Disclaimer: I do not own the 'Glee' world.
This had to be written and I found myself with an unexpectedly free day. So sue me.
If you haven't watched 1x22 then don't read this unless you want to get spoiled! You have been warned.
"Why do I have to be the one who tells her?" Puck grumbles.
"Because it's not fair if it comes from Shelby and she'll take the news better if it comes from you, rather than me." Quinn points out.
Puck's actually a little surprised that Quinn cares about Rachel Berry's feelings at all; a few months ago she would've loved to cause the other girl emotional pain.
"And you should do it now because she's happy that we've been given another year." Quinn carries on and Puck sighs, knowing that she's not going to let this drop.
The rest of New Directions are still revelling in the fact that glee club will be continuing for at least another twelve months. Everyone's ecstatic; smiling, laughing, joking.
Puck envies them. He wishes that his life was so simple that whether or not he gets to sing in a club will make him as deliriously happy as the other people in the room. And although he's glad that glee's still going on, that still doesn't take away that weird achy feeling that has settled in his chest since Saturday evening (He's had this feeling before they even found out that New Directions had come third and he knows why it's there but he doesn't want to acknowledge those reasons).
Quinn pushes him gently in Rachel's direction and he reluctantly walks over to the little brunette.
She's talking to Mike about how, "We really need to step up the choreography for next year. There's a seminar on performance dance being held in Fort Wayne in a couple of weeks and I was planning to attend had we placed or won at Regionals but when we came third I didn't see the point because glee club was supposed to be disbanded but now that we are continuing it seems like too good an opportunity to miss!"
Mike is saved from having to form some sort of reply because Puck says, "Berry, can you give me hand with something." She turns her excited face towards him and he feels bad that he's going to give her some news that's probably going to wipe away that grin.
"Of course, Noah. Excuse me, Mike," she says and when Puck walks out of the room she follows him, trotting slightly so she can walk next to him.
"I know Mr Schuester told us to take a break from glee over the summer but my mind can't stop conjuring up song possibilities. For example, what do you think of performing a 'Mamma Mia' medley? The costumes would have to include flares and platform shoes but the latter shouldn't be an issue seeing as you and the other guys wore them for 'Shout It Out Loud'."
He turns into an empty classroom and she finally stops talking.
He takes a seat on one of the desks and turns to face her, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans. She's still standing in the doorway of the room, frowning.
"Why are we in here?" she asks.
"Look, Rachel, there's something you need to know…about Beth." He feels like shit already and he hasn't even told her yet. This fucking sucks. His whole life sucks (as Quinn so helpfully pointed out multiple times during the labour).
"Is she okay?" Rachel asks, worry evident on her face.
"Yeah, she's fine as far as I know"
"Good." Rachel sighs. "You know, I am sorry that I couldn't be at the hospital to support you and Quinn but someone had to stay behind to represent the team; we didn't know how long Quinn would be in labour and it would have been rude if no one had been there to hear the judges' completely unfair decision."
"S'okay, Berry." He shrugs. "It was kinda just a gross blur."
"I like the name Beth. It's a diminutive form of Elizabeth, you know, a good Hebrew name."
Puck nods. He's letting her prattle on but he needs to get a hold of the conversation if he doesn't want to be stuck in here with her 'til September.
"Shelby's adopted her." He blurts out. He knows it's blunt but it's straight to the point. No bullshit.
He stares at the floor. He doesn't want to look at her. But when ten seconds have gone past and Rachel Berry hasn't said anything he knows that something's wrong.
He looks up. Her forehead is creased in confusion and he thinks her eyes look slightly shinier than normal. Aw, shit.
"What?" she whispers hoarsely.
"Quinn and I signed the papers yesterday and we just got a phone call to say it's all legit." He explains gently. He doesn't think he's ever done something gently before but this situation kind of calls for it. "Your mom is now Beth's mom."
"Oh," she says and he can see her eyes darting all over the place to try and take this news in.
He doesn't know what to do or say and he curses Quinn for putting him in this situation. He doesn't want to deal with Rachel Berry's melancholy on top of his own depressing shit.
"Well, good for her," Rachel says sadly, a single tear rolling down her cheek. She wipes it away quickly but he's already seen it. "She gets to be a proper mom now."
She pads over to sit next to him on the desk. Her legs are too short to touch the floor and her feet bump against his legs a little.
He puts his arm around her shoulders and she rests her head against him. A month ago he wouldn't have done this but ever since that egging incident he's been feeling strangely protective of Rachel Berry. But it is kinda whack considering it used to be him that tormented her.
"You okay, Rachel?" He breaks the silence. Her quietness is freaking him out a little because it's just so unlike her.
"Mm-hmm," she affirms. "It's just a little strange, you know. She was telling me about how she wants a normal life and a family the other day. I didn't expect her to do something about it so soon."
He can feel his shirt getting damp where her head is resting against him and he's glad that at least he doesn't have to see her tears (but feeling them feels pretty shit too).
"She finally has what she wanted out of all of this," Rachel mutters against his chest.
"And what's that?" he asks.
"A baby girl," she sniffs and his stomach clenches at the dejection in her voice. He's surprised at himself because he thinks he understands why she's so upset; he's not usually a very perceptive person. But he's had to deal with parent abandonment issues too.
"You're still her daughter too," he points out and she makes a weird noise in response.
"Only biologically speaking." Rachel mumbles. "Shelby has made it clear that she doesn't want to play a parental role in my life. She seems to think that just because I'm in high school that means that I don't need a mom anymore." Puck knows that if that's what Shelby thinks then that's bullshit because he would be completely lost without his mom. "She was just an incubator." Rachel says and that gives him a weird visual.
"I'm surprised you and Quinn chose Shelby to be her mother. Half of my genes have come from her, you know, and Shelby said that I reminded her of herself when I sang at Sectionals. Do you really want Beth to be like me in fifteen years time?"
He frowns. "What do you mean?"
She pulls away from him and moves further down the desk. For a split second he thinks she's going to fall off the edge but she doesn't.
"People don't like me." She whispers to her knees. "I'm annoying, I say things I shouldn't and I care about things too much. I get slushies thrown in my face and people vandalise my things. Glee is already in her blood through you and Quinn but now a show choir director is going to raise her too. What if she turns out to be a loser like me?"
"Impossible, Berry," he scoffs. "She's got Puckerman genes in her remember? – she can never be a loser."
He means it to be a joke but she doesn't laugh, doesn't even smile.
"You're not a loser," he says and she gives him a disbelieving look. "You're not." He insists. "You're just intense. People aren't used to that here. Everyone in this school is just happy to let these years slide by; they don't give a shit about what happens in the future but you know what you want. S'kinda cool."
She gives him a half smile. "You think so?"
"Hey, I wrote the book on what's cool around here so I know what I'm talking about." He states and her smile widens.
"So if glee was to be disbanded you wouldn't ignore me next year?" she asks.
"A good looking Jew like you? Course not, babe." He's not sure if that's true or not but he's invested in making her feel better now; he doesn't want her to start crying again, does he?
"So, you like me?"
He shrugs. "Sometimes. You know, when you're not busting my balls about getting the dance steps wrong or how I'm not supporting my diaphragm properly."
"Well, that is very important, Noah." She tells him seriously. "If you're posture isn't correct then your singing won't be good. I just want you to be able to sing to your full potential."
"Yeah, I know." And he does know. The things she does have pretty much all got good reasons behind them. "Oh, and I like it when you wear your little skirts and when we got to make out. That was pretty hot."
She blushes furiously and he likes that he can have that effect on her.
"And judging by the way Finn was holding your hand back there, I'm pretty fucking sure he likes you."
"He told me he loves me," she says softly.
He nods. "No shit." Come on, it was pretty obvious wasn't it? "You say it back?" He's not sure why he cares. Perhaps it has something to do with what he said to Quinn on Saturday. That feeling in his chest worsens slightly at the thought and he remembers that he's ignoring the reasons for his achy chest right now.
She frowns and looks at her knees again. "No." She whispers and Puck is definitely shocked. He thought she'd like jump in Finn's arms and it'd be all sickeningly girly like in those chick flicks Quinn made him watch. And it's too late to not compare it to what happened with himself and Quinn a couple of days ago. He sorta said he loved her and she said…nothing. He doesn't love her now because not hearing it back can definitely lessen someone's feelings and to be honest he's not even sure he meant it then either. Quinn had just given birth to his little girl and his opinion of her was obviously pretty high at that point. He definitely has some feelings for Quinn but love? He wasn't so sure. He always thought that when he was in love he'd want to stop actively sexing up other girls and that hadn't even been a remote possibility in the last few months. But maybe what he'd felt for Quinn was love. When you've never loved someone that way then how are you supposed to tell when you are in love? It was all so fucking confusing.
"I, I'm just…" Rachel stammers, "After Jesse, I'm not…ready. My heart's still a little broken," she admits. "But I know I'll get there."
Now that this conversation has shifted to relationships (he shudders at even thinking that word) he's feeling even more uncomfortable than before. He figures that now Rachel's stopped crying about her mom starting a new family he can probably leave without feeling like a total douche.
"Cool, so, um, I'm gonna head back to the choir room." He announces, pushing himself off the desk.
"Wait," she hops down too and comes to stand in front of him. "You've been really nice to me about this adoption thing and I appreciate that you told me. I know that you like to act like the man; pretend that nothing gets to you. But I'm sure that signing Beth away has hurt you, Noah." He frowns as the other reason for his aching chest is brought to the forefront of his mind.
"Do you wanna keep her?" he asks.
There's barely a pause before she replies. "No… Do you?"
He wants to say it. He really fucking wants to shout, 'Yes!' but he knows that's not what she wants and this has always been her to decision to make from the start. So he doesn't reply.
Rachel takes his hand in both of her tiny ones and squeezes it gently. "If you want to talk to someone about it, you know you can always come to me."
She's looking him dead in the eyes. She has the most amazing eyes of anyone he knows (Shut up. They're seriously awesome) and they're so open and he can tell that she genuinely cares about how he's feeling. It makes him think that he probably likes this girl more than he realises.
"Thanks, Rachel." He says and she smiles.
She keeps a hold of his hand as she walks towards the door. "Come on," she says, "let's get back to the others."
A/N This is a one-shot, which is good because I've got too many other fics to write.
What did you guys think of the finale? I really liked it but I thought it could have done with some sort of cliffhanger, but never mind. I could seriously write an essay on my thoughts on what happened in the episode but you don't want to read that!
So, um, review and/or let me know what you thought of 'Journey'!
Thanks for reading
Lots of love,
Lil Drop of Magic
xXxXx