Well I was reading Alyce of the Togas story "Letters in Their Hands" (Great story, go read it) and poof there came a story idea!!! So here would be yet another attempt for me to write something!!!

Let me apologize for not updating anything, EVER. I will give you the standard excuse, school is killing me, and it's true!! But I am on break so maybe I will update something, emphasis on the maybe.

Well without further ado here is my new story…. Disaster a Synonym for Success!!!

Black. Black is how my life is to be, black is how my heart always was, black is what is surrounding me. A sea of black umbrellas shielding her friends from the rain while they mourn. A slew of black hats protecting their heads. Black dresses and suits covering their saddened bodies. A black box covering her once vibrant body nestled deep down in the blackness of the earth. Everything was black.

There I was amongst all the blackness, crying, crying for her, crying for me, crying for my lack of realization. I loved her, and yet I was always Mr. Tough Guy saying I don't do relationships, my life is too dangerous, and I love you in my own way. It was all just made up bullshit because I was too afraid to commit, to afraid that something would happen to the only woman I had ever loved.

Wake up call Ric, you waited, you denied her happiness, you complicated her life, you messed up her shots at happiness, and you killed her. Because of you she died, and she died alone and afraid.

These words kept running through my head as they lowered her now vacant body into the ground. People cried and sobbed and sniffed, and yet I remained stoic, no emotion showing, how could I let people think that me, the badass, was actually in pain.

I stood there over her grave, on top of the mountains of flowers and cards. I stood there for hours thinking of how my life, my love, my babe, everything I had to live for was gone, and how I was the cause of that. I had not yet realized all that had happened. But hour after hour more of it sunk into my brain. She was gone.

There are so many things I wish I would have done different, so many regrets I have, so many things I wish I could say to her just once more. I wish I could rewind back to that night, the only night we spend together. I wish I would have told her everything that was actually in my heart. All the love I have for her, I wish I would have shared it. Yet what good does all this wishing do now that she is gone? It is all a waste of oxygen, its pointless, just like my life is to be without her.

I packed myself back into my black turbo and went back to the RangeMan apartments. I was thinking about returning to my house up in north Trenton, what my babe used to refer to as the "Bat Cave" but it was to sad to think that I never got a chance to share that with her. Yet another regret on my list of 10 million.

I pulled into the garage and took the service elevator up to my room, I didn't want people to interrogate me right now, I wasn't feeling up to even talking to Tank.

I made a b-line to the refrigerator and pulled out a couple of beers, when all else fails, drink. That motto had gotten me in trouble a few times before in my life. As I sat down on the couch I couldn't help but remember when Steph spent those few days here, she would always start off on the couch and end up in the bed. God did I miss her.

Ha and I thought my house would be filled with to many memories, even the couch reminded me of her, what was I going to do with my life?

I decided I needed to sleep, I didn't do that enough, it was something my babe always told me. Its about time I took her advise. But I had this odd feeling of Déjà vu whilst laying there in bed, kinda like I had been there for a while already.

I woke up the next morning more confused then I had ever felt in my life. I was disoriented and I could not tell what was reality and what was fiction.

Was Stephanie really dead? Or was that just a dream? Was I at her funeral, did I come home and drink about 14 beers then crash?

I walked out into my kitchen and didn't see any beer bottles, but maybe Ella had come to clean up. I grabbed my phone and pressed 1 on my speed dial, I had to know if my babe was dead.

" ……………….WHAT?" Stephanie yelled into the phone

My heart practically fell out of my mouth. It was all a dream, she was alive. I had not lost her. I practially forgot that I had her on the line at 6am. She wasn't a morning person.

"Sorry." I said and hung up.

That was no way to treat the woman that I loved and just thought I had lost forever. It was time, time for me to finally face all of those fears that I have. It is time for me not to have anything to regret anymore.

I just didn't know how to do it, but I sure knew who would help me.

Hahaha okkkay it's a start, tell me what do you think?! Review with ideas or feedback or whatev.