Author's Note: (Sup mortals? This is Satan, here to say that I'm again going to annoy you with another story about Captain Falcon's adventures.)
Falcon Time Warp
Captain Falcon awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of knocking on his door. He got up from his bed with his Hulk Hogan tank top and his American sweat pants. "What in the name of Lady Liberty is happening now?" He mumbled to himself as he opened the door, only to see Roy. "Roy?" Falcon said, "What the fuck are you doing here? I haven't seen you since melee." Roy looked to his left and to his right, "Look," Roy said to Falcon, "I need your help, you're the only one who can." Falcon shook his head, "What about your weeabo friend Marth?" Falcon asked Roy. "Marth speaks that wapensese language. Plus, I think this job might be up your alley." Roy said as he walked into Falcon's room, "I need your help to kill Chrom." *Law and Order music plays
"Kill Chrom?" Falcon asked himself, "That piece of weeabo trash? I'll love to." He said to Roy. Falcon remembered the time back in the reveal trailer when he almost killed both Chrom and Lucina for the sake of America, but he was stopped by Robin (M). He hated the Fire Emblem series for that. (But he did like Robin (F) and Roy.) "Great!" Roy exclaimed, shaking Falcon's hand. "Wait," Falcon said, "Why do you want to kill someone from your series?" He asked the ginger swordsman. "Because Robin and Lucina took my job, and the only way to get them fired is to destroy the source: Chrom." Roy explained, "Then why do you need me?" Falcon said, "I know you hate them." Roy said, "I saw the trailer, you know, I thought they both should've both died back in Awakening." He said to the Captain.
Falcon smiled Kill anime and help America? Oh fuck yeah! He thought. "Alright, but how are we going to kill him?" The American hero asked Roy. "Oh, that's easy," Roy said as he pulled out a remote. "This here is a time warp machine; it can send us back to the trailer." Roy said. Just then, Snake ran into the room, "Stop right there Roy! I heard everything you said and I'm placing you under arrest!" Snake said to Roy. Falcon pulled out a box of Fruit Loops and gave it to Snake, "Nevermind, but I want to see the killing blow." Snake said to Roy.
"Alright… Are we all ready?" Roy asked the other two. Falcon and Snake nodded, "LETS GO!" Roy said as he clicked a button on the remote. "FOR AMERICA!" Falcon screamed as they went back in time.
In the arena, there were crowds of cheering fans, cheering for Chrom. Chrom was on one side, while Roy, Snake, and Falcon were on the other. "I hope you're ready!" The Exalt yelled as he charged at the three, Snake pulled out his pistol and shot Chrom in the chest. (That was easy) Chrom fell to his side and screamed in pain. Falcon ran up to him and kicked him until he died. "YEEEEEAAAHHH!" Falcon said, "I WOOON! TAKE THAT YOU ANIME FUCKS! MERRRRRRICCCCCAAAA!" Falcon then pulled down his pants and pissed on the body.
Roy jumped in happiness, "We did it! I'll get my job back!" Snake sighed, "That was really easy." He said while eating some Fruit Loops.
Back at San Angeles DC (Still exists) Falcon was eating some Fruit Loops for breakfast when Master Hand went to him. "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU KILL CHROM?!" He demanded, Falcon shook his head, "I did it for America!" He said, Master Hand clenched a fist, "Damnit Falcon! I hope you realize that what you did will change the course of history!" Falcon frowned, "The only history I care about I American History you big glove of shit!" Master Hand floated away.
It was at this moment that Satan raised from hell, "Heeeeyyy Falcon," He said, "Listen buddy… The event that happened last night is not good…" Falcon kept eating his Fruit Loops, "I did America a service! That's one less anime fuck in this world!" Falcon said, Satan nodded his head, "I understand why you did it, but if this isn't reversed, Snake will die!" Satan said.
Falcon spitted out his Fruit Loops, "WHAT?! SNAKE? " Satan nodded, " The fandom will kill him!" Satan said. Falcon stood up and ripped off his shirt, "Now the Falcon-Mania will save the day! AMERRRICCAAA!" Falcon ran away.
Roy was just settling into his room because Chrom was dead when Falcon ran in, "YO ROY, WE NEED TO SAVE SNAKE!" Falcon said. Roy gasped, "What do we need to do?" He said, "WE CAN'T KILL CHROM!" Falcon yelled. Roy paused, If Chrom lives, then I can't get my job back, but then again we need to save Snake's life…. "Ok," Roy said as he pulled out his remote.
"We can't kill him, we just need to knock him unconscious, right?" Roy said as they were warping through time, "Yep!" Falcon said, "I just need to knock the shit outta him."
At the arena, Chrom ran towards Falcon and swung his sword. Falcon blocked the hit and charged a Falcon Punch, "Don't fuck with me and my Fruit Loops!" He said as he swung, "Falcon….Punch!" He said as he launched Chrom into a wall, knocking him unconscious.
"Ok!" Roy said, "We're done! Let's go home!" He reached for his remote, but Falcon slapped it away, "Wait a minute! I need to do something first!" Falcon said as he ran to Chrom, Falcon picked up Chrom and pinned him to the wall, "REMEMBER THAT LADY LIBERTY IS A FORCE TO BE SHREKONED WITH! I'LL SNAP YOU LIKE A SLIM JIM BROTHER!" He said to Chrom, Falcon ran back to Roy and they warped back to present day.
The next day Satan came back to Falcon, "Great job changing the time line and shit." He said to Captain Americ…..errrr, I mean Captain Falcon. Falcon gave a thumbs up to the Demon King, "I'm just glad that's everything's ok!" Satan and Falcon then laughed, until Snake walked up, "Falcon, you remember the child you pushed into the ground?" Snake said, "Yeah?" Falcon looked at him, "….He was working for the Viet Cong." Snake said, "I FUCKIN KNEW IT! I SAVED AMERICA ONCE MORE!" Falcon yelled as he took a bite of Fruit Loops.
Author's Note: (Shit, you mortals actually like my stories? Well I didn't expect that! Sadly, there will not be a chapter 2, but I will continue making stories about the crazy antics that Falcon and co. get into in San Angeles DC. Lucifer (SatanHimself)