Everybody Lies, or Methos' Guide to Internet Dating

Author's notes - Characters thoughts are in (italics). This story was written for enjoyment purpose only. It was not written for profit, and no copyright infringement is intended. I do not own Burn Notice or Highlander. This story is set during the summer of 2009, Season 3 of Burn Notice somewhere between Episode 02, and Episode 13. In Highlander it is set after the TV universe is over and Richie is not dead because the whole Avatar Arc never happened. So you can consider this a AU like all my other stories.

I would like to especially thank my Beta reader Feritkid who helped me brainstorm during many of those late night sessions especally helped to find out where all the itsy-bitsy teeny-weenie commas should go. I encourage everyone to read her fan-fictions at - u/2825702/FerretKid - Also Rayven Lilith Sky for her help at beta reading too, please read her fan-fiction at - u/2988717/ - Any misspelling or grammar mistake is mine alone.

Chapter One - What Happened at Joe's Bar?

"Let's see, Romance after 35…No." She moved on to the next email with a quick click.

"I got you babe in 74." She scoffed

'Maybe back in 1974.' She shook her head before deleting the email and clicking on another.

"Dinner for two 69." Amanda made a noise of approval as she looked over the picture that accompanied the email. "The name is a bit over the top but he has possibilities. Muscles in all the right places, profile looks good. Maybe I'll write him back."

Suddenly, Amanda felt an Immortal enter the room and she slammed the laptop closed. Since she was sitting in her own bar, which had been built on holy ground, there was no need to draw a weapon. But It had been "one of those days," so she did anyway. Picking up her new 9mm, she pointed it at the tall, lean figure comfortably dressed in a loose white sweater and tight jeans. His expression showed shock at being greeted with the gun.

"Methos don't sneak up on me like that!" Amanda huffed and laid her gun on the bar, next to the laptop.

"Le Blues Bar is closed for renovations."

"I've heard." Amanda said, dryly.

"Nice gun you have there. Is it new?" Methos smiled as he ran his hand through his messy hair. He looked a bit disheveled. The clean-cut boy next door was gone, badly needing a hair cut and shave. Upon closer examination, Methos wasn't carrying his usual 'know-it-all' expression, either.

"Well, who's fault was that?" Amanda snapped back at him. "Do you like my new toy? It's a Glock 26, automatic, fixed sites, I thought it might help keep the riffraff out, but I guess it's not working since you're here."

The sides of the other Immortal's mouth casually went into a smile as he ignored her last comment. "You heard about Joe's bar? News travels fast."

"News like that travels fast! Mac was already in here complaining. He said you broke the rules!"

"Me! Why would I cause any trouble?"

"HA! Methos. You're nothing but trouble!"

"Amanda, I wasn't looking for a fight and this big hairy guy was looking for MacLeod. I was just an innocent bystander." He threw his hands out for dramatic effect, but the pretty blond wasn't buying a word.

"Methos, you haven't been innocent since before 3000 BC and you know better than to take a head inside Joe's bar!" Amanda picked the gun back up and waved the Glock at Methos. "What do you want here?"

"I want a beer. You're one to call the kettle black. Innocence isn't exactly your stock in trade, Amanda!"

"Get out!" She gave Methos a searing look as she pointed the gun at his heart.

"Come on, I just want a drink. If you don't like beer, I suppose whiskey will be fine."

Methos failed to convince the thief to lower her gun. "Amanda, it wasn't my fault! The guy didn't know how to take no for an answer and he didn't understand the words 'I am busy, I do not want to fight.' He was bloody well annoying too."

"Then why did you kill him? Especially inside Le Blues Bar?" Amanda still kept waving the Glock at him.

"It's not like it was my first choice!"

"Really?" Amanda's voice went up an octave or two.

"Amanda, do you think I wanted to take a Quickening with Joe and Mike standing a few feet away? I could have just given him directions to the barge. Would that have made you happy?"

"No, Nyet, or, in Farsi, Nah. You wouldn't stoop so low, as to give up one of your friends just to stay alive? Would you?"

"For a moment the thought did cross my mind." The gun safety clicked off and Methos' eyebrows raised. "Well shoot me then! This is holy ground so you'll have to drag me outside to take my head and honestly, that's more effort than it's worth."

She hissed at him and finally put the gun down. "Methos in 5,000 years, is that all you could think of? To take the guy's head in side Joe's bar?"

"Amanda, do you expect freaking Einstein? I'm just a guy!"

"No, you're an idiot and Mac said you cheated!"

"Of course that damn self-righteous Scot would say that. Can you just give me a drink? Please?"

Amanda poured Methos a house beer and started to hand it to him, but reconsidered and pulled it back.

"Explain to me how you took the guy's head after he challenged Richard and yet you didn't break the rules of the game? Explain that and I'll give you this beer." She batted her eyelashes.

Methos took a deep breath and looked around to make sure they were alone. "The big hairy guy..."

"What was his name?" Amanda interrupted.

"Ask a Watcher, I don't know! It's not like I can waltz up and check their files anytime I want to." Of course Methos was lying. He had left a back door in the Watcher database when he and Don wrote it, but why tell Amanda that?

"You did write the damn computer program didn't you?" Amanda showed him her dimples in an effort to look cute. When trying to obtain information, candy always worked better than a hammer. Even with a 5,000-year-old idiot.

"That was back in the nineties, Dear. I left the Watchers a decade ago, and I thought you wanted to talk about what happened at Joe's. Can I have that beer now? If I say pretty please?" He was willing to talk about the quickening at Joe's if it got Amanda's mind off the database.

"Not until I get your side of the story. I've already heard Joe's and Duncan's."

"Richie hasn't come by?"

"You just missed him. They all think I'm Dear Abby."

Methos smiled at his friend. "Only if she's over one thousand and sexy as hell."

Amanda smiled.

"Anyway, the big hairy guy was ranting and raving about wanting MacLeod's head and I'd better tell him where Duncan was or he'd fight me instead. Of course, Richie chose that moment to walk in so we had a threesome. What fun!"

Methos smacked his hands against the bar and Amanda jumped. "I rememberreading about this particular hairy guy's reputation when I was still a researcher." Methos leaned close to Amanda and lowered his voice. "He was a head hunter, and one not to be messed with, even by someone like MacLeod. So what did you want me to do?"

Of course, Methos had checked the database and knew the head hunter was in town. It was, however, a surprise to see the big hairy guy drinking in Joe's bar.

"Okay, this head hunter was a mean bastard, but that doesn't change the facts. Duncan said you broke the rules!" Amanda continued to lecture her older counter part.

"Rules? What bloody rules? Don't take a quickening at Joe's Bar?"

"Richard said that the hairy head hunter was about to challenge him."

"The key word is 'about' to challenge." Methos emphasized his point with a finger in the air.

"Remember what we were taught from the beginning? Never interrupt a fight once it's begun!" She slapped his finger.

"We were taught? Who wrote these bloody rules anyway? They've only been around about what, maybe for three, four thousand years? When I was young we only had one rule - no fighting on holy ground. If it was Duncan's head on the line I bet you would have done the same thing! Besides, I'm not about to put up with hundreds of years of that damn Scott whining about how I just stood there and let Richie, his student, his friend, his bloody...son...die."

"You really like Richard, admit it!" Amanda reached over to ruffle his hair. "You need a hair cut and shave. What's with looking like hell?"

Methos ignored Amanda and tried to grab the beer out of her hand only to spill it. He glared at her momentarily before relenting. "Okay, Rich is not as annoying as he used to be. In a couple centuries he might even become a fine fellow."

"Sit down, and I'll get you another beer. Try not to wear this one." Amanda smirked and poured another draft. "So, tell me what really happened at Joe's, Old Man."

Taking a seat at the bar, Methos took several sips of his beer and smiled with deep satisfaction. Looking at Amanda's impatient face, he realized there was no way he was going to keep the beer without telling her his side of the story.

"Alright, the big, hairy headhunting stranger, was yelling on and on and on and on..."

"Yeah, I got that part. And?" Amanda rapidly tapped a nail on the bar.

"He wanted MacLeod in a bad way, but after a while it was obvious any head would do. Since I said my dance card was already full, he turned toward Richard with his sword. Well, the boy has learned too many lessons from that noble Scot because he got mad at me!"

"Why?" Amanda still trying to play it coy

"Because I let Big and Hairy say nasty stuff about MacLeod and I didn't do anything. Rich said if I wasn't going to shut him up, then he would. This guy would have killed him, and not just temporarily. They were about to walk out of the bar and find a more secluded spot, so I..." Methos took another large swallow.

"So you what?" Amanda demanded.

"Cut the bastard's head off when he turned his back to me. Honestly, what rule did I break?"

"The one that says don't turn your back on Methos." Amanda said seriously.

"Precisely. I yelled for Richie to grab Joe and everyone to get the bloody hell out of there. After the Quickening things went downhill. The bar caught on fire, Rich came back in looking for me, swearing about the flames. Joe sent him I guess when I didn't come out. Why risk the life of a fireman when you have an Immortal around? When it was all over the Fire Department condemned the place."

"Was anyone hurt?"

"No, but I did burn my favorite pair of jeans, and I doubt I'll get the smell of smoke out of my wool coat. Well, Richie got a little burnt too." Methos chuckled.

Amanda swatted Methos on the head. "Poor Joe. He is really pissed. I don't know if the insurance covers lightning on a clear day."

Methos rolled his eyes. "They'll just say it was an electrical fire. I apologized to Joe about one hundred times but he's still angry with me. So, since my regular bar is out of commission, I'm here. Now, tell me what you were doing online when I came in?"

"That's none of your business! Haven't you ruined enough lives for one day? Amanda gave him a catty smile.

"Well, it looked like you were on a dating site." Methos teased.

Amanda's jaw dropped. "You must have extremely good eyes."

"Well one had to back in 3000 BC. It was eat or be eaten and I was the tribe's best lookout."

"Yeah, sure."

"No, really! I was Butch and Sundance's lookout, too."

"Methos, stop lying to me. Next you'll say you were working with Moses."

"No, but I did have several long conversations with Abraham. I was a Horseman during the time of Moses and we avoided him. I think it was that pillar of fire. Besides, who wanted to mess with his motley bunch? They were always saying that their God was going to get us until Kronos said to say away from Moses' people."

Amanda rolled her eyes and laughed. "I'm sure!"

"Back to your Internet dating. You know, dear Amanda, almost everyone on those sites lie."

"Like someone I happen to know? Methos half of what you say is a lie, and the other half is untrue."

"You wound me." Methos placed his hand over his heart. "Okay, sometimes I stretch the truth. But Amanda, I bet most of those guys don't remotely resemble their pictures."

"Methos, I bet I can meet a wonderful man online and have a great date." The old thief boasted.

"Fine, I'll take that bet. Pick one, any one, and if I'm wrong, I'll help you pull a job of your choice."

"I wasn't serious, but that's tempting." She tapped a finger against her temple and considered it for a moment. "Okay, it's a bet!"

"I'll win since everyone lies, but say you meet a great guy and have a great date, and if you don't, what do I get?" Methos put his drink down and leaned his elbows on the bar.

"What do you want?" She asked warily.

"A place to live. I'm moving back to Paris and I hear Nick moved out and his apartment is empty."

"No, nyet, nay. You just burnt down Joe's bar, I don't want you living above me!"

"Amanda, you think it's a sure thing to win, so take a chance. It's just a date. Hell, even if you lose it could be fun."

"I did find this one profile I like, but he was in Miami... Florida."

"Perfect! I'll get my private jet ready for the morning. Email the guy and don't forget your suntan lotion."

"Just like that we're off to Miami?"

"I case you haven't noticed, it might be a good time for me to get out-of-town."

"I have to find someone to run my club, with all the extra business I'll have because of your disaster. I don't have a thing to wear in the Sunshine State's heat. My swimsuits are so last year."

"Amanda, when we get to Miami I'll take you shopping on my dime. Happy?" Methos finished his beer and stood to leave.

Amanda ran around the bar to hug him but stopped when she saw his week-old beard.

"On one condition."

"You want more? Don't worry, we'll stay in a five-star hotel and the bill is on me."

Amanda took a step and ran her hand through his messy hair. "Yeah. Get yourself cleaned up. I can't ruin my reputation by hanging around with a bum. Maybe on the flight you can tell an old friend what's really bothering you?"

He stepped away to pull on his coat. "Don't worry, I'll look marvelous. Expect the driver at nine a.m. Nothing is bothering me, I'm fine. See you on the jet." Methos flashed her a smile as he disappeared.

Chapter two -

Sam Axe and Maddie post his Internet dating profile - Dinner for two 69.