HOME ALONE
Being home alone was a strange sensation for me; it had been a while and I wasn't enjoying it one bit.
Usually all I seem to do all day everyday is go on the internet, tweet and reblog a few pictures from tumblr. So I thought these next few days wouldn't be much different, except is was. It was completely different; it missed the most important person to make my days better, easier and happier and that person was phil.
I was bored, lost and in need of someone to talk to. Someone that knows how to cheer me up and knows what I'm like; I couldn't just call up one of my other friends because they'd think I was stupid or immature but phil was different; he understands.
As you may be aware of, I have many occurrences of being in an existential crisis and usually all I have to do is tell phil and he has his way of making myself feel better and he then gives me a comfort hug; which I rather enjoy more than I probably should.
Recently, since phil had gone away, I've had more of these occurrences and I haven't been dealing with them well. I've forgotten to do the important stuff that phil constantly reminded me about before he left, but being an idiot I haven't done any of it.
I spend most of my mornings moping in bed, wishing phil would enter the room and give me a good story that would take my mind off things. I just wanted to see his face; his cheeky smile, his big blue eyes and those dark locks of hair that I admire so much.
But he wasn't here. And I was missing him more than I would probably would admit to myself.
The phandom like to remind me of my own feelings which they think is all laugh and joke; when really, to me, they actually are providing some truth. Phil makes me feel good about myself and makes me forget every shit thing that has ever happened to me in my life so far. He is my best friend. My soul mate. I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't here, I hate thinking about that sort of thing. I hate to believe that he may be out of my life one day; that I'll be alone, forever.
This is why I never really spend time on my own. I overthink and become a unstable mess. Phil knows this and he even made sure that I'd be be okay if he went on his little adventure. I'd assured him numerous times because I didn't want him to be held back from having a good time.
At the airport, I gave him a a long hug before he went through the bagging area (making sure no fans were taking sneaky pictures, and just making sure it could just be me and phil saying a normal goodbye). I held back the tears and he waved a final goodbye and that was it, he was gone.
The one weakness I have is that I attach to people and if they're not there I miss them. With phil, however, the feeling is much more obsessive and desperate, and often enough I don't know how to control it.
Hope this is a good little summery, I plan this story not to be as long as the last, but I also hope it's better too. Thankyou for all your reviews so far and be sure to follow the story to find out what happens next!