Ah yes my first real angst story.. Sorry I was in a depressive mood for an
hour and this story came out. I struggled with the ending. remember to
review!!!!
Disclaimer: I forgot who Gundam Wing belonged to but it's sure as heck not
me!
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I think at one point of our lives between the end of the war and now we were happy. Or maybe we just made ourselves think we were, the war was over and our lives were setting into a somewhat normal pattern. We were supposed to be happy. But happiness never lasts long especially false happiness that's what Heero told me before he kissed me. The same night he tried to commit suicide. I'm in the hospital now in the waiting room. They've told me he's lost a lot of blood and might not make it through the night. Him trying this doesn't surprise me, along with peace Heero never believed in happiness or in living. I made the others leave it wasn't too hard. We can barely stand to be in the same room more than an hour. I kept the strong face in front of them but as soon as they left I couldn't stop from crying. These tears that soak my blouse are the ones I've managed to keep pent up since my father's death. It feels kind of good to cry. I tug my jacket sleeves to make them longer; I find comfort being able to hide in them. My head rests in my hands, it makes my arms hurt but that's fine that the point. My long hair hides my face. I dyed the tips black to remind myself who I can be. But I pin my hair up in the day so that only the angelic blond will show.
"Vice Minister?" I look up, wincing, as my eyes look into a bright light that is a nurse. "You may see him now" I struggle to find words for my next question. "Will he.survive?" "I'm not at liberty to say"
I don't say anything else as the nurse leads me down a hall that worsens my headache, too much white to much light. Finally she motions at a door and I go in. The first thing my eyes go to are his bandaged wrist (I knew he would choose that method), then to his face emotionless.
"You may leave" I command the nurse "But-" she stops mid-sentence seeing my face and without another word she disappears.
I pull the chair close to his bed. Staring at him I cry silently realizing he might die. My lips still tingle from his kiss. It makes the day seem like almost two separate ones. One nigh he kisses me the next night he tries to kill himself, it was really only a few hours apart. Sometimes I think Life forgets how young we are, giving us adult problems. I think of my old friends and wince, adult problems. Even sometimes I can forget I'm eighteen not twenty-five. The war made us grow up faster than we should have. I look back at Heero; I stand up and bend over him. I get closer to his face until I can hear his faint breathing. My heart aches so bad for him to open his eyes that I have to pull away. I fidget with my sleeves as I sit back down. Finally I place my hand on his cheek; it makes my sleeve pull back a bit revealing my hand. But that's fine Heero can't see what's there anyway.
"We're not so different" I whisper wiping my eyes. "In what world would we be alike princess?" I look up Heero glares at me his blue eyes bright against his pale skin. I'm too drained to be angry and respond "In this one" No matter how close he is too death it's not enough to stop him from being sarcastic.
"You just kissed me," I think sadly, wanting to be back at home safe in the bathroom taking control of my life. Wordlessly I take off my jacket the cool air feels foreign to my wrists. I show them to him and he looks at me, surprise momentarily flashes through his eyes. Out of habit I run my fingers over my self inflicted wounds lightly scabbing over.
"Only where you take your life not caring how others will suffer. I hurt quietly so others will be happy."
Heero's eyes leave my cut wrists only once, to look into my eyes. I somehow managed to keep my voice calm as I cry more than I ever think I have. I feel different without the shelter of my jacket; it's my own form of bandages.
Sitting on the bed I look straight into his eyes "You kissed me five hours ago" He looks down at his wrists "Did you really think you were going to die?"
I don't try to stop my tears; I'm so tired of all this. As if reading my thoughts Heero grabs my arms. Pulling me towards him he kisses me. It fends off all of my dark thoughts instantly, leaving only saltiness as my tears mix into our kiss. Our hand find each other and hold tight. Our wrists presses together, pain on pain. But it's a pain I'm not feeling. And I know that no matter how much I will ever bleed again it won't feel as safe as under control and free as I feel right now close to Heero. He holds me as hard as I hold him, he had actually though he was going to die. That's why he kissed me, he expected to die right there, not end up in the hospital with me in his arms. His grip soften and his lips falter. The heart machine becomes softer. I cry harder because I know what's happening, the perfect soldier will complete his mission. Nurses rush in and try to pull me away, but they can't. The pocketknife I carry forces itself into my hand. In quick unseen movements I cut deeper in a place surrounded by scars and until then untouched. I press my bleeding wrist to his.
"Wait for me for once" I say almost laughing, he smiles weakly. Our strengths return for a second and our grip tightens. Then I fall on his chest and his head drops and rests on mine our hands still interlocked.
Safe and free a way we could never be with lives like ours, but our deaths.our deaths were our own form of bandages.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Remember to review and be kind this is my first real sad fic and the first time I've done one from one persons point of view, Relena's. Remember to review!!!!
I think at one point of our lives between the end of the war and now we were happy. Or maybe we just made ourselves think we were, the war was over and our lives were setting into a somewhat normal pattern. We were supposed to be happy. But happiness never lasts long especially false happiness that's what Heero told me before he kissed me. The same night he tried to commit suicide. I'm in the hospital now in the waiting room. They've told me he's lost a lot of blood and might not make it through the night. Him trying this doesn't surprise me, along with peace Heero never believed in happiness or in living. I made the others leave it wasn't too hard. We can barely stand to be in the same room more than an hour. I kept the strong face in front of them but as soon as they left I couldn't stop from crying. These tears that soak my blouse are the ones I've managed to keep pent up since my father's death. It feels kind of good to cry. I tug my jacket sleeves to make them longer; I find comfort being able to hide in them. My head rests in my hands, it makes my arms hurt but that's fine that the point. My long hair hides my face. I dyed the tips black to remind myself who I can be. But I pin my hair up in the day so that only the angelic blond will show.
"Vice Minister?" I look up, wincing, as my eyes look into a bright light that is a nurse. "You may see him now" I struggle to find words for my next question. "Will he.survive?" "I'm not at liberty to say"
I don't say anything else as the nurse leads me down a hall that worsens my headache, too much white to much light. Finally she motions at a door and I go in. The first thing my eyes go to are his bandaged wrist (I knew he would choose that method), then to his face emotionless.
"You may leave" I command the nurse "But-" she stops mid-sentence seeing my face and without another word she disappears.
I pull the chair close to his bed. Staring at him I cry silently realizing he might die. My lips still tingle from his kiss. It makes the day seem like almost two separate ones. One nigh he kisses me the next night he tries to kill himself, it was really only a few hours apart. Sometimes I think Life forgets how young we are, giving us adult problems. I think of my old friends and wince, adult problems. Even sometimes I can forget I'm eighteen not twenty-five. The war made us grow up faster than we should have. I look back at Heero; I stand up and bend over him. I get closer to his face until I can hear his faint breathing. My heart aches so bad for him to open his eyes that I have to pull away. I fidget with my sleeves as I sit back down. Finally I place my hand on his cheek; it makes my sleeve pull back a bit revealing my hand. But that's fine Heero can't see what's there anyway.
"We're not so different" I whisper wiping my eyes. "In what world would we be alike princess?" I look up Heero glares at me his blue eyes bright against his pale skin. I'm too drained to be angry and respond "In this one" No matter how close he is too death it's not enough to stop him from being sarcastic.
"You just kissed me," I think sadly, wanting to be back at home safe in the bathroom taking control of my life. Wordlessly I take off my jacket the cool air feels foreign to my wrists. I show them to him and he looks at me, surprise momentarily flashes through his eyes. Out of habit I run my fingers over my self inflicted wounds lightly scabbing over.
"Only where you take your life not caring how others will suffer. I hurt quietly so others will be happy."
Heero's eyes leave my cut wrists only once, to look into my eyes. I somehow managed to keep my voice calm as I cry more than I ever think I have. I feel different without the shelter of my jacket; it's my own form of bandages.
Sitting on the bed I look straight into his eyes "You kissed me five hours ago" He looks down at his wrists "Did you really think you were going to die?"
I don't try to stop my tears; I'm so tired of all this. As if reading my thoughts Heero grabs my arms. Pulling me towards him he kisses me. It fends off all of my dark thoughts instantly, leaving only saltiness as my tears mix into our kiss. Our hand find each other and hold tight. Our wrists presses together, pain on pain. But it's a pain I'm not feeling. And I know that no matter how much I will ever bleed again it won't feel as safe as under control and free as I feel right now close to Heero. He holds me as hard as I hold him, he had actually though he was going to die. That's why he kissed me, he expected to die right there, not end up in the hospital with me in his arms. His grip soften and his lips falter. The heart machine becomes softer. I cry harder because I know what's happening, the perfect soldier will complete his mission. Nurses rush in and try to pull me away, but they can't. The pocketknife I carry forces itself into my hand. In quick unseen movements I cut deeper in a place surrounded by scars and until then untouched. I press my bleeding wrist to his.
"Wait for me for once" I say almost laughing, he smiles weakly. Our strengths return for a second and our grip tightens. Then I fall on his chest and his head drops and rests on mine our hands still interlocked.
Safe and free a way we could never be with lives like ours, but our deaths.our deaths were our own form of bandages.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Remember to review and be kind this is my first real sad fic and the first time I've done one from one persons point of view, Relena's. Remember to review!!!!