounds and Carter's moan. I have to stop thinking so hard, he'll see it, he'll know something's wrong with me. He'll pull it out of me, and I don't think I'm ready for that yet.
"Abby," I hear his gentle voice say, "what are you thinking about so hard at 5:30 in the morning?"
Damn it, I knew he would see something.
"Nothing, just was trying to get to sleep before the alarm went off."
We stop along the way to the hospital to get a cup of coffee. While walking on the streets to the El, he protectively puts his arm around me. It's getting warmer in Chicago as the rainy spring season begins to end, and you begin to see signs of summer everywhere.
All the gardens are so full of color, and yet, this has nothing to do with my happiness. All it takes is John Carter.
As we approach the El, and walk on, I notice the sun is completely out. While we sit down, I notice all the people on the train this morning for some reason. Usually I'm to preoccupied with John Carter, but today, today is different.
There is a couple sitting across from us giggling and fooling around. A businessman who is busily talking on his cell phone and yelling at someone to sell. Then, there's an old man sitting in the corner sleeping, his face looks dirty with soot and his skin wrinkled. I can't help but feel sorry for people like that, I realize now, that I would never know what I would do without love of any sort.
I can tell Carter is studying me because I'm thinking so hard. I knew I shouldn't be, but I can't help it today, I think I feel ashamed to look him in the eye because I'm keeping a secret from him.
"Abby, what's with you today?" he asked in that concerned voice, that wonderful voice that I can't help but melt when I here. It has the power to force me to look him straight in the eyes. I feel so much worse when I do that because he really does care. I can't tell him yet, I'm not ready, so with all my will power I manage to say, "Nothing, I'm just not my self today."
I give him a somewhat reassuring kiss to tell him to drop it for now and then settle in his arms for the rest of the ride to work.
"Abby, ETA 5 minutes." I heard Jerry say.
"Okay. I'll be right there." I say. I quickly rush into the bathroom and throw up in one of the stalls. This is only the second time this is happened to me, but I'm afraid that it will begin to occur more and more.
I'm in the stall for a few minutes when I hear Susan come in. "Abby?" I know that she's going to find out eventually. I trust Susan. In a barely audible voice I manage to get out, "Yes?"
Susan comes over to the stall, and I unlock the door. "Abby, what's wrong?" she asks with much concern in her voice.
"I'm pregnant, and well." I say as I drift off.
"Oh my god! Does Carter know?" she asks.
"No! You're the first person that I've told, so I plan to keep it that way, at least for a little while. You understand right?" I ask.
"Of course. I can find someone else to take this."
I cut her off quickly. "No, if I want to keep this a secret for awhile, I don't need gossip going on every time I throw up."
I walk out of the bathroom with Susan and walk into the Trauma. Haleh and Carter had already begun. Carter whispers into my ear, "Are you okay?"
"Yes," I say for the first time confidently in awhile, "Like I said, today is a different day."
As I walked into the dark lounge, I was more then overjoyed that my shift was over. I had not had this difficult of a shift since my pregnancy had begun. Every day though, it had started to get tougher, not just with work but emotionally too.
Guilt was beginning to take over my head. I felt guilty that I had gotten pregnant. I felt that it was completely my fault and Carter had nothing to do with it, when in fact he had played a huge part in it. I was guilty that I hadn't told him yet, that I was keeping this all to myself and I had told Susan before I had told him.
I was still debating about how or when I would tell him. How would he react and would he be angry? The farther I got into my pregnancy, the guiltier I had begun feel.
As I put on jacket and packed up my stuff to go home, I debated whether I should wait for him, or go home by myself so I could think. I decided to wait and stay, I knew that he would suspect something if I didn't wait for him. I always waited.
The door began to creak open and I was almost positive it was him but Luka's faced appeared. He looked tired out and confused. Not from work but from his life. I knew that he was doing things that he would have never done if we were still together, but I could worry about him too. That was the last thing I needed.
"You look hell." I commented. I couldn't help it, I figured that maybe he would say something to me, tell me why, but all he said was, "I know." He took the cup of coffee he had poured for himself and walked out of lounge.
Something told me that he was preoccupied with something else. I knew that he would tell me if it was serious, even if it wasn't. A gut feeling told me that he was hiding from everyone, not just me. I really do care about, just not romantically. I do care if hurt, I do care if he needs help, but I care like a sister, not a lover.
John walked in and interrupted my thoughts, "So, you waited up for me?" he asked with a smile.
"Always do." I replied. I looked and knew I couldn't lie to him anymore. I had to tell him. Just, not at the hospital. "Want to get a cup of coffee?"
I hope you liked the first chapter. Please R/R if you can, it would mean a lot to me! ~Kristie