Narrator: It was a beautiful day, Gabrielle and Xena were off to Amphipolis. To pass the time Gabrielle began to sing, much to Xena's disgust.
Gabrielle: Well listen to my story about Gabrielle
Cute little girl whose looking really swell
Perfect hair such a lovely lass
Nice round breast and a firm young.......
Xena: GABRIELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gabrielle: Sorry. You know Xena there's nothing wrong with a little song once in.....
Xena: Sssssh. Can you hear that
Gabrielle: What?
Xena: Someone's following us. Keep walking . I'll check it out.
Narrator: So Gabrielle continued walking while Xena went to save the day
Joxer: Joxer the Mighty
Roams through the countryside
He never needs a place to hide
With Gabby as his sidekick
Fighting with her little stick
Righting wrongs and singing song
Beinging mighty all day long
He's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty
Xena: Joxer! Why are you following us?
Joxer: Hi Xena. I heard you were going to Amphipolis and I wanted to meet your mum
Xena: Why would my mother want to meet you?
Joxer: Because I'm strong warrior like you.
Xena: Fine but stay quiet or I might change my mind
Joxer: Thanks Xena
Xena: No hugging.......or singing
Joxer: Ok. Where's Gabby?
Xena: Come on...
Narrator: Xena and Joxer catch up with Gabrielle
Gabrielle: Xena, who was following...never mind
Joxer: Hi Gabby
Gabrielle: Hi Joxer
Joxer: How long till we get to Amphipolis Xena?
Xena: Half a day at least
Gabrielle: Great
Joxer: I know lets play Guess who.
Xena: I, I .......I have to ride ahead. But Gabrielle will play. Won't you Gabrielle?
Gabrielle: Xena! Joxer I...
Joxer: Ok. I'm thinking of a person. Got one
Gabrielle: Is it a man?
Joxer: Yes
Gabrielle: Is it you Joxer?
Joxer: Yes. How did you know?
Gabrielle: Well..I...
Joxer: Your turn.
Gabrielle: Ok. Ask away
Joxer: Are you Xena?
Gabrielle: No
Joxer: Are you Callisto?
Gabrielle: No
Joxer: Ares?
Gabrielle: No
Narrator: Half a day later the game continues
Joxer: Are you Aphrodite?
Gabrielle: No
Joxer: Are you Apollo?
Gabrielle: No
Xena: Guys look it's Amphipolis
Joxer: I know. Are you Gabrielle?
Gabrielle: Yes!
Joxer: See. I knew I'd get it.
Xena: I'm riding ahead. I'll meet you there
Narrator: At Xena's Mum's tavern
Xena: Mum, are you here?
Cyrene: Xena, is that you?
Narrator: Xena and her mother hug each other warmly
Xena: How are you mum?
Cyrene: Good. Where's Gabrielle?
Gabrielle: Joxer, ENOUGH!
Narrator: Joxer and Gabrielle enter the tavern
Xena: Here she is
Narrator: Said Xena pointing towards the door.
Gabrielle: Cyrene, it's good to see you?
Narrator: Gabrielle and Cyrene hug
Cyrene: You too Gabrielle. Xena, whose your other friend.
Xena: Joxer this is my mother Cyrene. Mother this is Joxer.
Joxer: Joxer the Mighty to be precise. It's a pleasure
Narrator: Said Joxer as he lightly kissed Cyrene's hand
Cyrene: Thank you Joxer. Will you all be staying long?
Xena: A few days
Cyrene: Well, your welcome to stay here.
Xena: Thanks Mum.
Cyrene: How about something to eat?
Gabrielle: I'll help you
Joxer: Me too.
Xena: I'll check out the village
Narrator: Gabrielle, Joxer and Cyrene walk into the kitchen Xena walks outside and spots a fight
Xena: Stop that immediately
Narrator: Said Xena in an angry tone
Xena: Torres?
Narrator: Xena walked towards one of the fighters
Torres: Xena?
Narrator: The fighter raised his sword into the attack position
Xena: What's going on?
Torres: I was about to ask you the same thing.
2nd fighter: What would you like me to do
Narrator: Piped in the second fighter
Xena: Who are you?
Lyktus: Your loyal commander Lyktus
Xena: Return to your army
Narrator: Lyktus bows and leaves the village
Torres: Attacking your home village. That's just like you.
Xena: That's not my army
Narrator: Said Xena pointing towards the hill.
Torres: Lyktus seems to think so
Xena: Well it's not.
Torres: I'm going to see mother.
Narrator: Torres walks towards the tavern while Xena walks in the opposite direction. Back at the tavern.
Gabrielle: I wonder what's taking Xena so long.
Joxer: I better go and see. She might need the help of a warrior
Torres: Hello Gabrielle
Gabrielle: Torres
Narrator: Said Gabrielle as she walked over and hugged Torres
Gabrielle: Have you seen Xena?
Torres: She's gone back to her army
Narrator: Cyrene steps closer to Torres
Cyrene: What army?
Gabrielle: Xena doesn't have an army
Torres: You'd say anything to try and protect her.
Cyrene: That's enough Torres. We'll wait for Xena to explain
Narrator: At the army's camp
Xena: You.
Narrator: Xena motions to a soldier to come toward her
Xena: Whose army is this?
Soldier: Yours.
Narrator: Xena dismisses the soldier and looks around
Xena: Ares. Show yourself.
Narrator: In an instant Ares appears
Ares: Welcome home Xena.
Xena: What's going on?
Ares: Your just about to conquer Amphipolis
Xena: Whose army is this?
Ares: Yours
Xena: This isn't my army.
Ares: You and I know that but these soldiers and those villagers that's another story. The villagers saw you riding through Amphipolis with your army.
Xena: How?
Ares: I want to introduce you to an old friend.
Narrator: Said Ares pointing at a woman in the distance
Xena: Meg
Ares: That's right. She heard you needed her help and was only to happy to oblige.
Xena: You tricked her.
Ares: She doesn't know that.
Xena: What's your plan?
Ares: Same as always
Xena: You want me
Ares: Of course. You claim the army they don't attack. However, refuse and Meg orders them to attack.
Xena: Very clever. I want to see Meg.
Ares: No can do. You have three days to claim the army or they attack. It's your choice.
Narrator: In a flash Ares was gone. Back at the tavern everyone is sitting around.
Joxer: I spy with my little eye, something beginning with T
Gabrielle: Table
Joxer: That's right. Ok your turn.
Gabrielle: Joxer, I don't think.....
Narrator: Xena enters the tavern
Cyrene: Xena
Gabrielle: Where have you been?
Torres: Catching up with her army.
Cyrene: That's enough Torres.
Torres: Fine. Xena, explain why that army thinks your their leader.
Xena: It's Meg
Joxer/Gabrielle: Meg
Xena: Ares tricked her.
Gabrielle: Poor Meg
Joxer: I have to save her
Xena: Joxer, No. We have to come up with a plan.
Cyrene: Who's Meg?
Gabrielle: Xena's exact look-a-like
Torres: Sure. You'd say anything
Xena: Torres. You and I are going to sneak into the camp. Gabrielle, you distract Ares.
Gabrielle: I'll try
Xena: Torres, come with me. Joxer, you stay here
Joxer: But Xena ........
Xena: Stay here!
Joxer: Ok
Narrator: Just outside the army camp, Xena and Ares are hiding in the bushes
Torres: What's the plan?
Xena: We pretend your a prisoner and we make our way to Meg's tent
Torres: You just want me out of the way
Xena: Not now Torres. Come on
Narrator: They get up and walk into the camp and come face to face with Lyktus
Lyktus: Xena
Xena: Lyktus
Lyktus: Who's this?
Xena: Bait. Take him to my tent
Lyktus: As you wish
Narrator: Lyktus leads Torres to Meg's tent while Xena follows. Lyktus enters Meg's
tent
Meg: Lyktus. Whose this?
Narrator: Said Meg pointing to Torres
Lyktus: You said he was bait.
Meg: Did I? Well ok, you can go now
Narrator: Lyktus bows and leaves the tent
Torres: Xena?
Meg: No I'm Meg. But everyone thinks I'm Xena. It's pretty cool.
Narrator: Xena enters the tent
Xena: Hello Meg
Meg: Xena. Ares said you were captured by the villagers.
Narrator: Meg runs over and hugs Xena
Xena: Now do you believe me Torres
Torres: I guess so
Meg: So what's the plan?
Xena: We swap places
Narrator: Back at the tavern Gabrielle is trying to distract Ares
Ares: You called
Cyrene: Ares
Ares: That's right. Ares God of War
Gabrielle: Ares, I want to help you
Ares: Help me, how?
Gabrielle: I want to help you get Xena
Ares: Why?
Gabrielle: So Joxer and I can leave in peace
Ares: Joxer and you. Are you saying that you and him?
Gabrielle: That's right. Isn't it honey?
Narrator: Gabrielle hugs Joxer and kisses him on the cheek
Joxer: Honey? Oh. Ah... That's right
Ares: What about you Mum?
Cyrene: I've always wanted Xena to be with somebody strong and handsome
Ares: That's me
Narrator: Announced Ares with a big grin on his face
Ares: So, what's the plan?
Gabrielle: We were hoping you had one
Ares: Where's Xena?
Joxer: Her and Torres went to save......
Gabrielle: A little girl from her kidnappers. You know Xena always helping the helpless.
Ares: Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Gabrielle: Ah here she is.
Narrator: Meg enters the tavern with Torres
Meg: Ares, what are you doing here?
Ares: Leaving. Oh and Xena, I've changed my mind. The army attacks at sunrise.
Narrator: With a blink of an eye Ares was gone
Gabrielle: Xena, where's Meg?
Meg: Gabrielle, its me Meg?
Torres: Xena and Meg traded places
Joxer: Meg!!!
Narrator: Joxer hugs Meg
Meg: Hi handsome
Gabrielle: So what's Xena's plan?
Torres: She didn't say
Cyrene: I just hope she's being careful
Narrator: At the army camp Xena is sitting in her tent
Xena: LYKTUS!!!!!!!
Narrator: Lyktus enters the tent
Lyktus: Yes Xena
Xena: Tell the soldiers to get ready to leave and fight
Lyktus: To trick the villagers?
Xena: Uh... Yeah.
Narrator: Lyktus leaves the tent in time for Ares to appear
Ares: What are you doing Meg?
Xena: I figured if the villagers think we're leaving, they won't have time to fight
back
Ares: Where did you learn that strategy?
Xena: From a warlord who came to my tavern
Ares: Mmmmm. Has Xena turned up yet?
Xena: No
Ares: Be ready to attack at dawn
Narrator: In a flash Ares was gone. As night fell all was quiet at both the tavern and the camp. All except Xena who lay awake all night thinking. Sunrise and the soldiers are preparing to fight. Xena exits her tent and is approached by Lyktus.
Lyktus: Everything's as you ordered Xena
Xena: Thank you Lyktus.
Narrator: Lyktus leaves and Ares appears
Ares: So. No Xena. Oh well Meg its up to you to save her. Send the army to attack
Xena: What if I don't?
Ares: Then Xena will Die. Lyktus!
Narrator: Lyktus returns
Lyktus: Yes Oh God of War
Ares: Xena orders the army to attack the village
Narrator: Xena swings around and points her sword at Ares
Xena: I don't think so Ares.
Ares: Xena. I should have guessed.
Xena: Lyktus, tell the soldiers to fall back. We aren't attacking that village.
Lyktus: Are you sure?
Xena: Of course I'm sure
Ares: Over my dead body
Narrator: A fierce battle enrages between Xena and Ares
Xena: Lyktus call off the army.
Narrator: Lyktus runs towards the soldiers while the battle continues. The soldiers begin to retreat except for a select few who remain ready to attack.
Xena: I said fall back
Ares: You don't control the whole army Xena. Attack the village
Xena: Stop them
Narrator: Xena and Ares battle on with the soldiers battling Ares' men. Suddenly Xena spots some familiar faces coming up over the hill
Meg: I'm coming Xena
Joxer: Me too
Xena: Meg, Joxer. Where's Gabrielle?
Gabrielle: I'm here Xena
Torres: Xena look out
Narrator: Xena turns around in time to block a blow from Ares
Xena: Thanks Torres
Narrator: Xena's companions join the fight. While Xena gains the upper hand on Ares
Ares: You win again. Until next time Xena
Narrator: In an instant Ares is gone. The battle continues until the soldiers capture Ares' men
Lyktus: What shall we do with them Xena?
Xena: Let them go
Lyktus: What?
Xena: You heard me. Let them go.
Lyktus: As you wish
Narrator: Lyktus motions for the ropes to be cut and the men to be released
Xena: Return to Ares. NOW!
Narrator: As quick as a flash the men disappeared over the hill
Xena: Lyktus, let me introduce you to your army
Lyktus: Mine?
Xena: Yes yours. Do with them what you please. Just leave this village alone.
Lyktus: As you wish. Thank you Xena.
Narrator: Lyktus and Xena shake hands and Lyktus walks away as the soldiers pack up their camp
Gabrielle: Just another day
Xena: Yep
Torres: Sorry I doubted you Xena
Xena: Its ok Torres
Joxer: I'm hungry
Gabrielle: Cyrene made some food. Come on
Narrator: Joxer, Gabrielle and Torres walk towards the tavern. Meg approaches Xena
Meg: Sorry I disappointed you Xena
Xena: You didn't disappoint me Meg. You thought you were helping me. Thank you
Meg: Aw. It was nothing
Xena: Come on. Lets eat
Narrator: Xena and Meg disappear into the village towards the tavern and their breakfast
THE END