"You need to stop and focus Berry. My psychic Mexican third eye is never wrong. Am I wrong about you?" asked Santana, pointedly.

Since when does Santana have the power to make me feel guilty about stuff?, Rachel wondered as she sat on the subway later. Ever since they had gone to the clinic together and confirmed her pregnancy scare had been a false alarm, Rachel was having a hard time. Santana was always making her doubt Brody, making her feel bad about being with Finn, and most of all asking really uncomfortable questions that she never had a good defense for. A part of her wished she had never shared about her false positive last week, had come up with some good reason for the stick she'd found— It was a prop for a scene I'm practicing for my Contemporary Drama class, My gynecologist says all women should practice so they know how to use them… Santana had a way of holding the information she had on a person over their head. What I do is none of her business anyway, she reasoned.

Now that she knew she wasn't pregnant she really wanted to forget the whole nightmare entirely. But it gnawed at her. What would she have done if things hadn't worked out? Would she have had an abortion? Had the baby? She thought of all Finn went through when Quinn had convinced him that Beth was his back in high school. This could have brought him into baby drama all over again, only for real this time and without the support system he'd had when he was in high school. She probably wouldn't even audition for Funny Girl. Whatever choice she made, she was certain it would have scarred her and her future plans, maybe for good.

By the time Rachel got back to the loft later that day, she had moved from irritation at Santana to full-blown guilt attack. The most embarrassing thing about the situation was that if she had been pregnant, she wasn't totally sure she'd be sure if it was Brody's or Finn's—but she was pretty sure it was Finn's. He didn't have a condom that night. She thought at first they might just fool around a bit, but then she found herself telling him she wanted to have sex again after all. He had offered to go around the corner to the store and get one, but she hadn't wanted to ruin the mood. Truth be told, she thought if he left she'd change her mind before he came back. She had been actively trying not to think of Brody. One time isn't a big deal, she'd told herself. She would have had to tell Brody that she'd slept with Finn at the wedding. On the other hand, there had been once or twice with Brody where the condom had broken—so it was possible it would have been his. I didn't even look into getting a morning-after pill those times. What's wrong with me? The more she thought of what could have happened, the more clear it was to her that this really would have been a nightmare. I can't afford to make mistakes like this.

Rachel hung up her coat and walked over to the couch, where Kurt was in the middle of a Facts of Life marathon. She sat next to him.

"Hey," Kurt said, distracted.

"Hi," she responded quietly.

Kurt looked over at her, concerned. "You okay?"

Rachel shrugged. Kurt paused the TV. "Something happen?"

"I'm trying to decide if I want to tell you something or not."

Kurt eyed her. "Did you bomb your theatre history paper? I told you to get the TA to look over your first draft-"

Rachel groaned. "No. It's nothing like that. But… it is sort of something you might… kinda not approve of."

Kurt nodded, waiting, noting that she was fidgety. "Something you think you'd… be in some trouble for?" he ventured.

Rachel grunted at that. "I'd say so," she said, not making eye contact.

Kurt wondered what was going on. It was pretty unusual for Rachel to come to him with a confession, especially lately. Since Brody had moved in they'd kept discussions of their arrangement even more on the down low—Kurt had a hunch that one of the reasons Rachel was so impulsive in letting him move in was the possibility of getting out of punishment more often, actually. A part of him had wanted to tan her backside the day he'd found out, just on general principle that she hadn't even consulted him on how he'd feel about having an extra roommate all of a sudden. But addressing the Brody situation danced awfully close to talking about Rachel's sex life, and for the most part he really didn't want to know.

"Well. Out with it. If you're feeling guilty it's just going to eat you up inside, you know."

Rachel whined. "You're going to be mad."

Kurt sighed. "Are you worried I'm going to be mad because you don't want

me upset, or because you think if I'm mad you'll be punished worse?"
"Both maybe?"

Kurt was actually sort of intrigued to know what was causing this must angst. Maybe she'd gotten into it with Cassie July again? Or maybe it was something between them, like she forgot to pay the rent?

"Well if I'm going to be mad let's get it over with. Whining and stalling isn't going to change anything."

Rachel pouted a moment, looking at her hands.

"…I-slept-with-Finn!" she blurted. "At the wedding. I mean, the non-wedding, or… whatever."

Kurt's eyebrows raised. "That's what you came to tell me?"

"Yes, I'm really sorry, I know I shouldn't—"

"Rachel. Seriously. I really don't care." Kurt was having a hard time holding back a chuckle.

"Y-you don't?"
"I mean, I don't particular want the gory details about it, and I'm not going to say I've ever been… enthusiastic about you and my stepbrother… having relations, but… you're a grown woman, do what you want."

"You should be mad! It was cheating!"

"If I was Brody maybe I'd be mad, but frankly you two keep talking about your modern and open relationship I half thought that meant you were free to have some on the side."

"Kurt!"

"I've been trying to stay out of your sex life, Rachel! I have enough problems. And while I support you in whatever you choose to do, I can't say I'm much of a fan of Brody anyway so it's honestly a little difficult for me to get worked up about you having a one-night stand with someone who wasn't him."

"It wasn't a one-night stand, it was Finn. It's not like I—"

Kurt had to chuckle. "Now you're upset I'm not treating you having sex with Finn seriously enough?"

"I'm just saying, it's not like I slept with just anybody. I mean… there's always the chance we'll get together again someday or…"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Sure. Whatever. But I can assure you that I have no interest in punishing you for a hookup with an ex at a wedding. Especially since… I'm kind of guilty of that too." Kurt said, color rising his cheeks.

Rachel looked at him. They hadn't discussed it. "I sort of… figured."

Kurt nodded. "To be honest, I sort of figured about you and Finn too," he said. "Rachel, everyone hooks up at weddings."

Rachel sighed. "Yeah but that's not what this is about."

"Then what is it?" Kurt asked.

"You can't tell anyone about this. Santana figured it out but I can't have Brody or Finn know, or—"

"What?" Kurt said, confused.

Rachel fingered the seam on the couch, nervous. "Kurt. I—I had a pregnancy scare. This week."

Kurt's eyes widened. "What do you mean—"

"I had a pregnancy test and it was positive and—"

"Oh my God. Do you know who's—"

"I—no—but Santana took me to the clinic and they said it was a false alarm. I don't know if it was just a mistake, or if technically I had a miscarriage, or—"

"Holy shit," Kurt murmured, the air falling out of him at the news that she wasn't actually pregnant.

"…Yeah. So… I guess it's over. And… I don't regret being with Finn that night, even with Brody and everything… You don't regret your night with Blaine, do you?"
"No. It was… sort of amazing actually. And… just what I needed."

Rachel nodded. "It meant a lot to be with him like that again. It was fun. Even if I don't think we can really be a couple right now, we had this night."

Kurt nodded. "Like I said, I'm not going to judge you on this, Rachel."

"He offered to go out and buy condoms, and… I said—I said not to bother."

"Wait. You're not on the birth control pill?" This wasn't information Kurt had particularly wanted to know before a few minutes ago, but he had just assumed.

Rachel tensed. "N-no. We'd always had condoms and—"

"Wow." Kurt was speechless.

"Even when he was my first, we always did. And I make Brody too—just this time… And when I thought I was pregnant it was either that time, or like a couple times the condom broke with Brody but… I've just been thinking how stupid I am, how close this came to a total disaster," Rachel confessed.

Kurt nodded slowly. He put a hand over Rachel's twitchy fingers, waiting for her to raise her eyes to his. He spoke in a low voice. "Rachel. Tell me why you wanted me to know this."

Rachel hesitated, her eyes watery. "I think this was… really bad. Like career threatening bad."

Kurt nodded.

"I can't… afford to make mistakes like that."

Kurt looked her over, neutral. "You're right. You should be punished."

Rachel took a breath. "…You told me that sometimes with Blaine… you didn't just…use your hand?"