LOVE OR ADVENTURE?
I was walking among the Cardiff's streets, as the proud Whovian that I am, that city was the perfect place to wait; all my delusions seemed normal there. Before I used to catch me having doubts about believing in the Doctor, I began to think everything I saw as I child was only work of my imagination, but after I moved to Cardiff I didn't hesitate anymore, I knew that everything was a matter of time, a matter of time for the Doctor came to fulfill his promise!
I met the Doctor when I was nine years old, it was Christmas and I was in London, and everything, as usual, was falling apart, he saved me from being crushed by a pointer of the Big Bang, and took me straight to a blue box, a Police Office box, I didn't understood a thing, until today I don't think I do, he looked deep in to my eyes and said: "Don't leave here, do not touch anything. I will be back soon. "And so I did. It took a while until I recover from the shock I had when I realized that the box was bigger on the inside, and when I recovered myself, I just found a comfortable spot and sat down, I was very tired, it had been a very turbulent night, and I had never run so much in my life, I lay my head on my knees, my eyes blinked slowly, they were too heavy, until I saw it.
An orange smoke rose from the ground and began to surround me, I was not scared, maybe I was too tired for this, the smoke came to my hand and started playing with my fingers, and when she touched me I felt like my whole life, one day would make sense, at which point the Doctor entered into the phone box and the instant he closed the door he started looking astonished to the smoke between my fingers.
- You never behaved like that, what is happening to you TARDIS?
A second flock of smoke rose and began to surround the Doctor's head, then, it seemed to me, she came into his mind and came out quickly. Another flock of smoke was still around me.
- OOH,I see now - He began rubbing his hands and walking in a weird way. - The TARDIS liked you; I do not know how or why, she does not usually do that. Actually I do not know how, but I know why, however I cannot tell, as a friend of mine would say: "spoilers!" Now, let's get you home!
That gigantic blue box, which I figured would be the TARDIS, started making a strange noise, made me tense at first, but then as soon as I was getting used to it, the noise stopped, the Doctor jumped toward me.
-You stay here! Home sweet home! - He opened the door of the TARDIS, and I could see my room, while it was all very confusing, somewhere in my head all seemed to make sense, or was it only the mind of a child working? - There you go, good night, good life. AH, do not go over hidden home at Christmas, and yes, I know you left hidden.
He was closing the door to leave when he came and asked me.
- You do not have any type of unusual cracking here, have you? - I nodded a no - Well, well, see you around!
Two things I never understood in my life, what that all meant, and how his legs seems to work. Mysteries.
I was in Cardiff for a year now, but did not have many contacts or new friends, actually my social laziness was too big. I missed London and their movement, one of my favorite things I had there was to go to the theater and see my favorite man acting. We never met or talked, to be truth I never wanted to, which was odd, because deep down I loved him dearly, but I always felt that it wasn't the right time, that I should wait. Over time, my favorite man stopped making plays, he grew up and lost the curls of his hair, started making movies and getting world famous, but I realized, I could tell that something was wrong, I watched him for long time, in a strange way I knew him, and I could tell he was not well.
Most of the time I felt extremely stupid for thinking that I knew him so much, because I feel so close to him without ever having spoken or having any contact with the man I loved, but nothing, nothing would get out of my head the idea that he was not well, he was alone and sad, I could see, and it consumed my mind and my nights.
One day, without warning as I walked through my favorite park I spotted something blue, there were many trees in front of it, and I could not distinguish right, when I got closer it disappeared, and so it happened, for over a week, until one day when I was walking normally the TARDIS appeared, literally an inch from my face. I knocked on the door and the Doctor, my Doctor, opened the door, my Doctor with those slender fingers and with those meaningless legs, filled with that fluffy hair, and with the same enthusiasm. The Doctor looked deeply into my eyes, like he was trying to recognize me, and made me a question: "- Love or Adventure?"
Again my mind was divided, one part not knowing what was happening, and the other thinking quickly, leading me to answer, "- Love." I said. He opened the door and let me in, the TARDIS was exactly as I remembered, and something happened when I came in, something that showed me that I had not dreamed that night so many years ago, thousands of oranges flock of smoke left the ground and came to meet me, dancing around me, I felt almost complete, the Doctor looked at me smiling and said:
- It is really is you.
- And what is that supposed to mean? - I asked.
-Well, these little things are the soul of the TARDIS, and they seem to like you.
-Yeah, I figured it out that they like me. - I said laughing - But why they like me?
- On the first day you were here I noticed this behavior in the TARDIS, she had never done this before and strangely an unprecedented way she "told" what was happening.
As he explained to me he was moving around, what seems to me as a round table which was in the center of the room, he was pushing buttons, pulling levers and staring at a monitor, often the TARDIS began to shake and make strange noises, but he went on to explain .
– The TARDIS recognized you because you've been here before. - How could I understand that? I stared at him frightened, he realized that I did not understood and continued to explain.
– I'll explain quickly, I'm a time traveler, this is my ship/time machine so what I and The TARDIS experienced may not be in the same sequence of your timeline, so she recognized you. - He finished with a smile.
-Okay, I understand, but that does not explain why she liked me. What do I have, what makes me different?
- Well, the thing is, your life is a fixed point in time, and the strange thing is that I am part of it, which is fixed in time in your life is a journey through time that you will do, and it depends on me, in other words, we are connected, because all this is a fixed point in time and there is no way to ignore it, anyway, shall we? - He had stopped moving around the TARDIS console, now he was rubbing his hands at each other and playing with his legs.
-Where are we going? I still don't know what is happening. How can my life be a fixed point in time?
-Hmm, you will help a man, a very good man, and after you help this man, he will help others, and that will create a chain reaction that will ultimately benefit a large portion of the world population.
- I'll see him before? I mean, in my normal life? - I already imagined which man would be, you know that feeling when you are in love and your beloved always comes into your head? So, I was having it.
- It is all up to you to.
My heart raced faster and looking askance to the Doctor I went for the door, when I got there, I looked back, into the Doctor's eyes, he said that we went back a few years in time, and that he would expect me there.
We were in December 2004, I opened the door to a huge garden on the campus of Cambridge, from afar I recognized the man sitting on a bench, alone, reading, he wore different outfits, his hair all blond and full of curls, he saw me and smiled. I asked if I could talk to him, and he nodded, realizing that I would not sit down, he put his book on the bench and stood in front of me.
I was supposed to be freaking out, with my heart in my mouth, but I felt calm, as if I was born to be in that moment, everything was happening so easily, that it would even seem rehearsed.
-Are you, are you Thomas? Thomas Hiddleston?
He had a strange look, perhaps suspiciously, perhaps scared.
- Yes, I am. How do you know?
- It does not matter, I came here to tell you something, I know you're studying to be an actor, I know your dreams, and I know you often feel inauthentic, or that your voice isn't worth hearing, so please do not ever, ever have this thoughts anymore, you are extraordinary, your talent is extraordinary, and your good heart will take you forward, never stop being who you are, do not forget your essence.
When I finished speaking his eyes were teary, he felt that everything I said on the bottom of his heart, I felt I was doing the right thing. A tear trickled from his eyes and he soon cleared, and asked me.
-Can I, can I hug you?
I smiled lightly, smiling with my heart, and nodded. It was one of the best feelings in the world, the exchange of energy was extraordinary, he squeezed me hard before releasing me with tears in his eyes, more than before, I smiled and started to walk away. He stuttered a bit and asked me:
- Who are you? Will I ever see you again?
-You do not need to know who I am, you have to believe in everything I told you, and promise me you will not give up, Can you promise me that Thomas?
- Yes, yes, of course I promise, but will I see you again?
I seriously thought about it, the Doctor said that would be my choice, so could I choose what I always wanted? Was that possible? At least I would try.
- Yes, you will see me again. But it will take some time, a long time. - He kept looking at me, drinking every word I said, paying genuine attention. - You will have achieved everything you ever wanted at this point in the future, you will be a different man and at the same time you will be the same, and you will have the choice to see me again or not.
- He smiled with the corner of his mouth and said: Why would I not choose to be with you? But how long, how long it is going to take?
-8 Years.
-So we'll meet in 2012? Why so long? Why not before?
-There is no other way, believe me. December 2012 is when we are going to meet in this same bench. - I raised my arm to see what time it was. - At 6 a.m, just like today.
One of his eyebrows dropped with disappointed and his eyes became sad.
-Since you say that this is the only way, I accepted, but how do I know you will come find me? How can I be sure that you will not forget me?
- Keep it, but keep well, because in 8 years you will have to give me back. - As I spoke, I took my necklace and put it in his hands. It was a very thin gold chain with a pendant of a saint.
- This pendant belonged to my grandfather, who passed to my father, and now it's mine, it is my most precious possession, and you are the only person in the whole world whom I trust it, take good care of my necklace, I will come for it. - Tears of emotion ran down my face; Thomas lead his hand towards my face and wiped my tears. -And how will I know that you will remember me and will come?
My heart was breaking, I did not want this moment to ever end, I never had him so close to me before, what would happen in the future? My voice got weaker and a tear ran down my face. Thomas approached, wiping my tears again, his eyes were full of tears too, he looked deep into my eyes as he was approaching.
- You do not have to worry about it, I'll come. - And saying that his soft lips met mine, and for a while we were there, delighting us with the taste of the other; as the kiss ended your foreheads remain connected.
One more thing – I continued - You cannot tell anyone about our meeting. I kissed him once more and left.
PART TWO
I was back in the TARDIS, the Doctor was there, smiling at me, the little oranges flock of smoke too, as the Doctor said, 'the soul of the TARDIS' they were embracing me and taking my sadness and pain away.
- You forgot to release the brakes again. - I said without knowing what I was saying while the TARDIS was doing that usual strange noise. The Doctor gave me a funny look and then came to me. He rested his head on mine, we were very close, he looked deep into my eyes and said:
- Unfortunately, now is the moment when we said goodbye. Hopefully we are going to met again.
I was leaving when I remembered something.
-Doctor what day is today? I mean, the day you're leaving me.
-The same day I took you from, April 11, 2012.
I nodded and walked away, leaving a smile.
Still had to wait eight months to find him again and he had to wait 8 years. I could not find many differences between the world in which I lived before leaving with the Doctor, and this world now; everything was pretty much the same, except that now the Thomas wore a pendant around his neck, my pendant. My heart was filled with happiness when I realized it. That meant he had not forgotten me.
The months passed slowly, I went back to live in London, sometimes I listened at night the sounds of a spaceship that lands with the brakes pulled, but it did not matter, I knew that if necessary the Doctor would come to find me, the only thing occupying my mind was Tom, and how he was different, more hopeful, and how was remarkable how well he did for everyone around him, I think that was what the Doctor meant by saying "benefit a large portion of the world population" Thomas had the power to touch and change lives.
Finally December arrived, each day that passed made my heart beat faster, and finally the day that I so hoped was the next one, I could not sleep and so went to the place we combined, to the Cambridge campus. I admit that anxiety made me get there early, two hours early, the sun had not even rise and I was there, counting the seconds. I was away from the bench which we arranged to meet, it was snowing lightly, but the warmth of my heart kept me safe.
I was drawing in the snow when finally it was the right time, I could not wait any longer, full of emotion, I got up and went towards the bench, where once I met Thomas. There I sat, the seconds seemed like hours, and minutes seemed eons, until I heard a rustle in the trees near me, and when I realized Thomas was in front of me, his eyes sparkling with joy, that pure and genuine smile on his face.
-I think I have something that belongs to you. - Saying that he extended his hand and gently touched mine, and holding it, made me get up.
We were face to face, his blue eyes seemed to penetrate my soul, he took my necklace from his neck and put it on mine.
- I said I would return. - He kept his hands, coming down through my body and settled on my waist. - And don't you have anything to give me back? – He asked smiling.
Unable to speak, I put my hands on his neck, and became closer and closer to him until we were nose to nose, our lips almost meeting, I smiled as he said:
- You do not know the suffering that has been waiting for this moment. Waiting for you. – That words touched my lips and raced my heart, and holding me near, with our bodies together he kissed me passionately, his tongue exploring my mouth with delicacy and passion until we run out of air.
-You have done very well so far! You have one of the best hearts that the world has ever seen. You changed peoples lifes. - I smiled as I held his face in my hands, we were both in tears.
-Nothing would be the same if you had not come that day, I was sad and disappointed, but you put a light on my path, and after you came everything changed, I could see things in a different way, the only bad thing was waiting for this moment, but it was worth it.
Tom's eyes were now heavier with tears, his eyes were sincere and affectionate, I did mention apologize for his waiting, but he continued.
- And everywhere I went, whatever I did, I felt you close to me, I used to see you with the corner of my eye, in every theater, every corner, as if you were there, cheering for me; this way I felt that you were always with me, still waiting for me, and that was what helped me to continue, from this moment I do not want to separate myself from you.
-I will never let you go. I did not only expect you for eight months, I waited my whole life for this moment, I waited all my life to have you by my side, and now, nothing and no one can take you away from me.
We hugged for a while until Thomas asked:
- But explain something to me, how all that happened?
I did not knew what to say, but a noise came to help me, the TARDIS began to materialize by our side, Thomas was startled by the noise, his eyes got bigger as he remained speechless, watching. From inside the Police Office Box came a man, a known face, with those long arms and those funny legs, he leaned against the gate of the TARDIS, and with a serious face, but with a playful look he looked at us and asked:
- So, all of time and space, everything that ever happened or ever will, where do you want to start?