Never ending
They say the heart does things for reasons, that reason can't understand.
It was true.
For it was never fair or reasonable that Loki loved her, in spite she never loved him.
For it was never fair or reasonable that she loved Thor; in spite he never loved her.
They say what goes around, comes around, she knows it is true,
It was only fair that she snubbed Loki, and Thor snubbed her.
Frigga always told her to move on,
Frigga always told him to move on,
Yet both of them seem to hang onto an empty goblet, only they seem to see it full.
She hates herself for being such a weakling, She was the mighty Sif, she was a warrior, she was supposed to be strong, to fight against all those silhouettes and illusions that Thor might one day love her as much, she swears to herself everyday that it is over, that she is done with those broken dreams, yet all he has to do is to flash his smug grin and all her resolutions are slumped.
He hates himself for being such a pathetic, he was supposed to be the god of mischief, the one scheming, plotting, ensnaring and seducing, yet Sif has him wrapped around her little finger, stringed on to her like she was his life line and what pains the most, she doesn't do anything to have him that way, she doesn't plot or scheme to hunt him like a little helpless dear, on the contrary, she tries her best to keep her distance from him, to give him a hint, yet he can't help it, every time he succumbs to her even more, every time he wishes she was his even more.
She pities Loki, she really does; after all she knows exactly how he feels.
He pities Sif, for hanging onto a thin broken thread; after all he knows exactly how she feels.
She can't help it, she wishes Thor would set her free, and she wishes to set Loki free, she knows it will never occur in their life time.
And when she sees Loki running towards her, not giving a damn what may come through his way, and when he shrieks out her name as the blade meant for Thor slashes through her Torso, and when he holds up unto her as the red blood splutters from her mouth and soaks his garments, she wishes her heart out to be able to offer him comfort, any sort of comfort, and when he keeps saying her name maniacally, she wishes she could lie to him, tell him she loves just as to atone for all the agony she caused him, yet involuntary she whispers Thor's name, involuntary she tortures Loki more, the one whose grip tightens more around her huddled form as she slips away.
She knows it is the final blow, she knows that that is it, she just wishes her death would be the closure for this never ending loop of sadism, that this is the break to their loop of mutilated relationships, she wishes her death would be a relief for her, for Loki and for Thor.
He can't help it; he wishes she would set him free; he wishes Thor would see her, for he knows Thor is the better option, Thor has always been, She loves Thor and a gem like her deserves no less than a future king like Thor, he knows he is no match for her, he is far beneath her in an amplitude of stuff: morality, beauty, courage, his conscious austere part tells him so, yet he still can't help but to love her and keep hoping the impossible, that she one day might return the affections he seldomly gives to any one.
And when she is struck on the battlefield whilst taking the blow for Thor, he can't but run to her and hold her tight, even though he knows she doesn't want him, even though he knows it isn't him who she is longing for, and he doesn't leave her despite the cues and whispers of his rival's Name, instead he holds onto her tighter and tighter as though it would prevent her from slipping, he prays he could swap her life for his, he prays he would leave everything, anything for light to come back to her beautiful eyes, he prays he would leave Asgard to any place as to relief her from the guilt he knows she is feeling, from the devastation his shadow seems to cast on her.
Yet it is the final blow, it is the inevitable, she is passing on to another place away from him, another realm beyond his reach.
She watches over Thor, She can't help but choose him again, she sees he is happy with the midgardian woman, she sees that he is capable of loving, beyond capacity or borders. She knows Thor doesn't need her to watch over him, she knows Loki needs that direly, but it is just how it will always be.
During his sane hazes, he knows she will be watching over Thor, despite he is the one rolling too deep in pain, he is the one losing grip on his wits, he is the one on the verge of insanity, yet he can't but mourn her with all the tears of his eyes, he can't but mourn her forever and beyond, he can't even ask her to divert her gaze from Thor because this is how it was meant to be, it is just how it will always be.