Chapter 1: Cheesecake, Raspberries, Sandwiches, and Chili
I love cheesecake.
And how do I know that I love cheesecake?
Well, one time, I found a bit floating in the River Styx. So I fished it out with the net I had made, just for fishing stuff out of the Styx. And then I fought Chili for it. And then I won. And then I ate it – the cheesecake, not Chili. Yay for me!
Soggy cheesecake doesn't taste as bad as you might think. I was going about my life one day – if you can call it a life – trudging forever through darkness, trapped in the midnight of the Underworld, when – bam! – cheesecake came like a blazing meteor, lighting up my world.
For those of you who don't know (I'm not sure why you would know, but it sounds coolio), my name is Adrianne. Adrianne Aldara Alcina. I will insist upon that name, since it is what my now deceased mother named me, even though my daddy dearest wants to call me something else entirely.
And, you may ask, who are my parents?
Well, my mother was the nicest person on earth. The operative word being was. I don't really remember much about her, since daddy dearest ran off with me as soon as I was born. But I know that she was a kind woman. Judging from my looks, probably of Asian descent. From my last name, Greek. Although perhaps she called be Alcina – strong-willed – just to spite daddy dearest.
My daddy dearest, by the way, is Kronos, the Titan of Time. I capitalized time because it looks better that way. So. Either way. He is not a nice parent. I call him daddy dearest just because it makes him mad, and his face looks like a tomato when he's mad. It's quite hilarious, actually.
I'm not really your typical demigod, since I really am more of a demi-titan, so I'm more immortal than not. Which is why I can eat cheesecake from the Styx. I wonder what raspberry cheesecake taste like. James – some dead boy who I talked to once – said that I really should try it sometime. I've been watching the Styx. It really is nothing spectacular, though I recently discovered that chocolate chip cookies are not all that bad soggy, either. Go figure.
Anyways, I was hiding from Kronos. As usual. Since the infamous (at least here in Tartarus) Perseus Jackson dusted him, Kronos has been out for revenge. He promptly turned to me, his last living descendent, to host him, but I kind of…refused him. Forcefully. So I've been hiding from him ever since. Because he seriously needs some anger management classes, you know.
This particular non-day (there really aren't any days in the Underworld) I was fishing in the Styx with Chili. Another one of my favorite foods. Well, he was actually called Achilles, but I hadn't been able to say that when I was little, or when daddy dearest broke my jaw, hence the nickname. Besides, Achilles sounded more like a sneeze than a name. (Yes, Chili sounds a great deal more like a type of food than a name. No, I do not care).
"Anything good?" Chili asked, watching me watch the river. "You know those little remote controlled helicopters?" Sane Greek demigods should not be obsessed with toys. Unfortunately, there weren't very many sane people in the Underworld…
"Look!" I shrieked, pointing behind us. Chili fell for it. He whipped his head around, drawing his blade, and I jumped into the river for something that looked edible, but soggy. Had I ever eaten anything not soggy?
I could see Achilles fuming and whipping my net about furiously, but he was too mortal to actually swim in the Styx. I thought it to be best for my health to eat the – sandwich, I think – underwater. Surely I could hold my breath long enough…
Look! An earring! Ooh, sparkly…
Ahem. Anyways. I'm just as ADHD as any demigod, if not more…
Now, where was I?
As I leisurely floated in the Styx, something caught my eye. It was a sword. Not that there weren't tons of old Greek swords in the river, but this one just…caught my eye. Maybe it was more sparkly than other swords. Either way, it looked pretty lethal. I began entertaining thoughts of re-dusting daddy dearest.
Without even thinking about it, I kicked closer to the sword and grasped the hilt before streaking to the surface for a much needed gulp of (stale, but still) air.
Chili, incidentally, did not seem to be too pleased with me. I have no idea why. Boys are weirdos.
"That was my sandwich! You stole my sandwich! You know where thieves go when they die?" he howled in my face, hefting his big fat sword – the one I had dubbed Bob, since Ancient Greek names are all long and annoying – and then he charged.
I leaped lightly aside. Small, light, and quick on my feet – that was me. Big, heavy (you could also call it other things), strong, and armed – that would be Chili. Wait, I was armed, too.
Sidestepping another blow, I examined the blade. I supposed it was well balanced in my hand, but big fat swords were Chile's forte, not mine. I would be just as slow as him with such a heavy blade. Useless thing. Of course, most things in the Styx are broken beyond repair.
And then I looked up, and saw that it was too late. Chili was already swinging his sword down towards me, standing only two feet away. Hasn't he ever heard of chivalry? Weirdo. I braced to be hit. It would hurt for a few hours. One day, tops. Ichor was useful. Ambrosia was useful. Chili was not.
And then, lightning fast, I parried and lunged forward with what had been a heavy sword only seconds ago. I froze with the point of my epee mere millimeters from Chili's hot spot, as I liked to call it. His mortal spot. His Achilles tendon.
Chili gaped at me, his mouth flapping open like a fish. Hmm, fish. I had had a pet goldfish once, but it had died. Well, he had died before getting lost in the Styx. Long story.
"You – you – you," Chili stuttered.
"Am amazing? Why, thank you. Have been practicing? Not really, actually. Just became the first demigod to touch a French weapon? I'm not a demigod, you ninny. Look really hot when I'm fighting? Keep your head screwed on, dear Chili, or I might have to find you a skeleton psychologist."
"Er," said Chili, turning the color of raspberries. (Cheesecake…)
"You're better," said someone behind me. "But not good enough."
I whirled around to face someone I had hoped never to see again. Kronos.