Chapter One

Sirius...teaches Potions...instead of Snape

A/N: Be sure to read aloud with funny Monty Python accents. Otherwise, it won't be as awesome. Thanks- BAB 9

One day Dumbledore decided to give Snape some time off to go to the beauty parlor to get his hair cleaned and his eyebrows waxed. For a sub, Dumbledore chose Sirius. This was the day that Sirius...teaches potions...instead of Snape.

Sirius (Professor Black) carefully planned a lesson plan. He cleaned his finest all black robes and combed his hair. He even brushed his teeth, something he hadn't done in many-a-moon. He left that fine Snape-free morning and headed towards Hogwarts.

Once in the Potions Dungeon, Sirius decorated with bright pink flowers. He thought it gave the dungeon a very sophisticated look. And plus, everyone knows Snape loves the color pink.

He waited eagerly as the Syltherins and Gryffindors all filed in and took their seats.

"Hello dumplings!" Sirius cried. "I'm Professor Black, but you must call me…Professor Black!"

The class is dumbfounded.

"Where is Professor Snape?" Draco Malfoy asked.

"Uh…12 points from Syltherin, for…asking stupid questions."

"12 points? No one ever takes away 12 points!"

"That's 38 more points, Dracula."

"It's Draco, sir."

"YOU MUST CALL ME PROFESSOR BLACK!"

At this point, Harry and Ronald run in, breathless, and very late…to class.

"HARRY! You're late! You know that being late is quite against the rules!" Black growled.

"I know, but I-" Harry began.

"That's it. 27 points from Syltherin!" Sirius yelled.

"WHAT?" cried all the Syltherins and Gryffindors alike?

"WATER?" cried Neville Longbottom.

It was obvious- Professor Black is most awesome.

Snape was gone for more than a little bit of time. In fact, it was rumor around the castle that Snape had such horrible eyebrows that the salon had to wax them hair-by-hair, and that's why he was gone so long. Dumbledore started this rumor.

However it was much a joyous occasion, since Professor Black was still professor-ing. It was so one fine Tuesday morn.

"So, as I said before, piglets, if you add the hair of a shuffledof with the tooth of a grizzletoe, you get a mighty fine mix of serum brew," he explained happily.

"You've said that before, but what does it do?" Draco asked.

"So, as I said before, cupcakes, if you add the hair of a shuffledof with the tooth of a grizzletoe, you get a mighty fine mix of serum brew," he said again, ignoring Draco.

"You've told us that, but what is the serum brew used for?" asked Pansy.

"Well, Miss Pugface, if you turn in your books to page 9,845, you will get a clear explanation. And an answer to your question."

"Professor Black," stammered Neville, "Our textbooks only go to page 394."

"Well!" said Sirius, flamboyantly, "Someone has obviously ripped out the remaining 9,451 pages. And Crabbe and Goyle…Please stop flirting in my classroom." Crabbe and Goyle blushed furiously and stopped flirting immediately. Ronald Weasley raised his hand.

"Professor, will you give the Gryffindors some more points?"

"Why certainly, my young hedgehog! 50 points to Gryffindor!"

"Will you give the Syltherins some more points too?" Malfoy asked hopefully.

"Where on the great green earth would you get an idea I would do something as preposterous as that! 70 points from Syltherin."

The Syltherins groaned and mumbled, "That's not fair" underneath their breath. Sirius cleared his throat.

"Well, we've still got an hour left of class…so…class dismissed!"

Look forward to upcoming chapters:

Ronald Weasley Becomes Amish Letters from Percy

Snape's Living Room…More like Dead Room

Harry Confesses His Feelings for Ron

Sirius…Teaches Potions…Instead of Snape…Again