Everything was the same.
Everyone treated him the same. Everyone still cared. No one treated him like he was useless or pushed him to the side. No one pitied him. Everything was the same.
It was suffocating.
It wasn't that he wanted to be treated differently. He wasn't so selfish as to want people to pat his head and treat him like a wounded child. He'd given up something huge and gained back the one person he would always care about more than anything. His brother was worth any price. People knew that.
So why did he feel like he wanted people to stop treating him like he could still do anything? Was he silently crying for help? Was this a desperate need for attention?
When the letter had arrived at their home in Risembool he'd been… distraught wasn't the word. Surprised definitely fit.
Being invited to a party at the Armstrong household, a party that was only for military and mostly State Alchemists wasn't something he was expecting. He wasn't in the military any more. And he definitely wasn't a State Alchemist any more. So why?
Logic reasoned that it was because he and Al had saved Amestris and likely the entire world, but that didn't seem good enough. Even if he was a war hero and a legend, he shouldn't have been invited to a party like that. It didn't matter that he was a friend of the family, it didn't matter that he still had his State Alchemist pocket watch—which Mustang had insisted he keep. He was an outsider now.
How melodramatic can you get?
The noise from the party pierced Edward's subconscious. He opened his eyes and stared down into the crystal wine glass. It was empty. How long he'd been standing there with an empty glass was beyond him.
With a long suffering sigh he pushed himself off the wall, moving slowly towards the gallery doors. He placed the wine glass on the tray of a passing butler, sliding his hands into the pockets of his pants.
He stilled, looking down to his right side. He slowly pulled the silver pocket watch out of his pocket, staring down at the detail work that had haunted him for so many years. It was the mark of pure evil in his mind. He couldn't shake the hatred he had for the military and the people who pulled the strings. He knew what Mustang was doing was good, but it still pained him to see those blue uniforms on people he cared for and wanted to protect.
He stepped out of the room, his hand sliding back into his pocket as he walked down the hall, the watch left sitting on the table beside the door.
The estate was huge, to say the least. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, finally feeling like he could breathe. He loved the men and women in that room and he loved what they'd done for him throughout the years but it was hard to stand beside them as an equal when he knew that they were now so far above him.
Seeing the smile on Al's face as he talked with them, spoke to them as if nothing had changed when everything had. Al was normal again. He had his body back and he still had his alchemy. He could stand beside them as their equal.
For the first time in his life, Edward wished he could carve the envy out of him. The thought made him sick.
He slid his fingers over the wall as he walked through the halls, peeking into open rooms and staring up at the high vaulted ceilings. He lost track of time as he walked. He'd likely explored half the halls in the mansion before he stopped. His head turned and peeked into the room. The door was pushed all the way open and a warm fire glowed in the corner. Tempting.
He stepped into the room and looked around. It seemed empty but he almost turned and left anyways, feeling like he was definitely intruding.
He stopped, however, when he saw the black grand piano by the large double doors that lead out onto the balcony.
He stepped towards it, embarrassingly eager fingers stretching out and sliding over the ivory keys. He felt a stab of nostalgia shoot through him. He hadn't touched a piano in years, not since…
He closed his eyes and breathed in sharply, the memories of sitting next to his mother on the bench, her fingers guiding his as she hummed along to the music. He could remember every note, every movement. It was because his mind was trained to remember alchemy. It was what his mother had told him, at least. His fingers pressed down, playing slow, soft notes.
Could he do this? Could he allow himself this much? To step closer to the only thing he'd ever had in common with his mother?
He stood there for almost five minutes, softly pressing keys until his fingers started to move on memory, playing a simple scale, a few notes strung together in a soft tune.
He sat down, his eyes still closed as his fingers took their places on the keys. He could almost feel his mother's fingers on top of his, pressing down with him as she taught him the song.
It had been years since he'd allowed this song to enter his head. He had refused to think of it but now that he was here it came out, deciding for itself that it was time to show its face.
It wasn't until he played the last three notes of the song that he opened his eyes, staring down at his trembling fingers on the cold keys and wondering how he'd managed to play the song with his hands shaking so badly. He brought his hands to his face as he began to sob.
Riza's fingers closed around the silver pocket watch, staring down the hall as she watched Edwards retreating figure. Worry pulled at her gut. She knew something was up with him, she had noticed the moment she'd seen him. The fire in his eyes was gone.
Stepping back into the gallery hall she headed straight for Roy.
"General Mustang," she said, stepping up beside him and holding the watch out. "Fullmetal left this behind."
Roy didn't seem to understand at first, until she looked towards the door. She could see the realization dawning on him.
"Ah," Roy said softly, taking the watch from her hand and stepping past her towards the door. "I see. I'll go see if he's alright then."
She followed him, knowing full well he wanted her to. She wondered for a moment if she should tell Alphones but she bypassed that though, knowing that if Edward had wanted Alphones there he would have told him he was leaving.
She was also aware that Edward likely didn't want either of them to follow him either, but she knew there was no way to dissuade Roy now that he had his heart set on finding him.
The estate was so large that she was sure they wouldn't find him but once the noise of the party fell behind them she could hear his footsteps echoing down the hall.
They followed him for five minutes, ten, twenty. She was sure he was trying to walk through the entire mansion before the footsteps stopped.
Roy turned the corner and stopped in front of her, causing her to almost run into his back. She looked around him and saw Edward standing at the other end of the hall, staring into a room. There was light pouring out from the doorway, filling half the hallway.
Roy started to move again once Edward disappeared into the room. She followed him, stopping behind him again once they reached the doorway. She blinked in slight surprise when she heard the distinct sound of a key on a piano being pressed. She looked up at Roy, her confused eyes meeting his. That note was followed by another. And another, and another until she could hear patterns and scales. She closed her eyes and listened to the soft plinking sounds only to open them moments later when he started to play.
To find out that Edward could play the piano was a surprise to say the least. She hadn't seen it coming. The song was beautiful, hauntingly so. She could feel Edward's emotions through his music. It hurt to hear it. It hurt to feel it. She could feel the pain with every note.
Roy moved beside her, stepping into the doorway. She followed, staring in the direction of the large black piano. Her chest twinged painfully. The song seemed even more beautiful when she watched him play it. His eyes were closed and he had tears sliding slowly down his cheeks. The fire made his hair glow like a halo surrounding him and she had to resist the urge to cry herself.
Swallowing back the pain she felt, the remorse and the empathy. It scared her. It was as she'd feared. The Edward she'd come to know was gone. The boy in his place was in pain, she could feel it. She wanted to go to him, to wrap him in her arms and hold him the way the mother he had grown up without hadn't been able to do. She felt so responsible for him and his brother and she didn't know how to act on it. It wasn't her place. He didn't want her help, he never wanted anyone's help.
His song ended and she had to place a hand over her mouth to stop herself from making any sound. She closed her eyes to stop the tears when he started to sob. The sound echoed around the room and carved into her like a knife.
She opened her eyes slowly, turning her head towards her superior. What she saw surprised her. More than that, it broke her heart.
Roy's fingers trembled as he held his hand over his eyes, the tears silent as they slid down his cheeks. She got a painful reminder of the day of Maes Hughes' funeral. It was the same look, the same tears. The tears of a man who was morning the loss of a friend. The tears of a man who felt powerless to help someone he loved.
Roy took a step into the room, his hand falling from his eyes. He took another step, heading towards the boy at the piano.
Riza's hand touched his arm, stopping him from moving closer. He turned pain filled eyes towards her, begging her to tell him what he should do. She shook her head, looking towards Edward as he continued to cry. He needed to be alone. As much as she hated to leave him, he would not respond well to either of them disturbing him. She knew that this was a moment that he'd wanted to be private and it should stay that way, in his mind at least.
Her hand moved down and she slowly linked her fingers into his, pulling him gently towards the end of the hall.
Roy's hand clenched around the pocket watch he still held in his right hand, knuckles whitening as he fought to figure out how to help.
Riza waited, giving him a moment to collect himself as she watched him. He looked at her and back towards Edward, slowly placing the pocket watch on the table beside the door before letting her lead him down the hall.
Edward turned towards the door.