This chapter is translated by Jenna Le (u/5386982/)
1. Vorspiel
I was dejectedly cleaning the small windows of the dilapidated barracks when some rays of sun reached my face. I looked and there it was, rising well above the barbed wire and electrified fence, illuminating all the prisoners who were working tirelessly, and shining in the snow that covered the entire work camp. The Nazis had taken away our money, business and houses. For some including me, they'd separated us from our families. Now they detained us in a hell where people died from hunger and execution. I had a foreboding that my people were condemned, and each day, we had less hope of survival.
Aleksandra Kenner came running and said my name. When I turned around, she slowly approached me and shook her head. I felt as her hands approached my frozen cheekbones.
- You're very pale and weak, Helen…look how you tremble. I hope you don't get sick. Every day I'm afraid for you – she said like a mother would say to a daughter.
Aleksandra pinched my cheeks to give them some color, and without giving me any further explanation began to drag me by the arm. She pulled me out of the barracks and began to run through the thick snow.
- We have to hurry! I've heard that the Herr Kommandant Goeth is looking for servants for his new villa. I hope that he picks us, Helen. We'd still be working and it wouldn't be easy, but we'd be safer. If he asks you something or looks at you, smile. You're very pretty and have a perfect smile.
Her words were full of hope but they unsettled me a bit. I'd already heard that name. Yes, two men had been talking about "Herr Kommandant Goeth." They said he was the head of Plaszow and they related that he was a cruel and heartless man who had murdered many people in the Warsaw Ghetto. I'd seen and heard enough things to believe these words and couldn't help but feel afraid.
Aleksandra continued to pull me toward a line of women and she put us at the front. She let go of my hand and I stopped running at her pace, but an enormous soldier shoved me abruptly so that I wouldn't stop. I passed by two perfectly uniformed SS men in elegant leather coats. Then that soldier made us stop and separated us at rifle point so that he could see us well.
- There they are, Herr Kommandant!
The one who was the tallest and appeared to be the highest raking reacted. He was smoking at the same time as as he lifted a handkerchief to his nose in irritation. He began to walk along the line and when I felt silence and dread seize the air in their wake, I lowered my gaze to the snow. The snow reached to my ankles and, after all that running, had gotten inside my shoes. The desperate sensation of bitter cold and the numbness of my extremities made me breathe hard and shake silently.
- One of you is a very lucky girl – he said in a cruel voice – There is an opening for a job, away from all this backbreaking work, at my new villa – I heard his footsteps very close by and felt as if he stopped in front of me.
To my relief, after a pause, he returned to the middle of the line to look at all of us while speaking again.
- Which of you has domestic experience? -
I came from an upper class Jewish family and had never cooked nor done household chores except for pleasure. From the terrifying aura that that man gave off, I thought it best not to lie, and I let my hands warm up inside my coat. All the other women in the line appeared to not be in the same situation and raised their hands, including Aleksandra.
- Ja, – he said with a discontented voice and returned to the area where I was. – On second thought I don't really want someone else's maid. All those annoying habits I have to undo. -
He stopped in front of me and made a gesture. I timidly approached him but he backed away.
- I don't want to give you my cold – he said softly. – What's your name? -
- Helen Hirsch, - I answered him. I was frightened and trembling so that my voice was barely audible.
- What? – he asked quite annoyed.
- Helen Hirsch, - I repeated again but he coughed deeply and it covered my words.
- What? I can't hear. -
I made another effort to raise my voice and say my name while lifting up my gaze. Blue eyes, big and very cold pierced me and chilled my blood. They were accompanied by a half smile that wasn't totally perverse. With the hand that grasped the handkerchief, he opened my coat at the shoulders. The only things visible were my hands, trembling from the cold. I remembered the words Aleksandra had said and tried to make something resembling a smile. He became serious all of a sudden and gave me a strange look, then looked away from my face and informed a German with a monosyllable that he had chosen me.
A sense of relief came over me at knowing I could work less hard and that perhaps my chances of living had been extended. It no longer mattered to me that I didn't have a lot of experience and I was grateful toward him thinking that he couldn't be so horrible a man.
- To work! – an SS officer imperiously commanded.
The entire line of prisoners ran upon hearing the order to return to their respective occupations and I imitated them, but the enormous soldier who had shoved me before crossed my path. I crashed into him and fell to the ground.
- Not you, Jew! You stay here! –
I got up slowly from the ground in pain, and agreed with my head that I would stay on my feet right there.
While I was wrapping myself up in my coat, I observed out of the corner of my eye that the man who previously had chosen me had gone to inspect the area in which they were constructing a barracks. An irritated officer walked toward him and started to give an explanation.
- She says the foundation was poured wrong. She's got to take it down. I told her that it's a barracks, not the fucking Hotel Europa! Fucking Jew bitch engineer! -
The woman he was insulting came running and stood in the midst of all those uniformed men who partially ignored her.
- Herr Kommandant! - she directed at him while the officer behind her snorted in irritation - The entire foundation has to be torn down and repoured. If not, there will be at least a subsidence at the southern end of the barracks. Subsidence and then collapse. -
- You are an engineer? – he asked with an unfeeling and incredulous tone.
- Yes. My name is Diana Reiter. I'm a graduate of civil engineering from the University of Milan.
She explained herself reasonably and seemed very sure of what she was saying, but he ridiculed her, making the others laugh as well. He then walked a few steps away from her and his comrades in order to look at the barracks up close.
- Unterstürmfuhrer, - he said, calling the officer to meet with him separately.
- Jawohl! - the officer answered walking toward him.
- Shoot her. -
The order was given in a low voice but the climate of the scene changed instantly and anyone could have been able to guess what was about to happen. I felt a lump in my throat and chills all over. The woman, shocked and disconcerted, looked around in all directions. The officer also exchanged a look with her, nervous and confused.
- Herr Kommandant, I am only trying to do my job.
- Ja, - he replied coldly - I'm doing mine. -
- Sir, she's foreman of construction – said the officer incredulously, his expression reflecting that he was not in agreement with the idea of killing her.
- We're not going to have arguments with these people – he said indifferently.
The officer walked toward her and grabbed her arm to take her to a more secluded spot.
- No, shoot her here on my authority – the Herr Kommandant yelled at him.
The fear in the face of that woman, who was at the point of crying while those men decided the place in which to kill her, made my heart cringe and made it difficult to breathe the cold air. I understood that man was indeed cruel and I stopped feeling fortunate that he had chosen me.
"She could be me," I thought looking at the dense snow beneath my feet.
When I timidly looked upon the scene again, she was already kneeling in front of the officer who had his pistol drawn. The sound of the shot echoed in my head and left me paralyzed.
There she was, motionless and dead. I couldn't stop looking at her, try as I might to avoid it.
He turned away after contemplating the murder with satisfaction, and I just wanted to disappear when I felt him approach the area where I was. Fortunately, he was distracted speaking with the grave officer beside him.
- Take it down. Repour it. Rebuild it. Like she said, - he ordered.
He passed right by me and ignored me. I only felt safe when I heard him get in a car that had arrived and that the engine had started to take him away from there.