Hi, guys. This is my first fanfiction ever, and I'm really nervous, so don't judge me too harshly; I already do enough of that. I hope you like it but if you don't no flames please! Just give me some constructive criticism or don't say anything. Thanks! Popsicle777
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Jacob leaned closer, his lips almost touching mine. I could feel the heat radiating from his body, so different from the coolness I forever craved. A bead of sweat rolled from my forehead down my nose. I was completely undecided. Was it worth it to give the little fragments of my heart to someone who deserved much better?
My thoughts were interrupted when the phone rang, and Jacob picked it up. Relieved that I didn't have to decide right now, I quickly snatched the phone away from Jake. What if it was Charlie or Alice?
"Hello?" My voice was hoarse, like I had been screaming at a concert for two weeks straight. Guess I'd lost more water than I'd previously thought.
"Bella?" he responded. It was a voice I would know anywhere. The voice I had so dramatically jumped off of a cliff for.
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I blinked feebly, trying to stop them from falling. I was succeeding for now, but it was only a matter of seconds before they spilled over. "Edward?"
"Bella, is that you?" he replied huskily, like he was also holding back tears. That was ridiculous. Why would he cry over me? He didn't care enough to do that, not to mention the fact that crying was physically impossible for him.
Not trusting my voice to be steady, I didn't answer. He continued. "Bella, what were you thinking? I thought you were dead! I'm so sor-"
I cut him off. That must have been why he'd been choked up. He always blamed himself for everything. I didn't want him to pretendㄧhe didn't owe me anything. "I'm sorry to worry you, but now you know I'm fine. You can go back to your distractions now." I slammed down the phone, ready to run up to my room, but was stopped by Jake.
Jake! In the heat of the moment, I had completely forgotten he existed. Some friend I was.
He was a statue, unsure what to do, if anything. I put him out of his misery. "Jake, I need you to go home. I need some time alone." I offered him a watery smile, and while I was sure he didn't buy it, he could at least sense that this was not the time to push it. He nodded carefully and ran out the front door and into the forest.
As soon as I was free from scrutiny, all of my walls crumbled from the pressure. I ran upstairs, not even bothering to change into pajamas, so I would be able to curl up and hold myself together in my bed.
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I guess I had fallen asleep when my tears ran dry, because the next thing I knew, I was waking up to my alarm. I went to hit snooze, so I could privately wallow, but it turned off on its own, almost as if Edward were trying to let me sleep in like he used to.
That thought made me start to sob. A small piece of my mind had always wondered when I would finally snap, but it still surprised me when my own insanity was staring me in the face, though it did make sense that these imaginary cold, stone arms were comforting me. First, I had never been in more danger than right now. While it was not a physical danger, my mind had hit its ultimate breaking point. Which also made sense, seeing as I was emotionally compromised, and had previously been stalking my hallucinations.
I opened my eyes, afraid that it would all disappear, just like he had. To my pleasure, I saw him. Here, with me, holding me as if he truly loved me.
Abruptly, I realised that his face was contorted in pain, almost like I was burning him with the tears that were still soundlessly streaming down my face in rivers. But that was preposterous.
If this were my imagination, how had my alarm clock turned off on its own? Either it was broken, or this was no hallucination, and I was the one burning him from the inside. My cheeks flushed, and I prayed that this Edward was imaginary, something I'd never thought I'd want.
Either way, I couldn't stand seeing him like that. I had to wipe it away, especially if he were real, so he wouldn't feel any more unnecessary obligations for my sake. He should be happy, no matter what it cost me.
I broke the silence, a fabricated cheeriness dominating my tone. "What are you doing here?" He looked puzzled, as if it were inconceivable that I didn't already know the answer. "I came to see if you were…okay." My head swam with confusion. Why did it matter?
He must have missed the baffled look on my face, because he kept going. "Why the hell would you jump off a cliff! You could have killed yourself! You have to be more responsible, Bella. You promised you would be responsible. That you wouldn't do anything reckless. What if you had died?" For whatever reason, he blanched at the thought, just like I had when he had told me about his contingency plans. "What would I have done if you'd died? If I'd lost you?" He seemed to be talking more to himself than to me at that point. He refocused on my face. "I'm so sorry. So, so sorry! I-" He stopped short, unable to continue.
I had been trying to cut him off since the beginning of his speech, but my mouth wouldn't move. The more he'd verbalized, the more tongue tied and befuddled I got. I remembered him saying something similar on the phone, which I hadn't acknowledged because it hadn't made any sense then, either. Why should he be sorry?
I forced some words out, unable to maintain my chipper attitude. "That still doesn't answer my question. Why would that matter? Why are you here?"
As I said that, the pain in his eyes doubled, as impossible as that sounds. "What do you mean 'why are you here'? How could I not be after what happened?"
"Why would you care if I had died? You made it pretty clear in the forest that you didn't want to keep pretending." I sounded like a strangled cat.
He did the last thing I expected. He just lost it.
I panicked. "I'm sorry! What did I do? Oh God, I'm sor-"
He cut me off just like I had done to him on the phone. "Don't you dare apologize, Isabella."
I didn't comment, fearing I would make it worse than I already had. I was expecting him to bolt at any second.
He slowly composed himself, holding his breath and closing his eyes for a long minute before he went on clarifying. I would never get over how still he could become. I did note that his dark eyes held none of the solidness that they had in the forest. Edward noticed my wince at the memory, and understanding washed over his face. "I love you, Bella."
My face went blank with pure shock. "But you said-"
"I have to be a good liar, being what I am, but when I told you I didn't want you... that was the most vile slander that has ever been said to anyone, by anyone. But when you just accepted my lies without question… it was worse than in the ballet studio." My mouth was agape.
He looked at me mournfully. "You don't believe me, do you? Don't tell me you do. The truth is plain as day on your face. But how can you think that, even now? If you disregard what I said in the forest, what is the thing you heard me say most often?"
"You told me you loved me," I replied grudgingly. "But-"
"And was there anything that told you otherwise, still omitting that most awful day of my life?"
"No, but-"
"But what?" he said, exasperated.
"But I was never good enough. I knew that, and everyone else knew that, and then one day you finally came to your senses and saw the truth," I mumbled brokenly.
He hugged me and stroked my hair as I started bawling all over again. I was a mess. "Bella, I promise I won't leave ever again. Not if this is what it does to you." There was a pause, and I could hear us both breathing.
"I love you too much to do that to you, or even myself, but that's beside the point," he said. "I was trying to keep you safe! I was, and still am, putting you in so much danger just with my presence."
I didn't correct him about being a danger; he still had the power to break me, which I thought was plenty dangerous. I still wasn't sold on the fact that he loved me, but I had already commenced hoping. I layed there with him holding me, enjoying him being there even through my uncertainties.
So what do you think? I tried my best. I was going to leave it as a one-shot, but if enough people want me to continue, there are plenty more loose ends to tie. Review and follow please! Thanks!