The Shirt Debacle
I do not own Death Note, nor its characters.
"Urgh, LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"
L flinched at the sound of his name being screeched at such super sonic volumes. He put down his book, and turned to see his lover with only his black cigarette jeans on and pissed as hell.
"Where theeee H E double hockey stick is that cute shirt I got at that one place, remember, with that snobby lady with the sucko pant suit, honestly whomever told her beige was her color needs their eyes checked, and the uber hot cashier who I think was straight which sucks because I thought his butt was nice, looked good in those blue pants you know, but he needed to maybe wear a different shirt, like some sort of tope color or something, because that green was doing nothing for his pecs, but anyways, I can't find my shirt. Do you know where it is?"
L knotted his eyebrows in confusion.
"Wait, what was the first thing?"
Light rolled his eye, crossed his arms, and huffed loudly, slamming himself on the door frame.
"I. Can't. Find. My. Shirt. Now quit staring at the line between my boxers and my jeans and tell me if you know where my shirt is."
L blinked and rapidly looked up, trying to cover up the fact he had been mesmerized something could fit so snuggly and so sexily on Light. He cocked his head to the side and gave Light a blank stare, hoping that his lover would forget that he had been staring at his crouch for the 3 minutes that Light had been speaking and not expect him to remember some shirt Light had most likely stuffed into one of his many drawers in his larger-than-most-people's-kitchens closet. Light narrowed his eyes and pressed lips into a thin lip.
"L. The blank look is not working. I know you were eyeing my privates and were NOT listening to me, which is what you always do, because you are gross, slobbish, nasty, not to mention peeervertted man who doesn't value the substantial benefits of an actual conversation. All you seem to care about is sex, justice, and even more sex. Those are like the only words in your vocabulary and I think if you could sex with justice, you probably would. Sometimes I feel like you aren't even listening to half of the things I say. Are you even listening to me now? L? Are you listening to me?! L!"
During Light's rant, L's eyes had once again migrated themselves right back down to Light's crouch, staring quite intently on it now, wondering if it was really complimented by the color. Light huffed again, and bent down so he was eye level with L. He grinned and cocked his head to the side.
"How's the view down there L? Is it nice?"
L's eyes widened and his mouth fell open. He sat there, gaping like a fish, while Light began to grow bored of sitting there. He frowned and left the speechless detective, going off to rummage around for the shirt that was causing so much trouble. While L continued to stare at the same spot, trying to process the fact he had gotten caught, Light marched into the room, his face one of anger. L's head snapped up and he shrank back a bit. When Light got that face, bad things happened. Bad, terrible, unspeakable things happened.
"LLLLLLLLLLLL!" Light screamed, spitting all over the detective and flinging around what appeared to be a small piece of underwear, "What is this!? It certainly isn't mine, so it must be someone elses. Is it someone I know, or is it a 'business associate'? I don't play dumb with me L, I know all about your name for those tryst you have. I asked Watari and he was all like 'Oh yes, Master L has many business associates' and I was all like 'Wow, he must be popular' and he was all 'Oh yes, Master L has made quite an name for himself in the business world.' And everyone knows what it means when someone says that."
L frowned.
"What does that mean Light-kun?"
Light sighed, as if to say 'Geezus, my boyfriend is soooo dumb'.
"It means that you sleep around. Dur duh dur."
L rolled his eyes and got up from the bed, walking over to Light and grabbed the underwear in question.
"First of all Light-kun, when Watari says I am well known in the business world, it means I am well known in the business world. Not that I am a man whore or that I have many lovers that you are unaware of or imaginarily aware of, because they do not exist. Only Light-kun, I promise. Second, these are the property of Watari's girlfriend. She washed them here and forgot them. I merely put them in there to have there until she returned so that I so return them to her. Now, Light-kun will stop his screeching and spitting upon me and find his stupid shirt before I cause him physical and emotional harm. Is this understood?"
L tried to use a very commanding voice, but Light just rolled his eyes and shifted his weight onto one hip in a very feminine manner. He raised his eyebrow in a challenging manner, as if to say 'Make me'.
L shoved Light back into the closet and locked it. Light began to kick and scratch at the door, angrily growling at the detective on the other side of the door. L panicked and shoved his body up against the door, as if the extra force would stop the infuriated teen from destroying the door. No such luck, as Light began to throw himself against the door, making a thump each time.
"You…"
Thump.
"Inconsiderate…"
Thump.
"Asshole!"
Thump, thump, thump.
"I am going to ram my straighting iron through your spleen when I get out, you bastard!!"
THUMP.
L fell forward as the door's lock snapped off and he was propelled against the bed as it swung open. A large whack sound resounded off the walls of the room. L shook himself off and looked up to see Light grinning madly.
"Oh snap."
"You are so dead L, it's not even…"
Light trailed off as he picked up a pink shirt with a picture of a women's face on it. His face went rapidly from homicidal boyfriend killer to happy child. Grinning he shoved the shirt at L's face, who pushed it away, only to have it thrust back in to his countenance.
"Look L. I found it. My shirt. Isn't it sooo cute? Oh I believe it will look so incredible with these jeans, don't you think L?"
L stared blankly up at Light and shrugged.
"I personally think Light-kun looks much better without clothing."
Light narrowed his eyes.
"Pervert."
"Light-kun says that word a lot. Is it perchance the only word in his vocabulary?"
"No. I know other words for what you are, like nasty, gross man who enjoys preying on my innocence. At least I don't say perchance."
"Perchance is a nice word. And Light-kun's claim to innocence is laughable at best."
Light pouted as he pulled on his shirt over his face. He adjusted it on his body and crossed his arms, leaning on the door frame, which was very weak from the beating he'd given it before.
"No one in the modern world says perchance, L. No one but you and your weird self. I am very innocent. I'm just a frickin' fountain of innocence, L, but you refuse to believe me. It makes me sad."
L sighed and got up to hug Light close to his chest.
"Very sad Light-kun, hm."
Light nodded, looking up at L and pouting with his lips and moving his eyebrows in a very sad fashion.
"Very very sad. Like a sadness that no one has ever felt before."
L grinned and moved his hands up to Light's face, turning it gently up toward his.
"You know what cures sadness very fast?"
Light looked confusedly at L and knotted his eyebrows.
"No, what mrph…"
L's lips melded to Light's and fro a few minutes they just sat there, Light's arms flung around L's neck and L's hands cupping Light's face. Then they had to both come up for air, and as they did, Light gave L a very mischievous look.
"You know L, I'm feeling quite sad still. I think I'll need more of that cure, right here," he pointed to his neck, "and here," he pointed to his chest, "and right here!"
And with that he smashed his lips up against L's, wrapping his arms tightly around L's neck. L gripped Light's waist with his fingers and guided the two of them over to the bed, flinging them both down on it so that he could begin to remove all of their clothes.
"Wait!"
L stopped halfway though ripping Light's shirt off with his teeth.
"Whtph?"
"Be careful with my shirt. It's special."
L stared at Light, angerly letting go of the shirt and then walking over to the closet and locking himself in it.
"L. Why did you lock yourself in the closet?"
"Because I'm sick of hearing Light-kun."
"Hey, while you're in there, can you see if my green shirt has a stain on it?"
With that, L promptly smacked his head on the door and wondered why in the hell he choose such a fashion obsessed lover.
the end of the shirt debacle
A.N. Okay, I sat down and said to myself;
"I am going to write a fic that has nothing to do with anything else I have written, and is not angsty or sad or anything like that. It will just be fun and spontaneous."
And so, the shirt debacle was born. Magical history, know? My favorite part to write was where Light is trying to tell L about his shirt but never really touches upon the subject of the shirt. He just talked about various other things, although I might not have talked about the cute cashier boy Light. Even if that green was sooo not even close to showing off what obviously perfect pecs he had, helloooo!
What makes me laugh is that I read other author's notes and they say, 'Oh this was 25 pages! So hard!' Mine are, um, 4 pages, and I am spent at the end. I feel so lazy…and yet, so wonderful at the same time! I'm a contradiction!
Yes, Light is a fashionista and damn proud of it. Also he is secretly the Hulk in his spare time, because normal humans don't break down doors. But get Light angry and no wall will stand a chance. Scary… Fountain of innocence, my left earlobe!
Please review, or I'll cry loudly so that, where ever you are, you will hear me sobbing in woe! And that means you MS! (Just kidding. You know I enjoy freaking you out MS, but you also know I love you! Threatening you is just my way of showing you I care.)