For once, something that's not an "M." Is it possible to write KiGo when Kim isn't even there? Apparently so. Oh, and it's a musical, too.
Legal disclaimers: Shego, Senor Senior Sr., Kim Possible and all other onscreen characters are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Although use in this context is probably considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. More legal disclaimers below where they won't be spoilers.
Green and Greasy
By SHADO Commander
With a muffled groan, Shego staggered slowly to her feet, clutching the back of her head as if it was about to split and only the strength of her fingers could keep it held it together. Where was she? Where ever it was, the light in here was so bright that she could barely see! In fact, the blinding white light that was stabbing into her eyes was almost as painful as the dull throbbing at the base of her skull.
Things didn't get any better as her eyes slowly adjusted. She appeared to be standing in a huge white room. But was it a room? No matter how hard she looked, she couldn't actually see any corners to indicate the presence of a ceiling or walls; and as her vision continued to improve, she could see that the "floor" seemed to be composed of rolling white clouds of vapor. Clouds that seemed to billow off into infinity.
And that's when she noticed the second weird thing. As near as she could remember, she HAD been wearing her standard green and black catsuit. Now she was wearing a gauzy little white robe that ended just above her knees. And sandals. Tiny gold sandals. FLATS, no less! And as she continued to take in what she was wearing, she saw the most shocking thing of all…
"What the hell?" Shego screamed, as she realized she had WINGS! A little tiny pair of white feathery wings!
It wasn't Hell at all! It was also, she thought, completely impossible.
Bracing herself, she reached above her head and felt around. Yep. Her fingers clasped around a round hoop-like object, but she could quite see it as it seemed to somehow be hovering in a fixed orbit about six inches above the top of her head.
"How," She stammered, knowing someone must have made the most egregious filing error ever in order for this outcome to have happened. "How could I be…"
"Perhaps you are not," Replied a melodious male voice, its dulcet tones and accent as smooth and rich as fine Corinthian leather.
Shego turned to see the owner of that voice. It couldn't be… and yet there he was. His outfit was somewhat different from hers… whereas she wore a gown, he wore a dazzling Saturday Night Fever suit of purest white, its wide open front displaying a stunning set of pectorals and abs worthy of a Mad Max film. When, Shego wondered, had Senor Senior Sr. kicked the bucket? And when had he become so ripped?
She opened her mouth to speak, but he… for it was indeed that aristocratic villain… cut her off with a simple motion of the hand.
"Perhaps, my dear," He smiled dazzlingly, his teeth literally glinting with a sparkle that would have been more at home in an animated cartoon. "It would be wise for you to LISTEN, rather than speak. For this is a matter of the heart, and the language of love is… music."
As strange as her day had been going, Shego still wasn't prepared for what happened next. If it had been Junior, it might not have been so shocking, but as it was, she could only stand there with her jaw hanging open as Senor Senior Sr. began to SING! And to make it fully the weirdest thing she had ever experienced, she knew the tune! It was from an old John Travolta/Olivia Newton John film, and Senior proved to have a singing voice as magnificent as the chest that produced it!*
"Your story's full of woe,
Ever since you left Team Go,
You're wanted in eleven countries round the world...
Your future's so unclear now,
But Villainy's your career now…
At least you've learned how to do it in style…"
Senior held "Style" for an impossibly long time, and THEN reality shattered again as HEGO, MEGO, both WEGOS, SENOR SENIOR Jr. and DNAMY all came dancing out from SOMEWHERE! They were all wearing matching angel mini-skirt outfits, playing harps and, yes, singing the damn CHORUS!
"She go go go go, go go go, go go goo,
Dressed like a ho, ho ho ho, ho ho ho ho hoo yah yeah….." They chanted as they danced around her. But even as Shego was trying to comprehend how Hego might have got over his tone-deafness, Senior Senior Sr: smoothly resumed the lead once more:
"Ex superhero…
Committing felonies galore,
Ex superhero…
It's about time you knew the score."
"The supervillain you hooked up with, is such a disappointment,
And a cheerleader beats you up so much you're always soaked in ointment…"
Shego blinked angrily. Hey, it's not like she was the only villain Possible routinely beat up on. At least SHE had a fifty/fifty record for who got in the most licks. But she couldn't SAY that, because Triple S was still crooning, backed up by his bizarre back up group:
"Have you forgotten, (have you forgotten?)
Back when you had a hero's fame?
Now you're just rotten, (now you're just rotten,)
Don't you have any sense of shame?"
"You act like the Grinch, won't budge an inch, pretend you're ruthless and cruel.
But everyone else knows the truth, you love a girl in high school!
Shego felt the bottom drop out of her stomach! How could SSS KNOW about her secret feelings? And with an even greater flush of embarrassment, she realized that all her brothers must now know the same! And even as she was dealing with this distress, the Latin lothario and his not-so-lovely dance troupe were continuing to taunt her musically! Triple S was bumping and grinding ala Tom Jones while the rest were doing something that looked to be a cross between the hokey-pokey and the lambada! (The scariest part was how well Mego and SS, Jr. matched each other as dance partners.)
"Ex-Super Hero (Ex-Super Hero)
With hair so black and skin so green,
Ex-Super Hero (Ex-Super Hero)
Hung up on a girl who's seventeen…"
"Well they couldn't teach you anything,
You're so self centered Shego,
But your only chance at redemption now is a heaping dose of KiGo!"
Kigo? What was KiGo? Oh my God, did they mean like Kim/sheGO? Were they saying that she and the cheerleader should…? But Kim was a hero! She was a villain! How could she keep doing what she did and…? The music was swelling and Triple S was swinging back and forth on a snow white rope, seemingly matching the constant back and forth of her emotions!
"Shego forget it (Forget it),
It's time to give nice another chance.
Or you'll regret it (Regret it),
And you won't get in Princess' pants!"
"As long as you're Drakken's sidekick, you'll play the fool to him,
Open your great green heart and set your sights on Kim…"
"What are you doing? (What are you doing?),
In a job so dysfunctional…?
You're not improving (You're not improving)
And you're obsessed with Possible…"
Shego found tears forming in her eyes. It was true. It was so true. The dreams she'd suppressed, the feelings she'd felt… When she and Kim had been fighting, how she wanted to…
"It's time to take a stand, fire up your hands, go for your Kimmie Pie,
You gotta go for… that big slash fic…in the sky!"
The brilliance of the room was dimming now… darker and darker… and even as Shego felt her true feelings come into focus, she could feel her vision blurring, and hear the music beginning to fade…
"Ex-Super Hero (Ex-Super Hero)
It's time for KiGo…
Ex-Super Hero (Ex-Super Hero)
It's not too late Shego…
Ex-Super Hero (Ex-Super Hero)
It's time for…"
"Shego! Shego!"
Shego snapped back to consciousness as the thin whiny voice supplanted the melodious tones of the heavenly chorus. A puffy blue face that even a muppet would be ashamed of was staring at her from just a few inches away!
"Gah!" She screamed, reflexively blasting Drakken away with a pulse of low grade plasma. He hit the far wall of the lair and stared at her in a combination of shock and panic!
"Damnit woman, what's wrong with you? I was trying to administer medical aid!"
"Yeah," Shego groaned, realizing that her headache was back. "Is that why the top of my catsuit is open and my boobs are half-hanging out?"
"I was worried about your breathing," The mad scientist replied huffily. "And besides, we all have them. Some just aren't as puffy as others."
"Uh huh. Not going to fly Doc." Shego growled as she got up from the floor and felt the huge goose egg on the back of her head. "But you might if you don't tell me what happened."
"Isn't it obvious?" Drakken replied, pointing to the popcorn all over the floor of the entertainment room. "You slipped as you were coming back from the kitchen."
"Oh, yeah…" Shego found the memory coming back. Then she noticed that Olivia Newton John was already in her slut-outfit and dancing the big finale with Travolta on the big-screen. "Hey! Didn't you even pause the damn movie?"
"Um, I was going to rewind it?" Drakken ventured tentatively, then screamed and fled the room as he realized Shego wasn't buying it. With any luck, she wouldn't think about how long the time period between the "Teen Angel"'s number and "You're the One That I Want" was until after he'd vacated the lair.
Fortunately for Drakken, Shego had other thoughts on her mind. That dream… if it was just a dream… had gotten her thinking. Maybe it WAS time to confront her real feelings about her princess. Maybe… maybe there could be a happy ending this time, if she was willing to work for it.
As the happy refrains of "We Go Together" chorused behind her, Shego had only two thoughts in her mind:
First, how best to approach her Pumpkin and let her know how she felt… and
Second, how REALLY glad she was that they hadn't been watching GREASE 2.
Fin
*Authors note: Yes, for the three members of western society who somehow haven't managed to see Grease on cable, DVD or as a local High School production, the song is Beauty School Dropout, written by Jim Jacobs and Warren Casey and performed in the feature film version by the immortal Frankie Avalon. Feature film version of Grease starring John Travolta and Olivia Newton produced by Paramount pictures and RSO, copyright 1978 Paramount Pictures. You can download the mp3 legally for less than a buck at Amazon. .com/Beauty-School-Dropout/dp/B001NSWP56/ref=dm_ap_trk6?ie=UTF8&qid=1284266836&sr=8-1 See guys, I'm trying to steer money towards you!