Title: Weirdos United

Author: Asaria

Co-Author and Editor: Roxeen

Disclaimer: Dudes aren't mine, they belong to their respective owners, but we do own Sini, Yuun, and Faye!

Pairing: Leon/Squall x Cloud, funny OOC

Summary: Love hurts, and the twins, Leon and Squall, learn this the hard way when they meet Cloud's three right hand men... Or shall we say WOMEN? You know everything is more complicated when females are involved.

Authors' Notes: Yes, you read right. Leon and Squall are two different people in this story and they happen to be twins. Yes, we are cuckoo bananas. Complaints? Join the club. We really want to hear your opinions ((or complaints)), so that we can improve the story. So please make sure to R & R! Thanks!

-:P R O L O G U E:-

She reached for her cell phone, the cute twinkling melody cutting through the silence. She tucked her hair behind her ear and stood there listening for a moment, her expression serious and professional. She gave him one single look, signaling she'd be back in a moment and left without another word.

The door shut. Time passed. A wave of calm spread.

Time seemed to be his greatest enemy for it felt as if dinosaurs had roamed the earth, cavemen had discovered fire, and the light bulb was invented in all the time he spent in that one room.

Cloud sat at his desk, stacks of checks, mountains of paperwork, and towers of contracts surrounding him from all sides, swallowing him into an abyss of unfinished business. The quiet ambiance of the little office simply included the ticking of the clock mixed with the humming of a hibernating laptop. So slow and calm that every stroke of the pencil could be heard clearly throughout the room. Cloud couldn't take the undisturbed silence any longer, he had to shatter it if he was planning to keep his sanity. He just had to...

He smacked his head against his desk. Again. And again. And again. And one more time for good measure. Turning his head to the side, cheek against the flat surface, he reached for the mouse and moved it slightly. The laptop whirred back to life as the screen brightened up, it looked like Cloud would have his chance. A beep came from the speakers as a pop-up box appeared. Username: Faye Tempest... He shifted his gaze to the blinking cursor, password waiting to be filled. Faye: 1, Cloud: 0... There was no way he'd be able to guess her password. It was probably some long word from the dictionary never meant to be heard by human ears, knowing her... Damn.

He glared at the check laying before him. Blue eyes burned invisible lasers into the seemly innocent letters and numbers, his imagination watching it burst into a fiery display of reds and oranges. The blond faced the other way, his chin placed at the edge, admiring all that there was on the other side of that large window. He breathed a deep and forlorn sigh, oh how much he wanted to jump out of that window at that moment in time just to escape the intolerable torture bestowed upon him.

Cloud then leaned back into his chair and scrunched his nose as he glanced at the ceiling... He immediately met eyes with the smiley face drawn on a poster, with the words "You should be working, Cloudster" written in his assistant's flowery cursive letters, little hearts and rainbows sprinkled around the page. It obviously couldn't be taken seriously, but regardless it annoyed him to no end.

He lowered his head back to view the check in front of him and he began to doodle, turning the numbers into stick people and letters into funny, misshapen animals. The blond then looked up from his work once again, sensing the eternal silence and a smile slowly crept up on his features. Quietly pushing his rolling chair back, he paused listening for the footsteps of his beloved assistant. Nothing... just silence. He slowly made his way towards the door, tiptoeing to a halt. Silence was still his only witness. Cloud grasped the handle. It seemed to glow in his eyes, a heavenly item that was the key to his escape... So close and in his grasp. If possible, his grin got even wider.

With a bursting leap of joy, Cloud internally sang out "Freedom!" and practically ripped the door open... Only to come face to face with his favorite psychotic bodyguard, Yuun.

Cloud immediately very well became an ice sculpture, hand numb on the knob, frozen in mid-step, with his eyes wide holding a blank look, and his grin slowly melting away. Practically a billion thoughts filled his already over-packed Chocobo head, most of them dealing with words that pirates and sailors seemed to favor. And as if it could get any worse, Cloud felt his inner self breaking down into little pieces, wailing as if he had been whacked with a 10,000 pound sledgehammer. Yuun raised an eyebrow at the shorter blond.

With her signature frown and stoic expression, she tapped the boy on the head and asked, "What are you doing, Cloudy?"

The question seemed to cut into Cloud, snapping him from his stupor. "Eh... um..."

His first reaction was to refer to his mental filing cabinet of excuses that were conveniently alphabetized and organized by situation. Only some excuses worked on some people, so he had to select wisely. He had to be clever. It had to be something completely believable and able to rescue him from this awkward position.

"I have to go to the bathroom?" He cursed at how the statement sounded more like a question. Well, at least he tried... It'd take a miracle to get past the human lie detector anyways.

In a blink of an eye, Yuun's face of boredom transformed into a smile so bright, Cloud was momentarily blinded. Yuun giggled, "Aww, you're so cute... Too bad the bathroom isn't this way, huh?" and gave him a huge glomp, upsetting his balance and causing him to almost fall over. She was squeezing the breath out of the poor boy. Cloud frowned, not wanting to upset Yuun. He thought it wise to stay silent about his major dislike of hugs... Especially when the girl hugging him was holding a weapon.

She then leaned down to his ear and whispered, "Besides, you aren't cute enough for me to let you skip work and face the wrath of Faye. In fact, you should really be thanking me for stopping you."

Cloud pulled away, pouting, using his ultimate weapon of puppy dog eyes. Yuun knew more than anyone, the power of those big blue eyes, and if she met with the gaze, she would give in and allow him to escape. So she quickly averted her gaze, pretending to deal with a stubborn smudge on her weapon, licking her thumb and rubbing it off.

Cloud knew that no one was strong enough to not fall for it, except for Faye, who grew immune after excessive exposure, so he thought quickly and began to tug on her sleeve as cute as he could possibly be.

Yuun quickly brushed it off and aimed her flame-thrower at Cloud's forehead. "Move," she insisted with a small smirk. Knowing the drill, Cloud sighed and marched back into his own little prison cell, feeling Pookie being nudged between his shoulder blades.

Yuun marched close behind Cloud all the way to his chair and she decided to go ahead and stick around in case he tried anything funny. "So how's progress?" Yuun asked, peering over the blond's shoulder.

After not receiving an answer, she picked up a few loose papers and began to inspect his work and fell across Cloud's doodles of ultimate boredom. Little people, animals, and... She smiled, weapons. She flipped to the next page to read Cloud's essay on maintaining a successful business and laughed, "You know you spelled business wrong, right Cloudy?"

"Eh..." Cloud mumbled. If he had done it on the laptop, he could have spellchecked it. But no, Faye wouldn't let him log on to her computer... He took a check he had done incorrectly from one of the various piles and placed it in his palm. He blew lightly and allowed the piece of paper to float slowly across the room, gliding over all the work that had to be done, only to land on Faye's home-schooling textbooks. Cloud shuddered knowing that it was implying something.

The bodyguard winced. Faye did seem to be a lot tougher on the spiky-headed blond this year than the last. She guessed that it was probably due to the horrible events that took place on the day of September 13, nearly two years ago, also known as the day that Cloud had driven Faye off the edge. Faye wasn't one to break down... She was naturally hard working and worked well under pressure to a back breaking point. Snapping just wasn't an option for her. But there's always a first... and that first was on that unfortunate Friday.

Cloud's random urges to escape are anything but new to the group. He constantly came up with the strangest of methods to get away from his work and Faye tended to suffer the most when he successfully broke out, mostly because he was her biggest responsibility. It was probably the third time he tried to make a break for it that week and because Yuun was on vacation at that moment in time, he triumphed and got out with no problems or obstacles. Guess third time is the charm. The crazy woman was most likely at a shooting range, perfecting her aiming accuracy, the last thing on her mind was that Cloud would be dumb enough to leave without a proper escort. Boy, was she wrong...

The only warning he got when he was caught was a sudden flash of murderous brown curls, appearing out of nowhere, in his view, followed by a couple of hits on the head with Faye's fighting fan. Faye was intimidating when she wasn't angry... So you could only imagine how much he regretted to decide to escape on that day and at that time.

Faye had cornered Cloud and demanded that if he were to be forgiven, he had to wear Sini's newest design as punishment. It didn't seem like such a bad thing until Cloud set his eyes onto said dress... The wretched thing was in fact a simple purple kimono, lined with a strip of lilac with white petals scattered around with an obi to match. It wasn't an ugly dress, it's just that he rather much see Faye or Sini in it than himself. And to add icing on the cake, Faye had gotten some man sized pumps on short notice and insisted that a wig was to be worn to compliment his "feminine features". Last but not least, he was to make a speech in front of the most important clients of Strife Delivery Service and talk about the new improvements and service options that they would be offering. Surprisingly, clients were more twisted than they originally thought and word gets around pretty quick because SDS had ten times more deliveries requested that month.

He will indeed never anger Faye again... For he surely does not want to experience such a below the belt hit to his manliness any more... But apparently, that doesn't mean he'll give up. He'll just have to plan things out better.

Suddenly, a knock broke Yuun's train of thought. By instinct, she quickly stood up and pointed her Pookie towards the door.

The door slowly opened, but no one entered. Cloud and Yuun looked at each other and then curiously stared at the half-opened door, wondering if they has just both imagined the knocking and that the force of the A/C had caused the event.

"Yes Mr. Strife... Definitely," a familiar voice assured. "I'll be sure to inform your son. You can count on me... Thank you, Mr. Strife. Have a nice day." As Faye stepped into view, she pressed a button on her wireless headset and a small beep sounded, ending the phone conversation. With her other hand, she was typing on her touch screen palm pilot, surely inserting more events for Cloud to attend and more things to do. Lucky him...

"Hey, Faye. Just wanted to know how Cloudy was doing." Yuun grinned, pointing her thumb towards the blond. "Blondy here was just complaining on how little work you're giving him."

Faye giggled, "Oh really, Cloudster? I guess I'll just have to give you some more. I'm sure that could be arranged, so no worries." She placed the palm pilot on it's belt clip, sitting at her hip.

Cloud frowned at the comment. "No way! You kidding? I'm practically buried in this stuff!" he retorted.

Faye tilted her head to one side and smiled, "Just kidding, Cloudster. I would never be that mean... Not if I don't have to be anyways." She shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes, "I guess then maybe I should tell you later about you-know-what."

"So that's why it took you so long? You were on the phone talking about you-know-what?" Yuun smirked, enjoying keeping a little secret from Cloud.

"Sure was." Faye replied with a wink.

Cloud's brows knitted. What were they talking about? He couldn't fight the urge to ask.

"Anyways..." Faye stretched the word dramatically, snapping her head to Cloud. "That's the least of our concerns right now, Cloud." She pulled out the palm pilot, "We have work to do."

Cloud's eyes widened and he gulped. If there was anything that he knew about Faye, it's that when she uses his proper birth-given name and she takes out that palm pilot of hers... He better get ready for the worst.

The brunette took Cloud's wrist and dragged him to Mount Everwork. "Hmm... You never did learn how to balance checks and accounts correctly," she frowned as she flipped through a small pile. "Better work on that."

She shook her head in mock shame, "But right after we review the past presidents of the corporation and then the basics of delivery. Oh and of course, we can't forget that report you wrote for me. Plus, I need you to address to the coke machine issue the employees have been having lately. Yes and at 5:15 on Wednesday, we need to attend that meeting with our rival company!" She let out a small squeak, "Goodness, how silly of me! I almost forgot the wed... Cloud?"

Cloud's head was flopped onto his desk, quiet snoring erupting from his mouth. Faye's schedules were Cloud's lullabies. If anything could lull him to sleep, Faye's constant ranting could.

Faye's brown eyebrow twitched as she glared at the blond. She looked at the desk and saw a pile of textbooks from which she quietly pulled out a book right from the middle. The books tumbled down, causing the large thump to violently wake the sleeping blond.

"Oh look, you're awake." she smiled and then before he could regain composure, the serious expression graced her features again, "Come on, Cloud. We have to finish today!"

Cloud groaned and heaved a drawn out sigh, honestly, how did such a serious and formal human being ever spawn onto this earth? Cloud would never know.

Just then, the door burst open as Sini stomped in, an "urge to kill" look plastered on her face and an evil aura seeping from her entire body.

Cloud wore a smug smile, not detectable by anyone, thanks to Sini, of course.

"Um... Sini? What are you doing here?" Faye looked genuinely surprised, "Aren't you suppose to be making the outfits for the... you-know-what?"

"Someone. Stole. Them!!" Sini screeched, emphasizing each and every word.

Yuun blinked, "Stole what?"

"My absolute favorite knitting needles!! Those precious lime green, smooth, shiny, most prized needles of mine that I have owned since forever!!" She was obviously miffed that no one knew what she was talking about.

Yuun and Faye's eyes bulged. Someone took Sini's good luck needles? They could feel a funeral coming up soon. No one touches Sini's knitting needles if they are planning to live a good, long life.

"S-Sini. Calm down for a minute!" Faye stuttered, seeing Sini aggressively throw papers around in search for her precious possession. "Who do you think would try to take your knitting needles? I mean, maybe you misplaced them?"

Sini let out a bark of cold laughter, "Me? Lose them? HA!" Faye backed off on that theory, someone must have certainly taken them.

"Who would steal Sini's prized utensils of tailoring...?" Faye pondered out loud, passing through all her employee contacts on her palm pilot. "Better yet... who's foolish enough?" she thought to herself, tapping her pencil on the desk.

Yuun crossed her arms and closed her eyes, "Well, I could interrogate every employee and threaten them with good old Pookie. That will probably get them back."

"Now, let's not resort to violence, Yuun." Faye pleaded. She sensed Sini's tension and decided to take action. She knew there was no other choice, a calm Sini is a happy Sini. If she continued on this outrageous quest for possible suspects, surely someone would get hurt. It was for the good of the employees and Sini. "Alright, we'll go ahead and deal with this situation first," she slammed her fist into her palm, "And then we can get back on track... Okay, Cloud?"

Faye got no response, not even a whiney one.

"Cloud?" Faye looked over her shoulder, only to find the dotted outline of where the Strife heir once stood. "He's gone!"

The girls stared in shock as a random tumbleweed blew past them slowly.

"Where the hell did that come from?" Yuun sweat-dropped.

A man no older than 30 walked into view and picked up the tumbleweed. He flashed a silly smile at the group. "Sorry 'bout that, ladies. Didn't mean to drop it." he spoke in a thick Southern accent.

"Oh sir... Is there any chance you've seen some large green knitting needles anywhere?" Faye calmly questioned, "Sini can't seem to find them."

"That crazy gal lost her knittin' needles? How? Them are some huge ass knittin' needles. Them thangs could probably protect you from vampires." he drawled. Seeing that he was no longer needed, he quickly excused himself. "Sorry Miss Tempest. Well I'll see ya'll, got a delivery to make." He waved his good bye.

"...How convenient..." Faye spoke under her breath.

"Who hired him?" Sini asked, wanting to know why in the world he was working there.

"Better question... Why is he delivering a tumble weed?" Yuun pointed out.

The girls would never know.

A/N: Here are the OC descriptions...

Faye Tempest
Occupation: Manager/Adviser
Eyes: Brown
Hair: Short Brown
Likes: Cloud on task

Nimbus Yuun
Occupation: Bodyguard
Eyes: Hazel
Hair: Medium Black
Likes: Cloud and Pookie

Sini Tottori
Occupation: Tailor
Eyes: Blue
Hair: Long Blonde
Likes: Crossdressing Cloud