Unfaithful, a scrubs fanfic

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Scrubs nor anything/anyone associated with it. I don't own "Unfaithful" by Rihanna either. If I did, I'd be rolling in money and not writing fanfiction.

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

Ever since I started dating I've been searching for that perfect relationship. However, also since I started dating I sabotaged every relationship that came my way. Some break up reasons were legit, others trivial, even more downright delusional and stupid. That's why from the outside, the relationship I'm in now may look like perfection.

If you told me a year ago that I would be in a loving relationship with Todd "The Todd" Quinlan, I would have thought you were crazy. Though here we are, bordering on ten months. If you were to ask people to describe our relationship they would probably say that we were surprisingly romantic, that we cared about each other, that despite being sceptical initially "Todd and JD are a perfect fit." Looking at it from the outside I would have to agree we certainly put on a show. Then again, it wasn't always an act.

It started with the farewell party of Turk and Carla. Pregnant with babies two and three, they had decided to move to a more suitable environment. I was depressed of course and as a result got very, very drunk. I wasn't the only one. Todd was also losing his best friend. It was the realisation that the people at Sacred Heart we had come to know and love over the years were leaving. As a result, the two of us bonded over beers.

Both feeling needy and drunk, we spent most of the party together. Somehow I had agreed to share a cab back to Todd's place. Some point during that cab ride we kissed and just didn't stop. We just needed each other and didn't have the guts to let go. It didn't help that I hadn't had a date in months.

One night's mistake turned into an awkward morning after. The morning after brought up some realisations and feelings. It wasn't long before we found ourselves back in that situation. Soon enough we found common interests like Harry Potter and musical theatre. Then I just didn't leave his apartment and somehow ended up moving in. Who wouldn't end up falling in love after all that?

He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true

After the initial anxiety, things were great. Todd is a much deeper person than people give him credit for. Plus his sexual innuendo can make bedroom activity kind of kinky. We became Sacred Heart's cutest gay couple. Well, really the only open gay couple in the hospital but still, cutest. Of course, it wouldn't be a John Dorian relationship without some kind of problem or "but."

That problem came in the form of my mentor, my friend, my tormentor. Dr Perry Cox. It wouldn't surprise a lot of people. I was never shy about admitting how much I cared for him, even though I always figured it was in a father sort of way. People could see that of everyone in the hospital, he cared most about me even if he denied it.

For years our feelings had lay dormant. They stewed inside us, surfacing only occasionally. I suppose Todd is really to blame for the reason those feelings finally erupted. Perry hates surgeons, especially when one of them is holding the man he loves, aka me.

"You deserve better then that butcher." He told me, with that look on his face he gets sometimes when I get to him. "I'm sure you have you're reasons for sticking around but re-he-ee-he-ealy why?"

I still remember it like it was yesterday. His face turning from frustration into deadly seriousness. Our eyes locking together. My relationship with Todd had caused Perry to finally admit what he swore he never would. "You shouldn't be with him JD…You should be with me."

Then with one fateful kiss, anyone who said Todd and I had perfect love and perfect trust was now a liar.

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be…a murderer

I can't pinpoint the time when I realised Todd knew. Maybe my guilt was just showing through after awhile. When I would get ready for trysts with Perry, I would tell Todd a lie once again. He believed them at first and I was a fool to think that his naivety and general lack of common sense would keep him from finding out.

That look in his eyes started appearing. A sad, questioning, confused look. A look that asked so many things, while Todd would remain silent and watch me get ready. Before I left he would make sure to hold me in a good twenty second hug. It was the first time what I was doing with Perry actually felt wrong. Ever since Todd started staring at me with that look of hurt, I've felt guilty.

It never stops me going back to Perry though. I can't explain why it doesn't. Some people may think it's selfish not to break up with one of them. I would have to agree, I know it is. The problem is, I just can't. I do love Todd, but I am in love with Perry. I suppose that since clearly Todd knows about my indiscretions, I figure he would break up with me. Instead he has just continues to stare at me with those sad eyes, because he loves me. He needs me and leaving me wouldn't just break his heart, it would kill him.

I feel it in the air
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well

So here I am getting ready for another date with Perry. Freshly showered, smelling sweet and looking good in the new clothes I'd bought that day. My hair has just dried and I'm preparing to moose it, when I catch Todd's reflection in the mirror.

"Going out again?" He asks, coming over to me.

I avoid his eyes. "Yeah I'm just hanging out with Elliot and Lisa tonight."

Todd swallows a gulp, almost as though he wanted to scream at me. Instead he pulls me into a tight and warm hug. "JD you know I love you, right?"

I want to cry, but experience has taught me to keep my composure. I simply nod into his chest. Feeling him nuzzle and smell my hair just makes my guilt worse. Hearing his heart beat fast against my cheek lets me know just how angry and upset he really is.

Why can't the truth just come out? Why can't I just say it now? Heck, why doesn't he yell at me or hit me or something? Maybe that's the whole point. The longer we pretend nothing goes on the worse we torture each other and ourselves. Ironically the fear of being apart is probably worse than actually being apart, we're just too afraid to find out.

"So what are you going to do tonight?" I ask him, hoping he has some kind of plans to take his mind of things.

Then he gives me the worst possible answer in the world. "Wait for you to come back so I can fall asleep beside you. Or maybe not fall asleep at all." He grins, with a brief flash of mischief in his eyes before the confusion and depression return.

Todd kisses my cheek. It burns so badly that I can feel tears forming in the corners of my eyes. He seizes my lips with such gentleness. Our kisses have become a weird power play now. It's a way of being near each other and expressing love but not having to look at each other.

"So you're not going to be too late tonight are you?" Todd grabs my hands, giving them a squeeze.

I look into his hopeful eyes. "I shouldn't be gone more than a few hours." It's the truest thing I've said all night.

"Okay then. I'll be waiting." He plants one last kiss on my forehead before leaving the bathroom. "Have fun."

I moose my hair quickly as I know Perry is downstairs waiting for me. Looking into the mirror to check that I have it presentable, I smile at my reflection. I know Perry and I are going to have a great time.

Walking out into the living room with a confident stride, I hear the sound I've come to know too well. The bedroom door is closed but it doesn't make a difference. I know Todd is in there. Taking a deep and shameful breath, I walk out the door. Pretending that I don't hear Todd crying.

I walk around the block where Perry usually parks. It's pointless really. He may as well park outside our apartment building with a big neon sign. I run to his car, knowing once I get there I am free.

Perry doesn't even wait for me to get in the car. He gets out and we embrace on the sidewalk. His kiss feels so good, I can barely stand it. We lean against his Porsche making out so deeply. I just want to go back to his place and make love to him.

He has other plans though. After he kisses me breathless, we get in the car and he drives for a while. Nervous excitement runs through me as I wonder what's going on. I lean over and snuggle up to Perry. He slides his arm around me and tickles my back, all while sporting a smile.

Finally the car is parked and I see we're at the beach. The Pacific Ocean is mere feet away. Before I can tell Perry how happy I am he is out of the car, carrying a blanket and waiting for me. He doesn't have to wait long as I swiftly join him.

We sit on that blanket for who knows how long. The atmosphere is just so perfect as he holds me. The moon and stars glow above us and the waves crash against the shore. The wind blows, forcing us to cuddle together to escape the cold. I'm so happy here. I just want to be here all the time.

"JD, I told Jordan about us today." Perry whispers to me, squeezing me tighter. "I guess it goes without saying that she left me."

I turn to him in disbelief. His eyes make a believer out of me though. Pulling me down, Perry and I lay side by side on the blanket. He guides my head to his chest and continues to stroke me.

"I love you, JD."

I shut my eyes and bask in the moment when I say it. "I love you, Perry."

Tilting my chin up, our faces meet. Perry sighs before kissing my lips softly. "I want you to tell Todd. I want you to break it off with him."

"He knows already. I can see it in his eyes." I whisper back to him, some of the guilt returning. "I can't leave him though. I don't want to hurt him."

"You do know you're hurting him more if you stay." Perry's fingers brush my cheek. "Seeing you with him makes me crazy."

"I know, but he loves me. He needs me." I feel my body shake. I don't know whether it's because I'm cold or I'm about to cry. "Either way I'm breaking his heart. I don't want to."

Perry cups my face and kisses me again. "I know you're sensitive. Heck it's one of the reasons I love you." His arms slide back around my waist and I begin to feel a little lighter. "Take all the time you need. Just don't take too long."

I fall back into the moment and the atmosphere. Being with Perry on the beach in such perfection brings the smile back to my face. As he smiles back at me, I tell him of my desires. "Make love to me, Perry."

Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't want to do this anymore.

The mood is blissful after being with Perry on the beach. Even though I'm driving back home to Todd, the high stays with me. My only wish is that we could have stayed by the waves forever, lost in the love we feel.

Perry touches my hand as he parks outside my apartment building. I think even he knows there is no point in hiding it after what's happened tonight. I know something is wrong when he sighs, so I wait until he confesses whatever he needs to let out.

"I don't want you to go back to him. Can't you just stay over tonight? He knows anyway, so why not just come to my place. It will be empty by now and hopefully Jordan left us the bed."

"You know I can't do that." I indulge him in one last kiss before turning to leave.

On opening the door I'm greeted to a shock. I recognise some of my belongings on the sidewalk, along with a couple of boxes. Perry senses something is wrong and gets out of the car also. I don't wait for him to say anything. I run to my apartment. I have to talk to Todd.

On the door there is a note. I rip it off and bang loudly on the door. Fumbling for my keys, I manage to open the door quickly. Throwing the note on the ground, I frantically search for my boyfriend. "Todd? Todd, come on!"

Bedroom? Nope. Bathroom? Nope! Closet? Long shot but no. It's only then I notice that a few things are missing. Odd little items here and there.

Perry's voice rings out in the apartment, breaking my trance. He holds the note in his hand. "JD. I know what you've been doing. I know that you and Dr Cox are bumping uglies on a regular basis. I've seen the way you look at him, like you used to look at me. I see that look of satisfaction on your face after you go out."

I don't want him to continue, but Perry reads the rest of the note as I sink to the floor. "I love you, but I know you don't want me any more. I guess The Todd finally knows what heart break feels like. It kills JD. It really kills. That's why I'm leaving. You'll never have to see me again. Do whatever you want."

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore

You probably guessed that after that night I moved in with Perry. It's for the best and I know that. In a weird way I'm happy that everything worked out. But sometimes as I lay in bed with Perry's arms around me I wonder what happened to Todd.

Perry tells me I shouldn't worry about it, but I do. I can't help it. Todd's life was completely thrown off because of me. My affair with Perry hurt him to a point where he couldn't even face me again. In fact, no-one knows where he's gone. Any attempts to find him have been unsuccessful.

I broke his heart and he disappeared. I broke his heart and Todd "The Todd" Quinlan of Sacred Heart hospital as we all knew him, no longer existed.

I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be…a murderer

NOTE: Okay so this is my first songfic and of course it stars my favourite love triangle :-P Thanks for giving this a chance and I really hope you liked it. It was an idea I just had to use. That's pretty much all I have to say until you hear from me again, which will be in a couple of days it looks like. Have fun all :-)