Chris:(by his jumbo jet) Welcome guys and gals! We're comin' at you live from...some abandoned airport in Toronto. So, we're back for season 3! You're probably wondering something, what happened to the other cast? Quite simple.
(all shown in hospital beds, severly hurt)
Chris: So while they all take their little break from my grasp, heheheh, the producers and myself have chosen 20 lucky souls out of the hundreds that auditioned whose lives are shown on Adult Swim, Cartoon Network's late night network, also on Teletoon's Detour here in Canada, and they'll all work for 1 million dollars, rewarded to the last person ever, the one who manages to stay on the plane the longest without getting kicked off. They will be flying around the world in this baby right here (shows jet) And this lil lady will be navigating it-(gets knocked out by Chef, who is in a dress) What will our new cast do when they arrive? Will there be more drama? Find out right now on...Total...Drama...Deeeeeeetoooooooourrrr!
(cue theme with Adult Swim characters in it)
Chris: Welcome back to Total Drama Detour! You're just in time, the newbies should be here any second (bus drives by and runs over Chef, who crawls out from underneath. Meg is first to walk out.)
Meg: Oh, my, gosh. I'm gonna be on TV I'm gonna be on TV! I'll be so popular at school! (sees Chris) And you always reminded me of our local news anchor, and...he's hot.
Chris: Uhhh, thanks. And welcome Meg. Go stand by there.
Stewie:(riding on Chris's shoulders) Let's go, let's go fatbody!
Chris: Dude, Mom fed you way too many beans. Haha! Beans make you FART!
Chris: Chris Mclean welcomes you, Chris. (pinches Stewies cheeks) And your lil baby Stewie.
Stewie: Careful what you say, dingbat, I can and may just cook douchebags for dinner.
Chris: I'll explain the catering later.
Brian: Man, this place is gonna suck worse than any Brad Pitt movie.
Chris: And their dog Brian is here too! Also on board(they walk off the bus as they are announced), Steve, Hayley, Roger, Brak, Zorak, Rusty, Early-
Early:(points a shotgun at Chris) Hey boy, I was promised some chewin' tobacco! Gimme it!
Rusty: Daddy quit all that bull**** I gave you some earlier!
Chris: You'll find things that are even better Early. Trust me.
Early: I got my eye on ya boy. (they both slither away)
Chris: Also here, Riley and Huey.
Riley: Yo man, **** all you b******! I'm here to win that mil so I can buy-(Chris puts hand on his mouth)
Chris: Dude, the crazy profane stuff you wanna buy can't be said on camera, on LIVE TV, okay?
Riley: Oh you mean the censoring bull****?
Huey: Yeah, that's why you was censored just now by those beeps.
Riley: Man ******** *** ****! (they both walk away) Damn!
Chris:...okay. Anywho, we also have Renee and the food trio, consisting of, Meatwad, Frylock and Shake!
Meatwad: Nah boy that wasn't our name, we was called the-
Frylock: Meatwad we don't go by that anymore, remember?
Shake: Well I came up with the golden name. I still remember it too! Aqua Teen Hu-
Chris: Hey man, a word of advice: Save your breath for the show, you're gonna need it.
Renee: That was more than a word. (Chris glares)
Shake:(laughs) Boom! You got TOLD! Hahahaha!
Chris:(sarcasticaly) Good to see we have some optimism coming on here! Great to have you Sunshine.
Renee:(glaring and smiling) Always a pleasure, Mr. Fametown Star.
Riley: You was a star of what?
Chris: Uh anyway! Here come our last passengers: Emily, Gummi, and Cheyenne Cinnamon!
Cheyenne: You can just call me Cheyenne.
Gummi: Yeah! She don't like her last name to be said all the time like that!
Chris: Good, cuz I like things short and sweet, like the chat time for now, let's go and see what the ole' jumbo jet has for us!
(After Chris has shown everyone around and explained all aspects about the show, including random musical numbers at anytime he chooses, he has them all sit in the dining area so they can await their first destination.)
Riley:(to Huey quietly, who's drawing something) Yo man. What happens... if both of us were tied to get the money? Would you split it with me?
Huey: Man I'm not sure yet, we just started. Remember when we was watching the first season of this show? And all that stuff happened between people?
Riley: Ohhhhhh you mean like aliases!
Huey: Alliances.
Riley: Yeah yeah that! (looks at the girls of the show) Maybe I can get all them girls to like me, than they fall for me and they gotta get they a**** kicked up outta the plane when they lose! I'll be nearer to that money!
Huey: I don't know about that. People find romance on the show sometimes and when I looked how them other kids were acting, it looked like true love.
Riley: Man forget this **** you makin' me sick!
(Chris walks out after a bell is heard, while wearing a dance outfit.) Whenever you hear that friendly litttle bell, it's musical numbah time! (crickets) So, let's here ya all sing!
Cheyenne: Singing is my thing allllll the way.
Emily: But what are we supposed to sing?
Chris: The point is to make these things a challenge, so...you gotta make it up as you go!
(All sing their musical number "Come Fly With Us" with a different sound. Meanwhile, Renee and Brian do not want to sing because of their attitude towards it.)
Chris: Looks like you two need a recap of the rules. Now, in order to avoid instant elimination... (Cheyenne reads the rules through song.)
Cheyenne: You, gotta, sing sing sing. If you don't wanna go bing bing bing.
Chris:...You on some sorta drug or something?
Cheyenne: How'd you know?
(Then they both somewhat duet together for a finish.)
Chris: Ah, this is gonna be a great season (smirking)
(About 2 hours later, all 20 of the contestants were standing near the pyramids of Giza in the heat of Egypt. Chris comes out being carried in a Pharaoh outfit.)
Chris:(sips a drink) Ahhh, nothin' like the good ole heat. Before we get started with anything, I gotta tie some loose ends up here.
Rusty: Ey boy, you killed someone?
Brak: Ooh, can I have his liver for breakfast? Haha!
Chris: No...and no. What I MEANT was I'm gonna split you up into teams. I was gonna do 3 teams, but since there's 20 of you, I decided to make it four teams of 5 this time.
Brian: We came all the way to this Hell so you could split us into teams?
Gummi: Yeah man we coulda just been chillin' on the plane while you did this!
Chris: Tough rocks sugar bear, I'm the one doing the show not you. Anyway, before I was soooooo rudely interrupted, I put all of your names on a generator by numbers. I put these randomized numbers onto this list (takes out a list) And we have 4 number spots here (points to number spots on the sand) When I call your name, go stand behind the number 1.
Chris:(confessional) This part is BORING. All they did was whine and complain, so, I'll show you the list of teams after they named themselves, which I'll show you after these messages! (cue commercial)
Team One(Chris is a Douchebag, named by Brian): Rusty, Early, Zorak, Brian, Roger
Team Two(Alpha): Meg, Hayley, Renee, Huey, Riley
Team Three(Mexico): Stewie, Brak, Meatwad, Steve, Chris
Team Four(Champion): Shake, Frylock, Cheyenne, Gummi, Emily
Chris: Now that you guys are on your teams, I'll explain today's super terrific challenge. (looking west) In about, eh let's say, 7 miles that direction, which is west, there's 3 camels chained to a fence. On foot, each team will take one of the 4 paths going that way. You gotta make it fast paced, you don't wanna be stranded without a camel, heheh. You'll have to drag your tired feet back in that case.
Riley: What if we don't wanna come back?
Chris: Hey, feel free not to come back, be stranded in the torturous heat with no water, I wouldn't mind having one less loser on the jet.
Riley: Man, take a joke damn.
Brian: What, the last team that comes back has to vote someone off?
Chris: Depends on how I feel. As you all know, the first one back with their camel rides first class to our next destination, so it'll be like a race, an interesting one at that. The team that gets here last, I'll keep your prize a sur-prise, heheheh. Now get your sorry butts movin'! (Teams run on their paths)
(About 30 minutes later, everyone is on their own path. The paths are split up from other paths, so one team can't see the other. All teams are doing adequately, and have already traveled 3 miles from the starting point. Meanwhile, on Team Chris:)
Roger:(feels his skin) Oh poo! My skin is all slippery now, I should've brought some bronzer and vaseline, my skin is ruiiiined! (looks at Zorak) Your skin looks marvelous, you're carrying some lotion I can use aren't you?
Zorak: Shut the **** up I'm not gay.
Early:(whilst leading the team) Hey! Don't yall make me come back there!
Brian: What the hell were we thinking putting him in charge?
Rusty: My daddy does a great job you lil' mutt dog!
Brian: I'll assume you're talking to me in slang then.
(Team Alpha)
Hayley: We can do it guys. Just keep your pace, and don't slow down!
Renee: What are you, a drill instructor?
Hayley: Well someone has to control this team, right?
Riley: Dang, you girls gettin' burned, all 3 of yall.
Meg: I know, when I'm with my besties, and when we get out in the sun, I ALWAYS get burned, but, my baby hunny back home doesn't mind. He loves the lobster look. (they look at her weird)
Renee: Guess I'm gonna need aloe after this.
Huey: Yeah, all 3 of you. Yall need some sunscreen next time.
Hayley:(confessional) Well this host guy is unpredictable! How was I supposed to know we'd be out in the heat with no protection? Hopefully things get better than this.
(Team Mexico)
Stewie: Keep walking, idiots! Don't stop now, wait (looks to see the 4 stopped)
Chris:(kicking sand in Meatwad's eyes) It's fun getting sand in my eyes and other peoples! HAHA!
Meatwad: Hey you guys need to try this, this some good stuff.
Brak: Ooh it looks fun! (throws sand in eyes) Ahhh!
Steve: Dude, this is a great idea! (eats it) Hey, Egypt sand doesn't taste bad either!
Stewie:(confessional) Those damn ****************! I'll get myself close to that money, and I'm not letting the Napolean Dynamite quad get me away, so all I did was...force them out of their idiocy! (evil music) Nah I just got them out of their trance, but yeah, I got them to quit eating the sand.
(Team Champion)
Frylock: We should be getting close.
Shake: Why didn't you bring that cart? We wouldn't have to WALK!
Frylock: Contract said vehicles weren't allowed Shake! You needed some exercise anyway!
Shake: I'll exercise on you! Yeah, I bet that's what you want, isn't it? Well I don't want it so there.
Cheyenne: C'mon guys, let's sing a song to make it go by faster.
Gummi: Let's not!
Emily: I see the camels up ahead. Let's make our pace faster.
Gummi: Hey man, this heat's killing me. (falls to the floor)
Cheyenne:(goes to him) Gummi! Come on man don't give up! Guys, Gummi dropped!
Shake:(both him, Emily and Frylock go to look) Dropped like a gumdrop.
Frylock: Well, can yall pick him up? We gotta win this so we dont vote no one off.
Emily: We gotta get to those camels, just carry him on your shoulder Cheyenne.
Cheyenne: No I wanna stay and help him! (gets into a song, comforts Gummi) Hush my little gummi bear, don't you go nowhere-
Chris:(pops out of nowhere) Just so you guys know, all the camels are taken due to your slow motion traveling, soooooo, you might wanna rush back. (Cheyenne tries to sing again, then he points a finger at her) And no singing unless a bell is heard!
(Team Chris)
(riding the camel, Rusty and Early have the neck, Zorak has the hump, Roger and Brian both hold on to the tail. They are trying to get their camel to the finish line or back where they started)
Brian: Why the hell do we have the tail?
Early: CUZ I SAID SO BOY! Now yall better hold onto that tail or I'll give ya both an *** whoopin.
Rusty: Ey, why can't I say ***? What the ****?... :/
Zorak: Just shut your mouth so he can get us to the damn line.
Rusty: Hey what the **** he said ****! Why I can't say it-
Early:(slaps Rusty) You want this win or not boy?
Rusty: Yes daddy.
(Team Alpha. Hayley has the top bump, Riley and Huey both ride on the neck, Renee sits behind them off the neck, Meg sits behind Hayley)
Meg:(looks at nails) But yeah, that's just one of my favorite places I get these babies done.
Hayley: Ummm, that's nice.
Riley: And gay, so gay that no one cares.
Meg: Maybe I wasn't talking to you so shut up.
Riley: Man make me fat *****!
(both start to argue, Hayley just grimaces and urges the camel to go faster)
(Team Mexico. Stewie rides on the neck while he has the others tied up in a rope and their mouths covered on the hump of the camel.)
Stewie:(enjoying the ride) Ride Sally ride!
Stewie:(confessional) I'm that good. I told them if they listen to my commands, they all will get a chocolate covered chocolate fudge ice cream cone..whenever I do get one. Anywho, it got us to the last camel there was! I'll be damned if I let the Quasi Quad get me behind. Either way, all 19 of these suckers are gonna go down farther than Michael Jackson's career..
(Team Champion. No camel so they're all running.)
Cheyenne:(holding a passed out Gummi, talking to Emily) Oh Emily, I hope Gummi improves, he's not lookin' good.
Emily: He will, if we run faster we'll get there. Maybe Chris'll get him rehydrated again.
Cheyenne: Great idea. (starts to sing) C'mon people let's get movin'...
Shake: Shutup already! God, it's slicing my eardrums in half and feeding them to scarabs or something!
Frylock: Uh, speaking of scarabs...(points to them running after the team, they scream and run faster)
(After a little bit, all 4 teams crossed the finish line very close together. But it seemed there were some problems.)
Chris: Well well well, it looks like Team Champion crossed the finish line first! (they cheer amongst themselves)
Stewie:(to his team still tied up) That's it, no ice cream! (they groan)
Brian:(at Early) Maybe the camel coulda gone a bit faster..
Early: Keep up them smart remarks and you'll be on my sh*tlist.
Hayley: So the team with NO CAMEL wins? How is that fair?
Chris: It isn't. If you came across the finish line with a camel, you're safe from elimination, and because of the tie, the 15 of you get to ride first class to our next destination. (the 3 teams with camels cheered)
Frylock: What the-, you never said-!
Chris: I know I know! I didn't mention that little rule at first, but if you really think about it, it makes sense regardless. Why else would I only put 3 camels? Heheh. (walking away) Team Champion, you're kickin' someone off tonight.
Gummi:(wakes up) Ugh, hey did we win or not?
Cheyenne: Winning doesn't matter Gummi, what matters is we all are alive including you. (Frylock and Emily look at her disappointedly, Shake glares at her)
(At the place where the vote-offs take place.)
Chris: Welcome to your first official elimination, camel-less not-so-champion teammates. So, I have 4 bags of peanuts and 1 parachute, what are the odds? The decision's made on who gets what by looking at whose passports you all stamped in the confessional. So listen carefully for your name, and head's up. Frylock, (throws peanut bag) Shake, (throws peanut bag) Emily, (throws peanut bag). (Cheyenne and Gummi look at each other.) So it's down to this...Cheyenne, you haven't been here long like the rest, and you break the rules by unnecessarily singing, on top of that, you forced your team to drop to Gummi's side when you were soooo close to the win. Gummi,...well, putting you out in the heat was a biiiig but funny mistake, considering you messed your whole team's focus up because your partner in crime here wanted to comfort you. Funny right? *crickets* Anyway, the last bag goes to...Cheyenne (throws bag)
Cheyenne: Gummi! It's too soon!
Chris: And you're gonna need this dude (throws parachute at Gummi)
Gummi: Alright fine! But can I atleast get some water man I'm still dehydrated-(Chef grabs Gummi and is about to throw him out of the plane)
Chris: Try and land in the Mediterranean Sea and maybe you won't die! (Gummi is thrown off the plane and screams)
Chris:(in the cockpit with Chef) So, now Team Champion is down to 4. Will the other 3 teams have bad luck like the so-called champions? Will people continue to look at Stewie as an innocent little baby? These questions and more hopefully answered next time on...Total...Drama...Deeeeeetoooouuurrr!