It should be noted that I expect nothing from this, and you shouldn't expect a whole lot, either. The Clark and Lex conversation in 'Leech' was really just one of the most annoying Smallville scenes of the entire series, in my opinion, so I wanted to "fix" it. This was done entirely for my own enjoyment as well as to… like… actually have a fanfiction listed on my profile because, really, I was starting to come off as That Creepy Lurker Chick and that would be the last thing I needed.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I'd owned this show, this fanfiction would not exist because I would've had all this happen for real. Also, Lana would've been hit by a train in the first season, Pete would've had a better part in the plot, Clark wouldn't have been as prone to jerkass tendencies, and Lex would've been treated better.
Rating: T for language.
A/N: Yes, there's some Clex going on but it could really be taken as sarcasm if that sort of thing makes you go frothy with anger.
"I want you to tell me what really happened the day my car went off that bridge."
Clark's thumb hurt. His head hurt. His arms hurt. He couldn't be sure because he'd never really felt pain before and didn't know exactly what hurt and how, but there was a slight chance that his hair hurt. He didn't want to deal with this crap right now, didn't want to think about it… So he didn't.
"I dove in and pulled you out," he responded. He wondered if being able to lie that quickly and that easily was a good thing or a bad thing… Most of the time he'd figure it to be a bad thing and automatically connect it with sociopathic behavior.
But, oh, right. Lying about The Secret was okay.
What a fucking blurry line between right and wrong that was. He supposed that killing was okay to protect his secret, too.
Then Clark realized that he'd kind of already done that, so he went back to not thinking again and tried avoidance as a new approach. You can't lie about what you don't answer!
"Lex," Clark sighed. "Seriously, what's wrong?"
Yes, you crazy, crazy man! Clark was non-verbally saying, What crazy, crazy ideas are rattling around in that crazy, crazy head of yours? Crazy! You're crazy! Ha! Me, be anything but normal? Really – how crazy!
His non-verbal denial had to be working on some level, like hypnotism or something because his secret was perfectly safe in a town full of mutant freaks and innately curious people. Either that or his eyes had special 'Don't mind me, I'm just a normal kid from Kansas!' powers he'd never known about.
Ha. How ridiculous.
"I don't think you're being completely honest, and I think I know why," Lex was saying.
Suddenly Clark felt guilty for non-verbally calling Lex crazy so many times, because he really did sound kind of sad and confused. And a little angry, too.
"All right," Clark started defensively, as was his wont, "Well, then you tell me what happened."
He would fight this truth to the best of his ability, he would! No – no truth tonight, sir! Lies, lies, with a side helping of gravy and potatoes – and then some more lies for dessert! That's the Kent way of doing things! The cows can't feed themse—oh, right, wrong Kent idiom. Back on track. Lex was speaking, and doing a mighty fine job of it, too:
"I think I hit you at 60 miles an hour. Then you ripped open my roof, pulled me out, and saved my life. You're the closest I've had to a real friend my whole life. You don't have to hide anything from me."
Oh shit.
How the hell had he guessed that so correctly? And he sounded really sincere at the end of that sentence, too.
How was Clark supposed to fight this?
"You know what?" Clark said, and the little alien lifeform voice in Clark's head screamed at him to shut the fuck up right now before the Truth escapes your stupid, stupid mouth and Clark promptly shoved it into dark little closet somewhere in the back of his mind. He had no powers. He was immune to annoying, lying little alien lifeforms!
"This would be a perfect time for me to tell you that I'm perfectly normal because, conveniently, you've brought this up at a point where I actuallyam…"
Lex was looking kind of confused (or still confused, as Clark didn't really know if he'd ever stopped being confused since he'd arrived) now but he'd probably figure all that Clark was trying to say out by the time Clark finished talking.
Hell, he could probably have Clark's entire genealogy, strengths, weaknesses, planet of origin, path of descent to Earth and all his powers of the past, present and future figured out before breakfast the next morning if he wanted. After all, he'd figured out the whole car/bridge thingperfectly and, yeah, Clark wasn't exactly careful about disguising the fact that he'd peeled the roof of the car back like the lid on a can of tuna but he was never that careful (he couldn't even count how many freaking car doors he'd ripped off and thrown thirty feet when he probably could've just as easily opened them normally) and no one else had figured it out and… Clark had just paused mid-sentence for a really long time, hadn't he?
Lex, in all his confusion, was patiently waiting for Clark to finish his inner thoughts and continue, though, so Clark did.
"Uhm… Right… I, uh…" where was he again? "Oh! Yeah… I could probably lie again and say I'm normal, and it'd be really easy… But it'd also be really easy… (easier?) for me to just tell you you're right and not have to lie. Or deal with the guilt because…Well, I have a good reason for lying to you in particular because you're a scientist sort of person, and I'm an (alien)—"
"A what? Clark, your lips kind of stopped moving towards the end of that sentence."
"The lying, deceptive alien lifeform must've escaped his mind-closet."
Right. Perfectly sane excuse he'd just said out loud.
Lex looked so confused now he might've crossed out of the realm of Confused and into the realms of Perplexed, Baffled, Confounded, Mystified and, yes, possibly Befuddled. Clark didn't think he'd ever seen Lex befuddled before. It was a novel experience to befuddle a billionaire.
"…excuse me?" said befuddled billionaire inquired.
"Alien! Alien, I'm an alien and you're a scientist and well, I'm kind of afraid of the whole alien autopsy thing and I'm pretty sure if anyone were interested in doing one of those it'd probably be you since… you're…. smart?"
Lex looked shocked. Really, really shocked. And still befuddled.
"Alien… autopsies?"
"Yes."
"You're… an alien."
"Yeah, I… don't know where I'm from or what I am or anything, just that I came down during the meteor shower and… that I'm sort of the cause for all the weird people around Smallville… Also, sorry about the whole causing you to lose your hair thing."
Lex shrugged and moved a hand up to his head, "I really make a bigger show out of it than it is. I mean, really – I'm not exactly hurting in the good looks department."
"True." Wait. Had he just called his male best friend attractive? "I mean… er… that is…"
"So you're an alien, huh?" Lex broke into Clark's ramblings, though whether or not he actually noticed them wasn't made apparent.
"Yeah. Found out the day of the bridge accident, actually. I've sort of had to keep it a secret ever since, and now… you know, you should probably do the same."
"Keep it a secret."
"Yes."
"That you're an alien."
"Yes."
"My best friend is an alien."
"You make it sound like a cheesy sitcom from the eighties."
There was a span of uncomfortable silence after that, during which Lex was either thinking about how to go about capturing and studying Clark, or how to go about protecting Clark to the best of his abilities.
Or screaming internally.
Clark was really hoping for what was behind Door Number Two.
"Is there anything else you'd like to tell me, Clark?"
Lex had stopped looking confused and just looked calm and composed which, after just finding out his best friend was from another planet, was really kind of freaky. Clark laughed awkwardly.
"Yeah, sure Lex – I'm also secretly in love with you."
More silence.
"I'm… uh… kidding, by the way."
Pause.
"Pity," Lex said quietly.
Lex smiled, and it wasn't the dangerous sort of shark-like smile that usually came along before Lex destroyed someone emotionally or financially, like Clark had seen him do to 'business associates' when Lex thought Clark wasn't paying attention. It was a real smile, and Clark no longer felt like a vice grip was squeezing the air out of his lungs. Clark smiled back.
Wait…
Pity?
Wait…
…
…What?!
Footnote:
Clark having hypnotic magic eyes was an actual canon explanation as to why no one made the Clark/Superman connection in the comic books.
Seriously.