Disclaimer: All characters and settings herein abused belong to JK.
A/N: Attack of the random plot bunny! One of those slightly-AU-humor-fics that always seem to take place in Harry's 7th year and often end up being either Draco/Harry or Draco/Ginny. Well it does take place in Harry's 7th year, but as for pairings I have no idea … could end up being slash but I really don't know… If slash puts you off I wouldn't worry too much, because even if it does end up as Draco/Harry or something I never do smut. Not because of any moral thing, I just never seem to feel the need to include it. So yeah, rated for language and inappropriate suggestions/allusions etc.
So in this universe, Harry killed moldy-Voldie at the end of sixth year and returns to Hogwarts in his seventh as the triumphant hero, Dumblydore never died, neither did Sirius (why? Because this is a humor fic dammit, and as such is harmless unrealistic fluffs-ville) and Draco defected and joined the Order and fought for the good guys in the final battle, just in case I do end up making it slash.
Prologue
Luna Lovegood peered over the top of her Quibbler at Harry in the train compartment "So what did you do this summer, Harry?"
He stared at her in disbelief. He was fairly certain that the entire wizarding world was well aware that he had spent the last couple of months in St. Mungos recuperating from the after effects of way too many cruciatus curses and various other life threatening injuries he'd received care of Voldemort and his mates "I was in hospital for most of it." He told her.
"Oh, really?" she said, as if she presumed his hospital stay had been for something mundane like throat infection "Was that because you got hurt fighting He Who Must Not Be Named?"
"No, of course not silly," Ginny piped up "He pulled several muscles whilst attempting an extremely obscure sexual position whilst filming the new muggle movie Harry Potter's Chamber of Secrets"
"Oh," said Luna casually "How unusual."