So I couldn't just NOT write about last night's episode! Please let me know what you think!
It's not that she's freaked out.
Cause she isn't
Freaked out that is.
Lena's arms tighten around her and she closes her eyes against the wave of emotion.
She is definitely freaking out.
After the last few days of chaos - Lilian's trial, Lena being accused, Lena being captured, rescuing Lena, finding her office packed full of flowers from Lena, Lena calling her -Kara Danvers, not Supergirl- a hero. Now she's hugging Lena, and Lena's hair smells like lavender, and
Lena.
Lena.
Lena.
The other woman seemed to be at the epicenter of Kara's emotional upheaval.
She's always felt . . . Different about Lena. She always thought it was because Lena is a Luthor and regardless of the fact that she knows Lena is good, she thought maybe small part of her was afraid she wasn't. But this, this is something . . . different.
She can't deal with this.
Not now.
Her emotions have been all over the place these last few days, and she's simply projecting her jumbled up emotions onto her friend. She has to get out of here. Now. Before she says something stupid.
Like:
"You give the best hugs."
Or-
"Your hair smells nice."
Or-
"Can I kiss you?"
She pulls back, forcing her features into a smile.
"Bye!" She says instead, and it feels rushed, hurried - but it's infinitely better than the dozen other thoughts rushing through her head.
"Bye!" Lena returns, and Kara bends to pick up her bags before turning to the door. She's halfway across the room before Lena's voice calls out after her.
"Kara!"
Her face falls, but she once again schools her features into a smile before turning around. Lena is looking at her like she's a masterpiece in art gallery, bottom lip snagged between her teeth. Kara feels the breath catch in her throat as her eyes involuntarily roam Lena's face.
"Thank you, for saving my life."
She feels the blush coat her cheeks at the sincerity in Lena's voice, and she ducks her head, free hand coming up to adjust her glasses.
"Well, I mean Supergirl did all the hard work! I just made a few calls, really."
"Kara." Lena's voice is soft, eyes pleading.
"What you did, with the Kryptonite - coming to rescue me even though there was a good chance you would be killed too. . . thank you."
Her heart pounded in her ears.
"I- I - don't know what you're talking about - Supergirl is the one that risked her life -
"Kara." Lena steps closer, arms coming up to cross her chest as if to protect herself from some unseen threat. "You literally carried me away from an explosion, did you really expect me not to figure it out? I had my suspicions before, but . . . " Lena trailed off and Kara could do nothing but stare - brain racing through her options. She does not need this on top of everything else.
Whatever 'everything else' is.
"I mean I was a little upset to think that my only two friends in National City are the same person, but Kara, what you've done for me . . . it's amazing, I can't thank you enough."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
In hindsight, she thinks maybe it wasn't the best way to handle it; but she was overwhelmed, emotional - definitely not at her best.
Lena's face hardens ever so slightly.
"I thought you trusted me."
"I do!"
"But not enough for this." The CEO's voice is resigned, sad; and Kara can add guilty to her ever growing list of emotions.
"I have to go."
She isn't sure what she wants Lena to say, some words of permission or absolution; but she doesn't get them. Instead the other woman turns back to her desk.
Kara hesitates, torn; but she feels so overwhelmed that she just . . . can't. She appeases her conscience by telling herself that she'll call Lena tomorrow and lets herself out of the office, barely containing her super speed as she rushes out of L-Corp.
As soon as she gets to a deserted alleyway, she strips to her super suit and takes to the skies. It's always easier to think when she's flying.
And she has a lot to think about.
Slowly, she tries to sort through the emotions clouding her brain but she can't focus on anything past Lena's green eyes. It's so confusing.
Lena makes her feel like she did with James, at least at first.
The thought terrifies her.
Because she doesn't like women, not like that.
Does she?
And even if she does feel the same for Lena as she once did for James, then where does that leaver her? As soon as she and James had gotten together, things had changed, feelings had shifted. And regardless of how understanding James had been, their relationship had had been strained at best; and just recently - almost a year later- did she feel like they were back to their old friendship.
She doesn't want that to happen with Lena.
And now Lena suspects- knows, a voice within her argues; that she's Supergirl.
She feels an overwhelming need to talk with Alex, but she knows her sister still has mixed feelings about Lena and she isn't sure that she's ready to deal with that on top of everything else.
There's James, and Winn; but she's just gotten them back - and they too are ambivalent towards the Luthor in question.
She's tempted to call Mon-El, to let herself get wrapped up in the potential for romance there. To let herself fall into the inevitable - a boy from Daxam and a girl from Krypton - star crossed lovers brought together despite impossible odds. Regardless of his flaws, he would make a good match. Handsome, intelligent, slowly learning to care about things other than himself. On Krypton, the codex would have considered them a more than adequate match.
But the thought doesn't give her butterflies the way Lena's smile does.
She soars over the city, mind racing, heart in her throat.
Finally, her brain settles on one thought.
Why not?
Why shouldn't she be with Lena?
It's a risk, but isn't everything? And hadn't Alex just told her that sometimes big risks in love paid off?
Lena.
The thought sends a jolt of warmth through her. She could go, right now to Lena's office and tell her how she feels, tell her how much she cares. About how the thought of Lena in danger is completely unbearable. About how the words 'my hero' falling from Lena's lips make her stomach clench and her heart flutter.
But then she remembers the look on Lena's face before she had left the office.
There's no way that Lena would want to speak to her, let alone return her feelings. Kara had lied to her, straight to her face; how could she expect Lena to react well to that?
She allowed herself to free fall through the cloud cover, wishing she could feel the cool of the water spray as it brushed her skin.
She had ruined things with Lena before they had even started.
She needed ice cream.
As discreetly as possible she changed back into her Kara Danvers clothes, hair still wet from the clouds. At the store, she allowed herself two cartons of ice cream instead of her usual one, because really - she deserved it after the day she had had.
When she finally makes it back to her apartment, there's a gigantic vase of plumerias sitting in front of her door.
Lena.
Almost in a trance, she picks them up and opens the door before dropping her bags on the counter and reaching for the handwritten card penned in Lena's elegant script.
"Kara,
I've barely slept these past few days, and I suppose my tired brain is simply confusing one beautiful savior for another. I never meant to make you uncomfortable. If you come by my office around lunch time tomorrow, I'll make sure there are potstickers on the takeout menu.
L.
She isn't even aware that she's back in her suit until she's halfway to Lena's apartment.
Lena was willing to forget that Kara was Supergirl to salvage their friendship. She was willing to look past the no doubt damning stack of evidence she had compiled in her head that pointed to Kara being Supergirl - all for the sake of preserving their friendship.
Not to mention she had offered flowers and potstickers as a peace offering.
Kara was still terrified that things wouldn't work out with Lena but if she couldn't make things work with a woman who went through all that, then what chance did she have, really?
She lands on Lena's balcony with a small thud, only then realizing how terrifying it must be to have a superhero randomly show up at your window in the middle of the night. Lena's heart rate barely betrays her though as she catches a glimpse of Kara, quickly moving to open the balcony door.
The CEO had changed out of her sleeveless shirt and her high heels, and her expensive jewelry - instead she's wearing track shorts and a Caltech sweatshirt, hair down and face wiped clean of the make up from the day.
Kara doesn't think she had ever seen anything more beautiful.
"Supergirl! To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"I got your flowers."
Lenas brow crinkles in confusion.
"If I'm not mistaken, it was Kara Danvers' apartment that I dropped flowers off at earlier."
This was it, Lena is giving her one final chance to deny everything. She takes a deep breath.
"You caught me off guard, earlier. I - I was feeling a lot of emotions that I still don't really know how to deal with, and it threw me off when you called me out on my secret. I'm sorry - I'm sorry I reacted the way I did. If anyone deserves to know the truth, it's you."
Lena studies her thoughtfully for a moment.
"Kara?" It's barely a whisper, and if she were human she would have to strain to hear it. She shrugs.
"That's me. Catco reporter by day, National City Superhero by night."
"And yet you still find time to come to the rescue of distressing damsels."
"Just one damsel really."
Lena arches an eyebrow at that.
"Why, Supergirl, I'm flattered."
Kara doesn't answer, isn't sure what to say; doesn't know how to keep up this teasing flirtation that they've both been dancing around for so long - whether they realized it or not.
"What are you thinking?" Lena finally asks.
"That I want to kiss you." She blurts before she can stop herself.
"Really?" Lena drawls, and Kara can see some of the confident CEO from earlier that night shining through the girl in front of her. "I was thinking the same thing about you."
Kara wonders how it's possible for Lena to be so smooth, when she herself has a total of 6 brainwaves functioning and they're all focused on one thing.
Lena.
She steps forward and reaches out a hand to trail from Lena's hair to her cheek, fingers twitching against the soft skin. Her eyes are locked on Lena's, their breath mingling together as she steps even closer. She's in her boots and Lena is barefoot, so she's a few inches taller, chin tilting as their chest brush together.
She shivers.
Lena.
It's the last coherent thought she has before their mouths meet; it's soft and sweet, Lena's lips tasting like the tea she must have been drinking before Kara arrived. She takes her time, enjoying the feeling of Lena's lips on hers, reveling in the way their mouths move in perfect harmony.
After all, it isn't everyday the hero gets the girl.
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