DISLCAIMER: I do not own Arthur or the characters in this story. The only characters I own are Dana the sportscaster and the singing duo Dark Taffy. They are property of Mark Brown and the Cookie Jar Group.
This story is rated K+ for use of the word "crap" and references to steroids. You have been warned.
This story is in "honor" of Lance Armstrong's shocking reveal. As you know, Binky Barnes is a fan of Lance Armstrong. I wanted to see what his reaction would be.
THE ESTATE OF NIBIRU-MUL PRESENTS
LIVE WEAK: BINKY FINDS OUT THE TRUTH
It was a sunny day in Elwood City. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, blah blah blah.
Binky Barnes, a local resident of Elwood City, was riding his bike through the streets of the town. He was wearing a LiveStrong bracelet on his arm and a LiveStrong cap and T-shirt. He had been unaware of the recent controversies surrounding Lance Armstrong, his favorite athlete.
Binky arrived at the house of Molly McDonald, one of his close friends. Molly's mom let him in and told him that Molly was watching TV.
"Man," said Molly, "there's nothing on the music station anymore. They used to have all this good rock music! Now it's just Justin Bieber CRAP!"
Binky went in the room and looked at Molly.
"Watch the sports channel with me," said Binky. "It would be better than seeing the commercials for Bieber products that Arthur's sister has been screaming for."
"Fine," said Molly.
Binky sat down next to Molly. He saw a bag of potato chips next to Molly, which Molly let him eat. Molly switched to the sports channel.
"I hate this report," said Molly.
"But Molly," said Binky, "they have a report on Lance Armstrong."
The commercial would be interrupted by a TV sportscaster. She was a brown bulldog wearing a grey suit. Next to her was a sign reading, "Lance Not-Strong".
"Good evening, ladies and gentleman!" said Dana. "It's me, Dana DeLuca, your favorite sports gossip! We bring you this very shocking announcement! It turns out that beloved cyclist, Tour de France winner, and cancer survivor Lance Armstrong is a fake!"
Binky was shocked. He dropped his bag of potato chips.
"It is true," said Dana. "Last night it was found out that Lance had been using steroids all this time. Recently he admitted to the use of steroids after years of denying any drug use."
"Looks like ol' Lance is a fake," said Molly. "I knew it."
"Molly," said Binky, "I like Lance. He's a true American hero."
Molly snorted.
"More like true American zero," she said.
Binky was shocked.
"It can't be true," he said.
"We even got a testimony from Lance about his admission," said Dana. She read the testimony. Binky watched the rest of it in shock. Eventually, Binky let out a big "NO!"
After it was over, Molly turned off the TV.
"This can't be real!" said Binky. "Lance Armstrong is a FAKE?"
"That's right, Binky," said Molly. "He is. But don't worry about it. That's how famous people are - they're out of touch with reality."
"But I have all this LiveStrong stuff!" said Binky. "What do I do with it?"
"You can always get rid of it," said Molly. "I got rid of my Dark Taffy T-shirt once they decided to start doing pop. You know, the singing duo Dark Taffy?"
"Never heard of them," said Binky. "But I guess I will get rid of my LiveStrong stuff. Maybe the thrift store will take it."
Binky went home later that day. He gathered up all his LiveStrong stuff and put it in a box. He took off his LiveStrong shirt, cap, and bracelet and put on his regular shirt. He then took the box out of the house.
While Binky was at the thrift store, he saw Francine Frensky. She was getting rid of her LiveStrong stuff to.
"Same thing, I guess?" said Francine.
"Yeah," said Binky. "I was a fan of Lance Armstrong all these years and it turns out that he's a fake! I'm never going to wear LiveStrong again."
"Me neither," said Francine.
"I'm so disappointed," said Binky. "I feel like such an idiot for liking Lance Armstrong."
"Don't worry, Binky," said Francine. "Lance Armstrong may not be a hero, but you know a real hero right here in Elwood City."
"Who?" asked Binky.
"Mrs. MacGrady," said Francine. "She survived cancer last year. And she's NOT a pathological liar who gives in to roid rage!"
"What's roid rage?" asked Binky.
"Roid rage is when a person who takes steroids is intoxicated by the drugs," said Francine, "like that guy Catherine broke up with a month ago. Just imagine if he had gotten her to try it?" Francine has an image of Catherine, buff, wearing a bikini, and angrily chasing Francine down the street.
"They didn't mention anything about roid rage," said Binky.
"No," said Francine, "but I'm just saying that you should never do steroids. All sorts of athletes do them! Just be careful who you choose as your hero."
"Okay," said Binky. "Thanks, Francine!"
Binky got back on his bike and rode away.
THE END
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