[all around me are familiar faces

worn out places, worn out faces...]

Gary Jules, Mad World

XXXXX

I'm looking around the room, at all the familiar faces here. It's not a happy scene, but let me freeze the moment for you.

I am the leader of this team, and today is a day that I will have nightmares about for many months to come; but right now I am proud. I am proud of my team, even now in our darkest moment. I am proud of Spike because I know that when we leave, he will pick up his gun, that he thinks he has discarded for good, from the table it is currently on. I am proud of Ed for having the courage to make that phone call that is so devastating to both ends, and keep his composure throughout it. I am proud of Wordy, and Jules, and Sam; and the way we all made it back from that place to this room, together.

This, this is how we process a loss - all together. Nobody's saying anything, but Ed's hand is on Spike's shoulder, and Jules is leaning against Sam. And when my eyes meet Wordy's, there is no pity in his. No pity for my loss, because this loss is all of ours.

Ed's wife calls, and everyone looks up at him for the duration of the thirty second conversation. When he hangs up and doesn't leave, none of us is surprised - because we are the only ones in the world who can properly grieve him. Lew. He's gone now; gone from life to death in an instant. Just like that.

"Don't mess with land mines."

And Spike blames himself for not stopping it, and Sam is angry at himself for giving in to the facts, and Jules is only wondering what might have happened if a thousand little things had gone differently.

But there is safety here, in this room, together. There is safety to sit in silence, there is safety to allow the sadness to weigh down your shoulders, there is safety to let the pain show in your eyes. We are all together, and not a one of us is alone. We know that, know it in the deepest fibres of our being - and that is why no one had to announce this meeting, and why we are all still sitting here after twenty minutes of silence.

And I'm not saying it now, but we will move forward, and we will get over this loss. Others will need us, and we will keep steadily saving lives, even at the cost of our own. This is what we do. This is who we are.

So I'm looking around this room, at the defeated postures and the red eyes and the tired faces. All the familiar, tired faces. And here in this moment, I am convinced - I am in the company of the greatest friends the world has to offer. This is when our family becomes stronger than blood. This is what it means to be on Team One.