Dare
At first, I thought if someone ever said words like "I'd take a bullet for you", or "I would die for you" to me, I'd be the happiest person in this world. Isn't it romantic? They loved you so very much, they didn't even care about themselves and happily gave their life just for you, only you? Yeah, I thought it was romantic too, until she really did that for me.
Now I understand that self-sacrifice words are selfish and mean. If you ever really love a person, how could you leave her alone in this world? Ever crossed your mind, how hard it is to continue on living, after you waste your life so easily just to save her? How dare you make she spend her days repent, blaming herself for losing you? How dare you leave her with warm feeling not because of kisses and hugs, but from fresh blood running freely from your heart after the GSW you took from protecting her?
Rena Matsui sits quietly, reading a book by Haruki Murakami in her class, doesn't care with the teacher who keeps babbling about how to find the length of a side of the triangle. The lesson is not important unless someone wants to be engineer, she thinks.
Rena doesn't know what to do after finishing her high school. When the teacher asked before, she never knew what the subject should she take if she decides to continue her study into the uni. But at least it's better than imagine herself to be someone's wife because her parents don't want to be burdened by her anymore.
Although she is the smartest student in school, she actually doesn't like studying. But studying seems to be her only way to escape from her life. Her father rarely stays at home. He said he was busy with his work. Her mother's always attending invitation from a wide variety of people. That's really fine because, Rena's father was a politician who's popular right now and respected as the most honest and have the highest moral.
Moral? What is moral actually? Rena always wondered when people praised her dad. If only they knew her parents are always fighting, yelling at each other, scratching, and hitting each other when they meet. They're only agree on each other when it comes to scolding Rena, tear her apart, choking her because of small mistakes.
If they only knew that his father often brought home unscrupulous women whose age the same as Rena. They enter his father's room without any shy, shouting, screaming for her father's name, calling her daddy, for the sake of the sheets of paper infamous as the root of evil. If only they knew his mother invitations actually just a cover for playing with her toyboys.
Someone knocks the door of the class, interrupts her reverie. The teacher opens the door and chats for a moment with someone behind the door, then she invites someone to enter. Someone with a familiar face to Rena.
"Guys, please attention please! You got new friend here, Jurina , try to introduce yourself," the teacher draws the new student's arm.
"My name's Jurina Matsui , please be nice to me "
"Okay, please sit there"
The new student's rushing to the designated place, which position right behind Rena. Rena stunned. Her mind drifts to the incident a few years ago , when he was admitted to hospital because of bleeding in the stomach due to " falling down the stairs " which was actually because of receiving her father's kicks for failing in one of her subjects.
"Jurina.." Rena tries to recall her memory to a girl who once gave her the sweetest matcha candy she ever received in her life. The only girl friend she had, the only person she ever talked about from the latest branded bag to the actual reason why she was hospitalized. If her father ever noticed this, Jurina will die the next day.
"Hello Rena-san.." whisper Jurina.
Rena's still silent. She does not know what she should do. Time is running so slow . The rest of the 1Q84 suddenly, doesn't feel interesting anymore. She tried to ignore Jurina until finally the bell rings. She quickly put everything in her bag, and gets out from the class.
Jurina who seen it, immediately following Ren, running, but miss Rena's trail. Until finally she feels a pair of hands draws her into a small alley between the shops.
"Are you crazy?"
Jurina who's still covered in sweat, decides to keep quiet for a moment, collecting herself together for talks that she knew would happen.
"Jurina!" Rena can't wait to get the answer from the girl who once filled her mind a few years ago .
"You promised me we'd never contact again. You already know how evil my dad is!
Jurina is still silent. Rena is still flooded with anger, slaps Jurina hard. But, before her hand lands on Jurina's cheek, Jurina already catches her hand.
"Yes, that's why. That is why I broke my promise. You know, since two years ago, the thought of you occupied my mind. Are you able to live independent of your family? Are you still alive? That's always on my mind for two years, and without a single clue whatsoever about you!" Jurina finally speaks.
"But this is not the only way! Now you're not safe anymore. If my dad ever finds out, she'll kill you, no, us! If.." Jurina suddenly hugs Rena, tries to calm her.
" It's okay, I'd better die for you. Beside, thelast time we met, I didn't evensay how much I cared for you.." she whispers into Rena's ear.
Rena doesn't know what to say. Tears stream down from her eyes. Next thing she knows, she already inside Jurina's house. The room is dominated by wood and not too spacy but there's a familiar smell that makes Rena calm. The room smells like Jurina.
Jurina offers tea for her.
"So... How's it going?" Jurina tries to start a conversation .
"Like always .. " Rena replies easily.
"Your parents are still as evil as you said before?"
"Hahahahahah! What a great way to start a conversation! Straight to the point!" Rena laughs though nothing is funny. Jurina does'n say anything. "Yes everything's still the same really. Since that ladder incident, they learned how to hit me without leaving a trace. Turns out they have a brain as well,"said Rena as if there's no problem.
"Rena-san ... " Jurina could not say anything except pleaded silently . Rena hatred towards her parents, spreads to Jurina .
"Rena-san .. maybe we should report this to the police or the press," Jurina finally speaks her opinion.
"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahaahahhahahahahahahaaahaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahhahahahahahahahaaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahah!"
Rena couldn't help herself. She laughs so hard, she feels like gonna throw up.
"You're funny Jurina. It's been a long time, I forgot how much I like you and your jokes! Tell me ridiculous jokes like that while my dad owns the police! And how could the press believe our stories, while my dad is their darling boy? And please take notes that some of my dad's followers are the media moguls, they could create stories that will make me looks as the loony daughter here! Come on be smarter. Run away from home is never the answer because of… same reason."
Without her realizing, teardrops fall from her eyes. "Eh, why? Why am I crying? Why? I'm not sad or anything!" Rena starts sobbing uncontrollably.
"You're not sad. You're just desperate and hopeless. Oh, I'm really sorry Rena, why I didn't come for you earlier. We could go together somewhere, and you don't need to feel like shit anymore.. I'm sorry," Jurina got closer to Rena, tries to embrace her, but Rena simply declines.
"No, don't be sorry." Rena stops sobbing and goes to the sink to wash her face.
"It's late I need to go home or my dad will kill me, literally. Hahaha," Rena wants to get out from the room immediately. Either she get home at the time, or never, because actuallys she really wanted to feel more of Jurina's warm embrace like she felt when Jurina embraced her on the corner of the street. But it will put Jurina's life to danger, and she doesn't want that because Jurina is the only one who cares and she actually can feel it deep inside her heart.
"Okay, but there's something I need you to know. I won't get away from you anymore." Jurina speaks mildly.
The next day when she wants to leave for school, her dad asks Rena why she came back late. She doesn't say anything, but just sorry. She begs for her father forgiveness but her dad just keep beating her. Her mom's just watching them from a far, drinking her coffee, like nothing happens.
"You stupid bitch! Now you dare going backstreet behind me? Do you have a boyfriend now? As my daughter I cannot risk you to blow my career. What if you getting pregnant or something? Bitch you better die!
Her dad keep beating and beating. Not satisfy with only his fist, he reaches for his belt and starts whipping her. She can't feel anything anymore. She just waits for her father to finish.
"Look what you've done! Now you can't even go to school! But this is a damn good time for you to repent! You're grounded. I will speak to the headmaster so they give you a week free from school," her dad finally satisfied. He then left the house and her mother too, without saying anything.
"Finally.. they're gone.." Rena keeps laying on the ground. Her back feels hot after the whipping. She could taste a sting of saltiness from her gums. Finally, she gets up and locks herself in her room and just sleep, the only thing she can do to find calm her mind.
A week passed, and her bruises already look better. She finally goes to school. When she arrives, no one ask why she didn't come for school, and that's good for her. Her left cheek actually still swollen a bit, makes her hard to speak. And when Jurina eyes catch hers, she does nothing and just avert her gaze into thin air until the school finally over.
Rena waits until the class empty. She wants to make sure that Jurina will never follow her. After she believes that everyone is gone, she gets up and leaves. But then Jurina shows up. She tried to move faster but Jurina catches her hand.
"What now?" she whispers, as she couldn't talk loud.
"What happened?" Jurina asks.
"Nothing. Now leave me alone. I need to go home soon," growls Rena.
Jurina realizes something is wrong with Rena's jaw. "Did your father hurt you?"
"What do you care? Now leave."
"I need you to come with me. I don't want you to come to your parents anymore. Live with me until we find the way out," Jurina insists.
"Hah! What can you do? You're just as helpless as me! You don't even have money!"
"Yeah, but I can't let you go to that home. Now, I don't want to hear anything, let's go to my house," Jurina grabs Rena's hand. Rena doesn't know why she just follows Jurina steps. Maybe deep inside she feels tired of her life, and really wants to end it. She knows this will end badly. She hopes to die.
When they arrive, Rena asks for the bathroom. She doesn't know what to say with Jurina. After finish bathing, Jurina asks her if she wants pizza for dinner. After Jurina makes some calls, she takes a bath. The pizza guy arrives right after Jurina finish bathing. She opens the box and the smell of fresh baked pizza comes out. The smell of it makes Rena realizes she haven't eat anything from this morning.
"Do you want some?" ask Jurina kindly.
"Thanks," Rena takes a slice. It's the best thing she ever eats. It's been too long she can't even remember when the last time she ate pizza.
Jurina turns the TV on. She just can't stand the silence between them. She doesn't know what to say to Rena. She decides to grab some drink from the refrigerator.
"Umm, Rena-san, do you want some orange juice or cola?"
"Just tap water is okay," Rena answers coldly. She's actually confused. She never stays with anyone beside her parents or the servants for more than 2 hours.
"Umm.. Jurina.. where are your parents?"
Jurina smiles. A bit shocked by Rena's sudden question. "Here your water. Well… My mom, she just got married with this man. A foreigner. Sooo.. I'm left here until they settle everything up there. And my father.. He died not long after you left the hospital. But I think it was for the better you know," Jurina explains. She sits on the sofa next to Rena.
"Are you happy?"
"I think, when everything runs smoothly and you get all what you need, that's happiness. So I think yeaah, I'm quite happy," she answers as she takes her second slice.
"Well, I got everything I need to.. but I don't feel happy," Rena drinks from her glass. She silently thinks about her parents. "I really want to know what they'll do to me if they find out I'll never coming home."
"Rena-san.. It's true you got everything that you need, physically…" Jurina doesn't know how to make Rena understand.
"But there are things you can't value, not material things like money can buy.. Like emotion.. Like.." Jurina pauses.
"What's that?" Rena feels unfamiliar with the concept.
"Like this.." Jurina leans forward and kiss Rena so very slowly so she isn't shocked and pushed Jurina away.
"…." Rena goes speechless.
"Well, I know it's lame, but.. Have you ever feel like you want to wake up next to someone and feel happy because you're still alive, so you can spend the rest of your days together with her… You feel like you want to hug her so tightly, you become so selfish, you don't want to share her warmness even to everything else beside you? You want to talk about everything, like how they spend her days when you're not around, because deep inside you want to know if they miss you like you miss her," asks Jurina.
"…" Rena never felt anything like Jurina said before. Except one day when she met Jurina when she was hospitalized. She really wanted to see Jurina everyday just to chat with her because she felt so lonely, and with Jurina around she felt complete… and alive. But those days are over when she healed. Rena remembered how she prayed so hard to God, so she never heals, but apparently God didn't listen to her. She healed a week after she met Jurina and her parents took her home.
"Have you?" Rena faintly asks Jurina.
"Well.. yes. I kinda feel that when I'm with you.."
Rena doesn't understand. "But we're only just met"
"Two years ago, I saw a very cute girl my age, on a stroller in front of my dad's room. I wonder why she got bruises everywhere. So I followed the nurses took her to her room. She seemed so lonely, she just stared at the windows every day. I didn't have the courage to talk with her. Until one day one of my dad's doctors came to me and my mom. She told us that my abusive father would die sooner than we expected."
"Abusive?" Rena asks but Jurina ignores her.
"The doctor gave me candies, maybe to ease my pain, but actually that was the sweetest candy I ever taste. And I remembered about that girl, I wonder if she ever tasted a candy that good. So the next day I gathered my strength to talk to that girl and gave her one of the candies. Funny, how we share our last name. I felt happy when she opened herself up to me, until she told me how she got into hospital. Suddenly I felt something I never felt before. I wanted to be with her, be her strength when bad things happen to her, like my mom did to me."
Rena stays silent.
"But, the day after she told me everything, she made me swear not to talk about this ever or her parents will kill her. She said it was nice to have someone to talk to. And the next day she was gone just like that.." Jurina pauses and drinks the water from Rena's glass.
"Then I promise after things get better I'll find her.. And now, here I am.."
"Why… But why?"
"Well, I don't even know for sure. But I feel like I really need to see you.. You took something from me after you left that hospital. You took my heart."
Jurina suddenly laughing. "That's lame right? Hahaha. I understand if you want to laugh at me.."
Suddenly, Rena grabbed Jurina's left hand. "What do you mean?"
".. Rena.. I.. I love you. I know this sounds stupid, but yeah, I'm in love with you since we first met. I just want to see you.. I want to know if you're safe and sound but after meeting you at school for the first time after two years, and you leave me hanging with words like your dad was gonna kill you, and the next day you didn't came to school for a week, I felt like going crazy. I thought you're dead or something. I want to come to your house but I'm afraid things will be worse, so I just wait. And today I met you, I couldn't help it. I need to get you out from that house. I don't even care if my life is on the line!" Jurina's going frantic. She sobs until she feels Rena's hand on her cheek, erasing her tears.
What happens next is kind of blurry. All that Jurina knows, her tongue intertwines with Rena's tongue. The kiss isn't soft and fluffy, but rough like they want to rip off each other lips. It's like they're hungry for each other.
They move to the bedroom and then Rena takes off her clothes. Jurina stunned with so many bruises cover her lover's soft skin. She starts kissing Rena's bruises. Rena doesn't care about anything anymore. She doesn't even care about her father reputation. "Well, daddy, at least you'll never have to worry about me getting pregnant"
Rena never feels how other people hands can actually do this crazy sensation that actually makes her wants for more. Jurina doesn't rush herself. After she kiss all of Rena's bruises, she starts touching and feeling Rena's body. She touches Rena's bare breast, but not the buds. She wants Rena to feel her touches first.
But she can't help herself. She starts kissing Rena's nipple and sucks it hard. She doesn't know if she's doing it right, but from the moans come from Rena, she hopes for the best. After finish teasing the breasts, she feels like Rena keeps thrusting her hips to her. She plants kisses on the way to her lover's very core. They let their body do the talking. At that night, Rena blooms into a very beautiful flower.
She wakes up at four in the morning. She feels really calm. Something she never felt before. She stares at the person who sleeps next to her and embrace Jurina's body. She wants to feel the warmness from the other Matsui.
"Is this love?"
Then her thoughts fly to her house. She could never come home anymore. Deep inside she feels happy. "I hope this lasts forever.." and then she falls asleep after gives Jurina a kiss on her cheek.
"Good morning, Rena-san.." whisper Jurina.
Rena wakes up in shocked. The ray of sunshine tells her it's after 9 am. She jumps out from her bed. Jurina's watching silently.
"OH NOO I'M LATE!" She panics.
"What? You seriously really want to go to school?"
"Eh?"
Rena suddenly realizes that now she stays at Jurina's house. Going to school equal commit suicide.
"Why don't you tell me? And why are you grinning like an idiot?" Rena throws the pillow as she finally realizes that she's naked like a newborn baby. She grabs the blanket, and tries to cover herself.
"Well.. I don't think you need that cover.. Did you forget what happened last night? You'll hurt me if you say yes," Jurina, wearing only tops starts to kiss Rena again, but stops after Rena's stomach lets out a bloodcurling sound.
"Ahahahaha! I think we need to fill your tummy first before we get another round. So… what do you want to eat?"
Rena stares at the other Matsui coldly. "Wow there, please don't be mad at me, you know I'm just teasing you.. You're so cute , you know, I can't help it.." Jurina kiss Rena's lips slowly and then without her consent, Rena's hands already open her tops.
"Last night was the best night ever.. I don't mind having you as the appetizer.." Rena starts kissing Jurina's shoulder blade, leaving marks every time she moves her lips. And the Rena do the best that she could to please Jurina, like she did last night to her.
After they're finish doing each other, Jurina goes to the kitchen and Rena follows her. "Umm.. do you want to eat mac and cheese, Rena-san?"
"Well, that's okay"
Rena keeps watching Jurina as Jurina cooks. "Do I want her to wake up next to me every day?" She remembers how she missed her time with Jurina Matsui when in hospital. "It's funny, how identical our last name, how we both have abusive parents." Rena lost in her thoughts.
It's almost three days. Rena already feels comfortable with Jurina's house. Rena switches the TV on. She's preparing dinner while she hears something familiar on the TV. The voice of her dad.
"Oh Rena..We're really miss you a lot.. Wherever you are, please stay calm. Dad will come to get you.. The kidnapper will pay the price for kidnapping our precious daughter. Please bear with me, people. As a father, I think people can understand, how precious to have a daughter. I will never let anything happen to her. Right now we're already have a clue about our daughter whereabout and her kidnapper. I won't forgive…."
Rena can't say anything. Her father has turns this issue to gain people's vote for the election. How classic. Then she realizes something. Jurina is in danger. She quickly wakes Jurina up from her nap.
"Jurina, we're in danger. You're in danger. We need to move," Rena's going frantic.
"Wait.. wait what happened.."
"I saw my dad on TV. He said he already know where I am. He said you kidnapped me and you'll pay the price," Rena starts crying.
"Okay.. okay, calm down and please help me prepare to move out," Jurina kiss Rena's cheek and starts picking her clothes. The next half an hour, they're ready to go until they heard a loud knock outside the door.
"POLICE! GET OUT UNARMED AND WE'LL LET YOU LIVE!"
They look at each other. Knowing they're already late to get away.
"Jurina.. I think this is the end.."
"Don't worry, I'll get you out unharmed,"
"But what about you?"
"Me? Don't worry about me.. As long as you're fine, I'll be okay."
Rena slaps Jurina with all of her might.
"WHAT THE HECK. HOW CAN I LIVE WITHOUT YOU? After you taught me how to love, how dare you leave me without you!" Rena's losing her temper. "If you die, I'll die."
Their conversation stops after they hear the loud crack coming from the door.
"Kiss me" Rena begs Jurina to give her strength, so she knows she's not alone. It's a short but really emotional kiss. Then Rena does something she's even surprised herself. She gets out from behind the kitchen table and yells "I'M OKAY, I'M OKAY!"
Jurina gets out too, and Rena quick covers Jurina with her body. "I WANT TO SPEAK TO MY FATHER OR I'LL KILL MY SELF"
After waiting for five minutes, a familiar figure comes into the house."Oh my baby, Rena.. I miss you a lot.." teardrops streams down from his eyes. "Quite an actor, you are, daddy," Rena feels sick, she wants to throw up on her father's face.
She knows the media must broadcasting this heartwarming father-daughter reunion live. Her dad and his followers must use this opportunity to expand his popularity."Father, I will get out and I'll receive your punishment as much as you like, as long you let her alive and free."
Her dad just stands and suddenly he runs to get the kitchen knife. Jurina knows and get the knife first. Then Rena's father lets out a gun and aiming for Jurina. But Rena quickly put her body as cover.
Rena never knows how beautiful the sound of a gunshot. "Finally, I'm free"
"Re.. Rena, Renaa, noo!" She hears Jurina calls for her name.
"Jurina.. you know, the only thing that makes me happy to be alive is to be with you.. and I'd rather die for you to save you because I know you'll have a better future than me.. I love you."
"Nononono… don't you dare die on me.. no, please no.."
"Jurina, please.. just kiss me.. I hope you won't mind the blood.."
Without doubt, Jurina kiss Rena deeply until she no longer feels her lover's heartbeat. She stays for a moment to get herself together. She then takes the knife from the table and runs to Rena's dad.
"YOU KILLED HER! DIE YOU FUCKIN' EVIL!"
Before the knife cuts the life out of Rena's dad, the bullets from the police already tear her body apart. Making holes through her organs.
"Don't die on me.. I couldn't live without you.." Jurina tries to reach for Rena's body for the last time.
"I'm coming. Just wait for me.. I won't leave you alone."
Inspired by "Collect Call" by Metric